Not all moonbeams, unicorns and sippy cups...

For the past month, I've been dealing with an enormous amount of stress at work.  I've had a constant migraine.  My hair feels like it's falling out in bunches.  And even the knots in my shoulders have knots!  If I were to visit a physician, he'd probably tell me that these knots were Gordian in nature (actually, that diagnosis would probably be better left to a Macedonian philosopher, wouldn't it?  Hmm, I wonder whether my health insurance covers co-payments to Macedonian philosophers.  Doubtful.  Fuckers won't even cover the cost of my therapy!)

To make a long story short, instead of giving myself a big bonus at the end of this year and taking a long vacation on a nice beach in Tahiti, I'll most likely be giving my beloved employees bonuses out of my own pocket and, instead of Tahiti, BossLady, Peanut and I will probably be spending the Christmas holidays at the Vince Lombardi service station on the N.J. Turnpike. 

If any of you are travelling on I-95 over the holidays, please stop by and say hi! 

Once, when BossLady and I were driving cross-country, we actually spent a night at the Vince Lombardi rest stop sleeping in a cargo van.  Based on that singular experience, I'm thinking that there are probably worse places to spend the holidays (like my in-laws' house in Texas.  Don't get me wrong.  I love them IMMENSELY but they have no cable TV, no internet access, and no alcohol.  It's like vacationing with the Amish.)  On the other hand, Mr. Lombardi's rest stop has ALL of those things. Plus a Taco Bell, a Bob's Big Boy, and a Roy Rogers!  Shazaam!  A perfect Trifecta! 

This reminds me.  A friend of mine owns several Arby's in Chicago.  Since he actually inherited all of them and looks very young for his age, we used to call him Abe Frohman, the sausage king of Chicago (if you're under the age of 30, you're probably not going to get that joke.)  Anyway, "Abe" has always told us that we should avoid Arby's whenever possible.  Apparently, the meat is not always 100% beef and they paint the grill marks on the ribs so it looks like they were actually cooked on a bbq.  I won't even discuss what's in the horsey sauce!  Anyway, "Abe" also told us that, as bad as Arby's may be, studies have shown that the Roy Roger's Fixins Bar is a disgusting repository of germs and bacteria, some of which have probably yet to be discovered.  Awesome! 

What the fuck was I talking about again?  Oh yes...stress.   

Life used to be so much easier, didn't it?  Remember those halcyon days of yore?  When the toughest decision of your day was what to put on your pizza?  God damn, I miss those times.

Now, everything is so complicated and stressful. Career. Work. Mortgage. Tuition. Retirement plans. Taxes. Credit card bills. FUCK ME! 

Sometimes, I feel like quitting my job, selling our apartment in Manhattan, moving to Jamaica and buying a little tropical shack on the beach.  I could be a coconut farmer.  BossLady could sell trinkets to tourists. And Peanut would be the cutest little Korean Rastafarian on the planet.  Wouldn't that be lovely?

But then I remember that I love central air conditioning, foie gras, wireless internet service, Frette sheets, sushi, cashmere sweaters, and German cars.  Also, I'd look absolutely ridiculous with dred locks.  Fuck!  Back to the salt mines!

Whenever I get this stressed out, I like to employ one of my favorite relaxation activities. You know, the one called GIANT GLASS OF SCOTCH!  (God bless you, Dr. Johnnie Walker!  You're not only the best therapist I've ever had but you've also done more for me than Prozac ever could!)

Now, I'm man enough to admit that I'm pretty miserable to be around right now and am really not suitable for adult company.  This morning, the Boss Lady innocently asked me to throw away some of the twenty New Yorker magazines that have been by the side of my bed for a month and I almost bit her head off.  I think my exact words were, "GOOD LORD!  STOP NAGGING ME, WOMAN, AND LEAVE ME ALONE!  I HATE MY LIFE!" 

If only I were kidding...

