"You Know How I Know You're Gay?"

Aside from the fact that I like Coldplay, have an unnatural love for cheesy romantic comedies, and once made a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread...

I went to see Justin Timberlake in concert last night at Madison Square Garden.

And I liked it. 

Seriously. 

He fucking rocked.

I know that somewhere up there in dead rock-star heaven, my homies Tupac, Biggie, Sid Vicious, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Keith Moon, and Joe Strummer are looking down at me and shaking their heads in disgust.  What can I say, fellas?  I'm sorry. My beautiful wife and The Doctor made me do it! 

Man, fatherhood really has made me soft.

Quick observations...

(1) By a healthy margin, we were the oldest people at the concert (not including those who came with their kids.) In fact, the crowd was made up almost entirely of teenage girls.  Have you ever heard 20,000 screaming teenage girls?  It's like the piercing cry of the Valkyries on their way to Valhalla.   

(2) I'm no prude so I refuse to excoriate young people for adhering to the "less is more" philosophy of fashion that seems to be in vogue today.  However, at the current rate, it seems like a pretty safe bet that in 20 years, women will be going to concerts wearing only eyeliner and some dental floss. 

(3) The face value of the tickets was $145.00.  What the fuck?  Now, I'm not going to invoke my father who can't even eat a cheeseburger without commenting on what it cost him to eat one back in 1952 but it doesn't seem like that long ago when I could buy Grateful Dead tickets for $10 and a dime bag of Humboldt County's finest.

(4) Every once in awhile, I'll go to Wolfgang's Vault and drool over some of their rock memorabilia (like this $2,000 Led Zeppelin jacket from 1977.) My favorite things to check out are all their old-school vintage concert t-shirts.  Like an idiot, I threw most of mine away years ago. But recently, BossLady and I have started  this new thing.  Whenever we go to concerts now, we get a t-shirt for the Peanut that we vacuum seal so that in 20 years, she'll be able to glam out with brand-new vintage concert shirts. Cool idea, no?   

Now, in 20 years, Justin Timberlake will either be a global megastar who has redefined modern pop. 

Or he'll be the next Corey Hart. 

Either way, I have this vision of an older Peanut looking at me with teenage contempt while saying, "You went to see Justin Timberlake in concert when you were 38 years old?  You are so gay!"

 

Comments

[BossLady]

First! Boo yah!

[BossLady]

Bringin' sexy back! Those mother fuckers don't know how to act! Somebody, stop me!

[BossLady]

Go ahead. Be done with it.

[Lena]

I can't believe you went to see JT in concert last night, MD! I thought you were a classic rock and 80's alternative kind of guy. Tell me you're going to the American Idol concert and we're breaking up!

[Lily]

Thank God you came out to admit what most of us thirty plus year olds cannot. I am secretly a JT fan (minus the screaming, crying and cheesy shit). KUDOS to you for having the balls to say it!

[Patch]

Wait, you didn't take the Peanut?

[Jamie E.]

I love that idea of buying concert t-shirts now and saving them for the Peanut when she gets older. I'm totally stealing that idea. Thanks, MD!

[fhcl]

MD, you're funny as all hell, but I gotta wonder...what's wrong with being gay?

[METRODAD]

Nothing wrong with being gay at all, fhcl. The titleof the post is a joke from the film, "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." If you didn't see the movie, I could see how you'd miss the reference.

But honestly, when it comes to sexual preference, I don't really care what coupling gives any consenting adult pleasure.

I do have a slight quibble with bisexuals because I think we can all agree at some point that these people are just incredibly greedy motherfuckers. As Dennis Miller once said, "I don't ask much from a human being, but come down off the fence and pick a hole! I don't care what you fuck, but fuck it regularly."

[Sean]

Hard to imagine that a man with a self-confessed love for guys like Tupac and Biggie went to see a former member of a boy band in concert. You continue to surprise me, MD.

[Mama Nabi]

I am... um, disturbed by this post. Metrodad went to see Justin whatshisname from that boy band? And liked it? (Is that an early onset of mid-life crisis?)
Ah, just giving you shit... I hope you joined in with the screaming girls - did you cry, just a little?
PN's been eying that damn food saver vacuum thing that you have... now there's one more reason for me to let him get one. Time-vacuum for concert t-shirts. Brilliant.

[Phoenix]

Hahahahahaha. I'd raz you for seeing JT, but I'm a secret fan myself.

Did any fans faint? Every time I go to one of those concerts with tons of kids screaming and jumping around, some little girl always faints.

[Janet]

You went to see a Mouseketeer in concert?

[Emily]

Good for you for admitting that you liked JT in concert, MD. I happen to love the guy and always listen to his music when I work out.

My husband always gives me shit for it but last week I totally busted him listening to JT on his ipod!

[Procrastamom]

Damn, Corey Hart was my very first concert. I was 14 and my Mom came with me and my best friend. I feel a little insulted by your insinuation that he won't be back in vogue soon (he'll be back! Just you wait Metrodad!). Oh and I didn't keep the t-shirt either. It would have been worth thousands (of cents) today.

[BR]

Sigh. I am gay and I don't care what the reference is regarding and yes, I like to think I can take a joke. And yet... I really hate it when gay = bad. Fear of being rejected because of sexual orientation is the number one reason for teen suicide. Truly. Yeah, pretty funny.

[Tony]

You know how I know you're gay? Because you macramed yourself a pair of jean shorts!

One of the funniest movies of all time.

[Jack E. Chan]

Damn, bro. I'm secretly a big fan of "Sweet Sixteen", but you don't see me posting shit like that up on the Internet. Oh wait...

[hapasc]

laughing at the "gay" comments

there is a TON wrong with being gay if you're a happilly married man with a daughter people.

