STRIKE ONE...
On weekend mornings, when the Peanut wakes up, the BossLady and I bring her into bed with us so we can catch a few more winks of sleep.
When we first started doing this, she was so excited that she'd jump on top of us and yell "Giddy Up!" Other times, she'd be completely rambunctious, therefore rendering the concept of additional sleep meaningless.
However, over the past two years, the BossLady and I have evolved into slightly smarter parents. Now, when we bring Peanut to bed, we get her to bide our intentions by making up fun games for her. So far, our two favorites are "Make-Believe Coma!" and "Who Can Closey Close Close Their Eyes the Longest?"
This weekend, I was nursing a Grade-A hangover from drinking Ketel One martinis until 4:00 in the morning. Thankfully, at 7:30 am when the Peanut woke up, the lovely and beautiful BossLady woke up, changed Peanut's diaper and brought her into our bed. Although my eyes were closed and my head lay still, I could feel the Peanut's face mere inches from my own. After a few minutes of feeling her stinky breath go up my nose (how can someone so small have breath like that?), I very slowly opened one eye to look at her. The Peanut was lying on her side staring straight at me and the second she saw my one eye open, she did the first thing that naturally entered her tiny, little mind...
SHE JAMMED HER THUMB STRAIGHT INTO MY EYE, YELLED "I LOSE!" AND STARTED LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.
As soon as my vision returns and the swelling goes down, I'm sure I'll find this as funny as she does.
STRIKE TWO...
Over the weekend, BossLady bent over to pick up the Peanut and ended up throwing out her back. The doctor determined that it was a severe muscle pull (as opposed to a slipped disc.) However, my poor wife is in severe pain and there's nothing I can do about it. She spent all day yesterday writhing on the floor in pain. Poor Peanut knew something was wrong and kept coming over intermittently to plant a wet kiss on mommy's cheek and brush her hair. I think that may have done more good for the BossLady than all the Vicodin in the world. Maybe.
STRIKE THREE...
Early Saturday morning. 90 minutes waiting in line. A crowd of Impatient parents. Unruly children all over the place. Frazzled nerves. A fat man in a Santa suit. And for what?
A VIRTUAL REPEAT OF LAST YEAR'S PHOTO!!!
Are you kidding me? If you look closely and compare this to last year's photo, you may even notice that it's the same fucking Santa! In fact, when the Peanut was about to climb on his lap, I started joking around with him about last year's experience. All of sudden, he takes a close look at the Peanut and goes, "NOW I REMEMBER HER!"
I cannot believe this happened two years in a row!
On the upside, at least we closed out the weekend by ordering in some pizza and watching my boy Yul kick ass and win "Survivor." Congrats, my brother!
OMG that is awesome. I love Santa pictures like that.
And his facial expression is priceless:-)
Posted by: samantha Jo Campen | December 18, 2006 at 08:34 PM
Hilarious... I would try and pose a photo like that with my daughter if I thought for a second it would work.
Posted by: NG | December 18, 2006 at 09:06 PM
Hahahaha, that one is even better. I do think that may be the same Santa, I can't believe he remembered her. Your kid is the coolest, imagine how neat she'll thing that is when she's a parent. 90 minutes for a repeat of last year, you are a glutton for punishment my friend. Next year she'll be old enough to tell you, hell no, I won't go.
#1 cracked me up, but I can understand how you may want to let your eye heal before you admit it's dam funny.
I hope Boss Lady's back heals fast. Have a great Holiday.
Posted by: Melissa | December 18, 2006 at 09:16 PM
First of all, I am sorry that Boss Lady is in such agony. That totally sucks.
Secondly, I am quite envious that you HAD a hangover. THAT means you had a fun time. I, on, the other hand, was the designated driver Saturday night and watched my husband get stinky drunk.
Thirdly, I was DYING that Peanut's photo is the same as last year, right down to the look on Santa's face. Those are going to be FABULOUS memories!
Posted by: misfithausfrau | December 18, 2006 at 09:24 PM
Oh no. That photo. Not again. HILARIOUS as it is, I know how badly you all want a different image. But it looks like a pretty strong tradition is building here...
