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March 16, 2009


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Writer Dad

50 times. That's it?!?! Metro Dad, you're lucky. Not just that it's only 50 times, but that you got Finding Nemo instead of Cars.

Leslie K

I think my new favorite phrase in the English language is now "sea pickle." I can't wait to use that in conversation.

always home and uncool

I would be most concerned about women who write to you -- MetroDAD -- with their breastfeeding questions. You're a talented guy but biology is against you on that one.

Tricia Lewis

Coming over here to read your take on parenting always puts me in a good mood, MD. I'm totally one of those stresser moms who worries about everything. Sometimes I just need to keep it all in perspective. Thanks.


Our neighbor breastfeeds her 5 year old also. It's the creepiest thing.

Maternal Mirth

"Sea Pickle" almost made me wee myself ... wonder what nickname that would have given me???


My younger brother Robert is a big-time corporate attorney in Washington, DC. He hobnobs with politicians and VIPs all the time. In his spare time, he is also a professor at Georgetown.

However, when he comes home for the holidays and he's surrounded by his five older brothers and sisters, we still refer to him as "Booby"

Why? Because when he was two years old, he would constantly run around and grab women's breasts!


Glad to hear that I'm not the only man out there who tried his wife's breastmilk. You're right. It DOES taste a little like vanilla ice cream.


You know, it wouldn't surprise me in the slightest if people actually did write to Hugh Laurie for medical advice.


Once again, I've lost all faith in my fellow Asian brother to give sound advice. Is this a cultural thing? Besides, wearing women's clothing isn't just fun as a kid!

Father Muskrat

I gotta stay sober for 3 straight days? Fuck that!

What if I want to strap a little boy doll to my crotch while dressed like a priest on Halloween? Oh wait. You already did that, as I recall, so it must be okay.


Wow. I would NEVER ask you for advice on parenting. Who are these crazy people??

As for that pediatrician of yours? I broke strict orders to be on bedrest to interview that guy because another friend of mine travels down to his office from the upper east side for her kids. Instead, I bought the book and stopped opening it because everything he suggests basically boils down to this message: stop being such a paranoid asshole and let your kid raise himself.

As usual, good post.


Thanks for answering all of my questions:)
I wish I had know about sea pickles because that would definitely be my daughter's nickname. Thank god we're past all that.
But, dude... even if I had done all of those things to prepare for parenthood, I wouldn't have been prepared for the screaming bundle that they sent home with me from the hospital 6 years ago. It's tough, awesome, and always changing.


Dude, love the idea of ranking the kids. Now all we need to do is come up with some complicated (and completely opaque) formula to determine the rankings and a catchy acronym -- perhaps F.I.B. for "Future Inheritance Breakdown." That would get their attention.


Last night, I told my kids about the new ranking system that was going to be put in place. They couldn't tell if I was joking or not. But you know what? They were ALL on their best behavior last night. You're a genius, MD!


My God, you are so hilarious! Great post, as usual!


Sea Pickle! my new favorite word!


Fantastic post. Parenting is hard work, indeed! People really ask you for breastfeeding advice? That makes me laugh. You're rather unequipped for that, yeah?


Nice! Good to see the things that perturb you as well!


Mmmm....chart for ranking the children. Genius, MD!


you are my freak'n hero!


Your blog's wonderful. Neil has you as his Blog Crush of the Day. I'm paralyzed with fear as I type - my grammar sucks. I killed the grammar knowing brain cells with wine.

Parenting is very hard work, and your final paragragh is the perfect summary. When my mother gets in our car, she says, "Christ. It looks look squirrels live in here."


I made the grave error of reading this while at work, and my useless efforts at concealing my laughter did not go unheeded by fellow co-workers.
I have been down the "new parent/new baby" path three times, although one of those three times was with a set of twins, so it actually resulted in four kids. And your list of replies was totally on target based on my personal experience. I would also add in your response to "when are you ready to be a parent" that you'll know you're ready when you do raise a dog from puppyhood, and find yourself thinking "This was a walk in the park! How hard can a human baby possibly be", and then you find out that putting an infant in a crate is considered neglect in most states.


God I love your blog. Makes me laugh every time.


You really need to write the ultimate parenting book, MD. I think it would be HUGE!


omg...that last paragraph is so stinking true!~ LOL!


Frankly, these answers are way better than the ones from the folks who actually do have the degrees and fancy initials after their names.

I totally dare Dr. Sears in his next book to answer poop quesions with, "Ewww. That is so freaking gross."


You = Hugh Laurie. Certainly, Darling.

