Dear Andy,
It's been six long years since your life was tragically cut short. Sometimes it seems the nightmare of 9/11 was just yesterday. Other times, it feels like a million lifetimes ago. I know I say that to you every year but, for some reason, the passing of time is hitting me harder this year.
I think it's because when I look in the mirror these days, I see a man in his late 30's with a wonderful wife and a lovely daughter. I see a man who has a serious job, a serious apartment, and a seriously large mortgage. And while these truly are the happiest days of my life, the job of life itself is much more serious now.
Yet, in my memory, you'll always be that beautiful, carefree, fun-loving, 30-year-old young man. The one who called all of us every morning to see what we were doing that night. The one whose voice could cheer me up whenever I was feeling down. The one who loved life more passionately than most anyone I've ever known.
Maybe the passing of time has helped heal some of the wounds of losing you at such a young age. Now, when I'm walking down the street and something reminds me of you, I can actually smile about it. Or I'll call Kyle up so we can laugh about it together. I guess that's progress. Ever since you passed away, whenever something reminded me of you, my eyes would well up with tears and my heart would get a little heavier.
I still miss you terribly, Andy, and I think about you all the time. Every year, I hope and pray that the pain of losing you lessens to some degree. I'm not sure whether that's true or not. All I know is that the pain never completely goes away. Life, for all of us, just isn't the same without you.
As for our crew of friends (whom you always lovingly referred to as "la famiglia"), life has taken all of us on different paths. As a group, we don't see each other nearly as much as we should. Maybe it's because we're all getting older and are busy with our own lives. But really, I think it's because you were always the glue that held us all together.
Most of the time, the only times we're ALL together is when a new child is born or it's someone's birthday. And although, during those occasions, we're often surrounded by other people, we always take a quiet moment to separate ourselves from the pack to honor your memory and grieve over how much we miss you. More than once, people have looked strangely at this group of 4-5 men hugging in a corner with tears in their eyes, raising a glass in your honor. You'll always be with us, Andy.
Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget. How could I ever forget all the great memories I have of you, Andy? It's impossible. I'll remember them as long as I live.
A wise man once told me that the best parts of a person's life consists of his friends and the memories that you forge together during a lifetime. That wise man was you, Andy. How prescient you were.
I miss you terribly, my friend. Every year on 9/11, I swear that I'm not going to cry, mourn or bury myself in a bottle of scotch. Unfortunately, ever year, I end up failing miserably. But this year, I think I'm finally ready to mourn you by celebrating the amazing love you had for life. I know that's what you would have wanted.
And more than anything, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. I always have and I always will.
Rest in peace, Andy.
Love always,
Your friend Pierre
I was wondering if you were going to write about Andy tonight.
Thanks Pierre for reminding us never to forget that day - and the love of good friends. Peace to all.
Posted by: MetroDude | September 11, 2007 at 02:23 AM
Pierre,
A friend turned me on to this site, and this is my first time here.
Thanks for your heartfelt sentiments. I didn't know Andy, and I don't know you, but thanks for a hearty dose of humanity on a night when I need it. To all those who died on 9/11, rest in peace. To all those who lost friends and family, my prayers are with you.
Peace
Posted by: Bud | September 11, 2007 at 02:34 AM
Your friend's memory is served well by you. I'm truly sorry for your loss.
Posted by: whit | September 11, 2007 at 03:40 AM
Nothing makes me sadder than hearing of a life cut short. I lost my brother when he was only 15. In my mind, he's always that beautiful little boy too. Sorry for your loss, MD. What a nice way to honor your friend.
Posted by: Ian | September 11, 2007 at 06:43 AM
Beautiful expression of your love for Andy and the pain of mourning the loss of him. I'll be thinking of you today, wishing you peace and love.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | September 11, 2007 at 06:51 AM
Lovely tribute. I know there are a lot of us trying to focus on life today.
Posted by: NG | September 11, 2007 at 08:00 AM
MD,
I "miss" Andy for you.
Posted by: William | September 11, 2007 at 08:07 AM
"That's progress, I guess" might be one of the saddest things I've ever seen written. I don't know how many times I've said that over the past 7 years since my mom died. I hope you're doing okay, man.