We had the same Santa this year as last year, too! But then we went to another mall and he saw another Santa. Our Pumpkin noticed it was a different guy! We had to think fast and explain that there are actually many Santas because there are so many children in the world to visit. It's good we got this explained yesterday, because today even the CVS guy was dressed as Santa — and without a beard! Now I've explained that sometimes Santas don't have beards (yikes).
I hope Boss Lady's back is feeling better! I'm sending you all lots of positive vibes.
Posted by: KG | December 18, 2006 at 09:55 PM
Bwah! Hah! Hah! Merry Christmas, and thanks for making me shoot wine out of my nose.
Posted by: landismom | December 18, 2006 at 10:11 PM
I would kill for a Santa like that. Our santa looked like a cross between Chester the Molester and AIDS Santa.
And, having just applied Ben Gay to my husband's lower back tonight due to an eerily similar muscle pull, we totally recommend it.
Greetings from the locker room.
Posted by: KC | December 18, 2006 at 10:19 PM
Awesome. I hope she keeps doing the whole "Santa is ripping out my fingernails" thing until she's in college. Think of the collage you could make.
Posted by: candace | December 18, 2006 at 11:03 PM
Yes, I think you need for her to do that intentionally every year, now that the tradition is started. Next year, you can explain to her while she's standing in line how Santa sucks out the soul of little kids who sit in his lap.
Posted by: ElizabethN | December 18, 2006 at 11:07 PM
If she reacts that way to Santa, I'd keep her away from the Easter Bunny!
Posted by: Vampdaddy | December 18, 2006 at 11:07 PM
Quote:
Let me take a guess... is she eating kimchee yet at all? :)
Posted by: cam c. | December 18, 2006 at 11:36 PM
This is one of those Christmas things I just don't get. Then again, with your sense of humor, I am sure the photo will be cherished. (The year she finally sits happily on Santa's lap you and BossLady will be really disappointed, huh?)
Posted by: nonlineargirl | December 18, 2006 at 11:40 PM
Sorry about your back Metro Mama!
Sending fast healing vibes!
Those Santa pics are priceless!
Posted by: | December 18, 2006 at 11:40 PM
This post cracked me up. Mainly because my husband and I were JUST remarking on our little girl's breath. It's horrendous (despite the fact that we're just teaching her how to brush her teeth!) How can a two year old's breath possibly be SO STINKY???
Posted by: Lisa Lisa | December 18, 2006 at 11:50 PM
Oh no! Poor BossLady! I shall perscribe three holy trinity of back pain medication:
1) Tiger Balm
2) Salonpas
3) Deep tissue massage
My dad is a welder and pulls muscles all the time. He'd be totally disabled if it weren't for those three things.
Re #1: I believe your kid and mine have a similar sense of humor. I think I'll have to wait till he's an adult with a child of his own who will poke his eyeball before I can start laughing.
Re #3: That is an awesome picture. At least she's consistent.
Posted by: honglien123 | December 18, 2006 at 11:54 PM
The holy trinity, not three holy trinity. :sigh:
Posted by: honglien123 | December 18, 2006 at 11:55 PM
Damn. I was really rooting for a better photo for BossLady, too.
I LOVE Santa's expression. As if he's totally taken by surprise at a kid who is hysterical!
Posted by: Chelle | December 19, 2006 at 12:05 AM
So sorry about the Peanut's repeat disaster with Santa but forgive me if I think it's the funniest thing I've ever seen!
Posted by: leora | December 19, 2006 at 12:13 AM
Sounds like you're getting your money's worth out of parenthood ;)
Sorry BossLady is in pain. Hope you both are healed soon.
I think next year you'll get the Santa pic you're looking for.
Posted by: momto3cubs | December 19, 2006 at 01:08 AM
Ah man, how I love that photo.
Yeah, I'm not sure what it is with the kids and bad breathe. I wish somebody would invent baby binaca.
