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October 11, 2006


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My panties are in the mail...but I'll need them back.

Domestic Chicky

(getting up from the desk)


(clapping wildly, and 1 and 3 year-old joining in)


I was at LAX last week and this German guy bought like 5 porno mags right in front of me. The weird thing? He ended up sitting next to me on the flight to Chicago. Thankfully, he didn't bust open the mags during the flight.


Next time we meet, I'll throw my boxers at you. Will that make you feel better? Probably not, mate. However, you are the Tom Jones of daddy blogs!


A) Yes, you're right. We're listening to the 80s music ironically.

B) Standing ovations are awesome. If you're ever in Austin, I'll put you in a play.

C) I always worry I'll end up sitting next to the guy that buys porno in airports, knowing the whole flight that he's really turned on while his knees are rubbing uncomfortably against mine.

D) (Incredulous) You DON'T know karate?

creative type dad

I never understood the logic of selling porn in the airports. It's not like I'm against it. But, they're usually they're right next to the kids coloring books and overpriced toys.

It's like they're saying 'buy your lonely kids a coloring book with your girlie mags'

Very creepy.


So is it weird that I was 2 in 1985 but listen to Perry Como? just wondering.

More people should call out the obnoxious cell phone user. Kudos and clapping!

Emily of Redwhineandboo

I was 5 in 1985 and I too know all the words to thoes songs. It was not by choice, if you work in a chain restaurant for long enough it just happens.


I bet if you hand out your email you will get some panties thrown(mailed) your way!! I can have OG send you her used diapee...will THAt work? ha


Regarding #1: Roast beef should also never have that weird rainbow sheen on it. Yichhhh!


Either Kansas or Arkansas should change their pronounciation, because I'm 40 years old and I still have that 3 second delay while my brain processes "ar-kansas" into "ark-an-saw."

I find it hard to believe, what with all the mad karaoke skillz you have led your faithful readers to believe you posess, that you have never had a standing ovation before. Good on ya for making that guy shut the hell up.


silly metrodad, the porn isn't for the airport, it's for the strange, lonely town that customers are spending the next few days in and need some comforts of home.
regarding AR, perhaps they misspelled "our."


I always associated Metrodad with Metro-sexual. Standing up and telling that clown to back down shows a bit of a red neck. Arkansas rubbing off on 'ya? Nice work.
Standing Golf clap from Boston.


Oh, please, MD--follow me around and you will find PLENTY of obnoxious loud people screaming into their cellphones. I will give you a standing ovation EVERY TIME you tell one of them off.


Mr. Rude was just probably in shock that a minority was yelling at him. =]

Big J

"Ar" is short for "Arrrrrrr", what unlucky pirates say when they've been transported the middle of nowhere. The landlubbers native to that foul state think it gives them a dash of seafaring charisma.


I love number seven. We do it too, although it isn't as much fun alone. I'm glad to see that you made it back to civilization alive. I'm not sure if I want a standing ovation for anything. Then again, maybe if I had one, I'd feel differently about it. I am impressed that you stood up and told that guy to shut his trap.


I'll clap for you if you clap for me. And I hate those wireless earpieces, they don't make me think of Star Trek, they make me think of schizophrenia or tourettes (not that there's anything wrong with schizophrenics or people with tourettes).

Hygiene Dad

"I really like your shoes?"

You straight guys use all the wrong pick-up lines.


Yeah, I'd give you a standing ovation AND even buy you a Scotch!


BRAVO -- as usual! (And of COURSE I'm standing!)



Apparently you get standing ovations all the time. You just can't see them through your computer screen.

And, are you sure you don't know karate? 'Cuz that's really messing with my stereotype.


Don't you hate those obnosious loud talkers? Seems like they're multiplying by the day. Good for you for standing up to one of them. You definitely deserve a standing O!


So that was you fucker? Godamnit I thought you'd be shorter and for the record no fucking way I was intimidated by your not-knowing-any-karate-ass and nooooo way was I that loud. Anyway I tried to make up for that shit when I asked you about your shoes but FUCK boy do you hold a grudge, you didn't even look at my face when I was complimenting your Prada's. You'd think you'd cut me a break in that bar, me being the only other Korean guy in Arkansas and all but nooooooooo gotta pretend like your not showing any favoritism. Geeze and to think I was gonna send you some porn... forget it. By the way ehe AR in Arkansas stands for Asians Reave!

