Many people have commented on the fact that they enjoy reading about how much I love my wife and, of course, that's absolutely true. I love her more than anyone on this entire planet and she really is the ying to my yang.
However, that's not to say that BossLady and I never fight. Have you ever met a couple who doesn't argue or get into disagreements? I just choose not to write about our squabbles on this site. Personally, I don't feel right about airing our dirty laundry and I don't think this would be a healthy forum for me to vent about the BossLady when we have our little tiffs.
Liz and I were talking about this over drinks recently. We were discussing how hearing bloggers talk shit about their spouses or air their dirty laundry made us both feel a little uncomfortable. Although we don't make judgments about people who do so, we both talked about how we personally couldn't do that. However, at the same time, we hoped that this didn't give people the impression that our relationships with our spouses were absolutely perfect.
Because anyone who thinks their relationship with their spouse is absolutely perfect is either kidding themselves or has been drinking Kool-Aid with the Reverend Star Jones.
Personally, I've always thought that a great marriage is like a duck. On the surface, it looks cool and effortless, but underneath, everybody's paddling like hell.
It's funny. Sometimes when BossLady and I get into an argument, she'll joke that maybe I should go run off with one of the 8 million mommy bloggers who read this site. Now, obviously, the lovely BossLady is only kidding but it got me thinking about a few things.
Now, as many of you know, I read a lot of parenting blogs. On the other hand, BossLady doesn't really read blogs very much. Her professional life takes up a lot of time and many times when I'm either writing or reading blogs, she's sitting beside me on the couch and doing work.
It's too bad because I think that she would really enjoy getting to know a lot of you.
However, at the same time, I realized that I don't really know much about the spouses of the bloggers that I read regularly.
Let's face it. The majority of parenting bloggers and commenters are women. You don't often hear much about the husbands. That's why I love it when you do. It gives me a rare glimpse into a part of who all of you are.
For example, I know I would love Liz's husband, Nate. How could I not get along with a comedian who (despite loving the Yankees, the Redskins and cats) not only is a very involved father but also shares my love of Louis CK? Melissa talks about her husband a lot and I've frequently exchanged hilarious sarcastic retorts with him in her comments section. I know I'd like him. Nina's husband, Charlie, is not only an avid baseball fan but is also a fellow Korean-American tech geek. Marsha's husband, Rigel, is an outdoor-loving art director who designs movie posters for a living. He even plays guitar in a band and has jammed at BB Kings Blues Club. Kristen's husband, John, is admittedly a shitty neighbor but I think he's a very cool and down-to-earth guy who also happens to be an amazing photographer. Penny's husband shares my love of practical jokes and has pulled some shit that has had me in tears. I love hearing about the spouses of some of my favorite bloggers.
But as I was thinking about all of this, it got me wondering...
Why is it rare that so few bloggers seem to write about their spouses?
Are some of your spouses even aware that you have a blog?
Do your spouses know about the blogs that you visit regularly?
Do they know about your blog friends or do you keep it a secret?
Do they know that some of these blogs are written by members of the opposite sex?
Would they care at all about it if they did know?
Personally, I'm always talking to BossLady about my blog friends. She doesn't know ALL of the blogs I visit because I just don't mention all of them to her. This isn't a sin of omission. It's just that I tend to talk about things happening to my blog friends in the same way that I tend to talk about things happening to my "real-life" friends.
But what about all of you? How do you guys feel about all of this?
An inquiring mind wants to know...
Denver Mom knows I have a blog. She knows I read a lot of other blogs and finds some of my reports of what I'm reading to be pretty amusing, but she's just not interested. So, to answer your answer your last question, she doesn't care.
Posted by: DenverDad | August 21, 2006 at 10:22 AM
My husband is so busy lately, that I think he forgets I have a blog.
I've told him several times about it, but each "new" time I mention it, he initially acts as though it's news to him. Of course, he does this with other information as well. I think he's just so bombarded that something as inconsequential as my blog doesn't register as highly as, say, his performance planner for his job.
That said, I think I will talk about him on my blog. Today, perhaps... we'll see.
Most of my blog is me either bitching about something or trying to figure out what I believe.
