It's a given that my weekends haven't been the same ever since the Peanut came along. Normally I wouldn't bore you with the ennui of my daily existence. However, this weekend was a strange one so I thought I'd share the minutiae (along with, of course, a bunch of throwaway lines that belie the type of lazy writing that I usually detest. Oh well. Screw it. Strange weekend indeed.)
Friday
The Peanut was sick and we had to keep her home from daycare so BossLady covered the morning shift and I volunteered to take the afternoon. However, by the time I got home from the office, the Peanut seemed to be feeling much better and was itching to leave the apartment. I decided to take her out for some afternoon tea at a local cafe, where she then proceeded to charm the pants off everyone entering the restaurant by greeting them with, "Hi, people! I'm eating cake!" Later, we spent the rest of the afternoon dancing around the apartment together to Dan Zanes.
There are very few things more life-affirming than sharing a cupcake with your two-year-old daughter and spending a few hours together doing silly dances.
Friday Night
Most of my disposable income is spent on books, films, or scotch. However, I've had my eye on the FoodSaver V2840 vacuum sealer system for quite awhile. It finally arrived Friday afternoon and the reviews are right. It's the greatest single kitchen invention since the microwave. I spent a solid 3 hours vacuum-sealing everything in my fridge that wasn't nailed down. BossLady practically had to pry my fingers off the damn thing.
I wish I still smoked weed so I could start buying marijuana by the pound.
Saturday
I thought my street cred as a parent had been firmly established by now. However, Saturday proved that the path of initiation is far from over. As the Peanut and I strolled through Wal-Mart (looking for FoodSaver bags and accessories,) she threw up all over me, herself, and a good portion of Aisle 7. Ensuing drama included a trip to the pediatrician and the dry cleaner.
My cashmere sweater now smells like an interesting admixture of cheerios, hash browns, Elmo juice, and bile.
Saturday Night
MetroBro came over to play with the Peanut and have dinner with me and BossLady. For some reason, the three of us decided to order in barbecue. This is a total amateur move, kind of like going out partying the night before New Year's Eve. Needless to say, we stuffed ourselves silly and I started frantically worrying about what we'd eat during the Super Bowl. I spent the rest of the evening perusing delivery menus online.
As I searched various restaurants, I couldn't help but think what foods would be best suited for some good old-fashioned vacuum sealing.
Sunday
A good friend's mother passed away and I needed to go to NJ for the wake. I've known Chris since he was 7 years old. Almost 31 years. He's an only child and, in a short period of time, has lost both his parents. Even worse, they both suffered horribly painful deaths after long bouts with cancer. Although Chris is 33, he's much too young to be an orphan. I vow to give Peanut siblings so she'll never face the loss of her parents alone.
Afterwards, with tears still streaming down my face, I drove to a Korean grocery store so I could load up the car with kalbi (you know, for the vacuum sealer.)
Sunday Night
We put the Peanut to bed. I threw a couple of logs in the fireplace. And BossLady ordered a bucket of chicken wings. Super Bowl Sunday is about to start. In all my life, I've never heard so much about race and religion as I did during the pre-game show. At the end of a long weekend, can't a man just watch some football in peace? Anyway, after 14 seconds, it becomes apparent that Jesus hates the Colts. But wait! Here come the Colts. It looks like God wants the Bears to lose after all. Hallelujah! Go Indy! Bears will burn in hell! (By the way, does anyone else think that Rex Grossman should have been named MVP? And can anyone settle a long-standing bet with my buddy Andrew about whether Rex Grossman is Jewish?)
With all the talk about God during the post-game show, I begin to wonder whether my vacuum sealer can turn water into wine.
If you could pick one thing from New York City for me to vacuum-seal and send to you (aside from a pound of marijuana,) what would it be? I'm thinking of starting another contest soon and I could use some ideas for good prizes.
Holy Crap I did It! I am the first post! I'm buying lottery tickets tomorrow!
Posted by: henri | February 05, 2007 at 11:16 PM
Oh! Like that's a contest!
One dozen bagels from H&H and a couple of tubs of cream cheese from zabar's.
or...
A slice. No such thing as good pizza south of mid-Jersey.
Posted by: mammaloves | February 05, 2007 at 11:16 PM
pastrami! pastrami! pastrami!
Posted by: Jeannie | February 05, 2007 at 11:21 PM
H & H bagels or Joe's Shanghai soup dumplings!
