Rocking Out & The Office: A Comedy of Terrors

I've got this theory that if you could somehow harness the destructive tendencies of toddlers, you could solve the world's energy crisis. 

I mention this because as I sit here typing, the Peanut is here in the office with me and has been a non-stop whirlwind of living chaos.  In a misguided attempt to avoid the crush of Friday afternoon NYC summer traffic, I figured I'd just bring her here for a few hours and then we'd leave early to hit the beach.  I'm such an idiot.

In the past 3 hours, she's done the following:

• Eaten two of my business cards ("Look, daddy. I'm chewing gum!")

• Spilled apple juice on my laptop

• Thrown a huge tantrum because I wouldn't let her play with the stapler

• Drawn all over her face with a magic marker 

• Covered my briefcase with FedEx shipping labels

I finally got her sedated with some Chicken McNuggets and "The Sound of Music" DVD.  Look how happy she is now:
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Five minutes ago, she was Satan incarnate. I swear, these toddlers come with an On/Off switch.  Flick the switch on and they're certifiably insane.  Flick it off and they're sweet as molasses.  Someone really needs to develop a remove control for toddlers.  How great would it be if this really existed?

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By the way, Chicken McNuggets and "The Sound of Music" are my  "In Case of Emergency, Break Glass" tantrum stoppers.  They've saved my ass a million times.  Sometimes, if I don't have either one, I'll start singing "Do, Re, Mi" and the Peanut will stop freaking out and start singing with me.

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Speaking of the sounds of music...

One of the reasons I love Tony and Warren so much is because they share my love for classic 70's rock.  Lately, Warren and I have been ribbing Tony because, every night, he waits until his wife and baby fall asleep and then he starts rocking out to Rush's YYZ on Guitar Hero 2. 

This week, the three of us have been e-mailing some funny shit to each other.  One was the mock Onion article on the sluggish sales for Sousaphone Hero 2.  The other was the new Verizon commercial with AC/DC.

Then, last night, I stumbled across a blog post asking readers which band they would have liked to have fronted.  The rules are simple.  As my friends at KSK put it: 

"You can pick any band from any spot in time. This may not be your favorite band, just the band that would promise the awesomest life experience should you be the lucky person who fronted it. You sung. And possibly played the lead guitar. You did all the coke. And you nailed all the groupies. If your frontman died young, so did you. Hip hop bands and solo artists welcome."

Me?  Despite my love for Bruce Springsteen, the Replacements, the Cure, and Public Enemy, I think I'd have to go with Pearl Jam.  I saw them open for the Stones once and it was amazing.  Eddie Vedder drank on stage, mumbled a bunch of words, had the audience sing half the songs, and then got swarmed by a million adoring female fans.  Plus, if you can look good in flannel, you can look good in anything. 

What about you, MD readers?  What's your choice? And why? 

Comments

[Susan]

The Peanut is absolutely adorable! How do you not just eat those cheeks up?

[enygma]

Well, I skipped Pearl Jam closing tonight (last night?) at Lollapalooza. I guess I never really got into them.

[ray lee]

Pearl Jam? That's awesome MD. They are like one of my ALL time favorite bands. If I could, I'd probably wanna be either a part of Guns N Roses (when they were all still together) or the Japanese band, X-Japan.

The intensity of Guns N Roses is amazing. I mean, I'm not even talking about Welcome to the Jungle. You Could Be Mine is so fuckin' intense sometimes I almost suffocate from singing it. And then you got one of the greatest guitarists playing along side of you named Slash. I mean come on... the other guy is Izzy Stadlin who is a musical genius. Who can forget Duff McKagen? The guy shares the same name as the beer from the Simpsons!

Then we have X-Japan. I don't know if you have heard of them, but they were like the GODS of rock in Japan. Their music is so fuckin awesome and off the hook that I listen to them EVERYDAY for the past 4 years. I don't know Japanese, but I know all the words to their songs. They had some pretty crazy costumes as well. www.x-japan.de for lots of pics and info.

-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

[Brent]

Ok, I just watched that Verizon wireless commercial and it's freaking hilarious! Love when the guy at the end just mutters, "awwwwesome." Where can I find that Bon Scott outfit?

[Emily]

Can I have some paper-flavored gum?

[Ellen]

The Peanut is so cute!

[Jenny]

you know, with your peanut acting like that, she could be a wild rock star of her own someday!

That said, I don't know which rock band I'd wanna front, but it might be a toss up between The Stooges and Talking Heads

[GFR]

Iggy Pop. Just saw him live at Lollapalooza and it was some of the most intense, primal rock I've ever seen. That guy truly reminds you that humans are animals. Wild, crazy animals. If not Iggy, then Bon Scott.

On a related note, the Daft Punk set at Lolla was equally intense in a totally different way -- insanely danceable robot rock with mind-blowing visuals. If you are a NYC reader of MD and can get tickets to their NYC show then do so without haste. Their tour is probably the concert event of 2007.

[Spacecasie]

Janis Joplin. Without the dying part.