Hubby probably doesn't realize which blogs I visit, but like you, this is not a sin of ommission. We are usually trying to cover the basics of home, work, our kid, etc. during conversations... and reading blogs is more of a hobby for me. But, I usually have links of the blogs I read on my own blog, so if he was ever curious, he could just follow the links and read for himself.
I don't keep my blog friends a secret. Most of the blog friends I have are friends I have IRL who live far away, so our blogs are our main means of communication.
I think the only person Hubby would object to is a guy I casually dated that he doesn't like at all. He has a MySpace blog, but I don't read his stuff regularly.
I usually check in here, at Tiny Kingdom, Dooce, In The Land of Oz, and OTRgirl every day, but especially when I need to laugh. I found this blog by way of a message you posted about you & BossLady deciding to have another baby. BTW, I love the pics of your adorable little girl!
Posted by: Aimee | August 21, 2006 at 10:29 AM
My husband is very aware of my blog; he actually bugs me sometimes if I haven't updated. He's aware of it to the point that I will occasionally let him read a post before I publish it--gotta keep the peace, especially when discussing my FSHs. I don't really feel like it's the right forum to air our dirty laundry, though. Particularly since his parents see my blog as their primary source of all Pattie-and-Rich news.
As for your questions:
Why is it rare that so few bloggers seem to write about their spouses?
Because it's not worth the potential trouble it could cause. What's more important--page views or a healthy, trusting relationship?
Are some of your spouses even aware that you have a blog?
Yes, he is.
Do your spouses know about the blogs that you visit regularly?
Yes, he does. I've gotten him to visit your site a few times, and he's really enjoyed reading your posts. Which is why he wants to get together for a drink when we're in NYC sometime.
Do they know about your blog friends or do you keep it a secret?
He knows about my blog friends. I don't have any reason to keep any of them secret.
Do they know that some of these blogs are written by members of the opposite sex?
Yep.
Would they care at all about it if they did know?
Nope. He's really cool that way. That's why he's my peeps.
Posted by: Pattie | August 21, 2006 at 10:47 AM
My husband doesn't know I have a blog and he definitely doesn't know that I read other peoples' blogs. He's extremely jealous and just wouldn't understand. My blog is private and I only share it with a few VERY close friends. I use it more as a journal that I can look back on. Even when I comment on peoples' sites, I tend to do so anonymously. It's just not worth it for me if my husband ever found out.
Posted by: Lea | August 21, 2006 at 10:55 AM
John actually was the one pushing to start our blog last year, even though I'm the one who posts the most. We both read lots of blogs and we do talk about them pretty regularly, actually! There might be a few I read that I don't talk to him about, but only because there are so many I read throughout the course of a week, and our opportunities for uninterrupted conversation are few and far between what with all the chaotic madness at our house. Weee!!
Re: dirty laundry - I have a rule that I don't write anything on the site about a fight or disagreement that I wouldn't feel comfortable telling friends and acquaintances, and usually THEN it will be because we're both in agreement that it's funny.
I love your marriage to duck analogy. So true.
Posted by: Kristen | August 21, 2006 at 11:17 AM
In order to have a blog, you have to have a healthy enough ego to feel that you have Something To Say. More simply, it's all about ME, baby. If my spouse has interests and observations to share, he can get his own damn blog. There are certainly couples who blog separately (Heather & Jon Armstrong) and together (Sweet Juniper!; Byrne Unit) out there.
My husband knows I keep a blog, although to my knowledge he has never read it. I don't think he'd be comfortable with the amount of information I share, which is why I try to maintain a slight anonymity. Then again, if he doesn't know what a gigantic blabbermouth I am after 20 years, he hasn't been paying attention.
I don't think he would ever feel the need to read my blog because (a) he thinks of blogging as kind of frivolous, in his "I like sports and science and non-fiction" kind of way; and (b) he gets all the same information verbally. I inevitably get tanked up on a glass of wine and start yapping about anything on my mind that I may be thinking of writing about on my blog.