I witnessed first-hand how my father's daily stress affected my relationship with him so I've always sworn that I would never allow that to happen with me and the Peanut.  This is something that's very important to me.  At the end of the day, I can always apologize to the BossLady for being a pain in the ass.  But young toddlers don't really understand it when Daddy's getting his ass kicked at work and is just not himself. 

So tonight, I decided to have a special Father/Daughter date night.  When I picked The Peanut up from daycare, she wrapped her little arms around my neck and gave me a giant bear hug.  The two of us held hands and took a long walk around the neighborhood.  Then, we ended up at our favorite sushi restaurant.  It's a local joint where everyone knows us well and the whole staff always comes over to play with the Peanut.  We both love this place.  Peanut loves their miso soup and Agedashi tofu.  I love their enormous sake collection and the fact that they fly their fish in from Japan on a daily basis. 

The two of us had a great time.  There's nothing like spending quality time with your child to make you forget all your problems.  A few hours talking nonsense with the Peanut and having sword fights with our chopsticks was the best therapy in the world.  How stressed out can you be when your daughter is feeding you soup?  If you don't have kids, there's no way in a million years that I can even begin to explain how life-affirming the whole experience was.

But if a picture says a thousand words...

Updated 9/22/06:  You know how lightning never strikes the same place twice?  Well, I shouldn't have pushed my luck, my friends.  Last night, we took the Peanut out for dinner.  Whereas the night before, she was a dinner companion nonpareil, yesterday she was the model of vexation.  I'm talking total nuclear meltdown.  The lie-on-your-stomach-and-flail-your-arms-screaming type of meltdown.  You know what I'm talking about, right?  Fun times.  Anyway, thank you all for your words of encouragement.  As always, I'm humbled by your kindness. 

Comments

[Sarah]

You know, I was going to suggest that you leave your Manhattan apartment and move to Minnesota, but then you got to your list of things that you love and I realized that I don't think you could get many of those things, here, either.

Your daughter is beautiful. It sounds like spending some time with someone you love and who loves you is just what the doctor ordered.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

Chopsticks? Impressed.

Sorry to hear life's been a bitch. Hang in there.

[Ian]

Couldn't agree with you more, mate. There really is nothing more therapeutic than spending some QT with your kids. Years ago, I would have punched a hole through the wall. Now, I fingerpaint and sing "Itsy Bitsy Spider!"

[Melissa]

There is nothing better in the world than sharing sushi with your toddler.

MD - you better take care of yourself. That little girl deserves for you to not stroke out and die at 40 from stress. Got me? Ok.

(From the woman who is still at work at 8pm for the third night in a row and taking work on her vacation.)

[landismom]

Oh, you are playing my song, MD. September is kicking my ass this year, and tomorrow I have to get up at the crack of dark to fly to Pittsburgh.

Stop laughing. Yes, I said Pittsburgh.

Last week, I was talking about something that's happening at work next weekend, and the Bee looked at me with a tear in her eye and said, "you're not working on my birthday, are you?"

Of course, I wasn't planning to, but the guilt nearly poleaxed me anyway.

[Alan]

You're totally right, MD. If you don't have kids, you can't even begin to understand the joys that they can bring to your life. Hope things get better for you soon. keep your chin up, man! The Peanut is counting on you!

[nonlineargirl]

A man of your good taste can't really be drinking Johnny Walker. Please say it ain't so. For the love of Lagavulin, say it ain't so!

[Chelsea]

Take care, stressful times are really difficult-- we've just finished a tough chapter here. But your little family is worth pushing through it. (As you obviously get from reading this post.)

(Oh, and get a massage at the next opportunity!)

[Henri]

Hahaha...I'm actually going to a meeting tomorrow which might end up with me closing my practice that I've built for the past 5 years and trying to find a place to park my patients until I can build a new clinic! Fun Fun for everybody! Yo MD lets both quit and house swap for a few months, I could use the noise and you could use the Napa. And the best part is we both know we'll be well stocked.

[the mad momma]

I am so happy to see that statement about not understanding unless you have a kid. i keep looking back on when i wanted to kill squash somebody's kid on the aricraft because it wouldnt stop bawling or slap a mother silly because her child was having a tantrum... or looking at a friend like she was retarded because she didnt want to leave her 4 year old and go back to work. and here i am ... having my second within 15 months and wondering how ppl can choose not to have this experience....

