CHAOS THEORY: July 2007

Like the end of television season, summer has clearly hit the world of blogging.  The internet seems to be humming with the ennui of long lazy days unfettered by anything substantive.  Dullness seems to be running rampant.  In fact, as Neal Pollack says, the dullness seems to almost defy description, even in the blog format...where banality is rarely an impediment!

Here at Casa MetroDad, I've taken a vow to spare you from the minutiae of my daily life.  However, as usual, I've got a bunch of random things on my mind so I've decided to throw up another Chaos Theory post.  However, unlike previous Chaos Theory posts, all of today's ramblings seem to be centered primarily on parenting. 

So, for those of you without kids, feel free to either (1) skip this insufferably long post entirely, (2) consider me a cautionary tale, or (3) try not to vomit from any sappy parent-related gushing.

So without further ado...

MORE NON-SEQUITUR RAMBLINGS OF A 2.5 YEAR-OLD!

At the Peanut's age, you almost have to spend every single minute with her in order to fully understand the context of everything she's saying.  If not, you'd probably think you just encountered the weirdest little kid in the world.  Anyway, here are some recent gems:

1. BossLady and I have been teaching Peanut how to cross the street in Manhattan.  Our coaching method basically entails waiting at each corner, pointing at the pedestrian signal, and telling her, "When the red hand is there, you have to stop.  When the white man is there, then you can go."  It's practically become our mantra and the Peanut is proving to be a quick learner.  In fact, she's so proud of her newfound knowledge that she feels compelled to instruct other people on how to properly cross the street. Yesterday, she sidled up to a stranger who was standing off the curb and emphatically stated, "You have to listen to the white man!" Ironically, the guy was African-American and, while shaking his head, he gave me one of those "damn brother, what the fuck are you teaching your daughter?" looks. 

This shit doesn't happen to other people, does it? 

2. The Peanut loves dressing herself.  Last week, I was going out to walk the dog and she insisted on coming so I told her to hurry up and get dressed.  What does she end up putting on?  Hawaiian pajama pants, a Polo shirt dress, a pair of sequined red tap shoes, Mardi Gras beads, pink sunglasses, and a duck whistle in her mouth.  As we got in the elevator, I looked at her and said, "Dude, you look like a homeless Minnie Pearl."  Yesterday afternoon, we walked outside our building and our resident homeless guy was passed out drunk on our stoop.  When Peanut asked me why the man was sleeping, I said he wasn't sleeping, he was just homeless.  The Peanut carefully walked up to him and with great curiosity exclaimed, "You're Minnie Pearl?" 

3.  The other day, Peanut found an old pack of rolling papers from about 10 years ago.  When she asked me what they were, I told her they were "nose stickers" and proceeded to lick them and stick them all over her face.  We both were laughing our asses off and, after we were done messing around, I tossed the rolling papers into the trash.  Well, apparently Peanut went into the garbage and grabbed a few more because when I was picking her up at daycare today, she reached into her pocket, pulled out a few rolling papers, and yelled out, "Look Daddy, nose stickers!"  I really should start saving for her therapy now, shouldn't I? 

MY NAME IS SLIM SHADY!

Last week, we were leaving the apartment and I had to go back to turn off all the lights.  Suddenly, the Peanut turns around and yells to me, "C'mon, Pierre! Let's go!" 

WTF?  I didn't even know she knew my name! 

Apparently, this is a phase that all kids go through.  However, after the initial shock wore off, I sat Peanut down in the elevator and explained to her that, during the entire course of her lifetime, she was to call me, "daddy."  When I see kids call their parents by their first names, I always envision these weird Laguna Beach parents who want to "chill" with their kids and "hang" together.  Shit, that is NEVER going to happen to me.  In fact, I even told Peanut that if she ever felt the need to call me something other than "daddy," she should go with "Mr. Daddy." 

Just kidding. I think. Ok, maybe not really.  All I really know is that if I ever called my father by his first name when I was a little kid, my ass would still be sore!  Is this an Asian thing? 

THE FRESH AIR FUND

We've recently been spending our weekends at my good friend The Doctor's beach house in the Hamptons.  While The Doctor takes a 19-minute private helicopter ride, I've been spending my Friday afternoons sweltering in non-stop traffic for 4 hours while the Peanut kicks me in the head from the backseat.  However, it's all been worth it to see my lovely daughter exposed to life outside the city.  In the past few weeks, she's discovered the joys of sleeping in until noon, spending entire days in the pool, running around on the beach naked, and drinking martinis until 4:00 am. 

