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June 12, 2006


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you're a good man!


...and I'm honored to be the first one to post!


Your parents will only be around so long and nobody can love a child in the same way grandparents can.

The Peanut is a lucky gal.

Queen of Ass

I've been ignored since Capt Stinky was born too. Everything he says has his grandparents giggling. But? It has me giggling too, so who can argue with their obvious good taste in grandchildren?


Ah, yes...

I feel your pain, Bro. Yes, it seems as if our parents *morph* into different people once they have grandbabies. I, too find myself wondering what comes over my mom when her only grandson walks into the room. "Invisible" is an excellent way to describe the way she pushes past me to get a kiss from her 'No.1'. I let him go first now, so I don't get hurt. By that I mean...trampled.

Just started eating Guac. Never liked it until a couple of years ago. I must admit, it has grown on me. It must be how it's prepared.

JJ Daddy Baby Momma

Welcome to what most women experience - the whole pregnancy it's all about them - how they're feeling, what they're doing. The moment the kid's external, it's all over.


Right on, JJ Daddy Baby Momma. While I was pregnant, everyone, including my in-laws, doted on me. But once Peanut was out, I felt like I was invisible. In Korean, recent mothers often say that they feel like a kkupddegee, literally meaning "shell."


This post brought tears to my eyes, I wish my daughter had such doting grandparents. She is the last in a long-line of grandkids for both sides of the family, and the novelty has clearly worn off. Yeah, they love her, and yeah, grandma lives halfway across the country and nana and grandpa live 4 hours away, but even if she lived across the street from them, I still don't think she would be the ultimate object of their affection. Enjoy the attention on behalf of your daughter. Things could be worse.


Ah, see, my one set of grandparents was completely like this. The other set only liked me once I could talk!


My husband and I embrace this behavior from his mother. We have no problems playing second fiddle to the girls. We want our girls to have happy memories of their grandmothers, and if this is the way it will happen, then so be it! Herr and I will meet you are the guacamole. It could get ugly since my husband Loves him some guac!


Great post, MD. You're the only blogger I know who would use his love of guacamole as a metaphor for family relationships. That's what keeps me coming back here every day!


Isn't there some Korean saying about beating the crap out of your own kids and atoning with the grandkids? There shold be, because it's true.

The average American kids knows nothing of child abuse compared to those raised by Korean immigrants.

the weirdgirl

I'm pretty invisible when the grandparents are around, though my in-laws are worse than my parents. (I actually wouldn't mind being a little MORE invisible, then I could just go read a book or something.) I totally understand where you're coming from; I think the relationship with my son and his grandparents is endearing. Until I see evidence that he's working them (which I know is happening), then I start having premonitions of the terrible twos!

P.S. Keen does these weird concoctions of salsa, guacamole, and shrimp that I bet would be right up your alley!


My in-laws are like your parents. I hesitate to visit them because my mother-in-law argues that the gal doesn't need a nap, she needs more grandma time.

On the other hand, anything that gets me more alone time with guacamole is a good thing.


I saw a plaque once that said "grandchildren are so wonderful, I should have had them first." I think some people just wern't sure how to be parents, but they figure out really quickly that they enjoy being grandparents because they get all the good and none of the bad.

On the guacamole thing, well, I do it too. And I make the best guacamole in the world. It is my specialty.


Guacamole. The Lindbergh baby. Marsupials. Idi Amin. You fucking crack me up, man.

Grandparents are Da Bomb. I wish my parents could see Cheeky more than they do, but I'm psyched she has a local grandma who dotes on her. Plus hey...babysitting.


I remember after the Munchkin was born, my Dad would make my mother call me (he hates using the phone, plus HE didn't want to be responsible if the phone woke the baby), to see if his granddaughter could come over to play (we live ten minutes away from them). Now they have 4 grandchildren total, but only mine are in-state. They love the fact that they see them at least once a week, and my kids absolutely adore both of them.

My husband is an only child, so once I started bearing grandchildren for his parents, I was treated like a walking saint. It ain't a bad gig, if you can get it! They live a couple hours away from us, and practically worship the kids. They keep offering to take them overnight (at their house), but they live in the middle of freakin' nowhere, so it's not going to happen anytime soon. My father-in-law is definitely a better grandpa than he was a father. I think he really needed a little girl in his life to soften him up, because he was a much harder person when I met him. Of course now, the Munchkin could break his DVD player and he'd think it was the cutest thing in the world! Did I mention that they love the kids so much, they can't bear to discipline them? Yeah, that's the OTHER reason the kids won't be staying with them anytime soon.


i was the only grandchild for 12 years. it's the only way to be born

Motherhood Uncensored

It's weird how that works. My mom is an awesome g-mom. My in-laws? Oy. It's amazing my huz is still alive. They are nuts.