Posted by: Jennifer | February 05, 2007 at 11:27 PM
Too funny, MD. My 73-year-old MIL just got the same vacuum sealer a few weeks ago and has NOT stopped talking about it since. Is it really that good?
Posted by: Brina | February 05, 2007 at 11:29 PM
Wow — our Pumpkin had a stomach virus the last few days, too. Vomit and all, though not on any cashmere, just the carpeting. Portable steam cleaners ROCK! :)
This phrase jumped to mind when I read about the contest, though I could think of some other more yummy things from NYC:
Seal me a pretzel (one with lots of salt from a street vendor, please — hold the mustard).
Posted by: KG | February 05, 2007 at 11:31 PM
Since I've never been to NYC I wouldn't mind airplane tickets. However, a really tacky NYC souvenir. :)
We had the stomach virus here, too. Everyone (except my husband) had it twice. We soaked the house in Lysol.
Posted by: Irie | February 05, 2007 at 11:44 PM
Seems to be something going around. Both DH and I got splattered with vomit this weekend. It's like we broke our cherries at the same time!
Posted by: Barb | February 05, 2007 at 11:47 PM
Dude, you better be sending me a whole mess of vaccuum-sealed smoked sable from Russ and Daughters!
Posted by: daddy in a strange land | February 06, 2007 at 12:01 AM
You could vacuum-seal your ultimate heart attack meal that you mentioned in your last post.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
Posted by: Sarah Marie | February 06, 2007 at 12:01 AM
And yeah, now that I read the comment above, dumplings from Joe's Shanghai too!
Posted by: daddy in a strange land | February 06, 2007 at 12:02 AM
That link to the FoodSaver on Amazon-- The picture makes it look like a food-printer. Like it prints food. From a printer.
Maybe I've smoked too much vacuum-sealed weed.
Posted by: monkeyaker | February 06, 2007 at 12:13 AM
Freshly knitted woolen boxers. It's a long winter up here, baby.
Posted by: p-man | February 06, 2007 at 12:15 AM
Grimaldi's pizza, from the one across the bridge.
I've been a foodsealer convert for a couple years. Fair warning, some things you have to freeze first before you seal (soups, breads, etc.). I know you're not big on cooking, so think of it as an excellent excuse to order large portions of everything and freeze half.
Posted by: rwc | February 06, 2007 at 12:45 AM
Delurking to write that I long for the yummy treats of my youth. Can't pick only one. I was born and raised in Flushing. Left NY at the tender age of 17 and have not lived there since. Here's my list:
1.Italian Ice, the real stuff that comes in the cheap paper cups that you wait for the sweaty Italian mustached dude to leave the oven to scoop for you. Cost half a buck for three scoops of Rainbow on Main Street when I was little.
2. Real NY pizza-the stuff that is slightly black on the bottom from remnants o whatever in the oven and oh so crispy and thin.
3. Vacuum seal the smell of fresh NY bagels and chestnuts roasting and I'll feel as though I died and went to heaven.
4. A street vendor hotdog with ketchup and loaded with the onions swimming in the mysterious tomato/ketchup sauce.
Now I'm starving.
Posted by: Y. Song | February 06, 2007 at 01:06 AM
Do you use Elmo Juice concentrate or do you have your own juicer?
Posted by: mo-wo | February 06, 2007 at 02:11 AM
Kimchi! I cannot get decent kimchi here in the middle of nowhere Nevada (Carson City), although I don't know, can you vaccum seal it will all the juice?
Posted by: Sandra | February 06, 2007 at 02:46 AM
Answer: The aroma of street vendor hot dog steam.
Seal that up like a time capsule and Fed Ex it to any NY expatriate. Let them open up that bag anywhere in the world - and instantly they will be teleported back home.
Posted by: MetroDude | February 06, 2007 at 02:57 AM
Okay. Couple things. Vacuum sealer. Every Korean man in my family has you beat by about 5 years. The minute it hit Costco shelves they all had one. Wait until you start sealing you clothes for travel like my cousin. Also, to fully appreciate the sealer you also have to get a dehydrator. You get to dry out all the fruit that would ordinarily go bad and make healthy snacks for the kids. You're welcome.
Hours? You spent hours dancing to Dan Zanes? I can take 1 song before I dance myself out of the room.
Pregame show at our house consisted of my husband standing in front of the tv and shouting, "KATIE COURIC?! WHAT THE FUCK IS KATIE COURIC DOING AT THE SUPERBOWL?! YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS SITTING AT THAT DESK, YOU PERKY BITCH!" and me tearing up at that Hines Ward segment which gets me every time. Good times.