I *do* talk about people whose blogs I read as if they were friends in real life, but I've been doing that for years. Way before blogging, there were these things called forums, see? Or folders, on AOL, right? I've had an active on-line social life for over a decade, and have met up with many of those friends over the years. Even though he doesn't participate in on-line friendships, he doesn't see anything weird about it.
Posted by: Velma | August 21, 2006 at 11:18 AM
I do write about my spouse quite a bit. I usually refer to him as The Horniest Man in the Universe. And, yes, he knows... he knows about my blog, he knows what I write, he knows it all. Sometimes he jokes that his entire life is fodder for my blog (yeah? so what) but he doesn't mind. I don't think I would share anything that I thought would make him uncomfortable. I think he trusts my judgment on that, too. He is a bonafide pervert though and doesn't seem to mind that I write about our sex life. I'm sure he probably figures we might have a better chance of picking up another hot chick for a threesome through the blog or something. hahahha
Posted by: Just Linda | August 21, 2006 at 12:03 PM
My boyfriend reads my blog every time I post, but the only time he ever tried to comment, Blogger ate it! Ack! Now he doesn't bother and I wish we would...I hate that I lack a clever nickname for him and resort to calling him "Boyfriend" but I think if/when we get engaged, I'm going to bump him up to first name status! *gasp!* The world can finally know! It'll be the headline on the Washington Post, I'm sure! Liberal Banana tells readers what her boyfriend's real name is! Ha. I don't know why I don't just write it that way now...You've given me some food for thought, MD!
Posted by: Liberal Banana | August 21, 2006 at 12:08 PM
Well I am not a blogger, but the spouse of a blogger. I am actually the one who introduced ZD to the world of parenting blogs and many of the ones he reads. For a long time he teased me ab out blog reading, but now he surpasses me. So yes I know about his blog and the blogs he reads. I read most of the same ones he does, although we do have some that are different from each other. We are usually like did you read blank and talk about it together.
Posted by: dear wife | August 21, 2006 at 12:27 PM
My husband got me reading blogs. He started reading Daddy Types, Dooce and Sweet Juniper, and got me hooked. Now he routinely uses my blogroll to check blogs. He reads my blog (and is interested in others' comments) but does not comment much himself. I write about him some, but I don't use the blog to air our differences. Even if I wanted to, I think those kinds of post would be really boring to other people. ("and then HE said I always leave my shoes around! The nerve!")
I really can't imagine keeping the blog secret from him or him knowing about it but not reading it.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | August 21, 2006 at 12:38 PM
My wife reads mine. She finds it funny and the comments entertaining. I do talk about her often, but never in any bad context.
She knows I read other parents blogs (women too) and she sometimes reads them. Only if I come across something interesting.
Reading other people's blogs always sparks topics of conversation between us, "like what would we do?" in some situation.
Posted by: Tony | August 21, 2006 at 12:59 PM
I write about mine all the time - (see today) - however, it's never really pretty or good. He knows about it - never reads it -which is a post in and of itself, I think...
I need to vent. And so I do.
Posted by: Mother | August 21, 2006 at 01:07 PM
My wife knows of my blog and I write often enough about her. Not so much airing dirty laundry but more of what I think are the common differences between husband and wife. I discuss other bloggers with her often just as I would discuss my friends and family that we have actually met.
I find it best not to keep secrets from her in the blogging world because it will eventually get back to her.
Posted by: William | August 21, 2006 at 01:08 PM
I am assuming my wife and I would be one of those couples that make you uncomfortable with our dirty laundry.
We do share more than the average blogger, but I think it has a lot to do with why you blog. We both do this to vent fears, frustrations and get feedback on the concepts and problems that we aren't comfortable sharing in a direct or confrontational manner in the 'real' world.
It is therapy for us. I think we would both be better off if we didn't read each other's blogs - to avoid hurting each other's feelings, but for as much as this is the most public of all forums I tend to view it as the 'safe' place.
I know that seems odd to many of you, but I dont see any of these internet relationships to be as binding or detrimental as those in my regular functional day to day existence.
I use the internet as a sounding board to all the ideas that I dont really know if they are fit for human consumption.
In this respect I say things that very few would or even that I would in my daily life. That is why I would seem to 'share way too much.'
