.
Lately, I've been noticing the tag lines on a few of my favorite blogs and laughing my ass off. For some reason, it's only now that I'm realizing how funny and clever some of them are. Here are a few of my favorites:
"Neither representing nor keeping it real" - Dooce
"You don't know what it is, but you know you like it." - Finslippy
"Proof my children will be using their college funds for therapy." - Cynical Dad
"25% of human genes are the same as a banana. Get over yourself!" - Banana
"I affirm your worth! Seacrest out!" - Suburban Bliss
"I just LOOK like I'm wearing my pajamas." - Sweatpants Mom
"Where sacred cows are slaughtered and served medium rare." - Alex Blagg
Needless to say, I think I need a new catchphrase for the MetroDad site. Somehow, the tagline "I Rant, Therefore I Am" isn't doing it for me anymore. However, after trying to come up with some new taglines, I'm realizing that I'm absolutely terrible at this. After thinking so hard that I got a brain freeze, the only ideas I had were...
MetroDad: "Finally, a website we can let the servants read!"
MetroDad: "No batteries included and no strings attached."
MetroDad: "Not as good as it used to be."
Pretty fucking lame, eh? I really can't come up with anything. Maybe I'm overthinking the whole issue. Anyway, instead of giving myself an aneurysm, I decided to do what I always do when I need some honest advice...
I turn to the internet.
I'm always boasting to my friends that my readers are the smartest, funniest and wittiest people out there. Whereas most of society believes me to be a pompous ass, you guys "get" me. Therefore, who better to come up with a tagline for the site than you guys?
But I'm throwing out a twist here and offering a prize for the most creative tagline. Winner (as determined by myself, the BossLady and the Sweepstakes Division of Price Waterhouse) will be the lucky recipient of a brand-new portable Insignia DVD Player. (Yes, this is the same DVD player that I wrote about a little while ago.) It's a very cool product that would be great for long summer drives in the car, airplane trips to see the grandparents, hanging out in the backyard, or watching porn in the bedroom.
So, enter to get yours now! No purchase necessary! Enter as often as you like!
I know a lot of you readers are in advertising (Mom-101, Bacon Grease, Virgo, Concha et al.) so you may have a slight advantage here. However, I only need one good tagline so I'm hoping that someone can come up with something clever that epitomizes the essence of this site.
Ready, set, go!
(UPDATE, July 5: Congrats to SpikeyMikeP who wins with "Poppycock from a Cocky Pop." These were some great entries and I think I'll start alternating them on a semi-regular basis. Thanks for playing, everyone!)
Okay I'm back for more...
MD: I eat my bologna with chopsticks
And sometimes you say it best yourself:
MD: Who's got time to worry when there are unicorns to ride?
MD: Because my wife's uterus was calling and I decided to pick up the phone
MD: I'm not a playa, I just gush a lot
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | June 21, 2006 at 04:24 PM
Scotch on the rocks, with a splash of breastmilk
Posted by: Nan | June 21, 2006 at 04:32 PM
She loves me, she really, really loves me.
Posted by: rwc | June 21, 2006 at 04:58 PM
MetroDad: In cyberspace, no one can smell my feet.
Posted by: Deanna | June 21, 2006 at 05:05 PM
MetroDad: from the art gallery to the Peanut gallery
Posted by: Mike | June 21, 2006 at 05:46 PM
"if it walks like a metrosexual and talks like a dad, it must be metrodad."
Posted by: linda | June 21, 2006 at 05:55 PM
alternatively, "if it walks like a metrosexual and talks about the peanut, it must be metrodad."
Posted by: linda | June 21, 2006 at 06:07 PM
These are all great, but now I must work on my own. Unfortunately, you have made our taglines feel inadequate. I can see a rush of changed taglines over the next week.
Posted by: Ed Bacchus | June 21, 2006 at 06:15 PM
MetroDad: Not to be confused with that pansy MerlotDad.
Posted by: JJ Daddy-O | June 21, 2006 at 06:16 PM
"Not your father's daddyblog."
Posted by: landismom | June 21, 2006 at 06:18 PM
MetroDad: 10% Inspiration, 90% Pedal Extremity Perspiration.
Posted by: JJ Daddy-O | June 21, 2006 at 06:19 PM
MetroDad, love you, love your show.
Personally, my favorite was "In cyberspace, no one can smell my feet".
