.
Lately, I've been noticing the tag lines on a few of my favorite blogs and laughing my ass off. For some reason, it's only now that I'm realizing how funny and clever some of them are. Here are a few of my favorites:
"Neither representing nor keeping it real" - Dooce
"You don't know what it is, but you know you like it." - Finslippy
"Proof my children will be using their college funds for therapy." - Cynical Dad
"25% of human genes are the same as a banana. Get over yourself!" - Banana
"I affirm your worth! Seacrest out!" - Suburban Bliss
"I just LOOK like I'm wearing my pajamas." - Sweatpants Mom
"Where sacred cows are slaughtered and served medium rare." - Alex Blagg
Needless to say, I think I need a new catchphrase for the MetroDad site. Somehow, the tagline "I Rant, Therefore I Am" isn't doing it for me anymore. However, after trying to come up with some new taglines, I'm realizing that I'm absolutely terrible at this. After thinking so hard that I got a brain freeze, the only ideas I had were...
MetroDad: "Finally, a website we can let the servants read!"
MetroDad: "No batteries included and no strings attached."
MetroDad: "Not as good as it used to be."
Pretty fucking lame, eh? I really can't come up with anything. Maybe I'm overthinking the whole issue. Anyway, instead of giving myself an aneurysm, I decided to do what I always do when I need some honest advice...
I turn to the internet.
I'm always boasting to my friends that my readers are the smartest, funniest and wittiest people out there. Whereas most of society believes me to be a pompous ass, you guys "get" me. Therefore, who better to come up with a tagline for the site than you guys?
But I'm throwing out a twist here and offering a prize for the most creative tagline. Winner (as determined by myself, the BossLady and the Sweepstakes Division of Price Waterhouse) will be the lucky recipient of a brand-new portable Insignia DVD Player. (Yes, this is the same DVD player that I wrote about a little while ago.) It's a very cool product that would be great for long summer drives in the car, airplane trips to see the grandparents, hanging out in the backyard, or watching porn in the bedroom.
So, enter to get yours now! No purchase necessary! Enter as often as you like!
I know a lot of you readers are in advertising (Mom-101, Bacon Grease, Virgo, Concha et al.) so you may have a slight advantage here. However, I only need one good tagline so I'm hoping that someone can come up with something clever that epitomizes the essence of this site.
Ready, set, go!
(UPDATE, July 5: Congrats to SpikeyMikeP who wins with "Poppycock from a Cocky Pop." These were some great entries and I think I'll start alternating them on a semi-regular basis. Thanks for playing, everyone!)
My feet doesn't stink!
Posted by: andy | June 22, 2006 at 12:39 PM
"Metrodad: This is not your father's Oldsmobile"
Posted by: Zac BabyRoadies | June 22, 2006 at 12:43 PM
MD: No really, I know exactly what I'm doing.
Posted by: Genuine | June 22, 2006 at 12:47 PM
MD: Because "Dooce" was already taken.
Posted by: Genuine | June 22, 2006 at 12:48 PM
You've definitely got your pick!
Here are a few more:
"MetroDad: Where Bologna is cool and the babes are hot"
"MetroDad: Where Seoul food gets the toddler smack-down."
"MetroDad: Sappiness has never been this snappy"
"MetroDad: Proof you don't have to settle"
Posted by: OTRgirl | June 22, 2006 at 01:04 PM
MetroDad: Motherfucker
MetroDad: Nurse from my mind-teats
MetroDad: Changing diapers, the world
MetroDad: Like 22" chrome rims on a stroller
MetroDad: The half-caf, sugar-free, breast-milk latte of blogs
Posted by: matt | June 22, 2006 at 01:05 PM
The Dormitory Boys'inspired this one.
http://twochineseboys.blogspot.com
There's nothing wrong with therapy...
Posted by: honglien123 | June 22, 2006 at 02:37 PM
How 'bout: "Pumping Irony"? (Although I like "Secret Asian Man" a lot, too.)
Posted by: Cobwebs | June 22, 2006 at 03:16 PM
So funny you'll wet your diaper.
Shaken, not stirred.
Neat. Like his scotch.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | June 22, 2006 at 03:35 PM
Here are your own words: "Because, for me, home really is where the Peanut is."
Posted by: Wandering Chopsticks | June 22, 2006 at 04:57 PM
Okay, if this one is already up there, sue me...
Seoul Man
You should be ashamed of yourself, using tactics like these to whore for comments.
:::kicks self for not thinking of it first:::
Posted by: Stacy | June 22, 2006 at 05:03 PM
Metrodad:
It is not so easy to fool little girls nowadays as it used to be.