It is because I use this vehicle to discover the validity of my inner molologue - so that I can avoid really hurting the people that I care most about.
That is why I say say horrible things about my wife - so I dont say horrible things to my wife.
Posted by: Pickle's Papa | August 21, 2006 at 01:15 PM
I talk about Hubby, because he makes me. Honestly, I talk about him because he's a major part of my life...but I don't mention when we argue or whatever. I'm just not willing to do that. We talk about bloggers like they are 'real friends' too, you are not the only one.
Posted by: Melissa | August 21, 2006 at 01:41 PM
My wife knows about my blog, although I waited about a week and a half before showing it to her just to make sure it was something I wanted her to see. She reads it regularly...or when I remind her about it. She even posts comments, usually to correct me or discount things I've written, even though what I might have written was an exaggeration while trying to be witty.
Does your wife make editorial suggestions? I've only acquiesced to a couple that I remember - one was not posting a particular photo of her and the other I'm not supposed to talk about. I don't air our business on Urf! simply because it's not about us - not about us as husband and wife, though I do write about her in the context of being the mother of four children.
I don't really have blog friends (will you be mine?), but I do tell her about blogs I read and she tells me about all the mommy forums she posts on and reads and, sometimes, I pay attention to what she's saying.
Posted by: RJA | August 21, 2006 at 01:56 PM
My husband (SwingDaddy) and I read each other's blogs. I write about him when describing our day, or something funny that he said, but I also don't air dirty laundry. Our families read our blogs to catch up with the news, and I think of my posts more like a column, rather than an anonymous place.
I love getting to know people through their blogs and hearing about how they and their kids are doing. Peanut is so cute!
Posted by: Lady M | August 21, 2006 at 02:06 PM
My hubby knows I have a blog. He doesn't know that I posted the Halloween pic of him wearing my dress on it......
I do talk about him (and the kids) but it is with his permission and I try not to *trash* him, just put goofy things he has done/said.
He does know I read blogs by men....and could care less.
Posted by: Jan | August 21, 2006 at 02:10 PM
I write about my husband all the time. He's so behind on my posts that he won't find out what happened at our house during the day until weeks later! Since that's the case, he knows I read other blogs but can't quite wrap his mind around the fact. I've let him censor it a little.
For example, he didn't want me to write about the 1st time I smoked pot. So I haven't. Yet.
AG
Posted by: Anne Glamore | August 21, 2006 at 02:35 PM
My husband introduced me to blogging, and we share anything that might interest the other in ones we frequent. He reads a lot of tech blogs that bore me, I read crafty ones that would bore him. (So we both read MAKE:blog!)
I don't think I would necessarily write about him unless it was germane to the topic I was working on. I never thought of it as an issue though.
I mostly read daddy blogs, simply because they're more interesting to me. Maybe the mommy blogs are too close to home, maybe the dads are funnier, I'm not sure.
Posted by: Henitsirk | August 21, 2006 at 02:45 PM
I think we all need to get out more often.
Posted by: p-man | August 21, 2006 at 03:27 PM
My hubbie actually talked me into writing my blog. He was the one who set it up and everything, being a techi nerd that he is.
Yeah, I agreed with you on writing negative things on the blog re: spouses or your family. Of course we disagree on things (believe it or not, we rarely fight!), but nobody wants to hear/read about it!
But every time I get a male commenter to a post, I would tell him "yup, I got another one from my 'boyfriend'" and he would just chuckles. I told him today that another male blogger linked my blog on his site, and he imed me bk "another boyfriend?" Hee hee.
I read many Mommy blogs but the Daddy blogs get the most chuckles from me b/c I get a different perspective on parenting from the neanderthals, they are just downright hilarious and no topic is too safe to discuss, like you MD!
Posted by: Waya | August 21, 2006 at 03:53 PM
P-man! Very true.
That said, I'm all about keepin the blog real, so to that end I don't cover up or hide things that happen in my life that may not be flattering to me or to my husband. I use the blog to vent or work things out in my head, so sometimes I write about arguments I ahve with my husband. He knows about the blog of course but he rarely reads it, and doesn't read any other blogs either. There's nothing on the blog that he doesn't hear about from me anyway, though. I would never write something on the blog that I wouldn't say to his face.
