Earlier today, my father-in-law finally lost his battle with cancer. Surrounded by loved ones, he took his last breaths on this world and moved on to a better one. No longer will he be besieged by the pain that defined his last weeks among us.
I cannot even begin to express how truly blessed I feel to have had him as a father-in-law. I loved him very deeply and he loved me too. Though we couldn't have been more different from one another, from the very first moment that we met, he embraced me into his family and loved me as if I were one of his own.
Although he was the strong, silent type, my father-in-law was one of the kindest and gentlest men I have ever known in my entire life. In a world defined by greed and chaos, he lived his life simply and honorably. Nothing gave him more pleasure in this world than his family, his God, and the church of fishing. My respect for him was immeasurable.
However, what I love and admire about him the most was his undying love for his wife. They had a lifelong love affair with one another that was magically romantic and one of the most beautiful things to witness on a daily basis. They were practically inseparable and their lives revolved around one another. BossLady and I frequently talked about how their marriage was an inspiration to the rest of us.
Sadly, my father-in-law's last days were filled with great pain. Although he could hear us, he was unable to communicate with us and could hardly move. His organs had begun shutting down and his body was emaciated from the ravages of the spreading cancer. Yet, the only stimuli that he would ever react to was the soothing voice of his wife.
Several days ago, we gently propped him up so that we could change his bedding. As his son and daughter held him, he surprised all of us by suddenly lifting himself forward so that he could gently kiss his wife on the lips and softly caress her back. It was the last act of a dying man. He used every remaining ounce of strength in his dying body so that he could lovingly express to her just how much he deeply loved her. It was one of the most beautiful and touching moments I've ever witnessed in my entire life and I'll never forget it for as long as I live. Just writing about it here brings me to tears.
It's true what they say. Love does conquer all.
Farewell, dad. We love you and will miss you forever. Though we're tormented by grief and saddened by our loss, we pray that you're finally at peace and we look forward to seeing you on the other side.
We inherit from our ancestors gifts so often taken for granted. Each of us contains within, this inheritance of soul. We are links between the ages, containing past and present expectations, sacred memories and future promises.---Edward Sellner
That was a really lovely tribute to your father-in-law. Having lost two grandparents in the last few months, both while surrounded with family in the last moments, this really hit home.
Posted by: Nicole | August 05, 2008 at 11:18 PM
My deepest condolences to BossLady (and the entire family.) Having lost my father to cancer last year, I think I can say that losing your father is one of the hardest things to endure in a woman's life. So much of our being is wrapped up in being "daddy's little girl" that it is almost unlike any other loss. My prayers are with all of you.
Posted by: Jessica M. | August 05, 2008 at 11:24 PM
my heart is with you and your family. may you find solace in each other.
Posted by: Jaymee | August 05, 2008 at 11:29 PM
All our thoughts are with your family, mon ami. If there is anything we can do here in DFW, let us know.
Posted by: Paul | August 05, 2008 at 11:29 PM
As has already been said, that was a beautiful tribute to someone who was obviously a great man. My sympathies to all of you at such a painful time.
Posted by: Maggie | August 05, 2008 at 11:31 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep your family in my prayers. I can't even imagine the day I'll lose my FIL. I love him so much. Peace to you and your family. Thank you for honoring his memory!
Posted by: Moxie Mama | August 05, 2008 at 11:32 PM
Thinking of you and your family and now I am heading in to kiss my loves one more time before bed. Our prayers are with the MetroDad family tonight.
Posted by: Brenda | August 05, 2008 at 11:39 PM
I'm so sorry for your pain and loss. We lost my wife's father to heart disease last year and we miss him each and every day. I'm sure your own FIL was greatly comforted being surrounded by loved ones during his final days. My deepest condolences.
Posted by: Brent | August 05, 2008 at 11:39 PM
I'm crying as I write this, MD. My in-laws also have one of those rare love affairs with one another that you don't often see anymore. It's so beautiful to watch. They ARE each other's lives. The biggest fear I have is one of them passing. I can't imagine the grief that Bosslady's mother must be feeling now. My prayers are with her and the rest of your family.