And I love guac. I eat it with a spoon. Screw the damn chips.


I say you and Bosslady take the quac and run, have a night on the town and leave the girl with the parents for a few hours. You'll never be missed therefore no guilt.

la doctora

Pumpkin's grandparents go through withdrawal and depression if they don't get their fix of her cuteness. Here's my theory: blue-footed boobies become more invested in offspring with advancing age. Is it about preserving the DNA? http://www.smithsonianmag.com/issues/2006/june/wildthings.php


I agree with Mike...although I'll take the Korean immigrant parent over the Vietnamese immigrant parent anyday, with their waxing poetic about how crappy their lives and how brave they were to get your ass over to the land of opportunity. All while beating the crap out of you for not appreciating what you have.

That said, my parents and grandparents yell at me for even THINKING of raising my voice to my kids. My parents love my kids so much, they practically worship them. I'm Joseph compared to the Virgin Mary.

Welcome to the club MD. I'll bet you never thought you'd hear that phrase so often.


Great metaphor MD, and so true, maybe even a metafive...
I remember the first family visit after the wife and I had our little guy. We went all Sally Field with the attention- "They love us. They really love us!" - until my enchanting sister (lets call her Beeeyotch, okay?) clued us in. "Actually, could you two hovercraft just leave for a few days so we could hog that baby boy?"

So, yeah, it's not about us anymore and truly...what a freakin' relief! We're grateful that we're not the only ones so over the top about this little person.

MD Dude, your metaphors go to five. As for your guacamole, Peanut, she'll just grow up knowing she's all that... AND a bag of chips. Lucky kid.

Linda B

My parents, esp my father, have really surprised me as grandparents. When I stop by my parents house to pick something up or just to say hi, my dad doesn't even greet me. If I am there without E, he asks "why you no bring baby? GRUNT" and then continues watching tv. Interestingly enough, my mom is less the fawning type. Obviously, she adores her only granddaughter, but when it's time to eat dinner, she's definitely not one of those grandparents who kindly holds the squirming grandchild while the parents eat. She's gettin her grub on with her head down so she can't see me shoot evil looks in her direction.

But generally, I agree that grandchildren really soften and mellow out our own parents. It's nice to watch their relationship develop over time as E gets older and more interactive.

Linda B

Um, I meant "grandparents really soften up and mellow out"...

Dude. It's time for me to go home.


my first comment...yippeee!!

enjoy the grandparents obsession while you can. my dad adored my oldest daughter, but didnt live to see my youngest. grandparents are something no child should do without!

stop making me crave guacamole...im dieting damnit! love all your blogs btw..been lurking for months now :)

Pickle's Papa

For me this being ignored is a step up - as my brother had three before I had one. This means that now the ignoring is at least a byproduct of me and needs to be facilitated by me. I know that without me bringing The Pickle to them I would just be ignored - now I have to enable their crack baby habit . . . so at least I get to play the role of junky

Pickle's Papa

I meant pusher, but as a fellow Pickle addict I sometimes dont think very clearly. . .


I'd have more to say about the parent to grandparent transition, but you lost me at the guacamole....I LOVE a good guac!


Ugh... don't I know it! I don't think my mother-in-law has said anything other than, "Where's my grandson?" since he was born eighteen months ago. On the one hand, it's great that I don't have to come up with witty banter any more. On the other hand, it does make for boring dinners.


Mmmm, guacamole....

Were you saying something? (furtively licks chip for fortieth time)

On the grandparent note--well, what my mom does notice about me now, is how inadequately I parent her beloved offspring. Glad I made ya' look, mom!


Yep, my mom totally makes up reasons for me to bring the kids over: "I, uh, think I need to borrow your toenail clippers...AND BRING THE KIDS!"

It's cool, though. She babysits, my kids don't freak when I drop them off with her (because they don't see her as a babysitter), and they think their grandparents are the coolest people in the world. I'm glad they have each other.

And guac? I'm so addicted.


I was the only grandchild on one side for 13 years (and now I'm obviously the oldest) and I'm the youngest on the other side. Can we say spoiled? Holy hell that's the only way to go. In the car on the way to dinner once in elementary school I off-handedly mentioned scooters were cool. Next day got to go pick one out. Crazy.

My mom is TOTALLY going to be 'that' grandmother. Obsessed. Involved. Fun. I can't wait to see her as a grandma. I'm her only child so when I bust out some kids angels will sing according to her. In my Master Plan to start having kids I tell my husband how cheap it's going to be, since we'll have my mother buying stuff for the baby until the end of time.

