Quick Poll: Children used solely for entertainment purposes

My constant need to amuse myself has caused me many problems over the years.

Like the time when the beautiful BossLady was 8 months pregnant. One night, as she was going through her closet and lamenting the fact that none of her clothes fit her anymore, she suddenly took a few steps backwards. Without even thinking, I started making the noise a NYC bus does when backing up. Beep! Beep! Beep! Sure, I slept on the couch that night and was in the doghouse for about a week but you can bet your ass I was giggling to myself the entire time.

Then, there was a time back in high school when I had a brilliantly absent-minded teacher who was constantly misplacing his belongings. It was so funny watching him get frustrated that whenever I walked by his classroom and saw that it was empty, I'd quickly run in and hide his lunch. Even when another teacher warned me not to do it again, I couldn't help myself. It was like an involuntary reflex. To this day, the mental image of him finding his lunch stuck inside a globe still cracks me up.

I find myself unconsciously doing this with my three-year-old daughter all the time.

Lately, the Peanut has been in non-stop question mode. Usually I'm fairly patient with her but sometimes I'm busy so I just reflexively snap off absurd answers to her without thinking. Last week, I stuck her in front of the television and put on "Free Willie" so I could get some work done. When she asked me what "Free Willie" was about, I hurriedly told her it was an updated morality play about two absurdly co-dependent friends: a boy who needs a whale and a whale who needs a boy.

I often forget the implications of speaking to her like that until we're out in public and I see her interacting with other people.

• Last week, one of our neighbors asked the Peanut what she wanted to be when she grew up. My daughter's deadpan reply?  "I'm going to be a greeter at Wal-Mart."

• When her little friends at school start dancing, the Peanut doesn't join them. Instead, she jumps in front of them and starts singing, "Shake shake shake, Shake shake shake, Shake your booty! Shake your booty!"

• And lately, whenever she has to go to the bathroom, she grabs a newspaper, sticks it under her arm, and announces to everyone that she's "going to the office." 

I have to admit that those things crack me up. Why wouldn't they? After all, in a simplistic way, aren't I merely putting my words into her mouth?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when I briefly worry about how my strange sense of humor is going to affect the Peanut. Will she be marked as "the weird chick" in high school? Will this cause her to be withdrawn and reclusive? Will that mean she'll have a hard time forming relationships and will never get married?

Then I remember how much I hate it when people blame their personal failures on their parents.

Quick side note: Is it me or have we become a country of ragged recidivists addicted to the belief that parents are to blame for all our personal shortcomings? This drives me insane. Too fat? Mommy must have mistakenly thought food was love. Anger issues? Daddy was always busy at work and didn't have enough time for you. Body issues? Blame it on that time Aunt Ruthie made you take a bath with her. Spare me!

Anyway, when it comes to passing on my sense of humor to the Peanut and using her as a form of entertainment, I've come to accept that when push comes to shove, I'm going to go with funny every single time.

After all, isn't one of the greatest benefits of parenthood being able to use our kids solely for entertainment purposes? How else can you explain the fact that my mother sent me to school having a bowl haircut, wearing green corduroys, packing smelly Korean food for lunch, and cruising a girl's bicycle with a wicker basket and a banana seat?

Shit, despite the embarrassment, even I think that's pretty funny.

Anyway, I mention all of this because BossLady and I have recently been discussing Halloween costumes for the Peanut. Last year's costume was perfect because she was so into "Annie." But this year, we're thinking of dressing her up in a costume solely for our own entertainment and we came up with an awesome idea. In fact, BossLady and I think the costume is so uproariously hilarious that we've completely lost perspective on the idea and can't stop giggling whenever we think about it. That's why we're turning to you, internet. Please give us your honest answer.

Is it funny or just plain wrong to dress the Peanut up as an underage Chinese Olympic gymnast?

An inquiring mind wants to know...

Comments

[Rich]

That's friggen hilarious, and the fact that your wife thinks so too, makes it even better.. great post!!

[sally]

won't it be a little too chilly to walk around NYC in just a leotard at the end of Oct?

[Hetha]

Oh PLEASE DO IT!!!

[Jake]

Haha :) But no need to dress them up like that. Wait a few years until they are of that age, then dress them up and ppl will still think they're underage!

Like me, in my 30s, but I STILL get carded... which actually feels great!

[defendUSA]

AW...I was going to say 10! Darn!
Just Do it!!

[Dimberly]

OMG YES! I read this on your Facebook update this afternoon and I have been giggling ever since. The Peanut has plenty of personality to carry this off as well - she'd be perfect!

[Estelle]

I think it would be a GREAT idea! Of course, the Peanut is MUCh prettier than any of those Chinese gymnasts.

[Soul]

Mwahahaha, how purely genius. Of course when Peanut grows up and detests her outfit and you for putting her in it, just tell her the internet told you to do it.

[Jacob]

I would expect nothing less from MD and the BossLady! Quite possibly the funniest kid's costume that I've ever even heard about.

[Ling]

Heck, I'm Chinese and I think it's hilarious!

[Sarah]

I think its hilarious =)

[Xdm]

Comedy gold. OLYMPIC comedy gold.