Posted by: Rach | September 11, 2007 at 08:13 AM
I never know what to say to you; what sentiments I can leave on what I know is a very hard day for you. I think Andy would be happy knowing that you live your life to its fullest - I believe he would think that is the greatest testament to his memory.
All the best, my brother.
Posted by: mr. big dubya | September 11, 2007 at 08:20 AM
I'm at a loss for words to comfort you on this sad anniversary Pierre. But I know you are surrounded by loving family and friends today. Thanks for sharing your beautiful tribute to Andy, he sounded like a truly wonderful friend!
Posted by: Waya | September 11, 2007 at 08:39 AM
I won't presume to know all that you feel but I understand loss and I'm so sorry for yours. I hope that peace overcomes you today and that you can find some laughs in honor of Andy.
Posted by: Rachel E. | September 11, 2007 at 08:58 AM
I don't know Andy. I don't know you. But I'm sitting her in my office crying because of your post. My heart goes out to all the families and friends who lost their loved ones on 9/11. God bless you all.
Posted by: Maria | September 11, 2007 at 09:03 AM
What a wipeout. Great tribute, though.
Posted by: BOSSY | September 11, 2007 at 09:15 AM
And, peace to you as well.
Please know I've raised my coffee mug (um, it's early)to Andy this morning.
Posted by: Busy Mom | September 11, 2007 at 09:15 AM
What a beautiful tribute. I will keep you and Andy in my thoughts today.
Posted by: Kate | September 11, 2007 at 09:27 AM
I am so sorry.
May we never forget.
Posted by: Mabel | September 11, 2007 at 09:29 AM
Deepest condolences on your loss, MD. The tragedy of 9/11 and the passing of so many loved ones is something all of us Americans should remember forever.
Posted by: Leora | September 11, 2007 at 10:25 AM
Hang in there, my friend. My heart goes out to you.
And for your readers, I know you would never ask but I think they should know about the Andrew Golkin Memorial fund to help youth. The link to donate is on the right of this page and I know I will be making a donation today.
Best.
Posted by: Matthew | September 11, 2007 at 10:35 AM
Another beautiful tribute to your friend.
I can't find the right words, except I'm so sorry.
Posted by: b*babbler | September 11, 2007 at 10:36 AM
Andy's smiling down on you today, and every day.
Posted by: Pattie | September 11, 2007 at 11:13 AM
You were lucky to know and love such a special person. And he, you.
Posted by: KC | September 11, 2007 at 11:18 AM
A wonderful tribute my friend; my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Posted by: Kemp | September 11, 2007 at 11:24 AM
Oh hell. Now I need to go get a bottle of scotch too. Single or double malt?
XXOO from here to there.
Posted by: Devra | September 11, 2007 at 11:47 AM
Thanks for letting us share your grief Pierre.
Posted by: Nina | September 11, 2007 at 12:09 PM
I lost my sister this year. She was my closest friend in the entire world and I had a hard time dealing with the grief. My therapist recently suggested that I write a letter to her so that I could get my feelings out and help deal with the pain. I didn't really understand what she was talking about until I read this. Thank you for sharing this with us, MD. I'm a new reader to your blog and I've loved every single post I've read.
Posted by: Jennifer | September 11, 2007 at 12:24 PM
Every year on this day I think of you and Andy, my friend. It's good to mourn. It's good to move on. It's hard to do both right.
All the best
Posted by: croutonboy | September 11, 2007 at 12:33 PM
MD,
Thanks again for being a man among men. Great letter. I'll drink one for you tonight and for all those that were lost.
Peace be with you.
Posted by: Jrock | September 11, 2007 at 01:05 PM
Remembering him is the best gift you could ever bestow upon him -- and us.
Posted by: Kvetch | September 11, 2007 at 01:40 PM
This is a beautiful tribute to your friend, MD. Very touching. My heart goes out to all those who lost loved ones on 9/11.
Posted by: Susannah | September 11, 2007 at 02:31 PM
Just wanted to thank Matthew for donating to the Andrew Golkin scholarship fund every year since he's been reading MetroDad. It amazes us to see these acts of kindness and empathy that transpire through the ether.
