CSI-Amalah (and Why I Hate MySpace)

The lovely and talented Amalah was kind enough to e-mail me yesterday to let me know that someone on MySpace was blatantly plagiarizing some of my posts and passing them off as her own.

Apparently, the young plagiarist is an 18-year old girl from Las Vegas who not only cribbed some of my posts but also ripped off various writing from Amalah, Dooce, and Mr. Nice Guy.  Because our young plagiarist is both single and childless, she altered our stories to pass them off as her own adventures in babysitting.  The lives of our own children were co-opted as those of her unrelated minions. 

How fucking pathetic is that?

Apparently, one of Amalah's 8 million readers discovered the young plagiarist, noticed the similarities immediately and duly informed Amalah of the offending trespass.  Amalah then started doing some serious sleuthing of her own and discovered that she wasn't the only victim.  Not only did she notify me but she also contacted MySpace to report the plagiarism. 

How cool is that? 

Personally, I think it's a little amusing that some white teenage chick from the desert would plagiarize the writing of a 37-year-old Korean dude living in New York City.  It's almost comically pathetic.  However, this does give me the perfect opportunity to rant about the moral turpitude and brain-numbing pile of shit known as MySpace. 

I'll be the first to admit it.  Maybe I'm just an old geezer who doesn't "get" the whole MySpace experience.  Call me old-fashioned but every time I look at a MySpace page, I want to set my eyeballs on fire and smack someone on the side of the head with a dictionary. 

Now, I'm happily married with a child and an actual career.  So, yeah, maybe I don't "get" MySpace because I'm not looking to "hook up wit a hottie" or "get wildz and crazeeee!"

But even if I were young and single?  I don't think I'd be cruising the pages of MySpace.  In fact, there are so many things that I hate about MySpace, I don't even know where to begin.  But I'll give it a try...

I hate how MySpace denigrates the meaning of the word "friend."  For me, the concept of friendship is something special.  As I've said before, a friend is someone who knows everything about you and likes you anyway, who knows you're suffering even when you're fooling everyone else, and who will always volunteer to drive you around in a white Bronco while 200 police cars follow you down the Interstate. 

However, MySpace "friends" are cheap and meaningless.  They're a dime a dozen.  The whole point of MySpace is to accrue as many friends as possible. It doesn't matter if you know anything about that person at all.  Just push a button and ask them to add you as a friend!  Somehow, this will provide you with a sense of self-worth that you're sorely missing from the real world.  After all, can you really be a loser if you have 3,247 friends? 

Well, as most profiles on MySpace demonstrate, clearly you can!

"Look at this profile!  Her name's ForBidDen BuTTerCup.  She's from Miami and she's HOTTT!  That's all I know about her 'cos she's hot and she's my FRIEND!"

Look, Fucko, I hate to break it to you but ForBidDen BuTTerCup is probably a dude.  And he doesn't live in Miami.  He lives at home with his mother and wants nothing more than for you to send him photos of yourself in your skivvies.  See, there's a reason that some of these people are on the internet 20 hours/day and not hanging out with all the "kewl" friends that they allegedly have in real life.  They're freaks, dude!  Don't be busting out that webcam and taking pictures of yourself in your underoos just yet!

Another thing that bothers me about MySpace if the blatant pimping of cheap sexuality.  How come every time I look at a MySpace profile, I feel like I'm looking at a future $1.00 stripper working the Bada Bing room off the Jersey Turnpike?  Because just as MySpace cheapens the concept of friendship, it also cheapens the notion of sexuality.

Have you seen the women on MySpace?  It's like the land of the sluts.  Virtually every girl is either showing some serious cleavage, flashing their thongs, or auditioning for a part on the next Girls Gone Wild video.  Sadly, most of these girls appear to be either underage or in college (where they can unleash their inner slut.)  Now, personally, the thing that I find most bothersome is the sense that somehow, we (as a society) have reached a point where the true meaning of sexy has been completely lost. 

