Twenty of My Favorite Things About Being a Father

Being a father is one of my favorite things in life. 

This is somewhat surprising to me because my father was not a very good role model and, to this day, he and I are not very close. In fact, when I was younger, kids used to come up to me and say, "My dad can beat up your dad." I'd say, "Oh yeah? What time?"

In all seriousness, my fractured relationship with him has forced me to spend a lot of time thinking about parenting and what kind of father I want to be to my own child. It's not easy. In many ways, parenting is the hardest job I've ever had. I like to compare it to shaving. No matter how well you shaved today, you have to get up and do it again tomorrow. That's really the key. 

Today, I planned on writing one of my annual sappy Father's Day posts. However, I started thinking about how being a great dad involves having a good sense of humor. Because let's face it. When it's 5:00 am, you haven't slept in three weeks, your colicky baby is screaming, you're trying to change his diaper and then, all of sudden, he pees straight into your face? You have two choice. You can laugh. Or you can cry.

I'll go with laughter every time.

So, in honor of Father's Day, I quickly wrote up 20 of my favorite things about being a father. They're not the deep-seeded emotions that I feel about my relationship with my daughter. I know I'll remember those forever. These are just some of the smaller things that, on a daily basis, make me glad to be her dad.

20 of my favorite things about being a father:

• Spinning my daughter by her arms for five minutes and then watching her stumble around like my drunk uncle.

• Low expectations. To a child, everlasting love can be expressed simply by adding hot dogs to their mac-and-cheese or giving them an extra piece of bacon. 

• Knowing your child so well that you recognize her back-seat vomit look. Nothing fills me with more self-congratulatory pride than driving 90 mph on the Long Island Expressway with one hand and sticking a  bag under her mouth before a drop of vomit hits the leather seats. I'm a Gold Glove vomit catcher.

• Having a boy tell you that he really likes your daughter and realizing that you have a newfound respect for the Amish...and handguns.

• Looking for the television remote control for hours and then suddenly discovering it in the freezer. Good one, kid. I never would have looked there.

• Bringing your daughter to the office so she can meet everyone and then, five minutes later, finding her completely covered in toner ink and Post-It Notes.

• Logging on to Amazon and discovering that ALL of their recommendations for you are child-related: a Dora the Explorer Dehumidifier, a giant case of Huggies, a year-long subscription to Parent Magazine. Fifty recommendations and not a single peep about the new Updike book or Mos Def CD!

• Kids are a wonderfully blank canvas. While some people see this as an opportunity to impart serious knowledge, I prefer teaching my daughter how to stand on a chair during music class, hold a crayon up in the air, and yell out, "Play Free Bird!"

• In a related way, I also get a huge laugh when my elderly Korean parents ask her to sing a song and she breaks out into "Bang bang boogie say up jumped the boogie to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat!"

• Children are an excellent excuse for buying Nutella by the case.

• Watching an episode of The Dog Whisperer on television and picking up some good parenting tips. Cesar Milan is a mad genius, yo!

• Similarly, going to the bookstore and laughing at parenting guides written by childless PhDs.

• Remembering that the funnest things in life are unexpected surprises. Like biting into a donut and discovering it's filled with chocolate.

• Gathering a bunch of kids for an Easter egg hunt and then laughing at them because you never hid any eggs. Fun game that can also be played during Christmas or Passover.

• Skipping down the street and holding hands with your daughter while singing the "Tigger and Pooh" theme song and wearing funny hats. Running into model ex-girlfriend eating at trendy restaurant with a rich old guy. Realizing you won.

• Related revelation: Much easier to pick up single women with cute baby than with cute dog. Reason for recent success of my new company, Rent-a-Tot. Act now. Special summer lease rates still available.

• Eagerly awaiting the day when my daughter rolls her eyes at me and says, "Dad, you're embarrassing me!"

• Discovering that true love is when you voluntarily give your child the last piece of bacon in the entire house.

• Being completely mortified when your daughter spins around on the subway pole and starts licking it yet laughing because you took a photo and you can't wait to show it to her in 10 years when she's failing Algebra.

• Putting the child to bed and cooking dinner for yourself but realizing your gustatory options are limited to dinosaur chicken nuggets, grape jello and baby carrots. Again.

Feel free to add your own to the list. I'd love to hear them all.

Meantime, Happy father's day to all of you dads out there. Always remember that men who change diapers change the world!

Comments

[Mom101]

I might add as #21 being able to eat at the best, most exclusive restaurants in NYC any day of the week without a reservation--because you're sitting down at 5:15.

I love every one of these. Especially seeing the ex and realizing you won.

Happy Father's Day to one of the best of them all. Mwa.

[Helen]

Hi. I just discovered your blog by reading about it on salon.com. It's great. I didn't even know daddy blogs existed. It's heartwarming to see how different today's fathers are from previous generations. Keep up the great work.

