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November 15, 2006


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A child who thinks farts are funny is obviously destined for greatness.



And don't underestimate the importance of knowing how to wipe boogers on your leg. I heard that's how waterproof pants were invented.

Now if you'll excuse me my children are late for their truffle tasting.


Great post. The Alpha Parent thing drives me nuts. At two, most of the learning they are supposed to be doing is experiential anyway (i.e. playing with the trash.)

The Peanut is so cute in that picture. Love the outfit.


You're right, she sho' is pretty!

You're totally right - I used to be a NYPL Children's Librarian and they are ALL gifted and advanced and reading Harry Potter in preschool in Manhattan. *massive eyeroll*

But she sounds like a two-year-old. Nothing more humbling than a toddler, is there? We had the running joke about every little new twitch or wiggle as a baby, too - "She's a GEN-ius!" At least we can poke fun at the propensity of parents to see their own as the most perfect child!


She's so freaking cute, I just want to squish her. Love the outfit by the way.

Ok, here's the thing...we get those crazy mom's here too and they just kill me. The ones with their 4 year old taking french classes and violin lessons, but no tumbling. Oh and little Cooper and Anderson are complete GENIUS's. Oh yeah sure, even though they both are afraid of their own shadow and can't manage to tell me which color is red and which shape is a circle at four years old. Parents are nuts these days. There are the ones who completly ignore their kids, just hoping someone else will raise them and then the crazy over done ones. You just can't win. I figure as long as my kids are happy, all is good.

But Metro...my two year old can spell Delicious. And as long as no one asks where she got it from, they can just believe I am teaching her to spell. ;)


My daughter is also in that spinning phase. She spins and spins until she falls down and starts laughing like a hyena. Then she gets up and does it again. When she's spinning, it looks like the funnest thing in the entire world!


I hate it when parents don't let their kids be kids. There's a family next door with two lovely children. One is 3, the other 6. Their free time is completely booked with tutors, lessons, or activities.

They have NO idea how to play. They came over last week and my kids had to show them how to play in a sandbox! So sad.

Mama Nabi

(You must have read my latest post, no? If not, you should!) Gawd, I'd get my bleeding ulcer back, if I had to worry about THAT many parents doing the comparing. PN will often push for her to practice her letters and I sometimes lose it and go ballistic: "LET HER BE A KID, FOR F'S SAKE!" Then I have to contribute to the swear jar, yet again.
Although, the whole coal up the arse and getting diamonds idea is tempting... it WOULD pay for her college.
Funny, PN and I joke about LN's lack of agility... she may be developing a complex.


Add to the list of Peanut's accomplishments: good dresser. That kid is lookin' cool.

I'm totally with you. I can't imagine what all the uber-acheiving toddlers are going to turn out like.

Probably just like everyone else, just bummed that they never got to have fun when they were kids.


"She's ain't that bright, Cletus, but dang she sho' is pretty!"

You crack me up, my friend.

Papa Bradstein

Maybe it's just my exposure to so many tightly wound jackasses, but judging from the behavior of adults, it appears that it's much more difficult to raise a happy, friendly, funny person than someone who can call me an asshole in 14 languages, so I think that you're working harder and doing better than the competi-parents. But you knew that.

I don't know how they can't see that farts are funny. Farts are funny, Jimmy! Laugh at the farts! Laugh, Jimmy! Laugh harder!


I LOVE her outfit in that picture. So very, very cute. And it's not just NYC parents who are insane about the "kid competition." I see it all the time here in the sticks.

I can totally see all the kids of laid-back parents gravitating toward each other when they're adults. They'll be the ones laughing through life, genuinely having a good time. That's what I want for my kids.


With you on this one, very much with you. I am really disgusted with how "advanced" children have to be nowadays. (Don't I sound like an old geezer?)

Emily of Redwhineandboo

WHo needs advanced language skills when you have stripey tights like thoes! My kid also likes to play with the random left over cardboard but here in oregon we call that recycleing. Yep hippy i know.


Good for you MetroDad!! I'm proud of you for being in NYC and not joining in all that crazy hype!

oh and that outfit! OMG ADORABLE!