I just want to know where Peanut will go to kindergarten??? Private or Public. We're dying over here.


"Jeez, Dad. That was like 30 years ago. Let it go already. I told you it was just an experiment!"

Hah! I just laughed so hard, I snorted. Now my coworkers are looking at me funny!


ha ha ha ha ha! I just LOVE IT when there are new posts in your blog. It makes my DAY! - - - yeah, I should probably get a life, but THANKS for cheering me up today!


My mother refuses to get in my car. Every time she does, she ends up finding some food that one of the kids left buried under the seat three weeks ago. The boys and I don't even notice the smell anymore. How sad!


On the whole favorite kid thing, my parents TOTALLY did (and still do, even though we are now all adults) this with us. Playing off the BCS rankings for football, we had BCS (Best Child System) rankings as well.

Mostly it was just a joke, but whenever we would do something bad someone would say "Oh, you just dropped down in the BCS rankings" or if we did something extraordinary we would yell "Oh, yeah I'm moving up in the BCS rankings!" It has become kind of an ongoing joke when we are all together.


I read these out loud to my MIL on the phone this afternoon after you swung by my 'pad' - and by the way, THANKS - we're tickled khaki (i'm allergic to pink and blue) - anyway...these were hysterical.

I especially enjoyed your breastfeeding remark.


at work i go crazy looking up great blogs.. cant believe i only just stumbled upon yours.. its by far my favourite.. :)

Maria C.

Finally a voice of reason in the sea of parenting madness. Great post, MD. I always think that people spend so much time worrying and freaking out about parenting that they become paralyzed with fear. Kids need guidance, love and discipline. Everything else tends to work itself out. Trust me. As the mother of 5 kids, I know these things!


"Eat it or wear it." Strangely reminiscent of "drink it or wear it." I miss Scumby and Frankel sometimes.

creative type dad

"Their favorite child, at any given time, is the one who is busting their chops the least"

So true.

You deserve a Ph.D. I'll send it to you in the mail written on a napkin.

Anita Ovolina

In Italy parenting is the sink or swim approach for both kids and parents.

Whenever I talk to my parents about parenting and kids they tell me that kids are resilient and that I should focus on having fun even as a mom, it goes by quick.

Of course after this they move on to try and guilt me into being a 'bad' daughter because I am not teaching the girls Italian...

The New Girl




Nice to read a completely different perspective of another daddy blogger...

I blog for my not even 5 month old and it is fun to write things after entering inside her mind....

Suzanne Chan

Hi MetroDad! I've been following you for a couple years now and finally writing a comment... you never cease to make me laugh and put a little humor into parenting...thanks!


MetroDad, somebody with a Dad blog - I don't think it was you but I'm hoping you know who it was ?? - had a post a while back about teaching their kid to take a very direct approach to playground bullies (think, fight fire with fire) - afterwards the involved kids became great pals. Since I have the highly politically incorrect idea that this has some merit sometimes, could you post a link if you happen to remember this? Thank you!


Oh, pooping in the tub... it wasn't until a good 7 years into my life as a parent that I had the JOY of experiencing that little event... sadly, on more than one occasion... now that my second child (ha! #2!) has learned to control her bowels, if not her crazy-ass emotions, this isn't a problem. And #3 doesn't seem to be a fan of it, so hopefully we're in the clear.

Pitifully, I've blogged about the poop in the tub adventures of my crew-- http://mteblog.blogspot.com/2007/12/theyre-like-machines.html.

Just got turned on to your blog by a friend-- I think she knew I'd love your comments on this particular topic!

Shannon F

omg that is too funny I am not sure what part was even the funniest I just love your blog....

nemo is too bad though i prefer it to the 1 wiggles dvd i had to watch all day every day for 1 year

Baby Carriers Backpacks

When we had our first, I needed some milk for my coffee, Of course I didn't have any. So I though,,,,, "why not" whem I say that brest milk in the fridge... and a new addiction was born, lol


You are so funny. I love to hear what you have to say and so do my co-workers. I am glad that you have a care enough to tell the truth.

ugg outlet store

I really enjoy reading you blog which spirit me up and pursue for future.You really an outstanding person just the same as your articles.I really have a nice time with you.Thank you very much!


The whole information is a big help for both parents and child.

Dr. Stephen Doyne Phd

I sure hope this blog is meant for humor, because the fact that you don't have a background in "pediatrics or child psychology" is painfully obvious.

Perhaps instead of offering bad advice, you should refer people to someone who *does* have a background in "pediatrics or child psychology."

Jane K.

"Dr Stephen Doyne" is an idiot.

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