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April 16, 2008


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The funniest thing my kid has ever said: Sunday night, my living room.

Me: Max, want to eat dinner and take a bath?

Max: (very thoughtfully) No...

Me: Really? What do you want to do?

Max: I want to ride with Jesus.

Me: (stunned silence.)


In the car, listening to the radio, my (then) 2 year old pipes up with,

"What the hell are we listening to?"

Rob O.

- Jean Louisa Kelly (a.k.a. "Kim Warner" on CBS' Yes, Dear has gotta be the all-time hottest TV mom - but second only to Minnie Driver. It's not that I'm so much drawn to her "Dahlia Malloy" character on The Riches, but I just have this inexplicable lust for Minnie Driver in general.

- Kristy Lee Cook really has gone to an all-time low, hauling out every trick in the book - short of developing credible talent and a tolerable personality - to keep herself afloat in this season's American Idol. I simply cannot fathom how she is still on there yet Michael Johns is not.

Carly Smithson is the best of the remaining girls, by far. I'm hoping that David Cook wins and David Archuleta slinks off into c-grade boy band obscurity, only to resurface at some cheesy amusement park in 10 years sporting the same pouty (allergy-driven?) face but with a paunchy gut.

- I was literally stunned for like half an hour when Jill Hennessy's character "Claire Kincaid" was killed on Law & Order. It was so out of the blue and occurred at the end of such a somber episode. Truly, this was 10-11 years ago (I think) and it still sticks with me.


My son, the other day, trying to get past a little girl in his way says, VERY politely....

"Excuse me, bitch, can I get by?"

I swear I have no idea how he learned that context!


Our friend sang "sister christian" at our wedding reception, and he was AWESOME. Best wedding present ever.


My hubby is a pollster. Try going to a cocktail party with him this year: "Oooh, so who's going to be the next president?" People, if he knew the answer to that question, we wouldn't be at your crappy party - we'd be driving our yacht in circles around our private island.

But thanks for your tip. I'll invest in some sorbet shirts.


I detest cursing. However I will admit to having a little bit of road rage. I didn't realize how bad things had gotten until I was driving my mother and son around town. After a close call in a parking lot, my son yelled out, "learn how to drive, a-hole!" My mother's jaw dropped and I was completely mortified.


Oh, and perfect example of adoration and claim to fame for one role is everyone who fell for Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano, from My So Called Life. As one person on Jezebel said just the other day, he's totally still getting laid from that one role.


I always had a thing for Angela Bower ("Who's the Boss?")


Overheard between a little Hindu girl and a Muslim boy around age 8-9 in the school bus (I'm from Malaysia, btw)

HinduG: Oh... I cannot eat beef
MuslimB: Why can't you eat beef?
HinduG: Because cow is my God. I cannot eat my God.
MuslimB: Hahaha (acting like a bully) That's so stupid. Why are there people who belief that a cow is their God? Hahaha...
HinduG: I don't know why. My mom tells me that. So why don't you eat pork? Are pigs your God?
MuslimB: (stunned silence)

No offense here... I just think it's very funny


My wife and I jokingly had that "free pass" conversation a few weeks ago. Want to know who she picked? John Krasinski from The Office!

There's a part of me that's disappointed in her taste in men and makes me wonder what she thinks of my looks. I wouldn't have been surprised if she picked George Clooney or Johnny Depp. But John Krasinski? Give me a break!

Rattling the Kettle

Clair Huxtable was a lawyer.


Haha! Loved your line about Kristy Cook invading Iraq. We're not big fans of hers either. She's no Carrie Underwood!


Her: Daddy, I peed!
Me: Where? [hoping for "in the potty seat," not "in my pull-up"]
Her: On my butt!


John Krasinski? Heck, yeah! I'd take him over George Clooney or Johnny Depp any day.


It takes a brave man to publicly admit that he went to a Ricky Martin concert. Bravo, MD. Bravo.

I've got a guy fashion question for you. At what age must a guy stop wearing cargo pants? I love wearing them but my wife says I'm way too old to be wearing them. I'm 42. What do you think?


I beg to differ - my parents are BOTH hippie architects.

Rachel E.

Drive home from school last week:

Me: How did your math test go?

Her: Good. It was easy. Ms. Wilder was out because her mom is having surgery.

Me: Oh? So you had a sub?

And my even-tempered, never-seen-her-really-angry, sweet-hearted, soft-spoken, 11 year old daughter says to me in the most disgusted tone of voice:

Yeah, SHE was one big ray of sunshine.

I almost wrecked the car laughing so hard.