[mr nice guy]

for the drinking on stage and generally being one of the best rock'n'roll bands ever: the faces.

for the funk: sly stone

for the sleazy tour bus group sex: motley crue

for the cute bandmates and adoring milfans: dan zanes

for the clothes: andre 3000 and also dan zanes again

for the righteous fury: boots riley

for the sheer badassness: nick cave

[Calvin Broadus]

I'm going with Carlton Douglas Ridenhour or as he is more familiarly known, Chuck D.

[sweatpantsmom]

1) Hey- what's wrong with playing with the stapler? I always thought it was a perfectly acceptable toy for an infant. As long as you have a staple remover handy.

2) Gawd, you'd get along with my husband, you 70's rock fiend. He just went and saw Rush at the Hollywood Bowl with some of his like-minded, hoodlum friends.

3) Then he dragged me kicking and screaming to see The English Beat (I don't like anything that doesn't have a funk baseline) But surprise - they were good.

(Geez I've been away long - Peanut looks so much older! Off to read your archives to see what I've missed...)

[douglas]

My wife makes fun of my iPod listing every time she scrolls though to find her favorite Pavement record. Shessh.

Me? Westerberg is an all time fav, but he got soft, same with Sting. Elvis Costello is a living legend and not ROCK enough (he's still my #1). I like a lot of the mentions but for true living the life of rock 'n roll ... I'm Billy Zoom of "X"

[crazymumma]

I'm a woman, but it would have to be Neil Young because he is so talented, so versatile and he has provided so many songs for the soundtrack of my life.

However, a woman, it would have to be....hmmm Patti Smith because she just was so much more than a singer on stage. And she slept with Sam Shepard, and that is a glorious idea.

[LOD]

I'd have to go with Jagger, for the longevity. Fifty years of constant tail.

[momomax]

jeff buckley.
there's a girl rocker I think I had in mind, but without a doubt, if I could gender jump, it'd be him.

peanut is very cute. does she look more like you or boss lady?

[JJ]

Ok, MD, this is the first time I have doubted your veracity.

When my daughter draws all over her face with magic marker, it shows. Sometimes for days. Or do you have a magic marker-removal trick you'd like to share?

[ThisGuy]

This discussion begins and ends with Prince. And I can't believe that Lee Marvin was the only one to truly recognize this.

"Game -- Blouses!"

[Luca]

I hate to say it but I'm going with Justin Timberlake. The guy has been with Britney Spears, Cameron Diaz. Scarlett Johannson and Jessical Biel. 'Nuff said!

[Amy]

Johnny Thunders?

That remote control is great - just wondering if there's one for older boys with buttons like: "no more bathroom jokes" "No playing baseball in the junior four apartment" and "find remote."

And I'm talking about 5 and 7 year olds here... not their older counterparts....

[Vampdaddy]

For me, there are a few choices:

Prince - during the Revolution Era
Siouxsie and the Banshees (after gender re-assignment surgery, no doubt)
Cocteau Twins (ditto, followed by a brush-up on my ability to babbly incoherently)
The Smiths
And, to shake things up -- the Wiggles.

[Martha]

Been thinking about this all day and I think I would go with Stevie Nicks. I love her 70's hippy style and that raspy voice.

[BooMommy]

Thom Yorke, of course.

[Scott]

Billy Joel. Minus the bad driving.

[misfithausfrau]

Debbie Harry--DUH! That's an easy decision for me as a woman. If I were a dude, it would be much more difficult because Bono and Mick Jagger have such presence. Although I must say that seeing George Clinton with the P-Funk All-Stars about 6 years ago absolutely changed my life.

[teufelkindsvater]

tough call between smiths-era Morrissey and whichever member of the Sundays that got to sleep with Harriet Wheeler (lead singer) every night :)

Teufelkind's favorite crack-snack is Curious George fruit snacks, which Grandma got him hooked on.

At the slightest crinkle of a mylar foil package he's up and jonesin' for 'frUUUUUU snaxxx' (shouted at the top of his tiny 21 month old lungs.)

[Emily]

The remote control is killer. And a very happy 318 to you!!!

[the mad momma]

janis joplin or joan jett please... now if only you could wave a wand and grant us all a wish...

[MetroBro]

Perry Farrell. Because during the Jones Beach stop of the first Lollapalooza tour, it had been nice and balmy all afternoon, but as the roadies were setting up for the final act, storm clouds gathered and the day turned cold and dark. Then Jane's Addiction came onstage. Perry Farrell walked to the edge of the crowd and raised his arms. There was a crack of thunder, then a shitstorm of rain started coming down just as the band ripped into "Up The Beach." Now that's a rock star!

Backup choices: being a member of the Stones or the Wu-Tang Clan during their respective heydays. (Any member, even Bill Wyman or Masta Killa.) Great music played nightly for adoring audiences, groupies galore, plus the finest "muscle relaxants" money can buy...

[Alextoss]

Hey All ! ! !
Want to spend your vacation to be remembered for long?
Tourism ...
help you carry out your wishes !

[mioko]

oldfoxwarz:
toe nail clipping
ninn worxx
manualidades para el 14 de febrero
craigs list reno
dirtbike crashes
dilliards department store
overpriced housing markets
makutus island
ancient greek gods and godess
beaded curtain tiebacks

See you

Good article