Posted by: Jo Kim | August 05, 2008 at 11:43 PM
I just wanted to let you know that my thoughts are with you during this hard time. There are no words that can take the pain away. Please know that my family and I are sending you our heartfelt care.
Posted by: Denise | August 05, 2008 at 11:48 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and Boss Lady and your family. You have written a beautiful tribute to your Father-in-Law and I'm deeply touched by the fondness and respect your relationship exemplifies.
Posted by: Sara in San Diego | August 05, 2008 at 11:53 PM
My deepest condolences to you and your family. Your post had me in tears and the vision in my mind of your father-in-law kissing his wife one last time will stay with me a long time. We can only all be so lucky to have such a love...
Posted by: Croft | August 05, 2008 at 11:57 PM
This is beautiful, and at the same time painful to read. I am so, so sorry for your loss. My condolences to Boss Lady and her (and your) entire family.
Posted by: halfmama | August 05, 2008 at 11:58 PM
Sending my deepest condolences. You captured your father-in-law's spirit so well. And I wholeheartedly agree that cancer sucks. I fucking hate it.
Posted by: Julie | August 06, 2008 at 12:01 AM
I'm so sorry that he is gone. He sounds like a truly remarkable man. I am also incredibly touched by his gesture of love towards his wife and am inspired by the story more than I can express in words. Please extend my condolences to your wife.
Posted by: momomax | August 06, 2008 at 12:07 AM
I am so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: LeeAnn | August 06, 2008 at 12:07 AM
My deepest condolences to all of you. Cancer has taken so many loved family members from me. It's the cruelest loss of all. I'll pray for for all of you tonight.
Posted by: Pearl | August 06, 2008 at 12:08 AM
FUCK YOU CANCER!
Posted by: Chad | August 06, 2008 at 12:09 AM
I'm so sorry. That last kiss pretty much did me in with its beauty. How wonderful that you all had such a man in your lives.
Posted by: mamacita | August 06, 2008 at 12:11 AM
Oh, Pierre, I was so sorry to hear this. Please give my condolences to BossLady as well. One of my mother's best friends passed away yesterday from ovarian cancer; I like to think she and your father-in-law are somewhere together, knocking back a cold one and laughing. Maybe he's telling her all about fishing.
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | August 06, 2008 at 12:13 AM
Your praise of your FIL is deeply touching. I'm sure he would love to have heard this. His romantic last gesture to his wife had me in tears. He sounds like a great man. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Lisa K. | August 06, 2008 at 12:21 AM
I am so sorry. This a beautiful post and a great tribute. BossLady, Peanut and yourself are in my thoughts today.
Posted by: Sassy | August 06, 2008 at 12:23 AM
What a beautifully written tribute to a special man. My view of heaven is this: Your father-in-law is spending his time truly reliving every kiss, every mundane happy day with his wife, every special occasion, every bit of love he experienced while on earth.
Posted by: Lisa C | August 06, 2008 at 12:29 AM
I'm so sorry for your and Boss Lady's loss. My thoughts are with you all.
Posted by: Issa | August 06, 2008 at 12:30 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your voice has always been one of love and support for your entire family, including your father in law. This is a lovely tribute to him, and something that will help the Boss Lady and Peanut through their sadness.
Posted by: margalit | August 06, 2008 at 12:32 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Until you meet again...
Posted by: Marlo | August 06, 2008 at 12:36 AM
MD,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I have been through very similar circumstances in losing my father-in-law to cancer, and I also felt very truly blessed that I was able to know him and considered him a very dear friend and mentor. May God bless you and your family, lift you up and support you through your loss, and I pray you will find comfort in the reassurance that he is in a better place and you will meet again.
God bless,
Kevin
Posted by: Kevin | August 06, 2008 at 12:42 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. Your post is a lovely tribute. Thank you for sharing your father-in-law with us.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | August 06, 2008 at 12:43 AM
Although it's difficult today to see beyond the sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow. BossLady and her family are in our prayers tonight.