When my oldest daughter was around three, we had to stand by her door at bedtime and implore her again and again and again every night to "get back in bed!" Each time she'd quietly sit up, look around for observers and then sneak across her carpet to the doorway. We'd always be there around the corner to crow, "Ashley, get back in bed!"

One night after many rounds of this, my husband put her in bed again and she shook her tiny fist in his face and yelled:


(...and oh how we've paid, for thirteen more years so far)

Alison B.

I told my co-workers over lunch about your selections for hottest TV mom. We all kind of agreed with your picks but then we started thinking about hot TV dads from shows when we were growing up.

We couldn't think of a single one! No way Steven Keaton or Cliff Huxtable make the list. Maybe Jason Seaver but he was kind of annoying. The hottest one we could think of was Uncle Jesse from "Full House."


Funny/not so funny comment: "Dada, what 'douchebag' mean?" *cue death stare from wife*

Memorable tv: Show was Midnight Caller (1988) Gary Cole as Jack 'Nighthawk' Killian as an ex-cop who quit after accidentally shooting his partner (yeah, original, I know). Episode where some crazy stalker chick at the end of the show points a revolver at him, he shoots her, goes over, picks up the gun, and it cuts to him looking through the empty chambers of the .38.

Don't ask why I still remember this shit.


Hey MD:

Kudos on Clair Huxtable! She was totally out of Bill's league.

Anyway, one funny thing my kiddos has said:

We were on a flight from Oakland to Long Beach, and when the plane touched down and every passenger jumped up to grab their stuff, the middle-aged man sitting directly in front of me started emitting the most foul odor: farts farted into the seat cushion, trapped between the seat cover and his polyester pants for 2 hours, suddenly set free to wander around.

It was rank. Within a few seconds, people from several rows away started wrinkling their noses and groaning. I think I saw a couple people gagging. My three-year-old son tugged at my sleeve and said, in his not-quite-inside voice, "Mama, it smells." I ignored him, since I didn't want to embarrass the guy, who clearly had a GI problem, but he kept repeating himself. I finally murmured something about how we all smell it, thank you for informing us, when he suddenly shouted:


I was mortified, but everyone within earshot (and noseshot) started laughing uproariously. Even the man smiled, albeit sheepishly.


The Cosby Show was must-see TV in our house for many years. Being African-American, I think my parents were both stunned and elated that there was a show about a normal upper middle class black family airing on national television. It also probably explains why I had the biggest crush on Phylicia Rashad when I was growing up. In fact, my wife bears a striking resemblance to her. Don't tell her I said that though!


Wow... for kid comments, I have to go with the time Sweet Pea and I walked into a grocery store, saw this HUGE (I mean, really, seriously obese) man wearing overalls with no shirt. (Side note: Mmmm, what's for dinner?) As I attempted to haul her to the dairy aisle, she started saying at the top of her voice, "Mommy, that man is not wearing a shirt! I see his NIPPLES! He should put on a shirt! We only show our nipples at HOME!"


For the Uncle's little guy, I recommend switching him over to saying "Gotta see a man about a horse." My dad used that and it only confused me the first seven hundred times cause I thought he was actually going to go get me a pony. Finally.

OTR sister

My two year old daughter: "A boy hit me. I need a drink."

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

Neither was an original member? How could they call themselves "Tears for Fears"?

Angie in Texas

when AM was 15-17 months old, she'd "hide" and ask "mommy, where is me?!"

Me: JC, what are you doing?
JC: sniffing the cat's butt. (DUH!)

my BF has a crush on Lois from Family Guy

La Belle Helene

Small correction: Claire Huxtable wasn't a doctor. She was a lawyer. Cliff was on OBGYN.


one of my first-grade students came up to me last week and said "My gallbladder really hurts." If he didn't look so pitiful, I would've laughed like crazy!

Elizabeth Hosto

My son (3 years old) trying to put on his socks the other day falls back on his butt and announces to me "Mom, I have issues." I also got my first "I love you too, Momma" at bed time last week, as my heart starts to melt and a tear comes to my eye I hear "Hey I have two barking spiders on my butt!". I loved your stepping on a duck post, I can totally relate!


Am I the only person who gets the Redneck vibe from Paula Deen?


Dude, it's Fitzwilliam Darcy. Colin Firth was hot way before P&P, but that one clinched it. Can't explain it. It's just a force of nature.


my 4 year old daughter said to me "Mommy, NOBODY expects the Spanish inquisition!" I had no idea her father was showing her Monty Python. It was hilarious.

Next thing you know she'll be saying "it's merely a flesh wound" or "bring me your shrubbery".