Posted by: creative-type dad | December 19, 2006 at 01:21 AM
I LOVE those pictures! The first picture actually inspired me to take our daughter for her first picture with Santa this past weekend (though it's her second Christmas), and I'm so glad we got a crying photo. Our daughter had her arms outstretched toward me, rather than up in the air so as to escape Santa's clutches, but the crying face is very similar to Peanut's! Elle's crying only lasted about 8 seconds, until I picked her up again, so I can feel okay about making her cry. These days are so precious, and in a year or two they'll react in a completely different way.
I can't tell you how much I laughed seeing the second photo--it really is priceless! I think it's even better than having a totally different picture.
Posted by: EllesMommy | December 19, 2006 at 02:15 AM
Must...stop...laughing...at...photo...
I am so totally with you on the breath thing, MD. When the Munchkin wakes up in the morning (and after a nap), her breath smells like her intestines have rerouted and the gas is coming from her mouth. GAH! Have a Altoid, sweetie.
I hope the BossLady recovers soon. Strained backs are painful and no fun at all.
Posted by: Deanna | December 19, 2006 at 05:34 AM
Awesome. I admit I would have been a little disappointed if this picture had turned out differently. I hope the Let Me Go Freaky White Man pose will become an annual event.
Posted by: lumpyheadsmom | December 19, 2006 at 06:20 AM
I think you should post both pictures together and do the whole "What five things are different game."
Posted by: William | December 19, 2006 at 08:05 AM
Personally, I think Santa's face is the best part of the picture... He looks almost as upset as Peanut does. And just think of the fun you'll have showing Peanut's future boyfriends these pictures.
Posted by: Woman with Kids | December 19, 2006 at 08:16 AM
BWAHAHAHA!!! I can't believe you got the same picture as last year! That is too funny, MD. I can't wait to see next year's photo!
Posted by: Jodi | December 19, 2006 at 08:20 AM
I must remember to come back to this picture the next time I'm feeling down. Actually, they should start prescribing this to people who suffer from SAD. It's bloody hilarious.
Posted by: Nothing But Bonfires | December 19, 2006 at 08:49 AM
You know that secretly you love this pic of Peanut and Santa as much as the rest of us do. A nonconformist!
Hope BossLady feels better soon. Oh yeah, and your eye.
Posted by: Anne Glamore | December 19, 2006 at 08:55 AM
Wait until you see the whites of her eyes. That is one of the best Santa photo's ever!
Posted by: Peter | December 19, 2006 at 08:58 AM
hope you're feeling better, bosslady! i threw out my back last year and was laid up in bed for 2 weeks. it was the worst! the vicodin helped a lot though!
Posted by: serena | December 19, 2006 at 09:16 AM
I love that Santa looks surprised both times.
PS: the best game I've found for getting E to keep quiet in bed on weekends? "Hide from the {monster, giant, dinosaur, whatever) -- and you have to be very, VERY quiet, or the (scary creature) will get you!"
It doesn't work all the that great, but I can still see outta both my eyes.
Posted by: Jonathon | December 19, 2006 at 10:23 AM
classic.
Posted by: s@bd | December 19, 2006 at 10:39 AM
also? we keep the kids quiet in bed by turning on the TV that is conveniently located on the wall facing the bed.
(brilliant. I know.)
Posted by: s@bd | December 19, 2006 at 10:40 AM
You are the hands down winner of the best Santa picture. ever.
Posted by: Linda B | December 19, 2006 at 10:42 AM
Teach the Peanut how to work the remote control for the TV. That's what my husband and I did so we could get a little more sleep on the weekends.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 19, 2006 at 11:30 AM
Oh, poor BL! That is a b*tch having back pain like that! I hope she gets better soon. Those 3 things that Honglien suggested sounds about right around here too. It must be the ancient Asian secret to healing.
Poor Peanut, what are you doing to her Pierre!! She's going to be traumatized for the rest of her life, esp. after reading this article.
http://www.bloggingbaby.com/2006/12/19/scary-santa-charged-with-kidnapping-girl/
Posted by: Waya | December 19, 2006 at 12:10 PM
I forgot to mention that I was rooting for Yul to win too. He's so eloquent and oh so YUMMY!!
Posted by: Waya | December 19, 2006 at 12:17 PM
sorry to hear about bosslady's back . . . as for your eye - that's what you get, next time poke her in the eye first. (j/k.)
yul winning was so cool. yul is yummy.
ketel one martinis? no grey goose?