Posted by: Amy | August 21, 2006 at 03:53 PM
Why is it rare that so few bloggers seem to write about their spouses?
I've just started so I don't know if it's rare for me to talk about J. I think that bloggers in general try to keep only one or a few subjects and their spouses might not really fit into that.
Are some of your spouses even aware that you have a blog?
Yup, he loves that I finally have a hobby since before the blog came along it was work, sleep, work, come home, eat, work, sleep, repeat. I support a huge software implementation 24x7 and so I'm the one that works the long (though not always busy) hours, blogging and spending time with the kids is my break from all that. J fits in there somewhere too.
Do your spouses know about the blogs that you visit regularly?
Yes, we communicate with each other constantly via IM while I'm at work and share links on cool things we read throughout the day.
Do they know about your blog friends or do you keep it a secret?
I don't know if I have blog friends yet, but blog acquaintances (like the very cool Metrodad) are not a secret. It's J that messages me, "Hey you've got a new comment!" J. and I have been on the internet since we were wee babes and have friends that we've talked to but never met for 15 years. It's not an unusual thing for us. Blog, IM, IRC...it's all the same really. To discount these relationships as not real is a mistake. These people can know you from the inside out and when you're sad or depressed, they can be the best people to lend a helping hand because they are the most objective of observers.
Do they know that some of these blogs are written by members of the opposite sex?
Yes, I tend to read the daddy blogs more because...well, I'm not sure why I read daddyblogs more, maybe it's because I'm a tomboy and because they're funnier, like Henitsirk says. Also, since I'm in a technical field that's dominated by men, a lot of my co-workers and friends are guys anyway. He doesn't care, he's just happy I prefer laptops over diamonds and books over clothes.
Posted by: honglien123 | August 21, 2006 at 04:04 PM
the funny thing is that My Lovely and Talented Wife intially gave me the Daddytypes website on some product reveiw, then Greg pointed me to alot of the other DaddyBloggers around, such as yourself. But as for reading my blog, errr no. I have a fairly substancial running blog that I will sometimes mention the kids, but never do I really mention any dirty laundry about her or the kids. But she doesn't read it... my Dad reads it and when he calls loooves to bring up stuff I blogged about... like I want to talk about it AGAIN, I mean really, I experienced it... thought about it... blogged about it... and he wants me to regurgitate what I wrote. Please. But that will probably be me in a few years *sigh*
In fact, I think only 2 people that I know in real life that I would consider a family or friend pre-blogging days actually read my blogs. Most of the people that read my blogs are other bloggers who I met on their blogs or via some portal. I don't keep them from My Lovely and Talented Wife, and will reference pertainant information that I extracted from them or their blogs. Such as DaddyTypes says this... Steve Runners mentioned... or something to that effect that my "blogger friends" have to come with a qualifier that they are, indeed, real people and not just some mysterious person that I made up or like The News. Now that I received Mail Art from some of the opposite sex (because I won some silly contest on their site), it's hard for her not to know that I read blogs of women, but she doesn't mind.
When people air their Laundry out, it doesn't make me embarassed or anything, I actually try to comment on what I would do, or something that would be a logical choice, as opposed to those irrational emotional choices. And it does remind me that I don't want to do that myself...
Posted by: Terry | August 21, 2006 at 04:08 PM
My husband actually has his own website, so he's pretty in the know when it comes to who frequents my site. Plus, I can't shut up about my blog friends, so even if he had no desire to know, he would.
I don't write about Andiclaus much because I feel like there isn't a really good way to talk about our life together without either bad mouthing him or making an unrealistically happy picture. Perhaps I ought to write about him more frequently.
We actually just met a non-parenting blogger the other day. He's primarily my blog friend, but I'm not so sure that Andiclaus would have been okay with just the two of us meeting.
Posted by: Bethiclaus | August 21, 2006 at 04:21 PM
Gabe knows all about my blog and he reads it pretty often.