*unwad panty* (repeat)

[Delilah]

Delurking here to say that I have MANY gay friends and they are always playing this "you know how I know you're gay?" game with one another. Every time I witness them doing it, I end up peeing my pants from laughing so hard.

It's just a joke, people.

[Tom G]

A very underrated Justin Timberlake video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8WUcnsIBT0

[youngone]

I never got the whole Justin Timberlake thing. How is it possible that this guy hooked up with Britney, Cameron, Scarlett, and now Jessica Biel?

[Pattie]

Ha! You described me, and I assume a lot of other women, with: I like Coldplay, have an unnatural love for cheesy romantic comedies, and once made a spinach dip in a loaf of sour dough bread.

And, yes, I'd love to see JT in concert sometime. If only he'd come close to here.

[BOSSY]

Well then Bossy is gay too.

[lisa k]

My kids love Justin Timberlake's music. I put some old N Sync tunes on a mixed cd to play for them in daddy's car. So every so often my hubby's cruisin' in the porsche with the windows down, and surprise! he's suddenly blasting "Bye, Bye, Bye"! I've never seen a man reach frantically for the stereo in my life.

[whit]

Did he play Dick in a Box. That would justify the whole night.

[Anni Hispanni]

HA! My boyfriend and I were watching E! last night and confided our mutual love of JT. Too funny that you posted about this today. Welcome to the darkside MetroDad!

[angela]

i'm going tonight!!! i'm with you md.. my friend and i will be the only 32 year olds there without kids in tow. (this is my second time going too)

[Luca]

I guess that makes it 101 uses for a vacuum sealer, MD! Great idea with saving the concert t-shirts for the Peanut when she gets older. They'll probably be worth a lot by then.

[kinny_C]

nothing gay about justin, he's a good performer. but if went by yourself...thats another story

[Victoria]

I was at the show last night as well (right by the stage!)... and while I'm 23 years old, I can definitely say that JT brings out the teeny bopper in me. And all HBO viewers will have proof. Excellent.

[Soccer Dad]

hey MD, I had the distinct pleasure of visiting Wolfgang's Vault for a story on copyright issues. The place is like that scene in Citizen Kane where all that stuff is piled up. Very cool. Too bad they're stiffing a lot of artists out of their cash.

http://www.metroactive.com/papers/metro/06.23.04/copyrights-0426.html

[landismom]

I need a miracle, man.

[Kat]

I am a closet JT fan too. If Sexy Back comes on while I am in the car I roll up the windows and jam out.

[Anne Glamore]

I think JT is sexy in a "HE can't be sexy!" kind of way, like Benicio del Toro.

Hope that clears it up.

I'll go with you when Madonna comes!

[Maternal Mirth]

Everyone I know has been to JT's show. Now, I am not one who's hot on the whole bubble-gum-pop-scene, but I hear he puts on a pretty damn good show ... not that I would ever be caught DEAD at one of his shows. I'll just keep saying that's what I heard.

M&M

[Amy]

I'm kind of... well... not sure what to say. Justin Timberlake?!?! I went to see Crowded House last week & was a bit embarassed by THAT!
I have lots of my concert jerseys... Bruce Springsteen from '80, the Who from '82, Squeeze from '80, Stones from '80 (I think). I'm totally giving them to my boys. Not sure how I feel about shelling out the money the shirts cost now, though...
$145 a ticket?!?!

[KC]

Aw, man, you ripped on me for my minivan.

But, seriously, this is one of the bravest posts I've read in awhile.

[bangoo]

It's alright....the last concert I went to was MC Hammer's "2 Legit 2 Quit" tour. And before that....the "U Can't Touch This tour." I guess my concert scenester card is still a work in progress...

[Jeff P.]

I was at the concert last night too, MD. My (younger) girlfriend really wanted to go so I agreed. I couldn't believe how many screaming teenagers were there.

And since when do concerts scheduled to start at 8:00 begin at 9:30? On a school night? Man, I was practically asleep by the intermission.

Sigh...I must be getting old.

[Mom101]

By then Peanut will be like, wait...Justin Timberlake was in a band before Wings?

(or equivalent)

[Pamela]

I was looking through my iTunes library recently and discovered I had 3 JT songs on my iPod. Shocked the hell out of me because I actually LIKE his music.
Glad you had a good time!

[Stefania/CityMama]

"What Goes Around" is the fucking jam of the summer up in this piece.

I love JT. Went to see him too. He can sing, play instruments, dance...he's like the white Prince.

[angela]

city mama-
he's totally the white prince... or the blacker michael jackson..

[mel]

i went tonight. soooo awesome... and yeah i thought i was old (28) but people around me were a bit older. I think they brought their daughters there!

[MetroDude]

Corey Hart? I think you need to get your Corey's straight, MD. That dude is pretty bad ass. Corey Haim maybe.

[MetroDude]

Shit. I meant Carey Hart. Emily Litella moment. You are right, Corey Hart is terrible.

[Hygiene Dad]

Man, what is it with all you straight guys coming over to our side? We owned this little slice of heaven and now you all want to be a part of it. :)

JT rocks and I'm glad you and Boss Lady loved it. Next, we go to Erasure and Pet Shop Boys, okay?

[Bopper]

Speaking of 20 year old concert t-shirts...
I, who can't throw things out, have a stash of old concert t-shirts. Now we were not into heavy rock, so my collection tends to be on the softer rock side...Simon and Garfunkel, Billy Joel, Beatles (not from any actual concert, I am not that old), The Who...my 13yr old daughter got into them and ACTUALLY WEARS THEM TO SCHOOL...which means they are officially cool. See? Saving things for years comes in handy!

[1969]

I got free tickets from work and saw him in Philly.

I think I hid under my seat but really, HE ROCKED.

And why did I know the words to most of the songs?

I share your shame....