Listography: A Life in Lists

I am an inherently lazy writer.

Given the choice between curling up with a good book or sitting down at my computer, I will almost always choose the former over the latter. 

I'm also not very good at managing my free time. I've studied the habits of brilliantly successful people to see if there were some techniques that I might find helpful. Did you know that Buckminster Fuller averaged just two hours of sleep a night for two years and claimed he was more energetic and alert as a result? Or that Honore de Balzac ate dried coffee grounds to stimulate his imagination?

Word is that Socrates even laid out his toga the night before and pre-pinned it in order to save time.

(OK, I made that last one up.)

The only thing that seems to work for me is making daily to-do lists. As you can probably tell, I've always been a big fan of lists. Not only do I always make mental lists in my head, I'm also always annoying friends to give me their lists. ("Who are the 5 hottest sitcom characters of all-time?" "Give me 5 names for your imaginary band." "If you could only eat 5 foods for the rest of your life, what would they be?")

Hmm...now I'm starting to realize why nobody wants to sit in a car with me for more than 3 hours.

Anyway, in lieu of any real writing, here are a few lists I compiled tonight:

The 5 Best Books I've Read In The Past 5 Weeks

1. Nick Hornby's "Juliet, Naked"
2. Lorrie Moore's "A Gate at the Stairs"
3. Stefanie Wilder-Taylor's "It's Not Me, It's You."
4. Colston Whitehead's "Sag Harbor"
5. Michael Lewis' "Home Game"
   

My 5 Favorite Nostalgic Childhood Foods

1. PB & J sandwiches
2. Nesquik
3. Chocolate eclairs
4. Powdered iced tea
5. TV dinners

The 5 Articles Of Clothing I'd Remove From Existence

1. Crocs, Uggs & Birkenstocks
2. Golf Visors
3. Jean shorts (aka "jorts")
4. Cardigan sweater vests
5. Replica NFL jerseys

The 5 Things I'd Take To A Desert Island

1. A Frette blanket
   
2. James Joyces' "Ulysses"
   
3. A case of Sriracha Hot Sauce
   
4. Q-Tips
   
5. The complete works of The Rolling Stones

5 Things That Always Bring Tears To My Eyes

1. Parents outliving their children
2. Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah"
3. The last scene in "Rudy"
4. Seeing awkward kids being shunned by their peers
5. The tears of a loved one

5 Things That Always Bring A Smile To My Face

1. My daughter
2. Jeans and sweater weather
3. The NY Post
4. Reading books by the fireplace
5. Five Guys hamburgers

5 Things That Always Make Me Laugh

1. Jimmy Fallon's "The Housewives of Late Night"
2. People who wear pajamas outside the house
3. Leashes on cats
4. Fat people trying to get into rowboats
5. People walking into glass doors.

5 Best Quotes I Have Recently Read

1. "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard
2. "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." - Frederick Douglas
3. "If you care about what others think of you, then you will always be their slave." - James Frey
4. "Tina is my baby girl. She’s my sister from another mother of a different color. I’d do 25 to life for her. She is down like four flat tires."" - Tracy Morgan
5. "Age is a very high price to pay for maturity." - Tom Stoppard

That last quote is certainly resonating with me these days. Why? Because in about one week, I will be turning 41. Holy crap! FORTY. ONE. I certainly don't feel 41. What is 41 supposed to feel like anyway? Honestly, I'm not quite sure anymore.

Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that I was 16 years old and my biggest worry was where I should sit in the cafeteria or which pair of acid-washed Girbauds I should wear that day.

Ha!

Those were the good old days.

Comments

[Estelle]

I loved reading these lists. Happy early 41st, MD!

[Julie Kang]

Whoa! In approximately 1 week I will be 31!

5 Things That Always Bring A Smile To My Face

1. Seeing my kids in the deep, deep surrender of kid-sleep.
2. The very first "good morning" from sleepy little lips.
3. Anything dogs do at any time, even when they're eating their old poop.
4. Cal people falling all over themselves to boo Stanford. I find their fervor quaint and charming. :P
5. Receiving a notice from Google Reader that Metrodad has written once more! Happy Birthday, oppa!

[Julie Kang]

Ooh, I forgot!