At first he joked alot about my "interweb boyfriends" but if he was planning on going with me to meet CroutonBoy when he was in town, and he would have gone if we had a babysitter. I think he reads a lot of the same blogs that I do, and we talk about all of you as if we know you sometimes.
I don't think he is jealous at all.
Posted by: Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah | August 21, 2006 at 04:34 PM
My husband is intensely private. That is why he is mentioned rarely and few photos of him get posted -- even to Flickr. He knows that I HAVE a site, and has made some half-hearted efforts to find it, but it doesn't really interest him. I flew down to Austin a few weeks ago to meet up with Internet friends (Rock-n-Romp) and he found the whole thing pretty weird, but was supportive overall. It comes down to an extrovert vs. an introvert. We work very well together because we are a good balance. We also let each other do their own thing when necessary. (I have never EVER come between Boys Night Out nor will I. Go. Get drunk. Get a lap dance, I don't care. I'll just be here emailing friends I have never met.)
Posted by: Xdm | August 21, 2006 at 04:43 PM
I do write about my husband but, like you, I prefer not to air dirty laundry. We have our share of disagreements but I don't think it's fair to him to air them in such a public way. My husband would prefer I quit blogging, but he knows I need some sort of outlet.
Posted by: weigooksaram | August 21, 2006 at 04:44 PM
When I do write about nubby, it tends to be positive because A) he's not asking me to write about him B) if I ever did write anything that was lessthan flattering I have a bully pulpit, don't I? He'd have no way of defending himself and I don't think that would be fair to him and C) some stuff is just private. He knows about the blogs I read and like Sarah, he knew I met CroutonBoy (dude gets around, doesn't he?) I tease him about his blogcrush on MIM. I know what my boundaries are and we trust one another. We're not jealous of/with one another so the fact that I have male blogfriends is a non-issue.
Posted by: kara | August 21, 2006 at 04:44 PM
what? you don't like cats??? Oh, I am so breaking up with you!
As usual that Boss Lady is right on for I do believe the Metrodad readership are likely the most beautiful, articulate, sexy, witty and talented people on the planet. Should you ever fuck up so badly as to have to take her advice you might as well downgrade to all that.
ps.. Reading this makes me realize that you I'm lucky to have got that goof on the blog with me...
Posted by: mo-wo | August 21, 2006 at 05:18 PM
I email my husband every time I post - either on Kimchi Mamas or my own blog. I really write the damned thing for him, after all.
Yes, we fight but I would NEVER lead any of my blog friends to think that we have anything less than an idyllic marriage. It seems disloyal to air one's dirty marital laundry in a public forum. I did it ONCE - on a highly specialized bulletin board - and caught hell for it. Never again!
Posted by: twizzle | August 21, 2006 at 05:34 PM
I no longer have a spouse, which is a good thing. My ex doesn't know about my blog, or if he does, he's never let on, since he is totally incommunicado and doesn't speak to me or his children. He's a great guy...
But I never talk about him or what he did to our family or what happened or anything on my blog. I just see it as irrelevant to who we are and what we're about.
I also never ever ever talk about the person I refer to as my insignificant other. He does know about my blog, and occasionally does read it, but I never let on that he exists. I don't talk about most of my friends, either. Nor do I talk about many of the more personal issues with my kids because they're not for the world to know about.
I like to read about some spouses, but like you and Liz, I feel uncomfortable reading very personal issues about people's marital conflicts. And I really don't like the man-bashing I read on a lot of blogs. I also crack up at some mom blogs who seem to be living in an alternate universe where their husband is perfect and smart and a great provider, and oh, he cooks too. There is a happy medium between spousal bashing and pretending that you're married to the world's most perfect man. It's called reality.
Posted by: margalit | August 21, 2006 at 06:40 PM
I've been thinking about our conversation so much, I'm glad you got it down on (virtual) paper. I suppose to some degree if people vent to keep it out of their actual relationship, that's good. But I also have seen it hit some unhealthy levels where I hope the person is seeking outside help and not just venting.
Nate would love to meet you too. But mostly your wife. Because then the two of them can roll their eyes together at the blooooooogging talk. Heh.