She can ignore us all she freakin' wants :-)


On my side of the family, there are 10 grandchildren age 9 and under. On my husband's side of the family, my kids have 2 teenaged cousins, and that's it. So they get the massive attention and spoiling on one side, with a 3-1 adult/child ratio at almost all times and evey whim catered to. And then, a few times a year, they get brought back down to earth by the "Lord of the Flies," no-holds-barred, cousinly mob experience, which is a nice balance.


6 ripe avocados
juice of 1 lime
1 handful of fresh cilantro
1 medium tomato
1 tsp minced onion
Half a clove of minced garlic
1 tbsp salt.
1 tsp cumin
dash chili powder

Process all ingredients in mini-food processor. Peel and halve avocados. Place in bowl and add the rest of the ingredients. Mash with a pasrty cutter.

Eat with a spoon while enjoying being ignored.

JJ Daddy Baby Momma

Love the kkupddegee, BL. "Shell" brings to mind the alien exploding out of John Hurt's chest, with no further use for its human host.


No one told me that once I had a son my Korean in-laws would no longer refer to me by name-just as Little Man's Mom. They think I do not know it because I speak only English but the cuz spilled the beans.

Still having a son of the oldest son is not a bad gig-def allot more cush than being the mee-gok (sp)wife.


Beautiful. I, too, find it wonderful to see my parents as grandparents. All that unadulterated, unabashed love, no strings, no agenda, no expectations. More than one person has told me that it's more fun to be a grandparent than a parent.


Great post metrodad! I have been reading this blog for a while and let me say I start off my day by reading your blog so that i'm in a happier mood for the rest of the day.

My husband and I live with his parents and I’ve been putting off having kids for the simple fact that even thinking about my mother-in-law having any input in the way that my child is raised fills me with dread (and sometimes nausea). She is the most smothering, emotional, over-bearing, over-protective and conservative woman I have ever met.

This post, however, has me seriously reconsidering this decision because it had me wondering if I was denying MY parents their right to be grand-parents, and I know that they’ll be amazing grandparents.

Happy belated to Bosslady!

Liberal Banana

I don't have kids, but I hate that "being ignored" feeling. There's one girl I am more acquaintances than friends with, and every time I'm around here, it feels like everything is all about HER. She interrupts me mid-sentence and it drives me NUTS. Anyway...very enjoyable post as always. If you haven't already, check out Papa Bradstein's most recent post - it deals with the changing role of fathers. The days of the distant dad are becoming history!

Liberal Banana

Around HER, not around HERE. That'll teach me to hit "Publish" before "Preview!"

Her Bad Mother

Doting rocks. Enjoy it. 'Cause as some have already said, it leaves hands free for more guacomole. (Which, I totally agree with MU, can just be eaten with a spoon. Eliminate the middle man.)

A. Tsai

I hated my father growing up. He was a typical abusive Asian father who was a strict discplinarian. Seeing him now with my daughter is a mixed blessing. He's so gentle and patient with her. It's nice too see but I wonder why he was never like that with me.


Guac rocks. So do doting grandparents ;) Well said.


oh yeah, 9 years ago, we pretty much ceased to exist for the grandparents... we are merely vehicles to the grandchildren's schedule.

also, i make the best guacamole.

Phat Daddy

Face it, MD. Your purpose in life was to produce the perfect grandchild which can then be spoiled rotten by your parents. It is the cycle of life.
One day you'll have your own Grandpeanut to spoil. Till then eat some guacamole, the condiment of the gods. Here's my purist recipe:

3 Haas avacados
1/2 white onion, diced
1 garlic clove
3 jalepenos, finely diced
1/2 bunch of cilantro, chopped.
1 tsp. hot sauce
juice of 2 limes
sea salt and white pepper to taste.

In a large bowl, gring the garlic clove along with a pinch of the salt using a pestle. Add the avacados, and mash with a fork, leaving some chunks. add remaining ingrediants and let sit for 30 minutes to let flavors meld.


great post, and very insightful to parent/child/grandchild relationships.

I, for one, am THRILLED that my parents/parents-in-law now focus on their grandkids instead of me.


My parents are exactly the same way. They walk in the door and grab the child from me. If we are eating out at a restaurant, all we do is sit and stare at my daughter and comment about all the cute things she does. Global warming? Iraq war? Who cares? Did you see how she picked up that pea with her chubby little fingers? Aw!

Just wanted to tell you I have been recently pointed to your weblog. It totally cracks me up and I can relate to much of it having an 18 month old myself.


forget the post - look at the recipe.
I'm printing it as we speak ...

a new father to be

guacamole reminds me of that one movie where this little crazy girl spits a good load of that green stuff on that poor priest trying to help.

only if he had some chips. poor guy!

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