[LOD]

Hey, at least you're headed to the Lombardi rest stop. There are those who have to settle for the Joyce Kilmer stop, and that place is a dump.

[KG]

Hang in there, MetroDad! Wow, the planets must be in total alignment for producing work stress. It seems everyone around me with a 9-5 (or a 7-3, or a 7-7) is really feeling the heat this week.

Deep breath in, hold it, now let it out. Good!

[Leora]

"How stressed out can you be when your daughter is feeding you soup?" just might be my new parenting mantra. Thanks for keeping it all in perspective, MD.

[Brianna]

Sushi fixes all...mmmmmm.

[Susan]

Hang in there, Metro. I'm with KG. Seems like everybody I know is totally stressed out right now. Must be something in the water.

Umm...Arby's meat is not always 100% beef? Scary. Do I even want to know what it might be? Please do tell!

[JJ Daddy-O]

Right there with you MD. I, too, have a stressful job which is sucking my will to live.
Unfortunately, my family is addicted to food and running water. Also unfortunately, I moved out of NYC about 15 years ago, which means it would be hard to reduce expenses by moving to more of a backwater then I already live in. In fact, when I worry about money, I say to myself "could be worse, I could be paying $3500 a month to live in a 2 BR apt in Brooklyn!"
But when I walk in the door after work, and the twins, Chang and Eng, run at me with there arms open screaming Daaaaaaadeeeeeee!, things look a little better. I bet they would even like agedofu, they already like tamago.

[Anne Glamore]

We're with you, MD-- and you'll pull out of it. And don't give up on the stack of New Yorkers-- I made it through 2 last night. My pile is visibly reduced, and all is better with the world.

[METRODAD]

Sarah...I think 6-feet tall Asian men might actually be more common in Jamaica than in Minnesota, no?

nonlineargirl...Lagavulin is one of my favorites. But when you're looking to drown your stress by the gallon, those giant bottles of Johnnie Walker are more economical.

Henri...I might just take you up on that offer!

Susan...A horse is a horse, of course, of course. And no one can talk to a horse of course!

Daddy-O...$3,500 for a 2 bedroom in Brooklyn? Bwaahaha! These days, you'd be lucky to find a broom closet renting for the little money. How scary is that?

[JJ Daddy-O]

Jeez, I can't believe I wrote "there" instead of "their". You see how much stress I am under?
Please don't banish me to the Island of Misfit Grammarians!

[candace]

It seems like my favorite writers always throw something in their posts to make me love them just that much more. For you, it was Abe Frohman. I big pink puffy heart you for that, MetroDad.

Didja know that Nickelodeon recently aired an edited version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off? It did, and my kids watched it and they LOVED it. I can't wait until I can show them the unedited version.

[Oh, The Joys]

Wonderful stress relieving Peanuts!

(She is soooo cute!)

[Jonathon]

I generally work a schedule where I'm at my "dayjob" 8-5, then at rehearsals 6-10 (my daughter only stays with me on weekends). I'm exhausted, stressed, and grumpy whenever my schedule gets like this, but I'm with you, dude. A weekend roaming around playgrounds and pretending to hide in caves with imaginary tigers (or whatever) is a nice way to regain perspective.

[SK]

PK, I know you're really stressed but sometimes... you just break my heart.

[Richard]

I share your pain, MD. I travel a ton for work and am always on the road. There's nothing I can do about this. It's what I have to do to provide for my family. It sucks because I feel like I'm missing out on so much. Yet, when I am home, I find myself completely stressed out about work all the time. It kills me! Somehow, my kids know when daddy's head is about to explode and one of them will come over and give me a hug or a kiss on the cheek. For that brief moment, all my worries seem to disappear.

Be thankful you still have your hair. I lost all of mine years ago!

[Velma]

Getting down to kid level is usually the best stress relief. Mentally or physically, kid level is important to visit regularly.