Posted by: Mom101 | August 21, 2006 at 06:59 PM
Bryan is the one who was encouraging me to bust out a blog for over a year and I finally said sure. So he's totally supportive, especially since he's a techy nerd. Reads my site. He doesn't comment too much because he wants it to be 'mine' and not have 'hubby peeking in all the time fluffing my feathers' or whatnot. But he comments to me verbally all the time. He knows all about my blog friends and was totally supportive in meeting one of them. He knows I read mostly parenting sites, and for some reason I gravitate towards the men, so he knows I'm reading boy cooties.
I've got a great partner, and can't imagine keeping something like this from him.
I think it's because he's had his own blog for years so it's never been an issue.
I will NEVER air our dirty laundry unless so much time has passed that we think it's funny. And only with his permission. It's only fair.
Great pondering MD.
P.S. I think you'd like Bryan too. He has a love affair with Manhattan and loves all gadgets. Plus he uses product in his hair:-)
www.blueairpictures.com/blog
Posted by: samantha Jo Campen | August 21, 2006 at 07:03 PM
My wife knows all about my blog, but that's the only one she follows (although she does like you, MD).
I'm sure there's a certain freedom to keeping your musings from people in your life. I'd make fun of my parents a lot more if they didn't read my blog (so much material, so little time). But I think it's more work--and probably somewhat unhealthy and sinister--to keep things like a blog from your spouse. What are you hiding?
I don't like to talk about "the dark times" because it's nobody's business but ours, and think it's weird that people would even be interested in reading about that unless they're in a support group or into schadenfreude.
I just need to convince Oodgie to write a blog. Then she can wax poetic about how awesome I am...
Posted by: CroutonBoy | August 21, 2006 at 07:07 PM
Why is it rare that so few bloggers seem to write about their spouses?
Well, I guess I'm afraid you'll all find him more interesting than me.
Are some of your spouses even aware that you have a blog?
My dh is the only person IRL who knows about my blog. He reads it religiously.
Do your spouses know about the blogs that you visit regularly?
Well, he knows I have a blogroll and that I read those blogs. I doubt he's ever visited one of them, though.
Do they know about your blog friends or do you keep it a secret?
Not a secret--he's even met some of them.
Do they know that some of these blogs are written by members of the opposite sex?
Sure.
Would they care at all about it if they did know?
Nah. He's never been hung up on my having friends of the opposite sex, regardless of whether they were online or in person.
Posted by: landismom | August 21, 2006 at 07:08 PM
sigh...well, you know my marital status these days only because I've told you directly...haven't blogged about it on stinkmums because it's just too personal and too private and too too...just...too
Posted by: AStinkmum | August 21, 2006 at 07:39 PM
My lovely wife reads my blog once in a great while, but I don't think she's terribly impressed - I can't blame her at all - I don't have the most entertaining blog in the world; I just use it as a place to let off steam, more than anything.
She knows that I read a lot of blogs & that I have a lot of blogging buddies (male & female), and she knows all about my blogcrushes, but I don't think she feels threatened or jealous; she's mildly amused when I tell her about you all. I know she'd agree with p-man...
Posted by: IFLYG | August 21, 2006 at 08:10 PM
My husband is aware of my blog but doesn't read it. He regularly teases me for laughing out loud at the wacky things my pretend friends in the computer have written. I don't think it has occurred to him that men even have blogs.
Posted by: misfithausfrau | August 21, 2006 at 08:14 PM
Larry knows I blog and enjoys reading it. He likes to suggest topics that don't always pan out and then wonders why I haven't used them.
What he doesn't understand is the community; the friendships that occur. In some ways the blogging world is like a global thearapy group. Sometimes there is just nothing to say and sometimes it's more serious. I think there is a support mechanism that people can't fully comprehend unless they are part of this world.
Posted by: Hygiene Dad | August 21, 2006 at 09:16 PM
I don't have a spouse, but I am somewhat careful about what I say about my ex because I have kids. My kids dont' read my blog, but I suppose they could -- and I want to be honest but not nasty. It's a fine line.