What is it with kids and garbage? Am I missing something? Every time I go to the kitchen, I find my son (3 y.o) digging out of the garbage can. So gross!


What, are overachievers the blogging topic of the day? I just read DT's post on Hothouse kids.
We, too, joke about Cobalt being only AVERAGE. We thought it was so cool that he is obsessed with pointing at various forms of transportation and yelling out what they are? (e.g. MOTORCYCLE...RIGHT THERE!) Then we find out that most of his buddies do/did that too. What a buzz-kill.



It's funny you should bring this up, because I've had a lot of conversations about exactly this recently. My (Manhattanite) sister was struggling with the school's recommendation that her 5 year old be placed in a gifted kindergarden class. Gifted Kindergarden??? Yeah, he's a smart kid, but seriously, WTF?

In a way, it's kind of nice to live out here in the boonies, where the opportunities for "enrichment" are not plentiful. Rather than after-school lessons of some sort, right now my kids are playing in an empty box.


The past few years I've been trying to deal with my own expectations versus who my children really are. I finally came to my senses a few months ago when my son was throwing a tantrum in a public place over something really dumb and I asked myself, "Why can't he be like all the other boys?!" And the answer immediately popped into my head: "Because he's NOT like the other boys."

Big epiphany! This fatherhood thing sure takes a long time to figure out, huh?


That outfit is precious...love love love the tights! I can't wait 'til I have one to dress up...just kiddin. sorta. : )


Yes, say it loud, say it proud, "She's only 2!!!"

Keep keeping out of that rat-race, MD. It's a yucky, slippery slope. For those that get wrapped up in it, the kids usually suffer.

Poor little Jimmy needs a break, man! He's just a baby!!!!!


Today I saw a woman berating her young daughter at the grocery store because she screwed up her ABCs. The kid looked like she was barely two and looked terrified.

I wanted to shake the shit out of that woman too.

Janet a.k.a Wonder Mom

I love that outfit.

I laugh at my own farts too and anyone elses...

That's a great little lady you have there MD.


I, too, am an avid reader and I've almost had several nervous breakdowns over the ten years of my daughter's life about how little she enjoys reading. But after making sure there weren't any "technical" problems with her ability to read, I have tried to calm down about it. Oh, and btw, (brag, brag) we just had her parent/teacher conference and she has "One of the top three report cards in the whole 5th grade." Not trying to be a scary alpha mom, just letting you know...no worries...The Peanut is probably a genius....just like my daughter! SHHURRRE.

Anne Glamore

In the Tiny Kingdom. parents whose kids don't get into the enrichment program have been known to throw fits and threaten their kids' way in. THAT'S a great lesson for the real world, right?

mr nice guy

wow, your peanut sounds more fun to hang out with than most of my adult friends.


It's so rare to come across a normal child now. In my line of work, I either see hyper-competitive parents or parents who don't give a crap about their kids. Seriously, it's nice to see that you and BossLady keep things in perspective.


Adorably dressed, I might add!

JJ Daddy Baby Momma



Sometimes I think parents and parenting have absolutely nothing to do with how a kid turns out. I mean, ok I'll brag a bit, my daughter is a pretty smart girl for her age and her kindergarten teacher confirmed it for us by saying even though she's one of the youngest kids in the class she knew all this stuff coming in that they won't be working on till later in the school year (letters, numbers, colors, shapes, basic addition, subtraction, and math) and is picking up new things extremely quickly. She knew her ABCs, colors, shapes, and how to count in two languages, etc by the time she was 2. I'm not sure if we did anything special. We read to her, sang to her, fed her, played with her, and that's about it.

My son? Exact same routines, completely different results. He too is a booger wiper (although it's my shirt not my pants), he also sings at the top of his lungs, and spins till he can spin no more. ABCs, reading, and all that? Eh, he could care less, but he sure is happier than my daughter who's extremely melodramatic (although that might be the stage we're in). I wonder if there's a tradeoff? Or maybe it's just a personality thing? I mean, kids aren't exactly factory made automatons, they're all different right?

BTW, LOVE the Peanut's outfit. Those tights are absolutely awesome.