But I think this one may hold up well over time (and it fits your personality like a Tee):
MetroDad - "Putting the fun back in dysfunctional"
Posted by: Baun | June 21, 2006 at 06:23 PM
Sticking with the theme of ranting, how bout:
MetroDad - "Rant free since last week"
Posted by: Baun | June 21, 2006 at 06:35 PM
Okay, so I use most of my creativity at work during the day, but here it goes:
MetroDad: Fodder for the Parenting Masses
MetroDad: FDA Approved
MetroDad: Take one dram of scotch and call me in the morning
Really, I'm a middle-aged New Jersey housewife with a wild imagination
Okay, I give! I tried but I'm just not feeling funny at the moment!
Posted by: Tawnya | June 21, 2006 at 07:36 PM
Last entry
MetroDad - "No Sex and the City"
Posted by: Baun | June 21, 2006 at 07:55 PM
jj daddy o up above
How dare you disparage me! I assure you I am no pansy, Sir!
I challenge you to a duel!
I pull your hair. I slap fight you. I throw my Espadrilles (gently) at you (Please return). I spit in your Kiehl's Hair Creme. What, you don't use that? That is SOOO my favorite product. You will feel my wrath. I assault you with flair and perfect diction.
Do you feel the heat of my flaming flame?
Posted by: MerlotDad | June 21, 2006 at 08:03 PM
Metrodad - Yah, eennomah!! Moh ruhrl bo nyah?!?!
Metrodad - Messing it up for the rest of us Korean guys.
Serious dude, my friends hate that I've forwarded your site to their women.
Metrodad - I'm South Korean
Think about it.
Metrodad's Got Seoul
Metrodad - King Kong has NOTHING on me!!
Posted by: Mike | June 21, 2006 at 08:07 PM
I was listening to some old Public Enemy tracks today and thought some of these would work for you...
"Cold Lampin' with Flavor"
"Makes You Blind!"
"What a Fool Believes."
Posted by: Professor Griff | June 21, 2006 at 08:09 PM
"Peanut farmer. Peanut farmer with damn fine hair."
"Gettin' up in yo' bitch-ass grammar since 2005"
"The new black"
Or, try something in your own words:
"Bologna es chway-go-da"
"Who's got time to worry when there are unicorns to ride?"
"I like chick flicks and my feet smell like ass"
Posted by: zygote daddy | June 21, 2006 at 09:13 PM
I'd like to contribute, but I have a hard enough time thinking up titles for my papers.
Posted by: enygma | June 21, 2006 at 09:17 PM
MetroDad: "I write what you think"
btw, this is my first comment, and I love your blog.
Posted by: Scottso | June 21, 2006 at 09:19 PM
How bout:
Korean Peanuts and other Nuggets of Wisdom
Posted by: KrisT | June 21, 2006 at 09:26 PM
You HAVE to use "Secret Asian Man" - I vote for you to pick rotating taglines - have 12 that you love and switch 'em out to have a different one each month.
Posted by: Kristen | June 21, 2006 at 09:32 PM
Because my wife's uterus was calling and I decided to pick up the phone
i'm so not creative, but the above spoke to me! LOL!
had fun reading all the suggestions :)
m
Posted by: mollymcmommy | June 21, 2006 at 09:33 PM
Hey MD,
Been reading for a while and I really enjoying how devoted you are to your wife and daughter.
Anyway, that said, how 'bout:
"Bad grammar makes me [sic]."
"Love is...Being stuck between a BossLady and a Peanut."
"What the heo?" (Heo is the VNese word for pig, and if you read it FOBishly, you'll get the right effect. I know you're Korean, but you do go to VN on business...
"MD: I cure all your ailments."
Or, "Do I have to have a point?"
Posted by: Wandering Chopsticks | June 21, 2006 at 10:17 PM
"Once you go metrodad, you never go back"
"Metrodad: is habit forming and should only be read under close supervision. Addictive personality type in deep trouble (shit)"
"Metrodad: where bosslady wants to multiple the peanut"
"Metrodad: Funnier than you'll ever be. "
I am not as creative as the others though
Posted by: Katherine NYC | June 21, 2006 at 10:18 PM
OK, I second (or third or fourth...) these:
"Bad grammar makes me [sic]"
"Because my wife's uterus was calling and I decided to pick up the phone"
"Secret Asian Man"
Posted by: zygote daddy | June 21, 2006 at 10:34 PM
May contain traces of Peanut.