Posted by: Kvetch | August 21, 2006 at 09:20 PM
My husband knows about my blog. He doesn't read it daily but catches up maybe once a week. He is just a tech geek who works alot and doesn't have a lot of time to read. I have sent him links to funny posts in blogs that I read and he will read them but he doesn't care enough to follow back. He knows that I visit some daddy blogs. He isn't threatened by that. I write about him occasionally - usually it's in praise. I too choose not to air our dirty laundry - most of our families read my blog. I sometimes wish they didn't. But I've never wished that he didn't.
Posted by: just susie | August 21, 2006 at 09:23 PM
My wife reads my blog and contributions to other sites. I definitely won't post our dirty laundry. I have posted a couple of my pet peeves about her, but they're always laced with lots of love and humor. She actually laughed out loud while reading one of my blog entries about her backseat driving. We can laugh now, but a lot of screaming matches about my driving definitely preceded that blog entry.
Posted by: NewbieDad | August 21, 2006 at 09:35 PM
Misterpie knows about my blog by accident - I forgot to close a tab one night and he found it. It's not that I'm hiding something, but it's just for me, really. Now that he knows, I mention things I read, and he knows I read both mom and dad bloggers. He doesn't seem all that curious about the other bloggers, though I have met up with some in my city a few times and will again next week (wa-hoo!).
As for writing about him? I mostly mention him obliquely but because my blog is really about and for me, I write more about what's on my mind internally, about things I'm doing, about my relationship with Pumpkinpie. But somehow, my relationship with him is different. It's between us, and because it's partly his, I don't feel it's all mine to share.
Posted by: kittenpie | August 21, 2006 at 09:37 PM
I can't say for certain, but I think my dog gets jealous when I read about other dogs on other blogs. Like, lately, she won't play the "peanut butter trick" anymore... :/
Posted by: Baun | August 21, 2006 at 09:51 PM
I do write about the Webmaster, but, like you, I don't air our arguments out there for the world (and my mother-in-law, who reads my blog) to see. My husband is actually the techno-geek who got me all set up, and is constantly tweaking my site and giving me quick tutorials on how to do all this technical stuff. He does read my posts, but he's been busy recently so I understand if he doesn't catch them. He has tried his hand at blogging himself, but seems to always run into writer's block. I think he feels like I have the family front covered, and he always ends up ranting, so he'd rather just leave the writing to me.
He knows about all my fellow bloggers, and occasionally reads them himself. I find that most of the blogs I check on are so funny and well-written that I can't help sharing with him. He does think it's weird that I talk about other bloggers whom I've never met as often as I talk about our flesh-and-blood friends, though.
Posted by: Deanna | August 21, 2006 at 10:22 PM
While my blog and podcast are geek-centric about a third of it is focused on being a dad. I'm a dad, a husband and a geek. When I talk to other guys I know who havn't had kids yet they all have this feeling that once they have kids they loose their identity. I am different than I was two years ago but I wouldn't say I'm a different person. I'm just the newest version of me.
GEEK v3.1 Fatherhood Edition.
(Upgrade for GEEK98 Husband Edition)
Being a dad has given me something to nerd over that I love even more than tech stuff. Does my wife know about my blog? Yeah, but she doesn't really read it. It's rarely anything I haven’t already chatted with her about. Granted the heavy tech stuff doesn’t really make her eyes sparkle like it does mine so I spare her those bits.
I kept poking my wife to take a stab at blogging, she being a much better writer than I am. After enough pokes with a stick and setting her up a WordPress blog she posted a few times, then it was all over. She loves the outlet that blogging gives her and the feedback she gets from readers.
So we are a blogging couple but we don't really blog together, it's something that is an outlet for each of us. Our family is one topic we both love and love talking about.
Posted by: FriedGeek | August 21, 2006 at 11:10 PM
I think I don't have a spouse to make miserable yet, but damn I'll sure keep trying!
Posted by: Queen of Ass | August 21, 2006 at 11:15 PM
heh heh...'drinking Kool-Aid with the Reverend Star Jones' Are we the only ones who know that her loving and adoring husband is gay? Funny reference, MD. You crack me up.
Posted by: Terry | August 21, 2006 at 11:26 PM