Posted by: dutch from sweet juniper | June 22, 2006 at 05:22 PM
My favorite is the one offered by "cam c.": "MetroDad -- Warning: Processed in a facility that uses Peanuts."
Or maybe I would change one word, so it reads, "MetroDad -- Warning: Processed in a facility that contains Peanuts."
Posted by: momto3cubs | June 22, 2006 at 05:26 PM
I definitely vote for "Secret Asian Man".
Here's my entry...
MD - The Mad Doctor Of The DaddyBlogs (where in teenspeak, mad means super cool)
Posted by: LeeMarvin | June 22, 2006 at 05:34 PM
MD, I love these three. You know, since it would seem rude to pick my own. ;)
"Because "Dooce" was already taken."
"No really, I know exactly what I'm doing."
"Because my wife's uterus was calling and I decided to pick up the phone."
Posted by: Melissa | June 22, 2006 at 05:41 PM
You keep your White Zinfandel away from my children, you sicko.
Posted by: Mom101 | June 22, 2006 at 05:42 PM
Oh, and ThisLarry's onto something. But I think it might be better as:
Don't make me pull the emergency brake on this subway car.
Posted by: Mom101 | June 22, 2006 at 05:44 PM
Or you could go the inspirational quote route:
- The get-all-choked-up kind (other Dads with daughters will know what I'm talking about):
MetroDad: "Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express."
(Joseph Addison 1672-1719)
-Or the more assertive, Metro/caveman Dad, perhaps?:
MetroDad: "I only have two rules for my newly born daughter: she will dress well and never have sex." - John Malkovich
I think you should get one of your more tech-savvy readers to just write you a java app that rotates the 20 best ones automatically.
Posted by: JJ Daddy-O | June 22, 2006 at 05:58 PM
Respect the Nut
Posted by: Dave K. | June 22, 2006 at 06:01 PM
You guys all came up with great ones! Mine are not as catchy :-( I tried to read all of the above so I hope I'm not repeating :-)
Here are mine:
Peanut Gallery
Addicted to Peanut since 2004...
Rantings of a Korean nut who begat a Peanut.
Posted by: Fllwrabbit | June 22, 2006 at 08:02 PM
Can you tell I've been reading your backlog?
But here's more of your own words:
"Stay tuned tomorrow when we return to our regularly scheduled programming of poop stories, breast-feeding jokes and parenting rants.)"
"Here at MetroDad, our unofficial motto is "honesty so truthful, it hurts."
Or, how 'bout, "I know what a gerund is." Or, "No dangling participles here."
BTW, for people who seem to like Secret Asian Man (which I don't understand b/c it's no secret that MD is Korean), ya'll know it's already a comic strip right?
Posted by: Wandering Chopsticks | June 22, 2006 at 09:31 PM
"fight for your right to potty"
Posted by: Bradley | June 22, 2006 at 09:40 PM
Metrodad: Urban chic meets tongue in cheek.
Posted by: Multymfoiled | June 22, 2006 at 10:23 PM
MetroDad: Urban elite meets taco feet.
Posted by: Mike | June 22, 2006 at 11:02 PM
MetroDad: "And on the seventh day... he nested."
Posted by: Mike | June 22, 2006 at 11:18 PM
Because Zombies ate his brain.
Now with more Kvetching
Where flufferbutters are gourmet
Please pass the remote
He's a quice eatin' man in a cowboy town.
Posted by: margalit | June 23, 2006 at 12:22 AM
Hey! I'll gladly give you my tag line in exchange for your DVD player. I'm a sell out.
Anyway, I like the "Men who change diapers change the world" tag you put out there every once in a while.
Posted by: Chag | June 23, 2006 at 12:29 AM
secret asian man!! thats great. heehee. i got nothing . maybe i shouldnt have read all the other ones first b/c thats all i can think of now. there are some good ones up already thats for sure.
Posted by: kristied | June 23, 2006 at 12:57 AM
MD: I make my kid eat from a dogfood bowl. Got a problem wit dat?
MD: Just like other dads, only metro-ier.
MD: Now with more
Posted by: | June 23, 2006 at 02:31 AM
I love "MetroDad: Spicer than yo mama's kimchee." as suggested by Gen.
My favourite tagline ever is "Attaching the electrodes of knowledge to the nipples of ignorance" which is a 3rd Rock from the Sun quote.