Look at all the experimenting she's doing -exploring sound and texture, testing physics and building her social skills. She could end up as an opera singer, a chef, a scientist or a therapist. All those little fact-spewing memorizers (is that a word?) are going to end up pencil-pushing middle managers with no sense of independence, creativity or critical thinking skills. Alphaparents need copies of Einstein Never Used Flash Cards shoved into their hands.

That outfit is sooooo freaking cute.


I needed a post like this today.

Spinning and Farting. Yup. Got those.


Well, if she's wiping boogers on pants she's OBVIOUSLY reading Kafka when you're not looking. Or perhaps Freud. Either way, pretty advanced stuff. (And ... umm... MD? In case you haven't noticed, you guys are asian, which means that she gets a pass on all that stuff now because she'll be totally outdoing her peers by the fifth grade.)

She is unbelievably adorable, though.


You'll hate this: she looks like a MODEL! ;-)



Love your attitude about child-rearing, MD. We've got to beat back those alphaparents one kid at a time!


Dude, our grandchildren won't be smart but they'll be damn good-looking.

Have you thought about your dowry yet? I'll settle for a top-line back-up QB.


Obviously she'll be a fashion designer!

Seriously though, with you two as her parents, she is happy, loved, secure, knows how to have fun, is well-adjusted, etc.--you're helping her build a terrific foundation. She'll be passing up other kids in no time.


Dude, she is too freaking cute! Also, good for you for not falling into the alpha-parent trap. My brother lives in NYC and he says it's just insane!


In our family, when someone has done something spectacularly stupid, we make our hands into scales and say "Gifted or blond?" as we bounce the 'scales' up and down. It's amazing how blond we all are! Yesterday I made pizza's for dinner and the boy started up with the girl, accusing her of eating a piece of the second pie before the first was done...except that the second pie was whole. As in, "Gifted or Blond"... you be the judge!

Peanut gets cuter and cuter. Just tell her to stop that garbage sorting or move to Brazil where her skillage could actually earn you some cash.


She is way too cute. I think I need to hook my son up with her.


OMG! Look how hip Peanut is in that outfit! She's the hippest farter I've ever seen. She can play with garbage with Sophia any time. Sophia almost pulled the George Costanza the other day where she almost put a piece of leftover food in the garbage in HER MOUTH!!

My girl is destined to be the next Kobayashi. We call her "the bottomless pit". For a 20 month old girl, she can certainly pack away the food (just like her mama). I'm just so proud!


Our daughter just started doing the banshee thing too. It's so funny. At first, we thought she was yelling in distress but then we realized she was just yelling for fun. I guess it's the toddler version of yodeling!


How do you be Type A* with a toddler? How masochistic. When Beck does something like eat chapstick The Husband and I just look at each other and say, "Yup. DeVry."

(*A stands for Asshole.)


She is cute!

My son loves to fart too. I'm so proud.


I taught my daugher to fart in the tub...
which she thinks is hilarious.

of course, when she "farted" with me in the shower this morning, a whole turd fell out. My wife thought that was hilarious.

gotta love 'em cuz nobody else will.


The woman you described yelling at Jimmy?? Reminds me of that book I read, "The Nanny Diaries"...

So NYC parents really are THAT competitive? Wow.


Spinning and farting? No. But I do have a 4-year-old who is honing her skills as an expert burper. Her latest goal...the entire alphabet! Then I have the 7-year-old who groans with every book he reads and yet has sheer joy on his face when he became our household expert light saber twirler, performed to the Star Wars theme no less.

I'm so proud!;)

One more thing...cute tights!


In the past week, our little WonderBoy has eaten a box of dog treats, poured glue onto his own hair, and got himself stuck in the laundry machine.

We don't know whether to laugh or cry.


That outfit is the cutest thing I have ever seen! I wish I had a daughter so I could dress her up as cute as the Peanut.


You've got the right attitude, MD! I hate hearing about kids who are scheduled to death; just let them play w/ rocks and dirt -- with a couple of board books thrown in-- and they'll learn just as much as they would from a Little Mermaid video or Suzuki violin lessons.

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