Change #2 to "French kissing."

[Natalie]

I think you're my brother from another mother of a different color. I loved your lists. They were practically the same as my own!

[beyond]

i love list blog posts. thank you!

[Jeannie]

Amazing what we can learn about people from a few simple lists, isn't it? These were fabulous.

Hope you have a very happy 41st birthday.

[Stacy (formerly of Slices of Stacy)]

Crocs? Fuck you, dude...you spend all day on your feet on the linoleum-on-concrete floor of a government building trying to get the youth of America to give a shit about long division and then we'll talk.

(Commenters, don't give me any shit about this. MD and I were reading each other's blogs when you were diapers.)

[Chookooloonks]

Aw! Nesquik!!

[Kevin (Always Home and Uncool)]

To think, 18 months ago, we first bonded over the alleged return of the jort. Silly rabbit!

[sarah]

happy early birthday to you and your acid washed Girbauds of yesteryear. i hope.

[whoorl]

Replica NFL jerseys will be the death of me. Whhhhhyyyyyyy?

(Good God, TV dinners ruled. The foil, the mashed potatoes, the peas...heavenly. Of course, I would violently vomit if I had to eat one today.)

[Leora]

You make me laugh, cry and smile. Have a great birthday, MD.

[Chelle]

I love the quote from Frederick Douglas. I homeschool my kids and that right there is the reason why!

Great lists, though I'd add Pineapple Crush Soda and Now And Later candy....

[Topha]

Here's another quote for the over forty.

Forty is the old age of youth, fifty is the youth of old age.

--VICTOR HUGO.--

[Jeanne]

My sister and I grew up on TV dinners and powdered iced tea. Good times! Happy 41st birthday, MD.

[Claudia]

fun post! one thing that always brings a smile to my face:
being woken by the "stamping" of my labrador retriever's cold & wet nose. gets me every time. :)

[CKBH]

powdered peach ice tea will make me think of family dinners for the rest of my life, no matter who I am with or what we are doing!

ps sweater vests are cool if they are argyle damnit!

[Heather F.]

My sister and I grew up on Swanson TV dinners. It's been years since I've thought about them. Do they even make them anymore?

[Darren]

I know there are more meaningful things to comment on, but Jimmy Fallon's "Housewives" always cracks me up too. And fat people getting into rowboats? I laughed just thinking about that.

[march hare]

Erm, just wondering that if you do not take a cd player or something, how will you listen to all that Rolling Stones? :P

[Carolyn]

I like the way you think.

[Finn]

Ah, forty-one is fine. Fine, I tell you. Try forty-two. Although it is the answer, you still don't get the question.

[Rachel E.]

Q-Tips??

[nikki]

I swear nothing feels better then cleaning out your ears with a Q-tip.

[Jae Young]

I love that crocks, uggs and birks are in the same line for banning. Unfortunately, when my arches collapsed, I sort of started wearing orthopedic sandals. (Mephisto) If I had it my way, I'd be walking around in Louboutins all the damn time, ignoring the fact that they cost as much as my paycheck and my arches are still shot to hell.

Happy birthday! I just turned 31 and one of my brothers had the audacity to tell me to stop telling him what my Korean age was and to come clean already about my "real" age. (OK, so I did that for a few years because my goal in life is to become an ajumma, but whatevs.)

[Keith Wilcox]

I come from the land of crocks (Boulder CO). Even here they are fading quickly. My boys still wear them because they're easy, but I ditched mine about a year ago. I still wear them to take the trash out though. Great list!

[Lena P.]

Your list made me realize I haven't read 5 books in the past year. My mind has clearly been decayed by reality television.

[bob]

Gosh, nostalgia, yeah. You know, I remember when you used to be funny.

[Fer]

Tracy Morgan is a poet...

[Who's Your Daddy?]

We are getting old and with technology's help, in front of everyone.

[JennyLou]

Love your lists. You speaka my language. May I add a quick list of my own?

Top 5 tv programs from my childhood:

1. The Banana Splits
2. Johnny Quest
3. Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom
4. Channel 56's Creature Double Feature on Saturdays
5. The Magic Garden

[Captain Dumbass]

Isn't it insane how you wake up and realized a decade has just gone by?