Loved the Nickelodeon showing of "Ferris Bueller." Now my 6 year old keeps doing spazzy little motions, pausing until she's sure I'm paying attention, and saying, "Never had ONE lesson!"

Just wait until the Peanut starts trying to crack you up, MD. You're gonna love it.

[m2morgan64]

Random Comment having little to do with the post:

I just wanted to comment that I got the "Abe Frohman" reference even though I am under 30 years of age (ok, I turn 30 on Sunday, but that's not the point).

[Emily]

It must be in the season change, our house has been uber stressed these days as well. We turned off the phone last night and made our favorite comfort food, grilled cheese and Tomato soup. Reading your line this morning, "How stressed out can you be when your daughter is feeding you soup?" I can not agree more. I think my shirt is a little stained, but well worth the relief. I hope your days get better!

[Janet]

Hold On MD! You'll get there. It is hard damn work being a working parent. There's a lot counting on you. But you are such a great dad...(Your posts prove it) and you will pass the hump eventually.

Isn't it amazing how your outlook on life can totally turn around with one hug from your child? I understand. Enjoy your peanut, those are the times she'll remember. She won't understand the stressed daddy, but she will savor the loving one always.

She's beautiful! (But I already told you that before!)

[Waya]

So sorry to hear you're all stressed out, not a good time to tag you huh?!

How about this to cheer you up? Did you know that Korean men are hot commodity in Japan right now?! Yup! My hubbie made sure I knew that fact, he read it in the Boston Globe this past weekend and hasn't stopped talking about how "lucky I am to be married to THE hot commodity." This is all the rage with Japanese girls, who are paying big bucks to be set up with Korean men, something about the cute guy on LOST.

I was going to write a post about it, but nah...didn't want the hubbie's ego to get any bigger.

Hope that cheered you up! And Peanut is adorable as usual!!

And as for Abe, we just saw "Ferris Bueller" the other day, and I got that.

[Pattie]

Good luck destressing. I hear you--I've had an imaginary ulcer for years. I like to call him Chabo.

You'll have to let me know the name of that sushi restaurant--it sounds right up the hubby's alley.

[creative-type dad (Tony)]

Isn't it funny how just looking at the kid makes the whole world much manageable (at least for a little while).

I completely sympathize with you on the relative in Texas. We have some in Ohio and they DO live next to Amish. I cry on the plane ride over (that's how much I hate going there).

[Mike]

Your in-laws have no booze in their home? Did you marry a PK?

When are you gonna have a son?

Serious.

Go knock Bosslady up.

Although, with you current grumpy mood, you're never gonna get laid again. But I understand you accepted that when you got married and had a kid.

[Celeste]

Gosh you have a pretty baby!

If it wasn't for those transcendent moments with the little ones, it would all just be too much for most of us. The masochists, they'd be in hog heaven.

You're so lucky your kid will eat a variety of things. I'm so jealous I could die.

[Mama Nabi]

Hey, chin up - you'll get through this; don't you usually? (I'm assuming, probably correctly) Go enjoy an evening bath with a nice glass of scotch (usually fruity perfumed bubbles help me but I don't know if you'd find that not 'macho' enough) and start fresh the next morning.

That's a damn sweet story about Peanut and sushi... I wish I had a dad like you. Peanut, as usual, looks scrumptiously adorable. Now, how can anyone stay stressed sitting across the dinner table from her? I assume she's charging you for these therapy session - do you pay kisses or hugs? :-D

[Wendy Boucher]

I'll take some sushi and a side order of Peanut any day! Hope the stress relief continues.

[Ian]

I know what you mean, MD. When I'm stressed out from work, the ONLY thing that cheers me up is spending a few hours with my son in the backyard. And you're so right. If you don't have kids, it's hard to understand.

Hope things ease up for you!

[Kaz]

I hear ya - this time of year always sucks at work, what with football (college and pro) starting up, hockey and basketball (pro and ESPECIALLY college) right behind... it just always sucks this time of year.