[morrisquads]

Being woken up in the morning by a lick to the cheek and a child saying, "G'Mornin' Daddy... if you don't make me breakfast I'm gonna keep liking your cheek until I'm full!"

[CroutonBoy]

Some things I would add:

Introducing your daughter to "Land of the Lost" and the Beatles and watching her experience the same innocent you once felt for them all over again.

A ready-made excuse to get ice cream.

The way she'll yell "BYE DADDY" 50 times when I drop her off at camp, even if it requires following me out to the street.

Living with someone who is completely non-judgmental about the way you dress or eat.

Looking her in the eye and saying "That's no moon," and have her repeat without hesitation, "That's a space station!"

Happy Father's Day, chief.

[Chris]

Happy Father's Day to you! Your daughter is as lucky to have you, as you are to have her. Neat.

The Dog Whisperer has taught me everything I need to know about managing my 3-year-old son's intense behavior. Tssst.

[Estelle]

Happy father's day to one of the best ones out there. Hope you have a wonderful day being pampered by the Peanut. Enjoy!

[Mike]

My favorite part these last six months has been seeing/hearing the evolution of language from inarticulate babbles to recognizable words; it makes the "guess what I want now" game a lot less challenging.

[Leanne Koh]

Happy Father's Day! What a great laugh I got from all 20 things. I hope you have fun with the family today. Keep up this great blog!

[Jane of Maine]

Hey MD - great post. What are you, peanut and bosslady doing to celebrate your fathers day?

[Rene]

Happy Father's Day, MD! The Peanut is lucky to have you as her dad. Enjoy the day.

[NG]

Happy Father's Day, MD! You're one of the good ones.

[Rachel Kristi]

I'm gonna adopt a korean baby just so she can be cute like the peanut.

[Stacy C.]

My husband has been estranged from his father for 10 years and, like you, was very nervous about becoming a father having had such a terrible role model. I'm happy to say that, again like you, he's turned out to be the most wonderful father that I could ever have imagined. Sometimes the men with the worst fathers tend to be the best. Happy father's day, MD.

[P2H]

Happy Father's Day.

[JJ Daddy-O]

Happy Father's Day P-Daddy and P-Nut from the Daddy-O clan of the South.
My kids will teach P-Nut to eat real, smoky BBQ, if P-Nut teaches them to eat squid!

[Jason]

Happy Father's Day to you as well sir! I'm going to do a similar blogpost because its a great topic to cover on such a day. If only I could get the little one to nap. Because she hasn't all day...

Love the Peanut, she's a hilarious one!

[mama without instructions]

Great list. I especially like that 2 our of 20 items include bacon! Happy Father's Day.

[Ollie]

The first thing my son said to me when he got up on Fathers' Day was, "Dad, I'm going to tell you something I've never told you before... [loudly] I... WANT... TO... TAKE... MY... TRAINING... WHEELS... OFF!!"

So there we were, at seven o'clock in the morning, racing the bicycle up and down a puddle-filled sidewalk, laughing, shouting, and having a great time (much to the chagrine of our neighbors, I'm sure). I couldn't have asked for a better Fathers' Day present.

[Captain Dumbass]

Not much to add after Crouton Boy's "That's not a moon..." Being able to play with Lego and video games all day is pretty good though.

[Aurelia]

My older sister by 6 years told that when my twin and I were brought to my Mum's office, we covered our faces and arms with their blue ink company stamps. And at our Dad's office, we locked outselves in his boss's office and started a small fire under the desk with his matches that we found. We were never brought to their offices' ever again.

[brian P]

kids say the funniest things, have the best laughs, and keep you young.

plus, if you're single and have a kid, hot women take notice. just an observation, i'm married.

(just like you, my dad wasn't a big part of my life, so every day i make sure to give my daughter so much joy and love...and PERFECT diaper changes)

[ShotgunDaddy]

My kids took a trip to the dollar store to choose their own Father's Day gifts for me. A sampling: 50 zip ties in assorted colors; a tiny statuette of a dog; a car wash mitt; a pair of work gloves. I doubt I'll ever use any of that, but I'll treasure it always. My favorite thing about being a dad? Gifts that mean nothing and everything at the same time.

PS -- Skibble-a-bee-pop, we rock with Scooby Doo, and guess what, America? We love you!

[Jeannette]

Your ability to convey real emotion with hilarious writing is a rare gift, MD. More than anything else, your love for your daughter comes shining through in every post. Happy father's day!

[yiorrh]

Dinosaur chicken nuggets, jello, hot dogs in mac and cheese....you feed your child total garbage. Shame on you, douchebag.

[Mrs Soup]

"Kids are a wonderfully blank canvas. While some people see this as an opportunity to impart serious knowledge, I prefer teaching my daughter how to stand on a chair during music class, hold a crayon up in the air, and yell out, "Play Free Bird!" "

Yes! So true.

