The Death of Cool

I have never been cool.

Trust me when I say it was never for a lack of trying.

At various stages in my life, I worked so hard on feigning coolness that I'm surprised I didn't have an aneurysm. How many hours were spent trying on a variety of guises to find one that fit, I'll never know. From preppy jock to disaffected loner, I probably tried on more "costumes" than Mariah Carey in concert on Halloween night at The Flamingo.

I'm not going to be too harsh on myself. I've come to realize that much of this past posturing was due to the vagaries of youth, insecurity and a desperate need for acceptance. 

Sounds so fucking emo, doesn't it?

These days, I simply don't care enough to give a shit about my relative coolness. I've become a firm believer that the pretense of cool is a facade best left to others. Acceptance of this fact has been very liberating. 

I was thinking about this on Saturday night while with some friends at one of NYC's hippest nightspots. As I casually observed the 20-something faux hipster in skinny jeans with a pierced eyelid and dust bunny on his chin, and the slinky anorexic Russian model dancing on the table in her pajamas, I suddenly realized that I was the coolest guy in the room.

Then I caught the eye of a Puerto Rican busboy staring at me with a look of disdain, obviously wondering what kind of douchebag loser pays $22 for a watered-down cocktail. 

Like they say, perspective is a bitch.

As I've gotten older, I've come to believe that the only truly cool people left are those who go out of their way to help others, those who are always respectful of differing opinions, and those who never take themselves too seriously. At the end of the day, it's always best to be honest and true to yourself.

Unless, of course, you're an asshole.

In all seriousness, one thing I've learned in my short stint as a father, it's that parenting and coolness should be diametrically opposed. Cool is just simply not a legitimate child-rearing paradigm. Just as I would never want to be considered the Peanut's best friend, I would also never want to be known as "the cool dad."

Kids need love and support and a million other things that have nothing to do with being cool. Like most parents, I'm just trying to raise my daughter to be a smart, polite, sensitive, caring person with her own identity. 

At the same time, I realize that being a kid these days is tough. As parents, we're all guilty of taking parenting so seriously that we've removed the elements of fun that should be an important part of every kid's childhood. We worry so much about food, vaccines, schools, sleep, homework, after-school activities---is it any wonder that kids are so stressed out these days? Let's maybe cut them a little slack.

Let's also not forget that being silly, stupid and uncool with one's kid is possibly the most fun ever.

The Peanut and I spend a lot of time together simply being goofy. We hold hands and skip down the street while singing absurdly stupid songs that we've made up. We go to street fairs, eat candy apples and get our faces painted as lions. If we're walking outside and hear some music, we'll have a silly dance contest. And sometimes, we'll put on these absurd costumes just to go to the grocery store for a carton of milk.

My point is that whether you're young or old, single or married, childless or not---there's one important thing that you should always try to remember.

Cool is for suckers.

Comments

[JennyLou]

In the words of the great prophet Ben Folds, there's always someone cooler than you.

Personally I embrace my not so inner dork. How are you supposed to revel in embarassing your children if you're the cool parent?! Hell, the whole reason I HAD children was so that one day I could wave maniacally from a minivan covered in Grateful Dead stickers yelling "Bye, Pumpkinhead!! Mommy loves youuuuuuuu!" I live for that shit.

[Hanni]

"Let's also not forget that being silly, stupid and uncool with one's kid is possibly the most fun ever."

Not possibly...it IS the most fun ever! I am so much more goofy and weird now that I have a three year old to play with. Before my daughter was born, I was always a pretty controlled/reserved person. Now, I thank her daily for unleashing my crazy side! And it doesn't embarrass me if we're in town (we live in the sticks)...anytime she wants to let go and have fun, we do. The goofier I am, the more fun she has. The more fun she has, the better day I have. Can't lose!

Thanks, as always, for a great post, Metrodad...

[enygma]

I think you're pretty cool.

[diane rosenberg]

Hi MD - When I learned what you posted above, it totally freed me in life. Thanks for saying what so many of us area always thinking!

[Childwoman]

I am 29 yrs old girl(?). And totally single btw!!

I have a fiesty 5 yr old nephew, and when he is playing in the garden, and round that time I walking home from work, he spots me and we start dancing on some random song he starts to sing. The look on the faces of the passerby's is priceless!

Eh, what the heck, its fun anyways!!

Dance and sing all the way I say!

[tys]

you, my man, are the epitome of cool...

how u doing? peanut needs a dad like you in her life...fuck man, she deserves it...way too cute...

[kingthorin]

"Cool" is in the eye of the beholder.

Personally I think the idea that "...we'll put on these absurd costumes just to go to the grocery store for a carton of milk."

IS COOL!

Way to go MetroDad!

[Hannah P]

You're a very cool and sexy dad...inside AND out.

[Xibee]

I can't believe parents could be embarrassed by dancing with their kids. Good friggin grief. I remember my parents, who were too cool to do anything. The dad who wouldn't shell out for candy because it was just cheap stuff at an arcade, or the mom I remember never putting a toe in a lake or a pool so she would never be seen with wet hair. That's all I remember now. Two very stiff people.

True coolness was my friend's family: They belly danced in the living room, made up games where the kids ran noisily around the perimeter of the yard squawking like birds, went camping in a dopey old popup tent thing, and woke up the kids on Sundays to The Black Watch bagpipes turned up to 11.

Sillyness rules. You have it right.

[Evan]

I agree that being comfortable with who we are and what we do is the overall definition of cool. People should stop setting standards as to what cool is, and even if they do, we shouldn't really care so long as we're happy and we don't hurt anyone, right?