Hey MD! I didn't read through all the comments, so sorry if someone has already mentioned that Claire Huxtable was actually a lawyer, not a doctor. But yes, hot lawyer, so you're still good. Also, thanks for the restaurant recs. I asked for a few weeks ago! I ended up eating at Dervish in midtown (47th and something) with my I-banker friend who worked around the corner, St. Alps tea room (with my college aged cousins near NYU), and Dos Caminos (upper east side with college best friend). All were great! I still have your recs. for next time (everyone else thankfully knew where they wanted to go this time around)!


Old School favorite sexy TV mom: Kate Jackson on Scarecrow & Mrs. King.

Best jaw-dropping TV moment:

119th minute of 2 hour season-ender of Magnum PI when Thomas Magnum shoots unarmed Ivan, the Russian spy. "Did You See the Sunrise This Morning?"


Overheard in the check out line at Toys R Us (the kid could not be more than 4 yrs old) "Ohmygod auntie, that doll is sooo fucking cute!!"


My 4 year-old son yells "butt!" at the most inappropriate times. His favorite words are "butt, butt crack, and fart", a typical male. He was mad at his baby bro. the other day and told me to get rid of him. As he tried to pry my mouth open, he said "make him small so that you can eat him and he goes back in your tummy!". I cracked up really hard.
p.s. That's cool that you want to be a stay @ home daddy! You'd be great! You'd also be begging to go back to work so that you can at least have your coffee in peace......


COLIN FIRTH: I watched the BBC's Pride and Prejudice when i was 12 and fell in love with Colin and my adoration has never waned.

DIAMONDS: I did a thesis on the diamond trade and those synthetic diamonds may be made in the laboratory in 2 - 4 weeks but they are composed of the same material as a natural diamond so that's why they are so close to the real thing yet much cheaper. I would highly recommend it as it is also environmentally and ethically responsible.

Sandra D

When my granddaughter was 2, she ran around the house frantically one night while hollering, "Where asswipe? Where asswipe?"

My husband and I collapsed into a fit of helpless laughter before finally determining that she wanted her Fisher-Price tiger flashlight.

Sylvia Ta

My son's pediatrician is Nigerian by way of the Netherlands. A few days ago, my 3.5 year old son was in her office. When he saw her, he smiled, pointed to her and said softly "you have a chocolate face." She didn't hear him and asked him what he said. He decided not to repeat it. So she asked me what he said. Embarrassed, I quickly said that he was telling her he had chocolate on his face earlier.

Michelle Ho

From my 1-year-old son who was sitting on hubby's lap while I was driving:



The karaoke stuff is EXTREMELY helpful.

But how could you diss June Cleaver? I have little... well, I don't want to call them fantasies, but I just like imagining that she and Ward were a hot couple.


Yay! Kristy Lee Cook got voted off Idol.


The ABC's, according to my 2-year-old:



Funniest Thing I've Heard a Child Say:
I'm eighteen years older than my youngest brother. On a visit home from school he was digging through my things and came across my shell-toes. After a thorough inspection:
Little Dude: D-el (His butchered version my name)? Why does “’didas” start with an “A”?

Dyar Baby Momma (aka Kelly)

I'm relaying a comment my boss told me his son made when he was 3. (My 8 month old isn't quite speaking yet). I should preface this by saying my boss & his wife are quite into wine. One day while drinking his chocolate milk, the 3 year old said "I think this needs to breathe...". Cracks me up everytime I think about it!


Hi MD, first time poster, long time lurker here.

For the Out of the Mouths of Babes file, my Miss3 has had a couple of beauties.

Miss 3 had been playing with a castle set which had numerous accessories and her Dad picked up a piece and said to her "oh look, can you say pavillion Piper?" She gave him a deadpan look and said "Can you say tent Daddy?"

We have a six week old daughter and her Dad was changing her nappy and she wasn't enjoying it. Miss3 looked from screaming baby to her Father and commented (while pointing from baby to Daddy) "I don't think Madison likes you Daddy."

the mama bird diaries

Crap. I don't look good in romantic pastels and sorbet tones.

Kimberly's scar on Melrose place scared the hell out of me. I could never even watch her on Desperate Housewives. Just never got over it.


Last night, my 3-year-old son busted out this gem:

Boy: "I'm gonna teach the new baby how to make a pee-pee."

Me: "How will she do that?" (full disclosure: my daughter is 3 weeks old)

Boy: "She's gotta hold down her junk."

Me: stunned laughter

Boy: "Wait. She doesn't have junk. She has a gina."

I damn near died.

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