Child Brides and Boyhood Crushes

Despite the fact that more and more marriages seem to be falling apart these days, I still remain an avowed believer in marriage as an institution.

In fact, I'd even go so far as saying that marriage is a truly vital cog in our societal machine. Dating's fine, living together is great, but I like to believe that anyone who is truly in love eventually looks at their partner and thinks, "I want to cut down on having sex with this person and get on their dental plan."

Just kidding. 

Sort of.

Ok, not really.

Recently I had dinner with an old friend of mine. He asked me what it was like to be single at the age of 41. I told him things would be much easier if I were one of those guys who could actually date a 25 year old. Unfortunately, I find myself to be in that seemingly rare minority of men who find maturity in women an attractive feature.

My buddy laughed and then reminded me about how when I was 25, I used to tell women on the first date, "I think I love you. Let's go get married and have lots of children." 

Obviously I wasn't serious. When I was 25, marriage was the furthest possible thing from my mind. What can I say? I was an immature 25 year old.

Apparently, marriage seems to be on my 5-year-old daughter's mind a lot these days.

It all started a few months ago when the Peanut came home and announced that her friend "Dane" had pronounced his love for her and told her that today was their "anniversary." He also told the Peanut that they were going to get married some day.

Naturally, this led to some hilarious conversations with the Peanut about marriage. After much profound deliberation and serious consideration, the Peanut informed us that she thought she was too young to get married right now and wanted to wait until she was older. And in a statement that had BossLady and I both running to our respective shrinks, she also said "Unless I want to have kids, I'm not sure I'll ever get married!"

Fast forward to this past Sunday.

The Peanut had her first ballet recital at a local dance studio. Much to our surprise, her little friend Dane not only came to see the Peanut's performance, he also brought her a bouquet of flowers!

It was only then that BossLady and I truly realized the wonderfully beautiful bond that she and Dane had. After BossLady took the Peanut to school on Monday, she sent me the following e-mail:

Dane is moving and this Friday is his last day.  Peanut started making him a Good Luck Book - with all these drawings.  And we made a friendship key chain for him.  So he came yesterday to her recital. He and his mom brought flowers and Silly Bands as a gift.

So, this morning, I had Peanut make a Thank You card.  "Thank you for the silly bands and the pretty flowers.  I love them.  I love you. From Peanut".  On the front of the card, she drew a picture of her and Dane with hearts everywhere.

We get to school this morning.  As soon as we get there, Dane sees her and goes up to her.  One of her friends is teasing Dane that he loves the Peanut.  Dane doesn't care about the teasing!  Peanut says nothing.  She just opens up her bag and gives the card to Dane. He reads the card out loud and I hear him say, "I'm going to save this card forever."  He seriously loves Peanut. And it is the cutest thing!  All the kids were teasing them that they were going to get married. And Dane didn't care. He was saying which kids could be the flower girl and the flower boy.  He pulls out the card to show more friends.

I wish you could have seen it. I adore this boy! I adore him for adoring our daughter.

Beyond cute!

That night was my turn to have custody of the Peanut. As soon as we got home, I asked her about her relationship with Dane. She started telling me how much she's really going to miss Dane when he moves. Even though she sometimes found the talk about marriage a little annoying, she said that she was truly sad that she wasn't going to see Dane when he moves.

So I asked her (half as a joke,) “So Peanut, have you and Dane ever kissed?”

Peanut: “Only once.”

Me: “Seriously, are you kidding me? You kissed each other? Or he kissed you? And where exactly did he kiss you?”

Peanut: “Don’t worry, daddy. I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me on the cheek.”

Me: “What did you say to him?”

Peanut: “I said, Dane, there’s no kissing allowed in school. You know the rules.”

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

I immediately sent an e-mail to BossLady telling her about this conversation. She subsequently forwarded my e-mail to Dane's mom. As if our hearts couldn't melt any further from all the cuteness, Dane's mom thanked us for telling her about our conversation. She then proceeded to tell us that the cuteness was practically driving her to tears. Especially when she walked into Dane's room that day and saw him making "invitations" to the wedding!

I'm always amazed at how kids of each ensuing generation seem to be so much more mature than I was as a child. I remember being in a car with my college girlfriend and her 5-year-old sister back in 1990. At one point in the conversation, we heard this little voice from the backseat proclaim, "Can you guys stop speaking to me for a little while? I need my space."