You know what's sexy to me?  A beautiful face with a great smile, a nice easy-going laugh, a curiously intelligent mind, a kind heart, and an effortless sense of style.  You want to know what's NOT sexy?  Surgically enhanced mammaries and seeing the outline of your vulva in your boy shorts.  You're 17 years old.  I don't want to see your catcher's mitt. 

Don't worry.  I haven't forgotten about you MySpace guys either.  Let me tell you, I think it's hilarious that most of you pose without a shirt on. We get it, buddy.  You're buff.  You like to pump iron, take steroids, and flex your muscles in group photos with your buddies like you're doing a reenactment of Spartacus in your parents' garage.  If you spent half as much time reading a book as you do working out, that future job in waste management wouldn't have to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Eventually, your he-man titties are going to sag and your balls are going to recede into your stomach.  Where will you be then, Mr. MuscleHustLe22?

It shouldn't surprise anyone that there are sexual predators cruising around on MySpace.  After all, virtually everyone on the site sets themselves up as sexual prey.  And sure, MySpace didn't invent the phenomenon of pedophilia but, at the same time, they don't seem to be really doing anything to discourage the behavior either.  Sure, they've made some well-publicized changes in age requirements.  However, there's virtually no way to enforce those measures.

Speaking of age, the latest statistics show that 52% of MySpace users are 35 or older.  However, out of that 52%, it's been proven that 90% are pedophiles and the other 10% are losers.  (Ok, I made those last two statistics up.  But seriously, if you're over 35, what the hell are you doing on MySpace?)

The only redeeming factor for MySpace is that it serves as a good publicity tool for established bands, aspiring musicians, stand-up comics, and writers.  However, to those people, I urge you to read the fine print.  According to the Proprietary Rights in Content on MySpace.com...

"By displaying or publishing ("posting") any Content, messages, text, files, images, photos, video, sounds, profiles, works of authorship, or any other materials (collectively, "Content") on or through the Services, you hereby grant to MySpace.com, a non-exclusive, fully-paid and royalty-free, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense through unlimited levels of sublicensees) to use, copy, modify, adapt, translate, publicly perform, publicly display, store, reproduce, transmit, and distribute such Content on and through the Services."

Bet most of you didn't know that, right?

Anyway, I could go on for days about how much I hate MySpace.  However, I'll just let it go right now. 

But Claudia?  I come out to Vegas several times a year.  Perhaps next time I'm in town, the two of us can have a drink at the Bellagio and you can regale me with all your stories about raising a two-year-old Korean-American daughter in Manhattan. 

After all, it seems we have so much in common. 

Comments

[Dayngr]

As much as it stink that Claudia and the clueless @ myspace created this disaster, if they hadn't I would not have found you through Amalah.com. Something good came from something bad and I am sure you will have many more new readers because of it. Best of luck, this post alone hooked me. I'll be a reg!

[Lani]

Excellent rant MD =) Sorry to hear about the stolen work :(

[citizenbaby]

I can't get over how sad and pathetic it is that a young girl feels the need to plagiarize parenting blogs! How boring must her real life be?

I must confess, a while back I decided to try to use MySpace to keep track of bands I like. While it was nice having all of them listed in one place, actually having to deal with the MySpace interface nearly drove me mad. And then I started getting the "friend" invitations, asking me to check out their webcam. Uh, yeah... no thanks.

[Didi]

I've been on Myspace since it was just a few months old and I've been lucky enough to find old friends that I completely lost track of. Being an old fogey in internet terms (32), email didn't exist when I graduated from high school and very few people had it in college. Over the years, people moved and/or changed names and eventually there was a huge disconnect. Now that P2H and I have moved back near my hometown I'm extremely grateful to have Myspace (and Friendster) to be able to get back in touch with people.

[Black Belt Mama]

I think I just fell in love with your blog. Your definition of sexy? I think you should be doing motivational speaking at the high school level. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to hear a guy say those things. What is up with those nasty boy shorts already???