What a great list.

[JorgeakaCruzz]

Happy Father's Day my good man ...
Here's one I love to share about little man and me ... (similar to the bacon necessary injustice ... lol)
Chowing-down a bag of Cheetos while watching wall-e for the 700 time, and suddenly realize there's only one left at the bottom of the bag ...)
Jorge.

[sweetauntie]

Good lord Yiorrh, I do believe that he is taking bit of poetic license with the content of his freezer! If not, sheesh, a little bit of, what was your word?, "garbage" every now and then won't harm the little one.

[Susan A]

Just read your last three posts...I LOVE YOU! You make my day. You are so damn funny. Keep up the good work. Happy Fathers Day!

[Kim F.]

After discovering your blog through the Parenting.com website, I sure am glad to have followed that link! You are a splendid writer who manages to express the everyday joys of parenthood with humor, love, and pride in every word. Thank you for sharing your insight on fatherhood in such an inspiring manner. As a fellow Asian-American parent, I know very well how rare it was for our parents' generation to express emotion of any kind. Can't wait to show your blog to my husband. =)

[Muscles McGee]

Great list, MD, but let's get to the real interesting point -- what's the story behind the model ex-girlfriend with the old man? Don't recall you telling us about that part of your history.

[Father Muskrat]

Bringing my daughter to work, showing her off to everyone, placing her in my Herman Miller chair and taking funny "look at the little future lawyer" pictures and then having her piss all over it.

Getting a call from my neighbor, who's fairly high in the Atlanta Police Dept, and finding out my daughter is in his yard and naked. Just in case I was looking for her (I didn't know she knew how to open doors).

Getting a call from the preschool about my daughter's habitual yelling, "Oh shit!" when she drops things.

Watching our 5-year-old black dog develop gray hair on her face from her regular hazings from the 2-year-old girl.

[nonlineargirl]

When I read "men who change diapers..." I thought: wow, he must have heard my baby's fart all the way across the country. That IS powerful.

[Mocha Dad]

Great list. I've already crossed into the land of "Dad, you're embarrassing me!" My daughter is only 8.

[Shelle-BlokThoughts]

aaaahhhh hope you had a great Father's Day.

I am not a father so can't contribute to your list... but my husband might say...

Having someone to eat ice cream with at night while Mom is away!

I came over from the Tales From The Dad side. you're hilarious!

[ihatewhenpeoplesayquoteinsteadofquotation]

love your blog.

since you're a grammar buff, just wanted to let you know that "deep-seeded" is an incorrect usage of "deep-seated," if referring to something which has its seat far below the surface. (reference merriam webster or oed2.)

[joan]

I know you must have had a great day with your daughter. She is so sweet and funny. What more could you ask for. Yes, the unexpected surprises are the best.

[SarahCC]

Yiorrh-too harsh. Obviously you don't have kids!
MD-Happy Father's Day!!

[Robin]

#21 for me...having a reason to call into to work and school....children are sick...and then playing hookie with them!

Hope you had a Fantastic Father's Day!

[Xibee]

I noted the deep-seeded error and decided it worked quite nicely.

Ex-Girlfriend tromping, terrific!

[Two Makes Four]

I watch "The Dog Whisperer" for the same reason.

[MK]

A humble thought: to have nothing good to say about your father for a Father's Day post is harsh. I'm sure you've given him quite a bit of grief in turn.

[Jase]

One of my favourite things to do is to play rough with my daughters, tickling Miss 8 and Miss 10 and tumbling around with them on the ground until they shout "Stop I need to go pee!"

[John]

anyone else actively enjoy strangers getting annoyed by the loudness of your child?

[LuaghingNell]

Happy Father's day! Though this comes a little late.

I love this list, and everything in it. It made me smile, and it made me think of what an awesome father I have.

I just wanted you to know that.

Thanks for posting this.

[Danny G.]

Nutella by the case... I was doing that before I was a parent :) I love that you're passing on your eclectic taste in music to your daughter.

[Pam]

Cesar Milan is one best kept parenting tip secret! Well, I am Wonder Peanut and I'd like to say hello, to the white, the black, the red and the brown, the purple and yellow. But first I gotta' bang bang... :)

[Queen Of Relationships]

Aww, this was a really sweet post.

[Adnarim]

My kid is only six months old, so I can take stuff off him, say, candy, and he forgets he ever had it! So cool! I know this will change, when when it does I'm sure I'll find amusement watching him chuck a tantrum.

[Pinoy Daddy]

I lost my father early... quite sad, but now that I am Daddy to my five month old, everything in my family life seems like we are opening a new beginning in life!

I particularly look forward to the gummy smile when she wakes up in the morning and the childish stares, making me feel as if she is looking at Brad Pitt.

[Mamamia]

MD. When are you going to post about your new single life and shared custody?