Granted, the kid was being raised in L.A....but still.

But my own daughter? Talking about marriage? Honestly discussing her true feelings about a boy?

Maybe kids do really mature faster these days but whenever I think about this story, I recall being 5 years old and having a crush on my neighbor Brina. Maybe I was just a socially retarded dork back then because the only way I expressed my feelings for her were by pulling her pigtails and pushing her in the mud!

At the end of the day, I still sometimes see myself as that socially retarded 5-year-old dork.

But maybe Marie Ebner-Eschenbach was right when she said, "In youth we learn; in age we understand."

And while I truly and wholeheartedly agree with that quote, recent experiences of being the father of a 5 year old remind me more of that old adage: "the days are long but the years go by fast."

Now, all I can think about is walking the Peanut down the aisle at her wedding.

Oy vey.

As if I needed more fodder for my age-old insomnia!

Portrait of the artist as a young ballerina...

Comments

[Jemma]

The story and the photo are BEYOND cute! Also, nice to hear that you and BossLady still seem to have such an amicable relationship. Peanut will be so much better for it. Trust me, I know. My ex is a total jerk. Ugh.

[Papa Bradstein]

Oi. So cute. Of course, such intelligence, sophistication and sensitivity comes from the parents. Right?

[Iliana]

AAARGH, THE CUTENESS! TOO MUCH TO BEAR!

[MT]

Awesome post MD!

[Cellobella]

My day has become brighter. What a great post.

You can never have enough cute.,

[JJ Daddy-O]

This is me x 3. Yesterday I brought home 3 tiny babies, now they troop off to school every morning with their bookbags and lunches and have their own lives I sometimes feel I know nothing about.

[SassyCupcakes]

So sweet. And I love that you and Boss Lady can still share your love for your little girl.

[DriverB]

I think I just broke my brain, this is so sweet. What an amazing relationship! Thanks for sharing it.

[Gigi]

What a wonderful story. I especially love BossLady's line "I adore this boy! I adore him for adoring our daughter."

As the mother of a teenage girl, I can't tell you how special this is!

[nonlineargirl]

Ada's idea of who she wants to change is somewhat more subject to change. She was going to marry Lila (in a double ceremony with her good friend and his favorite girl) but today she asked if she could marry her brother. I said usually people get married to make a family with someone, so it was rare (outside of the south) for people to marry their sisters or brothers. She was not convinced.

She also wants me to marry the woman in a couple we are close to, and have her and her son live with us, while Chris marries the husband in the other couple and takes the twins to live with them. But we can all hang out together.

[Rachel]

So sweet! I love that picture of her.

My daughter was holding hands with a boy in line before school the other day. They are so cute at this age. I will miss kindergarten.

[Lauren]

OK first thing, they're Silly Bandz (not bands) and getting one is about as close to a wedding ring one can get pre 10 years old! Second, you know if peanut said they only kissed 1x this is the equivalent of "everyone was drinking except me." A little admission to get your parents off your back. Get ready for more. And while I loved the post and the quotes (so good), that photo is beyond beautiful.

[amy sue nathan]

Look what you've taught Peanut -- her first love is age-appropriate!

I'm glad to hear you can't date 25 year olds. At 46 and divorced for 7 years. It's a tough thing knowing that *most* men my age are looking for women under 40. Waaaay under 40. Sometimes under 30.

You've restored my hope in young love. And not-so-young love too!

[SciFi Dad]

This post gives me chest pains.

[E'sMommy]

Too cute! It's such a sweet age. They just say it like it is. Yesterday E told me he wants me to have a baby. I told him I need to find a man first. He then replied "I think daddy will have a baby before you do!" Thanks E.

[Muskrat]

Do you listen to The Judds? They have a song about young love, but I don't think the couple was quite this young. Maybe Jay-Z will do a remix of it, so that you actually become familiar with the tune.

You're not turning soft physically, too, are you?

[Lanie]

Isn't kindergarten the best? Great post, MD.

[mari]

While reading this great story....I totally remember being in love in the second grade with the man I've been married to for 28 years. Thanks for making me smile.

[Harajuku Girl]

What a sweet, sweet story! Young love is so precious and pure, isn't it? LOVE it!

[Rachel E.]