Oh shit, that's not her.  That's me!  Has anyone seen my daughter?  She was just here a second ago!

HOT CHICKS WITH DOUCHEBAGS

I am not joking when I say that, almost once a week, I get an e-mail from a father directing me to the website Hot Chicks With Douchebags.  Without fail, the e-mail usually says something like, "Holy cow, MD!  Have you seen this site?  As a fellow father with a daughter, this really isn't helping me cope with the fact that my little girl is going to be dating in the next 10-15 years!  What do I do if she ends up with one of these tools?" 

At first, I found myself mildly amused.  After all, if I raise my daughter properly, I can't imagine that she'd ever end up with guys like the Rooster, Yellowtail, or Pumpy.  But then I started thinking, "Hey, these women look fairly normal.  I'm sure they all have fathers.  And at one point, they must have been cute, little toddlers who were the apple of their father's eye."

Needless to say, I'm now obsessed not only with the site but with making sure that my daughter doesn't end up with a douchebag.  Being a very proactive parent, I'm constantly using everyday life to teach my daughter important lessons.  In our daily lives, everything is a case study.  Why not douchebaggery? 

While scouring the internet for teaching materials, I came across Big Daddy Drew, a retired (but hilarious) daddy blogger.  Thankfully, Drew has not only compiled an excellent working definition of douchebaggery but also identified some prime living examples. 

For all you fathers with daughters out there, consider this a Public Service Announcement.

SOUND BITES: RECENT TV QUOTES ABOUT PARENTS AND/OR KIDS

"Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls."---Angela, discussing her petite-size shopping habits, on "The Office"

''I'll go unlock the kids and make us all breakfast.''---T-Bag on "Prison Break"

''My mother used to tell me every day is my birthday...but that was to cover for her addiction to beer and cake. It ended up killing her, on what turned out to be my real birthday.''---Jay on the "Sarah Silverman Program"

''Angelina Jolie adopted her first child in Cambodia, her second in Ethiopia, gave birth to her third in Namibia, and now from Vietnam. She's working her way down the alphabet. Stay cool, Yemen, she’s coming.''---Jimmy Kimmel

''He was a great dad. Every year he got so mad when Santa didn't bring me presents.''---Homer, defending Grandpa, on "The Simpsons"

IMMIGRATION & ASSIMILATION AT THE PICNIC TABLE

Growing up in a Korean immigrant household, I missed out on many "American" things.  I've talked about this issue before but, now that I have a young daughter, I find myself trying to recreate the missing "American" parts of my childhood.  For some reason, many of them center around food. 

For example...growing up, my brother and I didn't spend cool summer evenings roasting S'mores outdoors on the barbecue.  We spent them massaging my father's calloused feet while eating beef jerky on the floor next to the fan. 

We didn't have BBQ chicken picnics on the beach.  We gnawed on pig's feet in the back seat of the Oldsmobile while my father drove us to cheap motels in the Poconos.

Flash forward to the summer of 2007. 

BossLady, Peanut and I are like the all-American family.  We're constantly having picnics outside or eating on our rooftop deck.  We'll whip up some pasta salad, roast a chicken, grill some baby-back ribs, and eat fresh corn underneath the stars.  It's all so damn normal.

However, there's a small part of me that wistfully looks back on those weirdly dysfunctional summer family dinners and wishes that they were a part of the Peanut's life also.  It's funny getting older, isn't it?  All those little things from our childhood that we hated and thought scarred us emotionally frequently turn out to be some of our fondest memories.

Ok, well maybe not the rubbing feet part. 

COOL PARTY TRICKS FOR THE TODDLER SET

This morning, I was still half-asleep when Peanut crawled into our bed and asked me to read "Goodnight, Moon" to her. In my groggy state, I just turned over and said, "why don't YOU read it to ME, Peanut?" 

Next thing I know, I hear the Peanut reading, "Goodnight room. Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight light, and the red balloon..." 

In total shock, I look up and see that she's actually reading.  As she's speaking each phrase, she's turning the pages of the book in perfect accordance.  Needless to say, I jumped out of bed, turned to the BossLady and yelled out, "Holy Shit!  The Peanut can read!  She's a fucking genius!"

Of course, BossLady just started laughing at me.  Turns out that she's read the book to Peanut so many times that the kid has the words and the page turns completely memorized. 