And Matthew is right, MD would never ever ask but as BossLady, I'm just going to provide a link that shows the profiles of the inner city kids that have been helped by the scholarship fund.
http://www.seo-usa.org/andrewgolkinfund/scholars/scholars.html
Peace to all. BL.
Posted by: BossLady | September 11, 2007 at 02:33 PM
peace to you, today, MD, as you continue to mourn the loss of your friend and brother. don't you feel like the weather is finally right this year? gray and sad and close- i hated those sunny days the last few years that were just a cruel reminder of that morning.
your letter is so right on- this year has been strange because it has been 6 long years, yet i think for so many of us 60 years could go by and we'd still be right where we were that day and those indescribable days afterwards. for a lot of people this is just another day now. thanks for honoring andy and all those who lost their lives or their loved ones that day- we'll never forget. take care- peace.
Posted by: pnuts mama | September 11, 2007 at 03:33 PM
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful friendship, MD. Condolences to you on your loss. I'm sure your friend Andy is smiling down on you today.
Posted by: Lisa C. | September 11, 2007 at 03:38 PM
Thank you for sharing that big part of you.
Posted by: Qui Diaz | September 11, 2007 at 04:22 PM
Thanks for sharing Andy's memory, with us - peace to you, Metro Dad.
Posted by: Liz | September 11, 2007 at 04:29 PM
thanks.
Posted by: bryan | September 11, 2007 at 04:41 PM
My friend Judy worked with Andy at Cantor for a few years and always gushed about how awesome he was. I only met him a few times but his genuine warmth, kindness and great smile always stood out. Sorry for your loss, MD.
Posted by: Lisa Carver | September 11, 2007 at 05:09 PM
That made me cry.
Posted by: Rattling The Kettle | September 11, 2007 at 05:25 PM
We should all be so lucky to have friends like you, MD. What a touching way to remember a beautiful friendship. I'm sorry for your loss. Have a scotch on me.
Posted by: J-Dog | September 11, 2007 at 08:31 PM
I said it last year and I'll say it again:
I'm so very sorry for your loss. It was a beautifully written letter and I hope it helped you to write it. I cry for you. I cry for him. I cry for everyone who lost someone important 6 years ago today.
Blessings and my thoughts are with you.
--SJ
Posted by: samantha Jo Campen | September 11, 2007 at 09:54 PM
I am so sorry about your loss. You really make him come alive in this post. I can feel the sort of person he was, and will continue to be to you... A wonderful tribute.
Posted by: Amy | September 11, 2007 at 10:58 PM
The best we can do is to never forget. This was a heartfelt tribute. Sorry for your loss and the loss of everyone else affected by the 9/11 tragedy. God Bless.
Posted by: 1969 | September 12, 2007 at 08:10 AM
This might seem a little weird coming from a complete stranger but I have to do this...
*hugs tight*
Posted by: random vignettes | September 12, 2007 at 08:43 AM
I'm sorry for your loss, MD, and I'm glad you wrote this. It seems like the nation is starting to forget just how terrible 9/11 was for so many people.
Posted by: Jason | September 12, 2007 at 09:00 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss and so appreciative of your commemoration of Andy every year. This tragedy is really what the 9/11 remembrance ceremonies should be all about: remembering the friends and loved ones who were lost that day, not the politics behind it all. Thanks.
Posted by: alice, uptown | September 12, 2007 at 01:17 PM
MD, What a beautiful, heartrenching post. It is difficult to describe the loss and despair; and for some people to understand. Thanks for sharing and I am glad that you can smile sometimes when you think of Andy.
Posted by: Marci | September 12, 2007 at 01:29 PM
Thank you for sharing your love and grief. I think Andy was right about the importance of friendships.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | September 12, 2007 at 04:19 PM
Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: L.A. Daddy | September 12, 2007 at 07:28 PM
Thinking of you while you're thinking of him.
Posted by: Hygiene Dad | September 12, 2007 at 10:06 PM
Beautiful words to what must have been a great friendship, MD. Wishing you the best during this time.
Posted by: Jack | September 13, 2007 at 08:58 AM
hey. *hug*
Posted by: Mama Nabi | September 13, 2007 at 04:16 PM