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October 29, 2007


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Andrea B.



Silly man, that's why Disney gave us Mulan.

Kate C.

Do you have to be white to be Cinderella? Only if you want a job at Disney World.

And Peanut clearly has better things to do with her time than Magic Kingdom Parade malarkey.

I say tiara 'er up and let 'er roll.

Lisa V.

Your daughter must be taking stubborn lessons from my son. 25 minute battle this morning over putting on his winter jacket. I almost kiled myself.

JJ Daddy-O's Baby Momma

Ah, time for the mystical power of the Wooden Spoon Spanking - or at least the threat, combined with the sound of the kitchen drawer opening.


You think three is bad? Wait until she's older! That's when they start trying to manipulate YOU.


I know your pain. I've never made so many pretend calls to Santa in my life.


Pretend calls to Santa? That's the greatest idea I've ever heard, JAMom! I'm totally using that one tonight.


Funny, I was drafting a post with "Love is a Battlefield" as title just last week... 3 years old, you say? Yup.

The only two I can see there that you could win hands down with little effort are the sweater and the remote. The first - simple. We don't leave and go to the park without it. Period. The second - dude, she's still short. Put it up high. Otherwise, yeah, I'm with you. You can try, but it'll be ongoing. And fucking draining.


dude, you're on your own... i wouldn't want to get on the peanut's bad side... GO TEAM PEANUT!


I'll pass on Survivor: Tribeca. As great as it sounds though, I'd love to see it on TV.

There comes a point when they start to listen a bit more. I think it's around 6ish. That's a guess really, but I hear it's pretty right on.


You've got to be careful, though, of Random Obedience to Strangers - could cost you big if the peanut decided that she had a contrary point to prove. ;)

My Pretend Callee

I tell my sons our current babysitter is teaching them how to behave well enough, so we need a replacement- Supernanny.

Carol Snider

Two words: tea party.

(Give in to that, body, mind and spirit -- that's the clincher -- and she'll give in to you.)


Jen @ amazingtrips

You come over here and rule my three year old triplets and I'll come over there any day of the week and thrice on Sunday. I'll even throw in a mega sized bottle of Advil and a decanter of blue label 200th Anniversary, for FREE. If you can get the triplets potty trained and our 3-month old to sleep through the night, I'll even fly you over to Scotland for a tour of Kilmarnock.


Basil and I watched The Exorcist on Saturday night, and on Sunday Petunia had one of her most major meltdowns ever. I kept waiting for her to call for an old priest and a young priest, but maybe it was just the power of suggestion...


If you find out where Peanut hid the remote, let me know. I haven't seen ours in weeks.


What is it with toddlers and eating boogers? Our daughter doesn't automatically stuff anything else in her mouth, and yet somehow she got the idea that snot is something that she should eat. And she always announces it, like a challenge for us to stop her.


I thought 3 was one of the most difficult ages and mine are now 37 and 33. And I have an Asian granddaughter who has 'hair as black as ebony, skin as white as snow and lips as red as cherries' so I guess you wouldn't have to be white to be Cinderella either.

Paige Jennifer

See, I read this post and think - wow, that was the cheapest form of birth control I've ever experienced.

SciFi Dad

The solution to your problem is in your own post, my brother in toddler-battle: just as the Dolphins cannot aspire to actually win a game, you cannot win this war. You can only survive, and try to set realistic goals. I would view your weekend as:

Peanut lived through the weekend: Yep.
Peanut was fed and housed: Yep.
Peanut enjoyed herself: Yep.

3 for 3... you're batting 1.000 (and yes I am aware I just mixed sports metaphors... you deal with pink eye and a viral cold and see what you come up with).


Dude, we don't know Shakespeare, how are we supposed to know Benatar?


i think someone needs to start a "parents of toddlers" support group. amazing how it can be so wonderful and frustrating all at the same time, isn't it?


Actually, I think TomKat may win the award for parents who most spoil their child. But then again, this may go for every Scientologist couple. Of course, this may all be anecdotal and/or hearsay, but when I read about Scientology parenting techniques, I thought, "Oh God, that is going to be one spoiled brat."
Anyway, you have to pick and choose your battles. Are those the ones you really care about? Well, maybe the finger up the nose and maple syrup on the face, but I think you know how to keeps things in perspective so you know not to sweat the small stuff.


How about if we trade? I bet I can get the Peanut to put on a sweater faster than you can get the Potato to get his sneakers on.

Julie H

We have an asian Little Mermaid, Cinderella, Belle or Sleeping Beauty around here every night. Just depends on what dress she puts on. Our motto is "you don't have to be blond to be Cinderella"

Yeah and we are going to Disney in Jan of 2008 and I cannot even begin to count the number of times we have threatened to call Cinderella when the princess is acting foolish. Not sure who we'll call once Jan has come and gone.

Jen @ amazingtrips

After a particularly bad dinner experience, I had to come back and see if you'd taken me up on my offer. Yeah, I thought not.

Now who's the Wussie?!


keeping score again.

I'm still stuck in 18 month old world. my battles, either greater or smaller, are just different. However, when it comes to your daughter, I bet I'd be more succesful in some of the cateogries, but only because I've noticed that toddlers tend to put on their best face with strangers. At least that's what we're experiencing.

so in my fantasy, I'm a million bucks richer. thanks dude


I live in bourbon territory. I'm gonna need it.