Damn, I almost thought I had the next Mensa kid!

Quick story:  when my buddy Kyle had Lasik surgery, he stayed with his grandparents.  The next day, his grandmother asked how the operation went.  Kyle replied, "It's incredible, Grandma.  Go across the kitchen, pick up that bottle of ketchup, and hold it up for me."  With his grandmother standing about 75 feet away, Kyle starts reciting, "Tomato concentrate made with red ripe tomatoes, distilled vinegar, high fructose corn syrup, salt, spice, onion powder..."

Needless to say, his grandmother was about to have a heart attack until Kyle confessed that he had memorized the ingredients 15 minutes ago so he could play that prank on her.

Now I know how she felt.  Damn, punk'd by your own flesh and blood!

MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO (A METRODAD RANT)

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Lindsay Lohan off the nation's highways.

Now I'm no expert on parenting.  However, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that kids are the sponge and us parents are the Super Soakers.  The tendency of children to emulate the behavior that they see from their parents has got to be the closest thing to an absolute truth that there is in parenting.

Last week, I caught the Peanut zoning out in front of the television.  She was lying back on the couch with one hand down her pants and the other one grasping the remote.  I remember thinking to myself, "Now where the heck would she pick up something like that?"  Two hours later, I found myself in exactly the same position.  What can I say?  We're all products of our environment.

And although we all undeniably impact our children in different ways, there's no denying the effect we all have on them. 

Now, before I had a kid, I like to think I was generally a pretty decent guy.  Sure, I was a hedonistic young man and would sometimes lapse into moments of selfishness.  Like when I'd toss Cuban cigars out my convertible while giving old ladies the finger for cutting me off on the Long Island Expressway.  Then there were all those times I yelled at waiters for bringing me the wrong vintage of Cristal champagne.  And hell, I can't even recall how many fights I had at the polo fields because my horse's mane hadn't been brushed properly.  What can I say?  I used to be a major a-hole!

All kidding aside, there's no doubt that being a parent has made me a better person. Personally, I strive to live my life by setting an example for my daughter that she can both emulate and respect.  I want her to see her parents treating people kindly.  I want her to see them trying to help those who are less fortunate.  And I want her to see that, at the end of the day, we're all in this shit together. 

Even when having to deal with all the crap that life throws your way, I try to behave as if my daughter is watching my every move.  Because you know what?  Most of the time she is. 

But as I look around today, I see a lot of parents living in denial.  Their kids walk around with this sense of entitlement and are frequently rude, self-absorbed, pushy, and cruel.  Now, I'm not saying all kids are like that.  It just seems that every time I walk into a playground or a restaurant these days, I'm amazed at how many maladjusted kids are roaming around.  Meanwhile, the parents walk around and wonder where this behavior is coming from.  However, is it ever really much of a surprise?  Teachers, friends, neighbors alike all seem to know.  Why is it that the parents never do?

Don't get me wrong.  Parenting is hard work.

But look, if you're going to have a child, you need to do the rest of us a favor.  Commit enough time, love and wisdom to those tiny humans so that we're assured that your kid won't someday end up in a Texas bell tower with a high-powered rifle and a grudge anytime soon. 

Kids are a lot of responsibility.  Maybe some people should start off a little lower on the responsibility ladder before working their way up to having a kid. You know, start off getting something a little easier, like a job. Or a dog.  Or three days sober in a row. And then, if you can handle that, work your way up to the care and responsibility of another human being.

If you are a parent, try to set better examples for your kid.  Don't be an asshole to other people in front of them.  Treat others as you'd want your own kid to be treated.  Rise up out of the mire of your own narcissism and get selfless.  You want to make the world a better place?  Start with those little ones right in front of you.  Be good to them, show them the right way to treat people, and they'll return the favor to you in spades.

Look, I'm not saying that I'm a perfect parent but I like to think that I can stare between the stars into the blackness of heaven and say with a smile on my face, "I'll do anything and everything to be a good parent."

And as Dennis Miller once said, "when you can say that, you're finally ready to be a real parent.  Almost.  Get yourself a copy of The Lion King." 

"Ok, NOW you're ready!"

Comments

[ray lee]

Hey MD,

I have been having a terrible day at work--got in at around 5:30am and found out that all the reports that were sent to me were wrong. I couldn't do anything until 9am when people finally decided to show up. Because of the lost time, I have not been able to leave my chair for 6 straight hours while I juggled 10 spreadsheets on my dinky monitor.