[liz]

I'm a 44 year old mother of teenagers and I get on MySpace occasionally to check out what's going on in the high school scene...very interesting stuff I come up with sometimes. My oldest son has an account which he doesn't use very often and he doesn't mind if I use it. I know the password because he linked it to my spam-catcher e-mail. It is awfully annoying, even my kids tell me to turn down the speakers when I am on there. It's kind of like shopping at Hollister only with comments.

I wonder if the kids have a clue that anyone can look at their MySpace. Most of the kids I know have put in an older age so their page is not private and they are quick to talk about their drinking, drugging and partying adventures. Not that I didn't do that stuff in high school, but I didn't post it in a public place for anybody's parents to read.

[Didi]

Liz - last year I found my 17 year old cousin's Myspage page, which included pictures of him drinking and smoking pot. It also gave his full name, town he lived in, and he had a picture of himself in his varisty soccer jersey. I busted him and told him to take down the identifying information so he wouldn't get in trouble with his school or potential colleges. He wouldn't listen and eventually I ratted him out to his mother, who freaked out and made him take it all down. Some kids really are clueless about who can see this stuff.

[Rick]

As a high school teacher, I try to warn my students about the dangers of MySpace. Not many of the kids listen. However, last year, we had a scary situation where one of our students met an older man who had contacted her through MySpace. The man had lied about his age and was trying to pass himself off as being younger. Thankfully, the girl was smart enough to meet the man with some friends in a public space. She also told her parents what happened. A potentially dangerous situation was thankfully averted. Now, this same girl speaks to other students about the perils of MySpace and the kids seem to listen to her. As can be expected, most students shrug off warnings from adults but they pay attention to their peers.

[Lunasea]

I check out MySpace to see what's really going on in the teen world as opposed to what my clients tell me is going on. I have to take a shower afterward. Blegh. I've no doubt that if the internet was around when I was a teen I would have written equally stupid stuff, but at least it would have been legible.

[cici]

I loved your MySpace rant - it completely captures my own feelings about it. And as for the over-30 year olds (especially those with kids), where do they even find so much time to waste??!

But I must admit that part of me also hates that I hate it...like the modern version of "Turn down that rock and roll rubbish!". Sigh.

[msmaria]

I have Cityama to thank for pointing me in your direction -- like many other commenters have said, you have perfectly captured everything I hate about MySpace. Rock on, MD.

[Ian]

I'm with you on the definition of sexy. I've always hated those skanky celebs (like Pamela Anderson). To me, funny is sexy. Generosity is sexy. Modesty is sexy. Great post, MD.

[Stacy]

I am cracking my ass up, man.

I love you. Not in the "love-love" way, just, like, in the Bud Lite commercial way.

[Papa Bradstein]

Amen, brother. Work was looking into blogging and social networking, so I set up sample accounts all over to see what the deal is. I was amazed at how quickly some actual friends who I had lost touch with found me (we now are regularly in touch via email or blogs, because even they can't stand myspace, et al.). And I was amazed that teenagers have forgotten basic rules, like nobody brings a camera, much less takes pictures, and nobody--nobody--uses their real name. (Repeat after me: the first rule of Fight Club...) Speaking as the father I've recently become, I ask, kids these days--what's up with that?

[Deanna]

My husband got a MySpace account just so that he could access the profile of an band-in-progress that we know. Then he discovered his cousin's teenage daughters' accounts and just about passed out at the amount of cleavage on his "baby" cousins.

My parents have expressly forbidden my 13 year old sister to have a MySpace account (or an email address, for that matter). Gee, I wonder why?

[Kristen]

I can't even tell you how glad I am to know that I'm not the only one who fucking hates MySpace. It's horrible - the format, the content, the stupid requirements. And yes, it cheapens pretty much everything, I'd say.

I did notice that Claudia's page is gone, though.