Posted by: CityMama | February 06, 2007 at 04:59 AM
Can you vacuum seal me a signed printout of this page in which I have accomplished my year long dream of being the first commenter. Strangely no one has of yet congratulated me on my achievement. Odd. I mean seriously have you ever tried it? It is really insane. I've burned through three mouses.
Posted by: henri | February 06, 2007 at 05:18 AM
How 'bout a doughnut from Doughnut Plant? I know, lame.
Sorry to hear about the in-store puking episode. That sucks. (Hey, you didnt' say "that sucks" with a wink and a nod toward your vacuum sealer... guess this post wasn't so badly written after all.)
Posted by: el-e-e | February 06, 2007 at 07:22 AM
H&H bagels would be nice but a store in Pittsburgh flies them in so those are relatively accessible. The chocolate babka from Zabar's, on the other hand, would be a huge treat.
I'll be in New York this weekend for my annual trip to Westminster (and my last hurrah before having baby #2). On second thought, I will get my own babka. Can I just stop by for the vacuum sealing?
Posted by: Kim | February 06, 2007 at 07:24 AM
Seriously, I would looove a few strips of Chinese bacon and sausages from Chinatown so I can make a high-cholesterol yummy soup.
Posted by: vickie | February 06, 2007 at 07:25 AM
Elmo Juice? Is that like sticking Elmo in a juicer? Does he Scream as he is getting blended?
Posted by: William | February 06, 2007 at 08:18 AM
ha, ha, ha - Elmo in a blender - I'm in!
I've heard Rex is not Jewish - this Web site may or may not be accurate:
www.rexgrossmanisnotjewish.com
Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya | February 06, 2007 at 08:22 AM
No question - I'd like a potato knish and a giant corned beef on rye from Katz's deli! Too bad that you couldn't send along an egg cream, too. Mmm, knish...
Now I have to go eat something.
Posted by: RA | February 06, 2007 at 08:59 AM
A cuppa freakin coffee from rays on third ave and st marks. Oh! How I miss that coffee.
Posted by: mandy | February 06, 2007 at 09:04 AM
Never in my life have I been to New York. London, sure. New York? Never. I wouldn't even know what I should want.
If you could vacuum seal any food from New York to mail to every person in America, what would you choose?
Posted by: Sarah | February 06, 2007 at 09:18 AM
The Boy and I are making the trip up to NYC for two things, and two things only: lox bagels and the Bodies exhibit. So either yummy crusty, creamy, fishy bagel goodness or you can snap off the cross section of a fully preserved clitoris of an unethically obtained dead Chinese person. Why not a little of both? Grab bag.
Posted by: Account Deleted | February 06, 2007 at 09:18 AM
I'm thinking a big frozen block of dirty hot dog water from one of the Sabrett's carts, frozen because I know you can't vac-seal liquids. I was thinking about the corned beef from Katz's, but somebody beat me to it. Washington D.C. street food has nothing on New York street food, so I'll just take the hot dog water and cook my own hot dogs in it, thinking it'll infuse that special something.
Posted by: Molly Chase | February 06, 2007 at 09:20 AM
Dude, you have a fireplace in your apartment? I didn't know that you could do that in New York!
Posted by: J-Dad | February 06, 2007 at 09:26 AM
Pizza, pizza, pizza! It might be too messy to vacuum seal but I don't care!
Posted by: Janet | February 06, 2007 at 09:28 AM
Bagels, I suppose, since I've never had an actual New York bagel. But if it's a contest and I win it, I'll let *you* decide what's best. Always trust the experts, I say.
Posted by: candace | February 06, 2007 at 09:29 AM
Unquestionably: pickles. Not some crappy pickles from a grocery either. Real super sour barrel pickles from the Russian markets in Brighton Beach.I would pay for them!!
Posted by: Julie | February 06, 2007 at 09:30 AM
A vacuum sealer? Seriously? Just do what I do:
1) Put food in ziploc baggie and seal almost to end
2) Put mouth to corner and suck like hell
3) Apply skills later in bedroom
~x
Posted by: Xdm | February 06, 2007 at 09:39 AM
The sticky date pudding from Les Etats-Unis. Sounds gross,man. That's why they usually still have some left when I go.
(You'd have to go north of 57th street - take a map!!)