[moma3]

Pleeaaase do it!!! And you must post pictures. I think it's brilliant!

[Henry]

One day, my Korean-American son is going to look at photos of past Halloweens and curse his parents for dressing him up as Kim Jong-Il.

Needless to say, you have my blessings!

[Esther]

So funny! Do it! Do it! Do it!

[Nicole]

What a great idea for Halloween! I was thinking of having my older sons (6 & 4) go as Harry and Lloyd from "Dumb and Dumber".

I can relate to sick parenting rubbing off on kids. Just last week my 4 year old asked if I tooted. I told him no, that I didn't have to. He said, "Just pull your finger." Now THAT is a proud mommy moment, right there.

[Marnie]

The costume idea is hilarious. But honestly I loved that part of your post about how our society has become accustomed to blaming our parents for all our shortcomings. I love hearing your perspective on issues like that and would love to read an entire post on that subject alone. What do you say, MD?

[Thea]

Best. Costume. Idea. Ever!

[Chris]

Awesome!! I would totally give that kid extra candy. Some for her parents too!

[Karen]

Be sure to train her to say, "No, really, I was born in 1992!"

[~Amanda~]

Oh my gosh, DO IT!

[Lars]

OMG, my wife and are crying with laughter at the thought of Peanut dressed as an Olympic gymnast! You guys are the only ones with the balls to do it...so PLEASE do it! (and naturally, post all photos please!)

[Justine]

My husband always makes fun of me for being the most Politically Correct person he knows. And normally I'd be a little sensitive about the costume idea. But in all honesty? I think it's freaking hilarious!

[gina p]

TOTALLY FUNNY!

[croutonboy]

no brainer. funny. wrong, yes, but most extremely funny. don't forget to chalk her hands...

[Aurelia]

YES!!! DO IT!

Do it for all us Asian out there!

[Krista]

Please, MD, please you MUST do this!!

[Kate]

BRILLIANT.

Give her a little Chinese flag to hold as she walking around, or sew a patch onto the leotard. I think most people would get it then.

The best thing would be if the neighbours opened the door, saw a child who looked like an underage chinese gymnast, but they thought it was just a coincidence. Imagine them trying not to laugh, not knowing if it is polite to point it out, gleefully reporting the incident to all their friends afterwards, etc.

If anyone gets all uppy about it, get a little uppy in return, saying that your daughter simply wanted to dress up as a gymnast for Halloween, and you resent their implications. Maybe you could even work a "I suppose you think all Asians look the same!?" into the tirade. When they feel bad enough, you can walk around the corner and laugh and laugh.

The only downside I see to all this is how the costume would go in the October weather. However, even if it is too cold to carry out this enterprise, you MUST dress Peanut up as a gymnast in your home, if not soley for the purpose of posting photos on here.

[Paraic Hegarty]

Like all great jokes, it's funny and wrong at the same time. Go for it! On a practical note, though, how are you going to make sure she doesn't just look like a little Asian girl in a leotard?

[Joy Kim]

OMG, I am howling at the the thought of Peanut dressed as a gymnast. It's TOO funny, MD!

[Pattie]

Do it. It's topical, it's funny. And then share the pictures with us. :)

[iamspidermonkey]

totally funny! practically fell off my chair when i read the end of your post. hahhahahah!

[Brionna]

I think that idea is great, or if you can somehow figure a costume that shows she is the actual singer of the Olympics theme, and not the cute girl who did the lip-synching (or vice versa, your daughter is probably more like the cute version!)

[Kari]

LOL! Hilarious! I hope you don't mind, but I may just have to borrow your idea in a few years when my Laotian niece is old enough to trick or treat. =)

[Christine]

Don't forget to make a gold medal and the bouquet of red flowers to complete the look, she might even be asked to pose for photos or for her autograph.
Have fun and go for it!

[Sidney in Sydney]

Just wanted to say that the Peanut's "Annie" costume was awesome. She is too adorable for words. Can't wait to see this year's Halloween photos. I'm sure they'll be great.

[Pamela]

是

[Eric W]

GO FOR IT!

[shawna]

It's not wrong at all. It is freaking hilarious. I love it!

[VegasDad]

LOL. I think Peanut has a brilliant sense of humor. Well done.

[pixie sticks]

straight up funny.

[Kevin]

I let out the kind of outloud laugh that surprises you and makes your wife look at you funny. So yes, do it.

Can't wait to see the pictures!

[Monica]

I agree, you gotta do it. And post a ton of pictures.

[Michelle]

Genius. Pure genius.

[Ian]

Just THINKING about that costume makes me laugh. You've definitely got to do it, MD. Do it for your readers!

[MamaCarter]

F'ing brilliant. Love it.

[Brina]

FUNNY!

[Vicki]

Do it. It's too awesome to pass up the opportunity. Just make sure you tell people she's an underage chinese gymnast so they get it. And post lots of pics with her medals and flowers, etc...lol.

[Isabelle]

For all the headaches that toddlers give us, I think the least that we can expect in return are hugs, kisses, and the right to use them as comedy props. Rock on, MD! Do it.

[Linda]

It's awesomely inappropriate. I love awesomely inappropriate! Can't wait to see pics :)