Posted by: Elyse | August 06, 2008 at 12:46 AM
My condolences and prayers are with you, your wife, and family. What a beautiful tribute. I'm sure you know how lucky you were to have a fantastic father-in-law. How great that he was able to express his love to his wife before he moved on to a better place. God bless you all.
Posted by: Daddy Dan | August 06, 2008 at 12:47 AM
Your father-in-law sounds like he was a wonderful man. My condolences to you and your family. You are in my prayers.
Posted by: mommyknows | August 06, 2008 at 12:49 AM
What a beautiful tribute to your FIL. It's awful to see someone you love in such pain, and how sad that he won't get to see the Peanut grow up. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted by: Rachel/ weigook saram | August 06, 2008 at 12:49 AM
MD, I have been a lurker on your blog for several years. I've read your past posts about being held hostage, about losing one of your best friends on 9/11, and now, losing your FIL to cancer. Your ability to strive to see the beauty in life and view it with the proper perspective has been an inspiration to me. I'm so deeply sorry for your loss and my deepest condolences go out to BossLady and her entire family.
Posted by: Jermaine | August 06, 2008 at 12:50 AM
That post brought tears to my eyes. Your fater in law was just as lucky to have you all in his life as you are to have had him. I wish your family the best during this time of healing.
Posted by: Talking Budgie | August 06, 2008 at 12:51 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts will be with you and your family.
Posted by: AmericanFamily | August 06, 2008 at 01:01 AM
What a beautiful moment. Sorry for your loss.
Posted by: Whit | August 06, 2008 at 01:05 AM
Our deepest sympathies to all of your family. Sounds like your FIL was a wonderful man. We will keep y'all in our prayers.
Posted by: | August 06, 2008 at 01:06 AM
He sounds like an amazing man and an inspiration. I'm so sorry for all of you.
Posted by: Lunasea | August 06, 2008 at 01:11 AM
Oh, I am so sorry. Thank you so much for sharing this about him.
Please know that I truly mean it when I say that my thoughts and prayers are with BossLady, you and your family.
Posted by: Busy Mom | August 06, 2008 at 01:14 AM
An absolutely beautiful tribute to your FIL. I send my deepest condolences to you, your wife, Peanut and your family.
Posted by: erma | August 06, 2008 at 01:15 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you all.
Posted by: Stella | August 06, 2008 at 01:16 AM
Once again, I find it refreshing to see a Korean-American man so unabashedly in touch with his emotions. Being raised in a Korean-American household with four macho older brothers, I can't imagine any of them writing anything as touching as what you've expressed here.
This is a wonderful tribute to your father-in-law, MD. Please convey my deepest condolences to the bosslady.
Posted by: Jemima | August 06, 2008 at 01:19 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss and your family's loss.
Posted by: Bree | August 06, 2008 at 01:23 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss... this was a beautiful tribute.
Posted by: Bree | August 06, 2008 at 01:24 AM
Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted by: Estelle | August 06, 2008 at 01:25 AM
I am so sorry for your family's loss. My condolences.
Posted by: Megan | August 06, 2008 at 01:38 AM
My condolences.
It's good that he had the chance to meet his grand kids, and vice versa. I personally only have a very vague recollection of my paternal grandpa, only the image of always looking up to him, since he was a 6 footer (for a Chinese man) and I was only 5 when he passed away.
We are making sure my kids now know their grand parents, on both sides.
Posted by: JLow | August 06, 2008 at 01:43 AM
My deepest sympathies to you and your family Metrodad. Such a beautiful and amazing tribute to your father-in-law.
Posted by: Procrastamom | August 06, 2008 at 01:56 AM
Oh, MD, BossLady. I'm so sorry. Your father-in-law's love for his wife - that last act of love you described - brought me to tears.
You three are in my prayers.
Posted by: Nina | August 06, 2008 at 02:13 AM
Those are some beautiful words. A Lovely tribute to your Father-in-Law. He is just as proud of all of you, as you know it already. Tears rolled down as I read your tribute to him.
Posted by: Spontaneous Mini | August 06, 2008 at 02:22 AM