Posted by: Anne Glamore | February 06, 2007 at 09:47 AM
A pound of marijuana....
Those were the days.
Posted by: Peter | February 06, 2007 at 10:09 AM
Street meat! You know, from the carts -- with onions, peppers, some hot sauce ... yummmmm.
Posted by: ChaEsq | February 06, 2007 at 10:19 AM
Men are funny. To the chagrin of my husband, I bought a FoodSaver vacuum sealer last year. My husband gave me grief about spending so much money on it. Now he's like a vacuum-sealing machine. He's constantly looking for things to seal. Sometimes he doesn't even let me finish dinner because he wants to seal the leftovers!
Posted by: Mia | February 06, 2007 at 10:46 AM
Sorry to hear about the loss of your friend's mom. You're right. 33 is too young to be an orphan.
Posted by: Jennifer | February 06, 2007 at 10:48 AM
ROFLMAO...Almost every comment mentions what kind of vomit they've seen in the past two weeks and one later: what kind of food to send them! Just struck me as hilarious.
I haven't seen any vomit in the past few weeks, but I would LOVE to have NY's best chocolate or coffee beans (in your opinion). That would be awesome.
Posted by: Chris | February 06, 2007 at 11:01 AM
CityMama! I said the SAME thing about Katie. Especially when she was like, "Maybe I'll stay for the game!"
ARE YOU FOR REAL.
Posted by: Meg | February 06, 2007 at 11:04 AM
My husband wants one of those! Thanks for the warning.
I'll take... mmm... anything from Barney's? I swear I'll store it in the freezer for as long as you deem necessary.
Oh, it has to be edible? A Papaya dog and juice. Nothing better for a hangover — except maybe the pound of marijuana.
Bad joking aside… I'm so sorry about your friend and his loss. Losing a parent (let alone two) ... well, there are no words to describe the pain of it.
Posted by: halfmama | February 06, 2007 at 11:14 AM
Sigh... you had to go and mention the whole being alone after the parents die. Now I feel guilty. I've been questioning my mortality lately, i.e. if I die anytime soon, our household will fall apart, I better quit smoking, etc., etc.
Hm, I've only been to New Jersey on a work related thing so I'm not sure what I'd want - can you vacuum seal public transportation? (Minnesota has the suckiest PT that I've seen) I do drool over the hot dogs that I see the actors eat on Law & Order. Hope Peanut has fully recovered? BTW, who wears cashmere while shopping with a toddler? Don't you know by now they tend to get sticky? (Both toddler and cashmere) Elmo juice? Is that made of Elmo?
Posted by: Mama Nabi | February 06, 2007 at 11:41 AM
New York Pizza...please, would love a piece. I'm in Chicago now and the pizza cannot compare to my NY type. Used to live right down the street from Gracie Mansion on E 88th street.
Poor Rex, he won't live that game down for a long time. I still maintain that football is a TEAM sport...how about a little "pass protection" for the guy. Oy, Sheesh! My poor Bears got their asses kicked. :(
Posted by: Chris | February 06, 2007 at 12:06 PM
1) Totally want the foodsaver...is it awesome? Is it sad that I asked if it was awesome? Wouldn't that be the perfect V-day gift for my wife?
2) Cleary God was rooting for Indy. Since Rex is mostly likely at least a portion Jewish, it must have been revenge for killing Jesus.
3) My wife is half Jewish--I hope my inlaws don't see this.
Posted by: Mitch McDad | February 06, 2007 at 12:08 PM
I would like a really good New York bagel.
Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah | February 06, 2007 at 12:17 PM
I haven't vacuum-sealed an entire pound of marijuana. I have however sealed up a few eighths. Now that I'm old(er), it takes about three hits of weed to completely floor me. Often the weed goes stale before I can even smoke it. That's why the vacuum sealer is perfect! (I have the Black & Decker one.)
Posted by: Stoner Dad | February 06, 2007 at 12:20 PM
Pizza for sure. That's what I want you to vacuum seal for me. My uncle has one of those and he seals everything. I keep waiting for him to try and seal the kids. I didn't think they had Wal-Mart in NYC. I know there isn't one here. I'm pretty sure it was outlawed. Although that's a great place to throw up, I guess. Nothing says love like vomit.
Posted by: Melissa | February 06, 2007 at 12:54 PM
Great post. You can seal up Rudolph Guliani until after the 2008 election. Please.
Posted by: Kathy | February 06, 2007 at 01:06 PM