But you are right, I find quality time to be fun. And when it is one-on-one with my daughter, it is somehow more special.

with my wife's new job, we get at least one "date night" a week... which usually means pizza and either popcorn and movie at home, or going out for ice cream.

[KC]

*big sigh*
First off, the thought of you having a "date" with the little one just puts hearts in my eyes. (I also teared up listening to Hate Me by Blue October this morning so I may be a little hormonally imbalanced)

Jamaica ain't what it's made out to be- I spent a whole vacation saying, "For the love of God, I am not Japanese! Stop saying 'Konichiwa' to me! And, I'm too old for corn rows! Back off bitches!"

Psst...Boss Lady, I just toss out those New Yorkers that are over a month old when husband's not home. No fuss, no muss.

[Ratner]

I shudder to think what my life would be like without scotch, sushi or the love of my child.

[Shannon]

Hang in there, MD. You might try hitting the gym to relieve some of that stress. You may not relish spending the extra time away from Bosslady and the Peanut, but missing you for an hour or so would be better than a cranky dad all night long. Besides, if you take out your frustration on inanimate objects (like weights) and the occasional gym rat, you can feel better about that upcoming holiday at the rest stop and the trifecta bonanza.

[CroutonBoy]

Sorry to hear about the stress, buddy...not good! (although it's hard to feel too sorry for someone with Frette sheets). That was a James Bond move taking your daughter out for sushi, though...probably good for both of you.

In my mind, I'd love to post a little picture of one of those "hang in there" kitten posters, but (a) I lack the technical skill, (b) you and your readers would hate me for it, (c) it sounds like you don't really need it, and (d) that's how you'd know I'm gay. Just power through and take advantage of the Peanut's Jedi powers to keep the blood pressure down.

[AngryMom2Three]

HAH! When I get stressed out, my husband and everyone else know to stay away from because I'm a total bitch to be around and will bite EVERYONE'S head off! You're right though. The only people allowed near me when I'm stressed out are my kids. They're the only ones who can help lift the clouds.

[Maniacal]

Awww that little doll is better than a glass of scotchy schotch schotch anyday!!

Oh and UGH the Vince Lombardi service station on the N.J. Turnpike is the WORST, why do we always have to end up there?!?!?!

[Maniacal]

Did I just put an extra H in scotch?!?!? WTF!?!?!

[KidKate]

MD-- In defense of Brooklyn, you could TOTALLY get a 2-bed for less than $3,500. But judging from your list, sounds like you've got Manhattan taste! (I like sushi and cashmere as well as the next gal but I’m embarrassed to admit that I’m not entirely sure what some of those things on your list are.) Of course I am moving to London, which is one of the few cities in the world that’s manages to be MORE expensive than New York, so I am not really at liberty to complain about expensive real estate.

Your daughter, by the way, is just beautiful. We don't have children (yet) but I think I can understand how that little face could just make your day!

--Kate (of Carroll Gardens)

[Lira]

I practically squealed when I saw this photo of the Peanut. She's so adorable. I love that she can feed herself miso soup. Can she use chopsticks? That would be impressive!

[Marley from San Francisco]

I feel your pain. We're about to have our first child and there's so much to plan and think about. I just want to toss in the towel, move and live off of rice and kimchee! Life can be overwhelming, but I look forward to the day when I can sit with my son and share moments like you and peanut. Then it'll all be worth it.

Wow, there are a lot of out there working, raising kids, doing life, and feeling the STRESS. It has been especially hectic for the last two weeks. Maybe it's the back-from-summer catch up thing. I have to tell myself to relax and not take it out on my three little ones when I get home and they're all whining for me. Hang in there MD. It's tough being a grown up.
-M-

[Christiney]

Thanks for your post today. It was"spit-on-the-monitor" funny. It's nice to see so many of us going through the same thing. -Christine

[Deanna]

Peanut=adorable.

Good for you for recognizing the need for a break and taking her out. And it's never too early to cultivate a sushi habit, so props there, too.

Best of luck getting through the work crap, and hopefully there is some light at the end of the tunnel.