Quick Poll: Children used solely for entertainment purposes

My constant need to amuse myself has caused me many problems over the years.

Like the time when the beautiful BossLady was 8 months pregnant. One night, as she was going through her closet and lamenting the fact that none of her clothes fit her anymore, she suddenly took a few steps backwards. Without even thinking, I started making the noise a NYC bus does when backing up. Beep! Beep! Beep! Sure, I slept on the couch that night and was in the doghouse for about a week but you can bet your ass I was giggling to myself the entire time.

Then, there was a time back in high school when I had a brilliantly absent-minded teacher who was constantly misplacing his belongings. It was so funny watching him get frustrated that whenever I walked by his classroom and saw that it was empty, I'd quickly run in and hide his lunch. Even when another teacher warned me not to do it again, I couldn't help myself. It was like an involuntary reflex. To this day, the mental image of him finding his lunch stuck inside a globe still cracks me up.

I find myself unconsciously doing this with my three-year-old daughter all the time.

Lately, the Peanut has been in non-stop question mode. Usually I'm fairly patient with her but sometimes I'm busy so I just reflexively snap off absurd answers to her without thinking. Last week, I stuck her in front of the television and put on "Free Willie" so I could get some work done. When she asked me what "Free Willie" was about, I hurriedly told her it was an updated morality play about two absurdly co-dependent friends: a boy who needs a whale and a whale who needs a boy.

I often forget the implications of speaking to her like that until we're out in public and I see her interacting with other people.

• Last week, one of our neighbors asked the Peanut what she wanted to be when she grew up. My daughter's deadpan reply?  "I'm going to be a greeter at Wal-Mart."

• When her little friends at school start dancing, the Peanut doesn't join them. Instead, she jumps in front of them and starts singing, "Shake shake shake, Shake shake shake, Shake your booty! Shake your booty!"

• And lately, whenever she has to go to the bathroom, she grabs a newspaper, sticks it under her arm, and announces to everyone that she's "going to the office." 

I have to admit that those things crack me up. Why wouldn't they? After all, in a simplistic way, aren't I merely putting my words into her mouth?

Don't get me wrong. There are times when I briefly worry about how my strange sense of humor is going to affect the Peanut. Will she be marked as "the weird chick" in high school? Will this cause her to be withdrawn and reclusive? Will that mean she'll have a hard time forming relationships and will never get married?

Then I remember how much I hate it when people blame their personal failures on their parents.

Quick side note: Is it me or have we become a country of ragged recidivists addicted to the belief that parents are to blame for all our personal shortcomings? This drives me insane. Too fat? Mommy must have mistakenly thought food was love. Anger issues? Daddy was always busy at work and didn't have enough time for you. Body issues? Blame it on that time Aunt Ruthie made you take a bath with her. Spare me!

Anyway, when it comes to passing on my sense of humor to the Peanut and using her as a form of entertainment, I've come to accept that when push comes to shove, I'm going to go with funny every single time.

After all, isn't one of the greatest benefits of parenthood being able to use our kids solely for entertainment purposes? How else can you explain the fact that my mother sent me to school having a bowl haircut, wearing green corduroys, packing smelly Korean food for lunch, and cruising a girl's bicycle with a wicker basket and a banana seat?

Shit, despite the embarrassment, even I think that's pretty funny.

Anyway, I mention all of this because BossLady and I have recently been discussing Halloween costumes for the Peanut. Last year's costume was perfect because she was so into "Annie." But this year, we're thinking of dressing her up in a costume solely for our own entertainment and we came up with an awesome idea. In fact, BossLady and I think the costume is so uproariously hilarious that we've completely lost perspective on the idea and can't stop giggling whenever we think about it. That's why we're turning to you, internet. Please give us your honest answer.

Is it funny or just plain wrong to dress the Peanut up as an underage Chinese Olympic gymnast?

An inquiring mind wants to know...

Comments

[LogicalMama]

Oh, I love that idea!! Totally hysterical! Go for it while you can... in a few years she's going to want to choose her own costumes.

[KD]

I think that is most awesomely funny.

But I have to say I'm also reminded of the big discussion over costumes on Rice Daddies last year, and have to wonder where this fits. Where is the line? Or am I now trying to be too overly sensitive?

[Bradley]

Is it funny? It's hilarious! Do it, MD and BossLady. And be sure to post photos!

[HapaDad]

I think it wouldn't be funny if the Peanut wasn't of Asian descent. But since she is, I think it's really funny.

[Ang]

Well let's see, I snorted tea up nose because I'm a s-l-o-w learner and still drink while I read your blog. SO yeah, FUNNY. Maybe a little wrong, but doesn't that make it even funnier?

[The Grocer]

Can't decide whether its funny or wrong but I know one thing she is going to freeze her ass off unless your in Florida.

[Captain Dumbass]

You, sir, are a genius. My kids are only half Asian, do you think I could still pull it off? They're male too, but that could pull in some pre-communist collapse Eastern Bloc laughs. I'm thinking by that time the Spiderman outfits we already bought them will have completely fallen apart from constant use.

[Amy]

Oh, that definitely falls squarely into BOTH categories! I can't decide. It is absolutely hilarious but yes, also kind of wrong. I think maybe funny wins, though...

[LFE Pooh]

Do it MD, and be sure to get her a bouquet of flowers and a few gold medals.

[Sebastian]

By all means, do it.

After all, with all the money we spend on our kids, we might as well get some entertainment out of it.

And in a year or two is going to be harder to convince her to do your silly costumes.

I tried to convince my 5yo daughter to dress as Sarah Palin (yes, I know, scary) but she failed to see the point.

[always home and uncool]

Better that than a crying little Mets fan.

[Kitchen Vixen]

FUNNY!!!

Photos, please!