Favourite 30 Rock quote: "Shut up or I'll gut you like a taun taun."

[Amanda]

5 Saddest Songs of All Time

*Right Out of Your Hand – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Gets me every time; hence, the star.
Colorblind – The Counting Crows
Father and Son – Cat Stevens
Damn you Cat!
The Wolves (Act 1 & 2) – Bon Iver
I Grieve – Peter Gabriel
The beginning part. The latter tends to offer a good resolve.

And if these don’t get the job done, I like to throw in something by Lucinda Williams, preferably, “Are You Down”; or, Whiskeytown. If all else fails, something by The Smiths/Morrissey (should be followed by half an Ambien by that point).

The best book I have read recently: Palimpsest (Vidal).

...great lists, yours.

[Account Deleted]

Happy early birthday MD. Are you sure you r 41??? May that why your kid food sound so old for me =D, ha ha ha
I will add my own list

Top five morning wake up moment
1. A call from a good friend
2. Got new book from e-library
3. Receiving a notice from Google Reader that Metrodad has written once more! Happy Birthday
4. hot coffee on my table
5. a furry kiss from my cat

[Paige Jennifer]

When I grow up, I want to write like Lorrie Moore.

I like how you identify Crocs/Uggs/Birks as one. No one who wears them should be permitted to have sex.

Diana Krall's A Case of You always makes me cry. Always.

[Lisa F.]

Despite your attempts to prove otherwise, it's posts like this that always subtly reveal why you have such a huge following. You're a special and interesting guy. I'm always so happy when I see that you've got a new post up. It really makes my day!

[kathy]

Sriracha Hot Sauce!

Which kind? Chunky or smooth? I prefer the chunky, unless you're having pho.... I like a man who knows his Sriracha!

[NG]

Oh Happy Birthday! As someone who's starting down the throat of 42, I can tell you that 41 isn't much different than 40. But 42, I hear, is a bitch.

[joan]

Or, people walking into a mirror and saying, "oh, excuse me." I still laugh about that one and it happened 10 years ago.
The quote from Soren Kierkegaard is so true.
I talk to people in their 80's everyday and they always tell me (age 50), I am just a pup. It always makes my day!

[Papa Bradstein]

Feel better about joining the 41 club, brother, and write a list of five things you'll never miss about high school...acne, having only other teenagers to hang out with, having seven bosses every day (that change twice a year), having a curfew (even if you ignored it), driver's ed at o'dark thirty

[Faiqa]

Jean Shorts are the work of the devil, weren't they? Hope you have a happy birthday!

[Faiqa]

I meant "*AREN'T* they," not "weren't they."

Top 1 thing that makes me sigh: 1. People who mess up comments that aren't very clever to begin with and then come back and correct themselves only to bring unnecessary attention to their originally not very clever comment.

[jacob]

Waiting for just the right moment to pass along that "always be their slave" quote to my 13 year old daughter.

[clickmom]

This fat chick loves to go in row boats, and canoes and kayaks too. And this fat chick is going to unbookmark your blog.

[LogicalMama]

I'd bring my tongue scraper on a deserted island b/c not only could I scrape the bacteria off my tongue, I could also remove the scales of the fish I catch for meals! Nothing like a dual purpose utensil! ;-/

[Dadcation]

Jorts and Crocs: 2 more reasons to saw Florida off from Georgia and send it to Cuba.

[Mrs. Q.]

Oh, thank you for mentioning jorts. No one knows what the heck I mean. Bluurgh. And I spent two weeks in Austria with my mother's family when I was a kid (in the 80's). No one used Q-tips. I thought I was going to dig out my brain with a pencil.

[Parentopia Devra]

Right now I am the answer to life, the universe and everything. I cannot help but worry 43 will be a let down.

[kaylen]

TV dinners?? really??? I think I was pretending to be an adult the first time I had one.

The shoewear--YES---Crocs are gross, Uggs are ridiculously overpriced and overloved, and birkenstocks...sigh...I can't even form words about them.
I've never heard the word Jorts - but I own a pair. Really, I do. I wore them two wks ago.

I love lists too!! They really are helpful!!

Happy early b-day! 41 isn't bad, it's not like you're 42--THAT would be old! :)

[JDG]

You okay, man?