[kittenpie]

Good lord, that's weak. How sad is she that she has nothing going on in her own life to write about and has to crib from other people - others who don't have a life remotely like her own?! I guess it's a compliment that she enjoys your writing enough to try to figure out a framework within which she could use it...

[Nicole]

Found you through Amalah - friggin' hilarious!!! You make MySpace sound like an MLM which I was writing about yesterday. It all depends on how many people you can link to your account! Incidentally I think that people are way too trusting. I had to explain to my sister in law that her daughters were putting up info on there that included their name, age, location, where they went to school, and who all their friends were. No - nothing wrong with that!Riiight.

[L.A. Daddy]

MD, you fucking rule! This is the best rant against the evils of MySpace that I've ever heard. You should be doing public service announcements for today's teenagers. Rock on!

[Casie]

Too bad she deleted her account. I was going to make her my "friend" and then make her my bitch.

[s@bd]

I love you.

(Don't tell anyone, but I have myspace. Here's my profile, word for word: "I am married and SO NOT INTERESTED in you. Also, although I AM sexy, smart, beautiful, gorgeous and all manner of other wonderful things, if you are not my husband, I don't want to hear it from you. My real blog is here. [link to my blogspot]")

[Jennifer]

Wow! I can't believe what I just read (about Claudia, of course). All the other stuff is basically how I feel about the whole MySpace, Friendsters, and the like sites that just breed cheesiness. (sigh) To be you again, right? Not!!!! Way to blast off in style, cool MetroDad.

[Danielle]

I've been reading your site for a while and I really think you're hilarious so thanks for that. I will have respectfully diasagree with your assessment of my beloved Myspace. Being 22 I guess I'm on the high end of the target demographic. I'll admit that yes there are a about a crapload of sluts and functioanlly illiterate hacks who think their shi* doesn't stink. I would guess however that those are actually the minority. I know everyone on my friends list personally and I too think anyone claiming 3000 "frinds" should be kicked in the teeth. To all you haters out there; don't knock it til you try it. Sorry about the whole plagiarism thing, that really sucks, but is at the same as you said pathetically hilarious. that yes there are a about a crapload of sluts and funtioanlly illiterate hacks who think their shi* doesn't stink. I would guess however that those are actually the minority. I know everyone on my friends list personally and I too think anyone cliaming 3000 "frinds" should be kicked in the teeth. To all you haters out there; don't knock it til you try it. Sorry avout the whole plagerism thing, that really sucks.

[Meredith]

For whatever reason while I was reading this (mostly aloud to Joe) I was thinking of how much I'd like you to be friends, not myspace friends, with my NY friends. Not like I'd set up a blind date and not like I'd even pursue it but that's what the warm fuzzy of agreeing with you felt like in my heart. So it goes. You good and funny.

[kristin]

I am late to this party, but I just wanted to let you know that this is the BEST post I have ever read explaining why MySpace sucks ass.

And so I am totally posting it over on my blog as my own work.

*JOKE!*

[enygma]

Geez. I'm young and single and I hate MySpace. Of course, I do have a Xanga, but that's because I'm html illiterate and I don't know how to set up my own web journal.

[rach!]

My myspace picture is my little sister and I trying on funny glasses. And before that, it was me having a huge grin because I was having a birthday picnic in my favorite part of the Liberty Memorial (the only WWI tribute statue in the US. and it overlooks downtown and is sweet. Also known as "The Penis on the Prarie").

Oh, and it was my 18th birthday that I had that picnic on, and my sister is 15 and I'm 19. YOUNG SLUTZ UP IN HERE!

[Mazenbloo]

Seriously?

Best. Post. Ever. About the cesspool of MySpace. Thank you. (just a lurker!)

[tanyetta]

why do i keep missing all the good stuff! uurrgh!

This blog is set to private. This user must add
you as a friend to see his/her blog.

[mom101]

Holy crap. I take one week off and I miss all the action.