Posted by: Sassy | June 23, 2006 at 02:36 AM
what about --
post modern
or if you like.... le post modern
Posted by: mo-wo | June 23, 2006 at 02:49 AM
Shit. Yes that was my nameless post up there, and I didn't finish my thought.
How's bout
MD: I'll eat anything and say anything.
or
MD: One surgery away from a mommy blog.
Hey, I've been gone and internet detached for a while but...me love you long time.
Posted by: bloghermafrodaddy | June 23, 2006 at 03:01 AM
The mommy blog for dads.
Word to the father!
Now with more product.
The little black dress of daddy blogs.
The dad you wish you were. With better hair.
...and riffing shamelessly on ThisLarry's great suggestions:
Don't make me turn this blog around.
Finish your vegetables or no MetroDad for you.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | June 23, 2006 at 07:57 AM
Metro eye for the dad guy.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | June 23, 2006 at 08:25 AM
Here's my contribution ...
1. And then there were three!
2. Just monkeying around!
Posted by: Naveen Bachwani | June 23, 2006 at 08:33 AM
Parenting and blogging in the gonzo tradition.
These words I write keep others spawning
Channeling Charles Bukowski and Dr. Spock for all parents
Posted by: MarkO | June 23, 2006 at 08:37 AM
um for the person who thougth secret asian man was odd becaues we all know he's korean, it's a pun on the song secret agent man (as would also be the comic you mentioned)
I still like where a peanut rules the world,
I also like "Bad grammar makes me [sic]."
and from the Art Gallery to the Peanut Gallery
and I also still like I rant, therefore I am.
and I also think you don't need a tagline
Posted by: navi | June 23, 2006 at 08:56 AM
MetroDad: It's a jungle out there!
MetroDad: Busting out rhymes three days a week.
Posted by: Carter | June 23, 2006 at 10:17 AM
My goodness - the 'peanut gallery' sure HAS been busy. I actually like "One surgery away from a mommy blog" and the "Metro eye for the daddy guy" a lot. Here's my other lame 2 cents: "Not to be confused with CosmoDad" (ha ha, get it? Metropolitan vs. Cosmopolitan? TOO lame, I know.) I do think "Secret Asian Man" IS funny but I don't know if it's unique enough for someone like you... again, my lame 2 cents.
Posted by: Mama Nabi | June 23, 2006 at 10:26 AM
First time commenter/reader. I'm not even going to try and compare to what is here. But what I DO have to say is that I've been singing "Secret Asian Man" for two days now. I may have to stop reading if you use that cause it will NEVER leave my head! AHHHHHH =oP
Posted by: Maniacal | June 23, 2006 at 12:13 PM
MetroDad: He's got the Nuts.
Posted by: Amy | June 23, 2006 at 12:28 PM
MetroDad: Buxom with knowledge.
MetroDad: Holla!
MetroDad: Can I get a wha-what?
Posted by: Amy | June 23, 2006 at 12:31 PM
MetroDad: He's not Jennifer Gray in "Dirty Dancing."
Posted by: Amy | June 23, 2006 at 12:47 PM
I love "one surgery away from a mommy blog"!
Posted by: OTRgirl | June 23, 2006 at 01:05 PM
Hard-Kor. Southside.
Looking at Mr. Peanut in a whole new light.
Cracker Jacks. With nuts.
Expanding my empire one subway system at a time. (Get it? Another meaning of "metro". Heh.)
Smither of Ebonical Words. (Word!)
Posted by: elan | June 23, 2006 at 01:21 PM
I know I'm late to this, and now that your away from the resort "Now! With more Madras!" just doesn't work. I sort of like:
MetroDad: Upper Brackets
Posted by: Xdm | June 23, 2006 at 02:46 PM
MetroDad: Puttin' the Ho in SoHo
Posted by: LOD | June 23, 2006 at 03:39 PM
Okay, back for more:
MetroDad - Master of my domain (Seinfeld shout-out)
MetroDad - Funnier than 'Daddy Day Care'
MetroDad - The father figure you've been looking for (for all the ladies out there...)
Posted by: Baun | June 23, 2006 at 05:12 PM
omg - has no one noticed you have a misspelling in your update? ben?! sheesh! it's been.
haha. kidding. really. please don't block my IP. :)
i love Secret Asian Man as well as Your Daily Dose of Bologna.
I'm sure that whichever one wins, it'll be a classic. I'm dying to know.
:)
AM
Posted by: AlieMalie | June 23, 2006 at 05:31 PM
Dude..."One surgery away from a mommy blog" is awesome. Can't wait to find out the winner.
Posted by: honglien123 | June 23, 2006 at 07:11 PM