[Sue]

LOL!

I only started being told I was cool when I started feeling too comfortable in my own skin to care one way or another, I think.

Lovely pic and way cool post, dude. ;)

[Janelle]

I wish I grew up having a father like you. I think it would have made a big difference in so many ways. The Peanut is lucky.

[Mamapumpkin]

My mom was the cool Mom and all I wanted was for her to be like everyone else's mom. Yet everyone else wanted their Moms to be like my Mom, the cool Mom. Go figure. The grass is always greener.........

[sarah madden]

Hi MD can we get an update on how things are with Bosslady? I know times are tough but we spent so long getting to know her as well, it would be great to find out how she is faring though all of this (not to mention that she's the peanut's mommy)!

[Baby Food Grinder]

Good post. Just wondering - if you're not trying to be cool any more, then why were you at one of NYC's hippest nightspots? ;-)

[Jrock]

MD, you are a cool dad, just not a "cool dad". Nome sane? I'm with Soccer Dad, I felt the same way. I was more looking at the dads with shorts, tube socks and loafers, with a t-shirt tucked in. That will never be me! I hope . . .

Hope you're well MD.

[anita tedaldi]

this is such a great post. True sometimes it means going against the current and really not caring about what others think a lesson that continues to be relevant no matter the age or stage of life.

[mom-101]

It's pretty damn liberating not trying to be the hipster parent, you know? That said I think you're cool. Partly because you don't think you are.

[kaylen]

Whether you are cool or not, this was a cool post. :)
I think my son and friends think of me as the "cool" mom because I let them stay at our house any weekend when I don't have big plans the next day, and I rarely ever yell at them about their noise level. Not because I'm trying to be cool---but because I like knowing where they are and that they are safe and doing safe things. And he will only be with me for a certain number of years - I never want to wish that I had been more tolerant of him and his friends. I love having them around.

[ParentopiaDevra]

MD, you are my father. Seriously. My dad and I used to skip through NYC streets, he would make the Woody Wood Pecker sound on 5th Avenue as the blue hairs were walking out of Bergdorf's. He would drag his foot behind him as he portrayed Quasimodo on Second Avenue on the Upper East side and call out my name verrrry slowwwwly. He would hang his old sportcoats on the rounds at Saks just so he could see what other people would do when they came across his ratty jacket. And he would take me to Peppermint Park for icecream in the dead of winter. And he also pointed out such things as the guy taking a crap outside of my Aunt Sarah's building on 65th and Lex.

so if you ever think Peanut is going to look back on your behavior and think "what the hell was going on with him?" She will, but she'll have great memories too. : ) And then she'll pull the same shit with her own children.

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Realizing all of this is the one they call "cool"! that's the great thing about parents and their children.

[Esther Hahn]

Metro Dad, this blog is rad. Your writing is rad. Does that make you cool? Sure. But more importantly, you are just rad.

[dana ostomle]

Love the blog and peanut's twitter page!

[Stefan]

I'm with you, except in our house silly and stupid is cool. way cool.

[twizzle]

Those are some deep musings on parenthood, MD! There comes a certain self-acceptance around age 40 that liberates you from all of that insecure shit that has plagued you for your entire life. By the time you're a parent, and of this age, you may be wrinkled and fat, but you are secure in who you are. (When I say "you," I actually mean "me.") ♥ Twizzle

[Brian]

Great post! (made me think of a long-ago Simpsons quote:)

Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?

[JustLinda]

Sometimes, it's when my kids accuse me of being TOO uncool and TOO mean that I get that validation that I'm doing it right.

Don't tell them, that, though. They might try to use that fancy reverse-psychology on me!

(She's baaaack. Happy New Year!)

[Spark Dad]

Cool. I agree I will never be cool either. But your comment about helping people is great!

--Sparkdad.com

[Rachel E.]

The death of Metrodad.com...? Where the hell are ya?? Miss your writing!

[k]

Please come back. We miss you!

[Amber M.]

Please tell me you're just taking a break...when are you coming back?

[Jen]

Happy New Year Metrodad!Where have you been?!Please continue blogging!

[MidwestGal]

Metrodad ~ miss your posts! I hope you're coming back soon!

[kittenpie]

By this standard, I've always been cool. I like.

[rs gold]

Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness.

[Farmhouse Kitchen Sinks]

The funny thing is...when we get older and stop caring what others think that's when people think we are CooooL!

Go Figure!

[Small Chest Freezers]

Cool? Being "cool" is a state of mind. Maybe that's why I've never been "cool"...humm!

Enjoyed Your Post!

[Kim]

I guess you have not heard...the older you get the cooler you become. You are a great father.

[Abby]

Your daughter and you are great togather. I love to read your page. It makes me escape my problems.

[Jeff]

You will always be cool. I am getting older and I will always be cool, too. We may be cool in another age bracket but, we are still COOL!

[Jessy]

Cool can never be dead because it will only change. It grows with you. Old people still think that they are cool but the young people think that they are weird. I like growing older and being cool in my own way. That is what makes us all a little different.

[Jay]

Hi, I just started reading your blog recently.
and from what I've read in this particular entry. Hey, u're Cool. and u're also a cool dad!
I'd actually want to thank you for being a cool dad. cos a happy kid .. well.. makes more happy kids.. :)

[Taylor]

Being cool will never die. You just start becoming cool to someone else. Your daughter will out grow your funny antics but, she will remember them and pass them on to her children. Never stop playing yourself.

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