Nicolette Tallmadge

Stop eating boogers huh? Look on the bright side...at least she doesn't use them to decorate the wall like my nephew does.


My two year old has been so incredibly difficult since she had colick at 6 weeks. I don't think it truly ever went away. What is truly vexing is that she is a perfect angel at daycare and the teachers are always silently judging me when I make her march into a corner at school when we have had a particularly rough commute (it's only 10 minutes!)

Oh, and booger eating? Puleeze--she picks all of our noses. She also grabs all of our butts and has taken to washing her hands in the toilet. I don't think I will survive her third birthday.


You're the only blogger I know who could link Nietzsche and Pat Benatar in the same post!

the other amy

I might have to take you up on your offer.
I managed to get my twins to age 19 without killing anyone or causing any residual therapy issues yet. I'm sure I could handle a weekend with Peanut.
The plus side would be that I've never been to New York and this would be my big chance. I'd get to see all the things worth licking in the Big Apple. Peanut could stick with random shoes and train poles and perhaps I'll be able to find Chris Meloni or Jesse Martin somewhere.


This post was so timely. I am struggling with my 2yrold son and many of these same issues (leave the dog alone! Where is the remote? You have to put on a jacket to go outside! Why did you swallow that quarter? -- yup, true.)

Wish I could make it as funny as you, but I'm grateful for the good laugh I get from your writing each time.


What is with the damn licking? It's driving me mad!


wow so much to look forward to! can't wait to have kids now... :)


Lucky she's so darn cute, MD!


Hey, what‘s wrong with being German? As a matter of fact I am. Living in Hamburg, married to a crazy Korean and mom of two little girls.


What is the point spread on next weekends Metro-Dad/Peanut game? I might wager a few bucks on it.


dude, didn't you know that eating boogers strengthens the immune system? (yes, I am serious, and yes, people have studied this....ewwww)

Cindy can be whatever color she wants to be...Screw Walt and his "ideal" woman!


Two words.... Apple. Tree

Papa Bradstein

You're still doing better as a parent than my fantasy football team is.

I swear that 3B reads your blogs to get behavior tips from the Peanut. He does almost all of those things. Here's my idea to stop both of them at once--I'll bring 3B up for Survivor: Tribeca, and then you and I will spend the weekend telling them to lick everything in sight, rub food all over everything, pester the dog incessantly, and run outside naked all they want. Eventually, they'll sense our approval and rebel against it, and they'll end up doing what we want on their own.

And if that doesn't work, knowing what I have to look forward to, and knowing that you're used to dealing with all of this, maybe we could work something out before I left--how would you like your second child to be an adorable red haired boy?


At least she'll have a tough immune system built up by the time she hits kindergarten.

With the sweater, two ideas come to mind.

1. She doesn't leave home unless & until she puts her sweater on (try this only if you really don't want to go anyway, but she REALLY wants to go).

2. Let her be cold and suffer the real consequence of not putting her sweater on. My 5-yr-old went to school without his jacket on this morning, and, surprise, he was cold.

Working Dad

Let's see the battles I lose just about every day with my four-year-old: You can't wear shorts. (It's a constant even when it's nearing 30 degrees.) Go to bed. Wake up. Don't push your sister. Don't throw her doll...
Forget it, the list is too long.


this is one battle u r going to loose...isnt that great to know?


Try sticking your fingers up her nose when she's sleeping :D

The sweater thing - usually all it takes is an outing and she's cold.

The dog thing - don't know much about dogs, but if the dog didn't like it, he'd let her know.

The booger thing - helping the immune system? hmmm, not commenting on that one (wonders why my daughter has so many colds then)

The remote - we have a TV free house, can't help ya there either

Maple syrup? errr not sure about this one either, sorry


Where do I sign up? Having 4 kids, they know mommy doesn't mess around! I have to run a tight ship around here otherwise I'd lose every single hair on my head from pulling it!

It's funny you posted that question about Cinderella. I worked at Stride Rite (kids' shoes store) in HS, and I was putting this nice pair of shoes on for this kid who was maybe 4. I asked where he was going with those shoes and he replied "Disney World" and I asked "can I come along?" (small chit chat w/the customers) and he replied "No, only white people can go!" I was so speechless as the Mom who was sitting beside him said "oh, I don't know where he got THAT from!" Yeah right!!

Audubon Ron

EM-EM, nope, not me, you da man!@


Wait until she's a teenager. These little battles may end up evolving into an all-out war!



Get yourself a small dry erase board that you can hang somewhere in the kitchen. Make a days of the week graph on it with slots for two strikes and then slots for three beloved Peanut items. The first two "beloved" items may not really be all that beloved but make sure that the third item is a can't live without it item. (At my house it was the loved to a skanky mess of a pink bunny.) Sit Peanut down with the graph and tell her that everytime she commits an infraction (think finger up either nose..yours or her) she's going to get a strike. The first two strikes are warning shots, when you get to the third stike you will remove 1st beloved item, fourth strike... oops there goes the second beloved item, fifth strike and this is the killer...there goes the most beloved item of all. On the other side of it Peanut can get strikes removed for good behavior like handing you the remote for safekeeping. Trust me this works and works fast because she'll see that you mean business and she's really going to hate losing her stuff. Her items are not lost forever but they should spend a day or two on a closet shelf cooling off before they are returned. p.s. the little diva at my house never did have to hand over that mess of a pink bunny.

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