First thing I did after I finally went to pee at 3:30 was to check my email. Then I decided to check your blog just to see if it could brighten my day while I munch on my lunch.

You did the job man. This entry made me smile in like 6 different times. You the man. Thank you. =)

-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

P.S. That guy who was on top the bell tower in Texas with a high powered rifle did it because he had a tumor in his head the size of a baseball. Nothing could've prevented that one.

[Susan]

This post is brilliant. I don't even know where to start. As someone without kids, it's fascinating to read about someone who does. Thanks for the enlightenment...and the laughs!

[Mrs J]

Your Non-Sequitur Ramblings of a 2.5 Year-Old #1 made me literally laugh out loud. My son can't talk yet, but I'm just sure to get one of those when he does. :-)

[Brent]

I almost spit up my lunch when I clicked over to the HCWDB site. You should have warned me, MD! Man, if my daughter ever ends up with guys like the Rooster, Yellowtail, or Pumpy, I think I'll kill myself!

[Pattie]

I may not speak for all the other DINKs (dual income, no kids) who read you, but I enjoy reading your posts because they're well-written, entertaining, and, most of all, funny.

You're giving me a lot of insight into the world of parenting -- without scaring me into a lifetime commitment to birth control. That's really saying something.

[Holmes]

Dude, that story about crossing the street made my day. I'll keep that in mind as a cautionary tale when I'm teaching my son how to cross the street.

[MetroDude]

Nice.

From the "WTF, where did you learn that?" file, our 4 year old said to me yesterday when I asked her a question "Some things I know, some things I don't, Butchie."

Looks like I need to turn the sound down on my HBO.

[halfmama]

The first time I said, (before crossing the street), "We have to wait for the white man!" I realized what I had just said and looked around to see who else had heard me. Now I say, "Wait for the symbol that looks like a walking man who just happens to be white!" Really. They couldn't make him green?

(I'm kidding. I said that once. Now I just drag them across the street and yell, "Run!")

re: your picnics -- Dude, at LEAST eat your pasta salad with chopsticks. You're Korean, dammit! Don't you want Peanut to blog all about her crazy, weird Korean-American parents when she grows up? The Peanut needs material too!

[enygma]

Wait, so you guys don't grill kalbi?
re: parents being examples: There have been some students who were so completely obnoxious we (teachers) were all, "What is with these kids?" Then, we call the students' parents and then realize, "Ah, THAT'S why they act the way they do."

[IFLYG]

Great Post, MD! I especially appreciated your rant - Hear Hear!

[mercybuttercup]

I guess reflexive white people's guilt comes in handy sometimes - based on the scientifically significant sampling of me, two people I mentioned it to, and one blog I read between then and now, I believe our tradition is to say, exactly once: "OK, honey, when you see the red hand, stop, and when you see the whi- ... um, the walking man, go!"

(Hmm. I've never attempted to speak for all white people before. Kinda fun.)

This whole post was delightful. My own 2.5-yr-old is deeply weird in similar ways, but it's the specifics that are so great.

[Christie]

Your post made me laugh so hard I cried! My 1.5 year old called me into his bedroom the other day after his nap....one stuffed puppy on one side of the crib and one on the other....he walked over to one and pointed "GOOD dog" and then to the to the other "DAMN dog"...then for emphasis repeated this like 3 times... I guess I need to be careful what I call the dog when she is barking at the wind!!

[Ms V]

Re: Slim Shady and getting whooped for calling your dad by his first name, have you seen the skit Russell Peters does on this very topic? Think it's definitely one you'd appreciate! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nn5jlrxcpkI

keep up the gold chaos theory posts, love em!

[James]

"We spent them massaging my father's calloused feet while eating beef jerky on the floor next to the fan."

Bwahaha! Glad to see my sister and I weren't the only Korean kids out there forced to do this. Too funny, MD! Great post.

[whit]

Wait until you have another, if you are so inclined. I see our 16-month-old act out, and I turn to the 4-year-old and lecture him about the fact that his little brother is learning bad behavior from watching him, which is true. The sad part it that the oldest son learned it from me.

Someday I'm going to find pot in a cigar box, aren't I?

[J-Dog]

These are some awesome musings, MD. As usual, I love reading your unique perspective on all matters related to parenting. The Peanut is lucky to have you as a dad.

