Quick Poll: Children used solely for entertainment purposes

My constant need to amuse myself has caused me many problems over the years.

Like the time when the beautiful BossLady was 8 months pregnant. One night, as she was going through her closet and lamenting the fact that none of her clothes fit her anymore, she suddenly took a few steps backwards. Without even thinking, I started making the noise a NYC bus does when backing up. Beep! Beep! Beep! Sure, I slept on the couch that night and was in the doghouse for about a week but you can bet your ass I was giggling to myself the entire time.

Then, there was a time back in high school when I had a brilliantly absent-minded teacher who was constantly misplacing his belongings. It was so funny watching him get frustrated that whenever I walked by his classroom and saw that it was empty, I'd quickly run in and hide his lunch. Even when another teacher warned me not to do it again, I couldn't help myself. It was like an involuntary reflex. To this day, the mental image of him finding his lunch stuck inside a globe still cracks me up.

I find myself unconsciously doing this with my three-year-old daughter all the time.

Lately, the Peanut has been in non-stop question mode. Usually I'm fairly patient with her but sometimes I'm busy so I just reflexively snap off absurd answers to her without thinking. Last week, I stuck her in front of the television and put on "Free Willie" so I could get some work done. When she asked me what "Free Willie" was about, I hurriedly told her it was an updated morality play about two absurdly co-dependent friends: a boy who needs a whale and a whale who needs a boy.

I often forget the implications of speaking to her like that until we're out in public and I see her interacting with other people.

• Last week, one of our neighbors asked the Peanut what she wanted to be when she grew up. My daughter's deadpan reply?  "I'm going to be a greeter at Wal-Mart."

• When her little friends at school start dancing, the Peanut doesn't join them. Instead, she jumps in front of them and starts singing, "Shake shake shake, Shake shake shake, Shake your booty! Shake your booty!"

• And lately, whenever she has to go to the bathroom, she grabs a newspaper, sticks it under her arm, and announces to everyone that she's "going to the office." 

I have to admit that those things crack me up. Why wouldn't they? After all, in a simplistic way, aren't I merely putting my words into her mouth?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when I briefly worry about how my strange sense of humor is going to affect the Peanut. Will she be marked as "the weird chick" in high school? Will this cause her to be withdrawn and reclusive? Will that mean she'll have a hard time forming relationships and will never get married?

Then I remember how much I hate it when people blame their personal failures on their parents.

Quick side note: Is it me or have we become a country of ragged recidivists addicted to the belief that parents are to blame for all our personal shortcomings? This drives me insane. Too fat? Mommy must have mistakenly thought food was love. Anger issues? Daddy was always busy at work and didn't have enough time for you. Body issues? Blame it on that time Aunt Ruthie made you take a bath with her. Spare me!

Anyway, when it comes to passing on my sense of humor to the Peanut and using her as a form of entertainment, I've come to accept that when push comes to shove, I'm going to go with funny every single time.

After all, isn't one of the greatest benefits of parenthood being able to use our kids solely for entertainment purposes? How else can you explain the fact that my mother sent me to school having a bowl haircut, wearing green corduroys, packing smelly Korean food for lunch, and cruising a girl's bicycle with a wicker basket and a banana seat?

Shit, despite the embarrassment, even I think that's pretty funny.

Anyway, I mention all of this because BossLady and I have recently been discussing Halloween costumes for the Peanut. Last year's costume was perfect because she was so into "Annie." But this year, we're thinking of dressing her up in a costume solely for our own entertainment and we came up with an awesome idea. In fact, BossLady and I think the costume is so uproariously hilarious that we've completely lost perspective on the idea and can't stop giggling whenever we think about it. That's why we're turning to you, internet. Please give us your honest answer.

Is it funny or just plain wrong to dress the Peanut up as an underage Chinese Olympic gymnast?

An inquiring mind wants to know...

Comments

[Catherine]

Are you suggesting that children aren't here solely for their parent's amusement? If not that then what? The tax deduction?

[AiAi]

So inappropriately funny.

[Sarah]

I will be SO disappointed if you dont!

[Mama]

Yes, she might not get it, which might cause an identity crisis, poor little thing. Also, a lot of people won't understand it. So Little Peanut might not get the enthused responses she is hoping for. And maybe she will miss out on a whole boatload of candy. That would be traumatizing for her young soul. I don't know. Why don't you dress her up as an oversized Chinese basketball player? People would get the irony of that costume for sure! Whatever you choose, have a great Halloween!

[Stacey]

I love it!

[Hygiene Dad]

Brilliant. I totally wish I could get away with that costume.

[mom101]

It is awesome. Hands down.

You and Nate are two peas in a warped, irreverent, beyond all human decency pod. Remember last year when George Clooney was shooting in the hood? Just in case we ran into him, Nate taught Thalia (then two) to say "Sign my boobs."

[Heather]

Just another example of why I love your sense of humor, MD. Aside from the costume idea, this whole post was fantastic. You always manage to cheer up my day. Thanks!

[anna]

Oh that is funny, my friend. Very funny. doitdoitdoitdoitdoit

[Stella]

Can I just say that you and the Bosslady are the coolest parents ever? Hahahaha. I hope that when I pop out offspring, I don't lose my sense of humor - you are my future role model. Bravo. MOST APPROPRIATE COSTUME EVER!