How About Two?

You're right, number seven doesn't work well with just one.

Here's a game that works for one (requires a stopwatch or at least a watch):

1. Pick one person (man or woman, doesn't matter).
2. Start the stopwatch.
3. Stare at them.
4. Once they look at you, stop the timer.
5. Repeat.

After you've got a baseline average (4-6 will do) start again, but this time, try using the Jedi mind trick to alert them that you want them to look up and see want the average is for that.

Sorry. I'm a little off.


Speaking of Star Trek, those earpieces always make me think that the Borg has assimilated the wearer. So these people are all basically Borg — aaahhhhh! And then the Borg further mind-controls them through those nasty, addictive "Crackberries."

Also, roast beef should never be green, and #7 is a really good idea!


We need more people like you to tell those loud cell phone talkers to shut the F up. And take one for the team if they get unruley and want to beat us up.


Having been good in sports means many standing ovations. The difficult part was leaving pro-sports and get a "normal" job. To standing ovations there. I do get them from my son and as silly as it may sound they mean more than any of my sports successes.

Could you come to Sweden and yell at the cell-fuckers over here? They are on the cell EVERYWHERE. Bus, subway (yep, works there as well), grocery store, restaurant. Fucking everywhere. And they NEVER talk about anything important


Papa Bradstein

Airport porn (airporn?) always has worried me because I know that there are enough people with the (lack of) mental firepower that Annoying Cellphone Man displayed that someone's going to buy it thinking, "I'll just check this out on the plane." Do the airlines really want people jacking off during flights? I also worry because of course he'd sit next to me, but then we'd all know if the seat cushion, while also a flotation device, also works well as a bludgeon.


Good for you for standing up to him. Too many people think it's okay to have private conversations loudly in public places, adn I can't stand it. As always, though, your entry made me laugh out loud. Thanks.

JJ Daddy-O

I, too, think of those headset guys as the half-assimilated Borg. They wander around with their implanted gadgetry communicating with the hive mind.
Not to mention, airport cell phone conversations are 99% the same and 100% inane- "OK, my plane just arrived, yeah, 20 minutes late... I am going to get my luggage and pick up the rental car... what?.. yeah, a Taurus, maybe a Town Car if I'm lucky... no, the Motel 6 in Muncie, not the Econo Lodge... OK.... OK....OK.... no I sent him the Powerpoint slides for that..."



I just spent some time at the Milwaukee airport and could not believe how old the average security guy was. Had to be at least 70. Scary!


Grey roastbeef is just Aged meat. And istn;e aged meat supposed to be better?


And why the fuck is Arkansas AR-CAN-SAW anyway?

If that's how you say it, then why isn't Kansas



At least you weren't chasing a toddler.

Busy Mom

*throws panties*


I'd throw my panties but I don't wear them.

Her Bad Mother

I'm quite certain that you've received many a standing O (which sounds like the kind of orgasm that might occur in an airplane washroom stall, but I digress).

And, if AR-Kansas, why the Arkan-SAW pronunciation?


Okay, I HAD to google this and discover the mystery behind the pronunciation. The name Arkansas is another form of Kansas and the Kansas Indian Tribe is a member of the Sioux Nation. It was influenced by the early French settlers pronunciation of Indian names. Guess if the French had been in Kansas they might have pronounced it the same way. In 1881, the current pronunciation became law, btw.

Oh, The Joys

You GO, Daddy-O!

Lisa V.

Why do so many men think it is vitally important that we hear their inane cell phone conversations? Thanks for shutting that guy up, MD. I always want to say something to those jerks---but never do.

Standing ovation well deserved!


I give the slow-movie-clap-to-thunderous-applause all the time to be a smart ass.


I was 4 in 1985, and I really do like and know the words to the songs from all those bands.

And thanks to Alanis Morrisette, no one in my generation knows HOW to do anything ironically.


you are the real-life mr. t! i pity the fool who pisses off metrodad.

(have you seen the ads for this new show? it's like "the surreal life" took over network television.)


I can only hope that they like the music the way we liked the Big Chill soundtrack in 83. Retro-cool. Nostalgia-chic.

Please? I hope?


Cincy--God, that's like saying "Frisco." Both are obnoxious and grating on the ears.


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