[Tawnya]

Love it! All of it was great!
Especially the rant... so true! Gave another kid hell the other day for beating on my munchkin... with his mother standing right there not doing anything about it... and I got the F-off!
I love hearing my munchkin repeat stuff we tell her, too. It's a riot. I can relate, however... therapy is going to be VERY expensive when she's older!

[Pamela]

Overall, a great post that I can relate to. Thanks for the link to "the doctor" -- nice eye candy.

[Jason]

You sure those rolling papers were from 10 years ago? My kid recently dug underneath the kitchen sink and found my old college bong. When he asked me what it was, I stupidly told him it was a bubble-making machine. Now the kid won't shut up about it. I'm just hoping he doesn't mention anything to the missus!

[vickie]

I struggle with how to describe traffic lights to my son. Somehow saying "white guy" doesn't seem right!

[pnuts mama]

4 hours out east? sounds like the peanut is about to learn the joys of rail travel. let me know how she does on her first trip to the boardy barn (btw my whole life i thought it was the bawdybahn, how bad is my accent?) and definitely take her up to jamesport and get her a treat from briarmere farmstand on sound avenue- the pies are amazing!! 17 bucks worth of amazing!! i tell you this as a food lover, md, you'll love them.

i am so with you on the sense of entitlement with so many of the kids (and adults! the adults!) around here. i hate to be the one to break it to them but the only kid who has the right to be called princess is the one whose daddy is king. so get over yourselves, people.

great post, md. happy july.

[mo-wo]

We live in a frappe neighbourhood of Filipinos, Sikhs and Hindus, Chinese Canadians.. some Germans too. I have quite often cowered for teaching me daughter to cross on the word of 'the white guy. the white guy, Mommy'

Last Fall Girl Friday.. told her Daddy to 'Get a move on J.'.. I felt horribly responsible for that. It is just wrong.

[the mad momma]

it is an Asian thing! we dont call parents by their name in India either. well, i did as a kid, but i outgrew it without them having to correct me.

and yes.. the upbringing of kids thing ? - i think other parents do need to pull their fair share of weight. my kids are going to grow up with these as their contemporaries....

[Rach]

When I was a kid, I hated my mom because she made me do things like go to bed at my bedtime and she said no sometimes. That's what's wrong with my peers (I'm 20) and (god forbid) their kids (yes, they have them). say no to your kids. Don't be worried about them being mad at you. They'll get over it.

I don't think I'm ever going to stop laughing about the Peanut saying, "You're Minnie Pearl?" to that homeless guy. It's going to be especially bad the next time I see a homeless guy.

[Papa Bradstein]

Crap. I'm so busted as a bad parent--I don't know if I've ever even seen Lion King. I guess that 3B will take care of that, just like he took care of the absence of Goodnight Moon in my childhood. My favorite moment with that book came as I was lowering the blinds, listening to Mama point out to 3B all the little things to say goodbye to. There was a pause, followed by, "Where's the fucking comb and brush?" Now that we've read it so many times that it might as well be tattooed on our fronal lobes, I could point out everthing in that room from across the kitchen. Blindfolded. Goodnight nobody.

[Waya]

You DA MAN Pierre! Amen to the "monkey see monkey do" rant. They should put the parents-wannabe to a series of questions/tests before they decide to have kids, or expose their kids to their potential boyfriend or girlfriend, like they do before you get married (I think if you're Catholic, right?).

It sickens me to the core when a child's lip has been bitten to disfigure and her ear was mutilated by a mother's boyfriend, which happened 2 days ago in our state. Not sure if you've heard about it. I was in a middle of writing a post about it, but was too disgusted to finish it.

The Peanut's story always brings a chuckle to my day. My Sophia's favorite thing to say is "I know!" as if for a 2 y/o kid.

[Mademoiselle M]

Amazing.. as always!

I am in love with Peanut by the way.

[William]

MD it is always good to see you post.

[Rachel]

We call the walk signal the "walking man." Apparently this has saved us a lot of grief! My daughter also yelled my name one day when I didn't respond to "Mommy!" (I was on the phone.)

[SciFi Dad]

"You have to listen to the white man"

That had me laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair. Thanks.

And I totally agree with you about your rant.

(And I could have done without learning about that douchebag site.)

[1969]

New to your blog. I love it!

As a mom of two boys, ages 5 and 2....I relate. Great post!