[Samantha]

Oh that is absolutely brilliant!

You'll need bandages on the ankles and wrists. Remember to dust some chalk powder on her hands for full effect.

[susannah]

Now that everyone has weighed in, you DEFINITELY have to do it, right?

[Holly]

Holy mother of GOD! I'm totally having kids now just so I can dress them up for my amusement. I'm starting to think of parenthood in a totally different light now. Thanks MD!

[lindsay]

best. idea. ever.

[Joanna]

If the Peanut knocked on my door dressed as an underage Chinese gymnast, I would not only laugh my ass off but I'd also give her all the candy in the world. GREAT idea!

[Geo]

Laugh and the world laughs with you... fart and you stand alone. If you think it's funny then it is. Go for it!

[K]

very funny!!

[muskrat]

yes, this costume is mandatory.

it's no less appropriate that my brother's dressing like steve irwin (complete with barb in chest) two halloweens ago. or, my dressing like madonna (complete with african baby) the same year.

freaking brilliant!!!!

[How to Party with an Infant]

not a big deal at all--they're already selling Underage Chinese Gymnast costumes at Wallmart.

[Sara GH]

Totally inappropriate and at the same time VERY funny...people won't get it though!

[jennster]

that is major ROFLMAO! and i dressed my son up as magnum last year just to get laughs from my friends!!

[lifeonthgo]

FUNNY!

[Paige Jennifer]

Isn't she too old to be a Chinese gymnast....? Oh heck, do it. I'm still laughing.

[Celeste]

I think it's funny! I loved that show "Picket Fences" because their kids would always do some topical humor H'ween costumes. My favorite was when the boys went as Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan. Tonya carried a pipe and would whack Nancy who would holler, "WHY MEEEEEEE?". Hilarious.

DH and DD have a farting culture all their own. When they get a little older it's easier to convince them to keep some of this stuff private and only fly the fart flag at home, for example. You're at a rough age where they don't really discern that there is a time and a place, they just want to let it all hang out all the time.

[Kevin]

Both. But more funny.

[captainsuburbia]

Great idea. I had the same idea for my 3 month old daughter but got vetoed by wife...

[blanchard]

Funny. And not that wrong. Unless Peanut wants to be a Backyardigan or something and you're forcing her to be a gymnast for the glory of her homeland/your amusement. That would be more authentic, bit then wrong.

[alice, uptown]

Go for it! Don't forget to give her a gold medal, otherwise she'll really have something to tell her future shrink.

My mother once dressed me as a thermometer. Trust me, I was the only one on the block.

And which of your teachers were merely absent-minded? Coming back from my 30th reunion, it finally dawned on me that a good portion of mine were psychotic.

[Gina]

Very funny, can't wait to see the pictures after Halloween! : )

[park]

awesome idea. please don't forget the crazy eye shadow. the more glittery, the better!

[Chris]

OMG....too funny! Who are you and where the hell did you come from? Still laughing...

[s]

OMG you HAVE to do it! It's perfect! I just totally had to stifle my laughter here at work. LOL MD!

[wtftofu]

a possible conversation:
what are you supposed to be?
"An underage Chinese gymnast."
Oh...That's nice. . .

[dk]

I'm all for costumes for the parents amusement when the kids are young enough to still go along with it. If the joke is a bit obscure all the better. The few people that will get it right away will totally make it worth the effort. Last year, in response to all the Jack Sparrow costumes, I, the dork that I am, wanted to put my tot in a rat costume with a big 3.14 on the front. The wife used her better judgment and veto power on that one. Now that I have two boys I'm thinking we could do the Beastie Boys Sabotage video... or the Intergalactic Video and make the wife go as the robot.

[the weirdgirl]

I think the idea is brilliant... as long as you can get the Peanut to go along with it. My son isn't four yet and this year he definitely has an opinion about his Halloween costume.

I don't think your escapades of self-amusement are all that bad either. Hell, I told one of my brothers that the recipe for deviled eggs was created by Satan for a cocktail party, and I told the other brother elaborate tales of the Target Alligator (that's the alligator that lives at Target for theft control, btw) that he half believed. And neither of them ended up in therapy. Yet.

[Melanie]

Um, funny. definitely funny.

[Monica Ingle]

DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!

[Nicole]

So wrong, but so effing hilarious!!

[Maternal Mirth]

YES!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD - YES!!!!

[GFR]

My wife and I both say "Funny"! Go for it. If other people can't laugh at it then screw 'em. They should be home watching TV instead of ruining Trick or Treating for the rest of us.

[heartatpreschool]

HILARIOUS!

[Wineplz]

absolutely and 100% funny!

[Christian]

Underage gymnast? Brilliant!! Must post pictures!

[Lee Lee]

It's both hilarious AND topical! It would be a crime to waste this idea.

[Anita]

Hilarious!

[Super Mommie]

OMG! No, I do not think it's wrong. It does ring of british "humour" though. Do it!!

[Nina]

I know this is an old post but I just now stumbled upon your blog. A friend sent me this speech by JK Rowling and a part of it reminded me of this particular post...

http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/2008/06.05/99-rowlingspeech.html

"I would like to make it clear, in parenthesis, that I do not blame my parents for their point of view. There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."

[alara]

thnks

[Carla Dance]

:D :D :D