[nikki]

See, I do learn something new every day. All this time I thought children were for fetching beer out of the refrigerator so you don't have to get your lazy ass up off the couch.

[Kate]

Why would that be wrong? Definitely go for it. I am laughing just thinking about having a tiny girl show up at my door and announce that she is a Chinese gymnast!
--I was ALWAYS a crying Cubs fan when I was little... I never had a say in that (nor did I understand it. It was just fun to dress up and get candy.) Hopefully my daughter won't have to be that this year...

[Rachel C]

FUNNY! Now I can't wait for the day after Halloween, when we get to see pictures!

[margalit]

If you do not do this, I will organize a campaign to never read MetroDad again. And I mean it. You MUST do this, and you must post many many pictures. Because this is the most hilarious idea I've heard of in years. Now, if only you could go trick or treating in ChinaTown. Double the comedy fun!

[Sugarplum's Mom]

so wrong.... but so funny...

[NG]

Oh my gosh, hilariously funny. Do it! Dooooo iiiiittt!!

(My daughter tells everyone she's going to be holding the slow sign on the side of the road when she grows up. Hmmm.... can't imagine where she got that.)

[Korpil]

I almost choked! Please, oh please do that!
Is the funniest idea I've heard in a long time!
We're dressing our 3yr old as a little devil, and I'm wondering she won't like that any second.

[RA]

Oh, my word, do it. No one will have any trouble identifying her, and the scare factor is enough for Halloween. Also, do you think you could put a reference in there somehow about how Peanut stole the gold medal from Nastia Liukin with the help of some IOC bureaucrats? Because that would be even more awesome.

[Pamela]

That is effing hysterical... you HAVE to do it! And post lots of pictures, including the neighbors' reactions once they figure it out.

[merseydotes]

Please be sure to get the makeup and hair right - the bright blue glitter eyeshadow and the taut, slicked-back bun with lots of barrettes.

[Rachel E.]

TOTALLY funny!

[3boys1mommy]

Something tells me you are to pretentious to be the father of the "weird kid". I like to believe that's our common thread.

As for the the costume, funny... but only if you can teach her to say "I'm an underaged Chinese gymnast, pa dump pish! Thank you folks I'll be here all week!"

[Papa Bradstein]

Funny, but nobody will get it. But do it while you can.

[Gwendolyn]

LOL...if you can get her to go for it, I'd do it! My kids have been insisting on choosing their own costumes since they could talk. I always wanted to do something fun like that, but princesses and superheros won out every time. Sigh.

[Jason B.]

That idea is hysterical! I think I'm going to have to steal that idea from you for our 5 y.o. Chinese-American daughter.

[Jefferson]

If I saw that Halloween costume on a little 3-year-old Asian girl, I think I would laugh my ass off for days. Great idea. Now you HAVE to do it!

[Trish]

Hilarious! Definitely do it.

[Lena]

She needs to carry around a fake birth certificate so people know what the costume is!

[Sleepynita]

DO IT!
I would empty all my candy out of the bowl for a kid dressed as an underage gymnast. Best. Idea. Ever.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

Best.Idea.Ever.

Ian also sings "Shake Your Booty" but he actually pulls down his pants to do it.

Charmed, I'm sure.

[Issa]

Nope, not mean at all. But I beg of you, post pictures. If she goes for it, enjoy it. When they take over choosing their own costumes, they want no input from you. Nata choose her own this year; I get to walk around with a pink unicorn for a kid. Then again, you could always just have another kid, it will buy you a few more years.

Somehow I bet Peanut will be a lot like you. I could be wrong, but I would put money on it.

[jeramy]

not wrong...hilarious. and the right of all parents. you'd better post the picture.

[alianora]

That is HYSTERICALLY wrong. I really hope you do it!

[Hope]

I guess it might be offensive to a few Chinese people but since you're Korean-American, I think you might get a free pass. Go for it!

[Laura]

without a doubt - FUNNY, funny, funny.

[ccr in MA]

I think it's hilarious. On the other hand, I don't have kids, so I haven't had to face up to the whole thought of "Am I warping my kid too much?"

Nah, it's funny. Do it.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

Triple. Dog. Dare.

With eyeshadow.

[kittenpie]

While that's totally cracking my shit up, I'm not sure if pople will get it. They may well just figure she's a gymnast (or, you know, tap dancer or figure skater, since all of those tend to wear the same kinds of hideous sparkly leotard thingumies). Still, YOU would know...

[NurseRachett]

My housemates could kill me for ruining the drama movie we're watching right now because I kept bursting out in laughter with this post!!! Please MD and BL dress her as the underage olympian!!!! teach her to throw her arms up in the gymnast dismount and feel free to post these pictures for us to see the end result!

Hope this year's Halloween is a great one!

[Mama Nabi]

I support this ONLY if we see pictures.

LN does the shake your booty dance as well. Mama is always PROUD when her baby shakes her booty.

[Amy]

Do it!

[Laura]

Oh, you SO have to do this! Its hilarious!

[Rattling the Kettle]

Definitely funny.

[W. Lee]

There's a very short window where you can pick your child's Halloween costume. That's why, last year, I dressed my 2-year-old twin sons as Siamese twins. The wife sewed two pairs of pajamas together and the costume worked perfectly. You should have seen the looks on people's faces.

[papa2hapa]

Funny. Wrong. Funny. Damn. Wrong?

The year Payne Stewart died, I wanted to dress up as him for Halloween. I had my knickers all picked out, but then the S.O. said it was in poor taste.

Do you think I could dress up as an overage Chinese gymnast? Peanut and I could be cross-nation co-trick-or-treaters.

[Erica Y.]

So wrong but so darn funny. You guys have to do it. PLEASE!

[Mary]

hahahha.. funny. i think?

[Black Hockey Jesus]

10!