[Mitch McDad]

I've turned my wife on to your blog, and now she's hooked. And she wants to know why my blog sucks so bad after reading yours. Thanks.

When she sees the Hamptons blurb--I'm dead. She's been pushing me hard to move somewhere near the water, but even worse, she's been pushing hard to visit her girlfriend in NY, who, by the way owns a place in the city and a 5000 sq. foot place in the Hamptons. Her girlfriend married much better than she did.

So, she's going to read this post and it's going to cost me 5 grand to travel to NY. Thanks Bro.

[Leora]

Fantastic post, MD. I especially loved the parenting rant at the end. I used to work at the local school library and frequently I'd have to discipline unruly kids by keeping them in detention until their parents came. Once I met their parents, it usually became clear where the bad behavior came from.

[landismom]

I'll just be over here, quietly sobbing in a corner. "white man!"

Also, I am the parent that I didn't want to be. Every time the Bee yells at her brother, I think, "now why did I teach her to do that?"

[Mademoiselle M]

BTW, I just read this article and thought you may find it interesting. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB118358476840657463-search.html?KEYWORDS=mr.+rogers&COLLECTION=wsjie/6month

tell me what you think

[Mama Nabi]

"...listen to the white man" - oh that's priceless.
Amen, brother - I do wish there were more parents who think the way you do. Well, except the nose sticker part...

[Mikeymike]

Rolling papers from TEN YEAR AGO?

Suuuuuuuuuuure.

[Sarah]

Before I started reading your blog, I was unaware that men even HAD feelings about fatherhood. I never imagined that there were men out there like you who spent so much time thinking about it. As a single woman who was abandoned by her asshole father many years ago, I get great hope from reading your blog. Your daughter is luckier than she could ever realize.

[Hygiene Dad]

OK, here's a thought...increased posts and fewer words. How's an ADD guy like me supposed to make it through this? F--ing brilliant as always.

Lion King..check. Good parent...check.

Is is wrong that I find the Doctor utterly hot? Good god...WOOF!

[BOSSY]

See - there you go again: typing all those Words and making The Rest Of Us feel very blog-o-boring.

[Cara in Exile]

Like Rachel, we call it "Walking Man".

Last year A (at 2.5)walked in on Daddy peeing, and asked "WHAT is that?' He told her it is a penis, and she responded, "No. Tail" and walked out. I laughed for days. I figure none of her stuffed animals have a penis.

Thanks for the laughs.

[Brat]

"You have to listen to the white man!"

I laughed so hard I wet my pants. Thanks for that!

When I was growing up we were NOT allowed to call our parents by their given names. We were allowed ONCE... and after that we got our asses whipped.

And I am Polish/Irish, so I don't think it's an Asian thing.

[Jenna]

This was AWESOME! Thanks for the laughs, MD. As for your rant? I couldn't agree more!

[the weirdgirl]

Sooo... Peanut won't be helping you fill out porno mag subscriptions in acts of revenge then?

[dadofgage]

Having been raised in a fairly liberal Indian family (is there such a thing?) and having married a fairly liberal Chinese women, our two year old son fits right in. He calls my wife by her first name (actually the term of endearment name I gave her) rather than mommy. He still calls me daddy, but will throw out my first name (with emphasis) if he needs to get my attention. This just freaks out the relatives.

[RxMom]

You'll be thankful that she knows your name if you're ever in a large crowd and somehow lose her (i.e Disneyland). Imagine looking for her and only hearing Daddy from 20 other kids? I guess there's always GPS tracking devices.

Maybe you have the next real Mensa Kid...

[Gloria]

I always tell my friends and families about your latest posts because they are too funny to keep to myself. Peanut is HILARIOUS, but don't worry, I'm sure she won't need toooo much therapy. After all, you didn't need much, right?

As for the name thing.. I think it's an Asian thing too. Even with my older siblings/cousins, I rarely even mention them by their actual name. It's always "My 3rd sister this, my 2nd sister that". It just feels weird saying their actual name!!!

However, RxMom has a good point. I have to stop and think what my parents' Chinese names are because I don't evenn think about it much.

[creative-type dad]

"When the white man is there, then you can go."

I'm going to be laughing all day...

But then again, that
Hot Chicks With Douchebags" site makes me stop.

[Alison]

This post (especially your parenting rant) was great! The love that you have for your daughter is so touching. She's a lucky girl.

[Lisa T.]

You really are the coolest dad on the internet. Great post, MD. Love hearing the stories.