Dear Andy

Dear Andy,

It's hard to believe that it's been five years since you passed away.  In many ways, it feels like several lifetimes ago.  In other ways, the shadows of that horrible day are burned in my memory so strongly that I remember everything like it was just yesterday.

I remember in those dark days after 9/11 when I would call your voice mail just to hear your voice.  For months, I would call and leave you messages.  Tears would be rolling down my face as I spoke into an empty receiver telling you how much I missed you.  Eventually, they disconnected the voice mail, Andy, but don't worry.  I'll never forget your voice or the sound of your laugh.  In many ways, they're like the soundtrack of my youth. 

There's so much to tell you, my friend, that I don't even know where to begin.  The Peanut is almost two now.  Can you believe that, Andy?  It's amazing to watch her grow older.  She's a funny little kid with a ridiculously infectious laugh.  Her goofiness and love of life remind me a lot of you.  The two of you would have had so much fun together and I know "Uncle Andy" would have been one of her favorite people. 

Although the "boys" don't see each other as often as we should, we all remain very close.  Roy is still down in Miami with his family.  I spoke to him last week and couldn't help but smile a little about the grief you used to give him about being a low-talker.  Russell has his hands full with his little girl but he still lives like a rock-star banker.  You'd love seeing The Doctor these days.  He's traded in the leather pants for a plastic bib and a sippy cup.  He's a proud papa of a little boy and, if God has any sense of humor, the kid is going to grow up and become a total jock.  Of course, I see Kyle a lot.  He's still happily single and having the time of his life.  And are you ready for this?  Shar got married this past year and Sherri is pregnant!  Finally!  The wedding was out in Arizona and was the perfect time for a reunion of "la famiglia."  Needless to say, I spent a lot of the weekend getting drunk with your folks. 

Like every special occasion we all celebrate together, Andy, you were deeply missed.  You were there in spirit but I would have given anything to have had you there in the flesh and blood.  After you passed away, we had these little brass pins made for us with your name on it.  All the men in your family and all of your best friends received one.  Whenever we celebrate a happy moment together, we wear the pins.  Whether it's a wedding, the birth of a new child, or a small gathering, we wear the pins together as a way to make sure that you're still with us.  Because you are always with us, Andy.  And you always will be. 

I miss you, Andy.   I miss you terribly. The past few anniversaries of your death have been tough. But this year, I'm determined to not cry, mourn or bury myself in a bottle of scotch.  I don't want to go to any memorial services.  I don't want to hear about anyone else's losses.  And I can't even look at the television.  I just want to remember that terrible day by thinking about our friendship and what a truly amazing person you were.  You were one of the best friends a man could ever have and although losing you was one of the worst things that's ever happened in my life, I'm grateful for the time that we did have together. 

Rest in peace, Andy.  I'll love you and miss you forever. 

Your friend always,
Pierre

 

Comments

[AdventureDad]

Beautiful tribute, just like last year. Perhaps you should put a NSFW tag on posts like this because it's impossible to read without weeping.

People here are running over to my desk and wondering how many millions I've lost todya since I'm crying....

Take care

AD

[kittenpie]

Today is always a weird day for me, like everyone, I guess, but so many people are posting due to the anniversary, I think I'll be teared up all day.

Lovely tribute to your friend, good to know people are remembering the good things too, which can be hard sometimes.

[Velma]

Thanks for sharing such a loving tribute to someone who was so special to you.

[Pattie]

Simple, straightforward, beautiful.

[Janet]

I'm sorry.

[teri]

that was deeply touching, Metrodad. I'm so sorry for your loss but am glad you all find a way to keep his spirit alive.

Never forget your friend Andy!

[Lani]

Beautiful.

[tpon]

Thinking of you today. we know what it is like to carry this kind of memory in your heart.

beautiful post. take care.

[Mr. Big Dubya]

You'd think that after a year of "knowing" you I'd be able to offer more than just the obligatory "I'm sorry" - but, even after all that time, I'm still at a loss for words on how to best express my condolences.

Have that drink of scotch and toast Andy's memory, recall the good times you shared and feel blessed that you had such a great friend.

Again, Metro, I am sorry for your loss.

[metro mama]

Beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Leora]

Losing a close friend at such a young age is a tragedy. I'm so sorry for your loss, MD.

[Kemp]

I have to echo Mr. Dub here;

After 'knowing' you and about this sad part of your life, all I can muster is a heartfelt I'm sorry.

And to add that this letter is a beautiful tribute to a dear and beloved friend.

We will never forget...