Posted by: Angie in Texas | December 19, 2006 at 01:13 PM
Wow! Peanut REALLY doesn't like Santa. These are going to be great fun to look at again over the years.
Posted by: Jamie | December 19, 2006 at 01:39 PM
One day she won't be afraid of Santa anymore so until that time comes you've got some priceless and way more fun photos of the event!
Posted by: Leeny | December 19, 2006 at 03:29 PM
Classic. Just... Perfect.
And BTW, my friend and highschool theatre-partner in crime, Nathan was also on survivor!
Kismet.
Posted by: GIRL'S GONE CHILD | December 19, 2006 at 04:59 PM
Awesome.
Except for BossLady's back. That sounds pretty horrendous. I hope it heals quickly.
Posted by: enygma | December 19, 2006 at 06:45 PM
Loved the Peanut eye-poking story, MD. I wonder where the Peanut gets her sense of humor!
Posted by: Anna T. | December 19, 2006 at 09:37 PM
I'm in bed right now, a heating pad under my back. It's one thing to lift the equivalent of a bag of wet cement, but it's another thing when said bag starts twisting and kicking.
Another thing. Bedtime milk + pacifier all night = horrendous morning breath. you should have exhaled on her and knocked her out. A good defense is a good offense.
Kee-Rist, your boy Yul is hot. I never watched Survivor this season. Didn't know what I was missing.
~x
Posted by: Xdm | December 19, 2006 at 09:52 PM
MetroDad, you made my day with that photo. Priceless. Totally priceless.
Happy Holidays to the whole MetroFamily. Hope BossLady is feeling better and I'm with Honglien on the Tiger Balm. Ben Gay is not bad either. Baby hairbrushing + Vicodin: sweet!!
Posted by: Glennia | December 20, 2006 at 01:43 AM
I think the Santa and your offspring will both need therapy. Amidst their PTSD symptoms, I hope they can reflect on what they have given to the internet and feel some joy. You with the eye, and the spouse with the back... I'm feeling pretty good about my life again. Thanks, MetroDad.
Posted by: p-man | December 20, 2006 at 01:50 AM
Yeah that is the same Santa! Except I see from the photo that his posterior subcapsular cataract has progressed in the left eye. Odd considering he can't be more than 57 behind the beard. Oh don't worry about your eye MD, thats what the other one is for. Plus I hear pirates are all the rage right now.
MD: Hey Peanut, remember when you blinded me in the right eye as a kid?
Peanut: Yeah remember when you forced me to visit the evil one two years in a row?
MD: Touche.
Peanut: You got off lucky Patchy.
MD: Ummm that's Dad to you.
Peanut: OK Cy.
Posted by: Henri | December 20, 2006 at 04:01 AM
It's not strike 3, it's a grand slam home run. That picture is all the more priceless for being the second of its ilk.
And for the record, I have been rooting for Yul since day one. I have a thing for smart men, whatever their heritage.
Posted by: Wendy Boucher | December 20, 2006 at 11:00 AM
I haven't even bothered with the Santa photo op. Everytime we see him the boys make it quite clear that it won't be worth our time or money.
Thumb in the eye! Classic.
Posted by: whit | December 20, 2006 at 11:57 AM
Ah ha ha ha - the quick jab in the eye is classic. Sorry for your pain... well, not as sorry as I am about BossLady's muscle pain. Ugh, being immobilized with pain with a toddler around is brutal - I feel her pain, literally. Ice packs alternated with heat packs do the trick, along with stretching (which hurts but necessary).
And the picture? That is priceless... and that Santa's face, he has the same expression, no? Aw, poor Peanut... I personally wouldn't want to sit on some fat guy in a red suit, either. I know, BossLady wants a 'nice' Santa picture but, in the long run, these 2 (and can't wait until next one!) have already been earmarked as a Metrofamily Santa tradition that will be talked about for years to come, along with pictures to prove it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, Metrodad, BossLady, and especially Peanut!
Posted by: Mama Nabi | December 20, 2006 at 12:29 PM