The only downside of this marvelous post is that I think you've just proven that if someone's going to plagiarize a blogger, this is a good place to start.

[KDF]

This is beautifully written commentary articulating the precise reasons I no longer have a blog on MySpace. I will share your thoughts with several people, but will credit you as the writer!

Thank you. Well said, MD.

[Karen]

Alright already. So you hate MySpace. There will come a day, although I'm sure you've already had many, that the Peanut will insist on "keeping with the trend" as my (4) teenagers have. All (4) of them have a MySpace. Therefore, I also have one. All (4) have me on their "friends" list. It allows me the opportunity to veiw their friends, comments, communities, etc. It's kinda like spying on them but not really cause they know I'm there & I know how to use the sight. With that said... there's no way I'd use that fucking dumb ass sight for anything else!!!!

[Lainey-Paney]

I had to share your views on myspace w/ my family...
Dont worry---I gave you proper credit.

:)

[Silly Hily]

So, so, so true. You nailed every single thing I hate about MySpace.

The "friend is someone who will drive you in a white Bronco" cracked me up.

[Juan Carlos]

I hear u loud and clear MD. My short analysis of Myspace.com is this:
It is the successful collection of the most pathetic people on planet earth.

Seriously, read the about me sections on these profiles:
-...life is an adventured
- ...I am strong
-...i am aggressive
- ... i am an outgoing, shy, party freak, sometimes party pooper.

Jesus how sad are these people. These are peopl who go out and party and go home and talk about people at the party and worried about who is talking about them....just pathetic!

[Tina]

OMG!!! Thank you for the break in my most stressful day! Normally I do not have time to stop and read but have surely added this site to my favorites - so when I do catch a spare minute this is a place that will often be used! Your insight into myspace was two things (first) sadly but true it has become inundated with hopeful, future, porn stars - both male and female. Most of which obviously can not read as the women keep sending me messages inviting me to cam! Ok sure just my idea of a perfect day! Blow off any concept of having a career or life and come watch you suck a tootsie pop for half an hour tapping my credit card for $2.99 a minute.I don't care how fuking long it takes you to get to the center if truth be known! (2) your statistics on the pediphile/loser ratio is most assuredly off. There ARE approximately 2% of us that remember when it started and was intended as a musical advertising resource and has in it's own right opened doors that otherwise would have taken much longer to access.Unfortunantly the desire to be the most popular site won out and what was intended as a way for Fans to find new music and bands to build a fan base has gotten lost in the lack of security/control and the chaos that has ensued.
Fortunant for us someone got smart and opened a site with a similar setup concept that is ONLY for music industry people. Fans can view and even have "A PAGE" but no smut or spamming or add a "friend" software can be utilized!! Kudos to Buddy for providing MUSICHAWK!
I know I have wriiten a lot but your article was interesting enough that it deserved an official RYP Records "right on" !! And I am only a two hour drive from Vegas want some pics of your plagarists real every day life?? Hey that would open up for a whole new story line! "The petty life of a no life plagarist" LOL - ok I am not JK!

Will return again to be entertained with your awesome reality and in your face writings!

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[joshua]

I couldnt agree more, my ex g/f asked me to get a myspace after years of saying NO! Let me tell you...its the worlds most advanced pedophile/sex offnders site. basicly (perverts paradise) after 2 days i got sick of it and stuck to my old guns. Great review!

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[Rubel]

I enjoy reading your blogs. I'm a stay at home mom with a 5 year old son. I hooshceoml my son and have a lot of lil funny things that happen throughout the day. I can relate to some of your blogs. I find myself laughing outloud sometimes. I especially laughed when you talked about your skunk hair and being unrecognizable to your lil one. I am enjoying mobsters right now but I think I have already started feeling a bit of a conviction about playing it. I just don't want to give it up just yet. **ashamed**Please join my friends on my myspace so that I can find you and enjoy your blogs. Thanks!La Lani

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[Katrice]

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