[abba-daddy]

Knowing u for 5 minutes I can only say I'm sorry.
I work next to the now know ground zero, and this morning I took my mom that came from israel to see this place.
even though grief and sorrow is part of the day to day life in israel - one can never truly understand the horror and pain a terror attack lives on the immediate family and on the ones that left behind - my heart is with you hoping for better days and maybe world peace

[nycbabymax]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm in NYC too and today is rough. Give Peanut extra kisses today.

[Just Linda]

For all the Andy's out there and all the Pierre's who miss them, my thoughts are there, too...

[Big Pumpkin]

I'm sorry. I know what it's like to lose a friend. I lost one when I was 22. I cried for 2 years after.

[Liberal Banana]

I don't know what to say other than I am so sorry.

[emily]

Thinking of you on this day, your post is simply beautiful.

[Ruth P.]

My heart goes out to all of those who lost close family and friends on 9/11. Truly a tragic loss that is a day we all can never forget. God bless us all.

[momto3cubs]

What a beautiful post. Thank you for letting us know about Andy. Now he is part of even more people and lives on through us all.

So sorry for your loss.

God bless Andy. God bless America.

[Chris]

*no words*

[KC]

It's the pins that did it for me. Those brass pins.

[Lisa Jacobs]

Beautiful letter to your friend, Pierre. The mental image of you crying as you left messages for Andy had me in tears. My deepest condolences on your loss.

[Binky]

My condolences to all of Andy's clan--bonded by the brass pins--on this difficult day, and every day.

[freezio]

Oh man, is that stabbing pain in my heart an emotion? You got me, buddy bird. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Melissa]

Beautiful post, Pierre. Remembering the good things about people, that is what counts. I'm sure he's looking down (or whatever) and laughing at all of you for growing up.

[Busy Mom]

My thoughts and prayers are with Andy and his family and friends and you.

[Mama Nabi]

I'm sorry for your loss...

[Brianna]

So sorry. Beautiful post.

[Vampdaddy]

Thanks for sharing this rememberance. "Love is more thicker than forget..."

[Jennifer P.]

What a beautiful tribute to a close friend. My deepest condolences, MD.

[Kristen]

It's easy to get wrapped up in the sheer numbers of the losses...but tributes like this remind you that each number represented a person with an entire life, friends, and history. This was a beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[sweatpantsmom]

What a moving, unique tribute to your friend. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[CityMama]

I've been thinking about you in the days leading up to today remembering your loss and the beautiful tribute to Andy's memory you've created. Peace to you, brother.

[Lee Marvin]

MD,

While I can only 'say' that I'm sorry for your loss, be assured that I 'feel' it too, based on your post.

Much love to you and yours.

[L.]

..(sniff)...

I knew I`d end up teary-eyed if I read your blog today.

I`m sorry for your loss, but I admire how you and your friends have kept Andy alive.

[Queen of Ass]

Beautiful, sugar. I'm glad you're spending the day thinking of his life rather than his death.

Thinking of you and yours...

[Glennia]

*sob* No words for your loss, no words.

[nonlineargirl]

That was a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing your love for your friend.

[casie]

Prayers and positive thoughts to you and your friends family on this day. BIG HUGS!

[misfithausfrau]

How wonderful that you are celebrating his life today (and probably every day.)

[Mom101]

Reading something so personal - well, I feel fortunate that you invited me in. Thank you. And thank you Andy. Hope you're having a good scotch wherever you are right now.

[Xdm]

I just went downstairs to check on the husband, flipping around from the Redskins game to anything else. I stood over his shoulder and watched footage of the towers burn on the 9/11 docudrama. I said, "I can't/ ohmygod, I can't," as I my throat closed and eyes welled. I looked away and came back upstairs, crying, to this post. I just ..can't... Others, like you do because they are much stronger, and for that we're all grateful. It's what keeps us all moving forward.

[not-for-profit-dad]

Haven't been in the blogosphere for awhile, but made a point of coming here today because I knew you'd be posting to Andy. In all the sound and fury of this day, it is your simple voice I needed.

That said, the Mets run away with the NL East and you forget to tell him?

[Wendy Boucher]

Thank you for sharing such personal feelings. Really.

[Matthew]

I'll add that there's a link on the right to the Andrew Golkin Memorial Scholarship fund.

I'm going to make my contribution again this year.

To Best Friends, Pierre.

[s@bd]

beautiful.

[Lisa B.]

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend and hope that yesterday wasn't too hard for you or your family.

[Papa Bradstein]

We're all sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you, your friends, and Andy's family.

[Anne Glamore]

Exquisitely written, MD.

I love the part about the pins.