Product and Pronouns, Peanut and Peat.
Saucy in the Big Apple.
Boss. Though not quite THE Boss.
[gotta love the 80s slang!]
Your Daily Serving of Bologna.
Posted by: kittenpie | June 21, 2006 at 10:43 PM
Holy hell. The competition is fierce. Sigh. (rolling up my sleeves) Here goes nuthin':
"MetroDad: I fucking love guacamole"
"MD: Submitting to women since 2003"
Posted by: Samantha | June 21, 2006 at 10:48 PM
How about: Redefining Feng Shui Fo Sho
Now you know why I never made it in advertising.
Posted by: Pattie | June 21, 2006 at 10:56 PM
I got nothing mate.......i think you have tagline overload as it is!!!
Hope all is well. I haven't been around for a while, i've been on a little blogging break.
Posted by: Chocolate Makes It Better | June 21, 2006 at 10:57 PM
These are awesome, MD! I really do think you might have some of the wittiest readers around. I wish I had something to add but I'm totally drained right now. Just wanted to stop by and say hi.
Posted by: Brian | June 21, 2006 at 11:58 PM
i love "Bad grammar makes me [sic]."
:)
AM
Posted by: AlieMalie | June 22, 2006 at 12:08 AM
"MetroDad: May contain traces of nuts"
Posted by: Panda | June 22, 2006 at 01:48 AM
Metrodad: Almost as good as a mom ... but no boobies.
Posted by: Ben | June 22, 2006 at 02:30 AM
I am completely lacking in the creativity department having spent most of my schooling with a pipette, cells, and some mice.
My favorite so far is Meg's
"Only taking shit in diaper form."
Posted by: Bliss | June 22, 2006 at 02:33 AM
MetroDad - "Because you can only look at porn on the Internet so much"
or
MetroDad - "Because what else are you going to do now that there are no sports on TV for 3 months."
Golf doesn't count.
Posted by: MetroDude | June 22, 2006 at 02:45 AM
MD - "Drink it or wear it."
Still funny in any context.
Posted by: R. Frankel | June 22, 2006 at 02:47 AM
from bosslady's post:
“What’s up, Stinky Butt?”
Posted by: Ali | June 22, 2006 at 03:18 AM
these are so funny! totally enjoying hte blogs as well as the comments.
a lot of them made me LOL. can't wait to see which one is the WINNER.
Posted by: joanh | June 22, 2006 at 06:22 AM
Daddy by day, metrosexual by night
Posted by: Jennifer State | June 22, 2006 at 09:35 AM
MetroDad: Whoring myself for comments.
MetroDad: Spicer than yo mama's kimchee.
Posted by: Gen | June 22, 2006 at 09:42 AM
MetroDad: King of all Mommybloggers!
Posted by: Barron | June 22, 2006 at 10:02 AM
"MetroDad: Because Kevin Federline needs help."
"Metrodad: Think Carrie Bradshaw with a penis - and without that annoying redhead."
"Metrodad: A guide to fatherhood that is shaken, not stirred."
Posted by: MetroDude | June 22, 2006 at 10:53 AM
I said I'd be back with my suggestions for you, but rather than come up with something bound to be uber-shitty, I'm giving up. There are some great ones up there; can't wait to see which one(s) you pick!
Posted by: liberalbanana | June 22, 2006 at 11:15 AM
"Forsan et haec olim meminisse iuvabit."
Posted by: L. | June 22, 2006 at 11:55 AM
metrodad: kid-tested, mother-approved.
Posted by: linda | June 22, 2006 at 11:57 AM
Oh, pick this one:
"Because my wife's uterus was calling and I decided to pick up the phone."
Posted by: kristie | June 22, 2006 at 11:57 AM
So if you do decide to use your own words for a tagline, how about
MetroDad: "Fucking weird but fucking cool..."
I have to say given your penchant for gangsta rap/vernacular and a properly constructed sentence,
MetroDad : "Gettin' up in yo' bitch-ass grammar since 2005"
had me choking on my breakfast. That shit was FUNNY. But, again, no dearth of humor on this thread.
Posted by: Mike | June 22, 2006 at 12:16 PM
I second the nomination for "Bad grammar makes me (sic)!" That one's perfect.
Posted by: Michelle | June 22, 2006 at 12:35 PM