So sweet! My daughter went through something similar when she was five. She wanted to marry her best friend, John. She talked and talked and talked about it to the the point that John was starting to get a little scared. (He apparently didn't reciprocate the way Dane has.) Months into this when I asked my daugther about WHY she wanted to marry John she said, "I just want the dress. It's all about the dress Mom."

[Anna]

That is a very cute story, scary but cute. Your daughter is so pretty now all grown up!

[Jae Young]

Yes, that story was adorable as the picture. Maybe more so, cos it's nice to hear about pure love particularly when I am dealing with some unsavory parents as I try to escape to my vacation.

[June]

Oh, what a sweet story! It brings back memories of my first "boyfriend". This was in first or second grade and I still remember his name and still have the valentine that he gave me - he drew a heart and wrote "I love you" on the back.

[Kojimotohume]

Beyond cute. That is so wonderful that Peanut developed such a strong bond with another child. They can be pen pals once Dane moves away.

Thanks for the super sweet story. It brightened up this particularly dreary SF morning.

[Christopher]

Great story. Although the word Custody in this story is a sad occurance. Marriages are going extinct, opinion. I suppose Children of Men sought to portray this as a disease among mankind. Great story.

[joanne]

Your daughter is beautiful. Your story was so sweet and wonderful. My daughter has told me that she is going to marry her "boy friend" Tyler and live at our family vacation home in "tyler hill" and have lots of cats and dogs but no babies. Its good to know its not just my daughter planning her future! :)

[Issa]

I think what has changed is that we talk to our kids, where as our parents (and their parents) talked at their kids. Maybe that is what makes them more mature? Just a guess.

I adore the picture. I remember reading when she was born. Here she is engaged to be married. Weird. Makes me feel old.

[ChaEsq]

I don't know who's cuter: Peanut or Dane (but I'll go with Peanut, since it IS your blog I'm commenting on). Great story!

[Kiki]

What a beautiful story of love and friendship. Wonderfully written too.

[june]

So cute! I love it! Yeah, when I was that age, chasing a boy around the playground was the way we declared our love.

[Hanni]

Wow...great post, MD. And beautiful photo of the Peanut. I can hardly wait until my daughter turns five!

[NG]

Great story. I hope she remembers Dane as she gets older.

We went through something similar with our Peanut when she was in preschool too. She told us she'd kissed a boy in school.

"WHERE did he kiss you?!?"

"Under the table."

sigh

[chillin in IA]

Does Dane have a (much older) brother?

[Neil]

My problem with ever dating someone who is in their twenties is knowing they were born during the Reagan administration.

[joan]

Very pretty in pink!
Maybe kids mature faster now because they are around adults more often and talk about things with them.
When I was a kid, most of the time the adults were in one room and the kids in another.

[Pattie]

What an awesome story. Dane sounds like a real catch for any 5-year-old girl. :) I do think kids today mature faster than we ever did. I haven't yet decided if that's a good or bad thing ...

Gorgeous pic of Peanut -- no wonder she's already got boys proposing marriage!

[Jake]

I like to believe that anyone who is truly in love eventually looks at their partner and thinks, "I want to cut down on having sex with this person and get on their dental plan."

Bwahahaha!

[Howaboutcookie]

adorable. totally adorable. peanut is a little hottie in the making!

[Michael Carper]

My siblings love Silly Bandz as well. They're like Livestrong bracelets back in the day.

[Jen]

good god man. excruciating.

[Steve]

The most uplifting thing I have read in weeks. Mile-wide grin here.

[Lena P.]

You're right. The Peanut and her friend are BEYOND cute. I loved this story. It's a testament to the pure beauty of young love and friendships.

[KC]

the story was way too cute and you have the cutest little girl.

[Emily]

I just spent the past 4 hours reading your archives. I love it. So enlightening to hear a dad talk about parenting so lovingly. Look forward to future entries.

[kaitlin]

this post gave me the goosebumps. it's just toooo cute. i believe peanut will grow up to be a gorgeous lady, and then u'll hear more about boys proposing. =D

[landismom]

Way to go, Peanut. Make him work for it!

Seriously, you are going to be in big trouble in 10 years, MD.

[LKF]

You're right, marriage is an institution and those that get married belong in one.

[Celeste]

The unbearable cuteness of being the Peanut--it's awesome! You're one lucky dad.

[Wandering Chopsticks]

Tell me you're gonna let them keep in touch. Soooo gosh darned cute!

[French Women]

Such a cute story!