I Want to Party Like It's 1999!

These days, most of you know me as a laid-back father who loves nothing more than patiently reading books to my daughter, mellowing out by watching my beloved NY Mets, or having long dinners at home with my lovely and beautiful wife. 

But, once upon a time, when I was a wee single laddie living it up in the bright lights of Manhattan, I used to run around this city like it was my own personal sandbox.  Being a young man in my 20's with an abundance of energy and absolutely nothing to worry about except paying the rent and making it to my desk in the morning, my social life made "Bright Lights, Big City" look like an afternoon TV special. 

I was a "work hard/play hard" kind of guy in the sense that it took a lot of work for me to play that hard. 

Recently, I was cleaning up my office when I came across my 1999 monthly planner.  Curious about taking a walk down memory lane, I flipped through my datebook to see what I had been up to exactly seven years ago.

Looking back, I hardly recognize myself or the things that I was doing at the time.  At the risk of sounding like a completely vapid asshole, here's what my planner says I was doing during June of 1999:

• Attended Vogue Magazine party for Anna Wintour at Mercer Hotel.

• Knicks vs. Pacers playoff games at Madison Square Garden.
  

• Volunteer work at adult illiteracy program.

• Dinner at Indochine with designer Michael Kors and friends.

• Anniversary party for a friend's nightclub.

• Opening party at art gallery for Peter Beard.

• Attended Yasmina Reza's off-Broadway play "Art." 

• Long weekend partying in Paris with friends from college.

• Private screening of "Fight Club" at HBO. 

• Canoe trip in the Delaware Water Gap.

• Garden party at MOMA, Hole concert at Roseland, Neil Young at the Garden. 

• Assorted dinners/dates at restaurants all over town.

Looking back, I don't have any regrets about this time of my life.  Despite the fact that my social calendar resembled a bad episode of "Sex in the City,"  from what I can remember, I had a pretty fun time back then.  In fact, I've always thought that EVERYONE should live in NYC when they're in their 20's.  It's a great place to be young and single. 

However, I'm also self-aware enough to realize that despite all the fun I was having, my life was emptier than Gary Busey's minibar at the Chateau Marmont. 

Back then, older friends of mine would always tell me about how much better life got for them when they reached their 30's and settled down.  Being a sarcastic wise-ass, I would always reply by saying, "I'm sorry.  Did you say something?  I couldn't hear you.  Claudia Schiffer is yelling in my ear about going to Bowery Bar and doing tequila shots off Kate Moss' neck.  Gotta go!"

But there comes a time in a man's life when it's natural to settle down and reevaluate one's priorities.  For me, that happened the very first day that I met the lovely BossLady.  Sure, it helped that I'd already completely mastered Tetris and that the Mets were 20 games behind Atlanta but I think those were more coincidences than causation.  Meeting the BossLady truly changed my definition of what "having fun" was really about.    

And as much as my life changed by marrying the BossLady, it changed even more with the birth of the Peanut.  Nothing quite turns an adult inside out like having children.  Without a doubt, parenting is the most important thing I have ever done or will do.  I've embraced this new stage of my life wholeheartedly and I've found that I'm having more fun than I've ever had in my entire life.  Living with the BossLady and the Peanut is a blast and I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world.   

But you know when I really realized that my life had changed irrevocably? 

Last night, when I turned to the Peanut and said, "eat your vegetables or no dessert." 

Once you utter those words to your kid, there's no turning back.   

 

Comments

[Mike]

I think it's beautiful how you have changed as you've matured and gotten older. I'm sure BossLady keeps your booral in a nice safe place too, hyung.

Haha, don't hit me.

[Samantha]

I think it's important to get all that out of your system so you don't having a mid-life crisis later and end up hurting your family. So good for you for living it up AND for loving where you are right now.

And damn, I'm exhausted just reading your social calendar. I've never been a 'party animal' kinda girl so I'm really impressed. Now I'm going to go lay down.

[Busy Mom]

Next thing you know, you're going to be all, "Don't speak to me in that tone of voice."

[Motherhood Uncensored]

That's what I love about parenting. In a way, it makes many of us who would never be "equals" or "in the same league" VERY EQUAL. Pretty cool.

Um, hello. Michael Kors? Oh man, MD. Lucky bastard.

[dutch from sweet juniper]

I just got out my calendar from a few years ago:

* watch MTV music awards; get creeped out by new axl face. drink gin. try to go to bar. puke while hugging fire hydrant.

* go to dive bar, smile while people shout into my ear over jukebox playing Counting Crows asshole singing Joni Mitchell song. go home with favorite thrift store shirt smelling like other people's stanky-ass cigarette breath.

* Drive to Pittsburgh.

* Spend weekend trying to make pot brownies.

* Go to cottage on lake with wife and militant lesbians.

* Play Age of Empires all night.

I can't believe I gave all that up.

[Leora]

I agree with Samantha's comment. I think it's healthy that people run around and enjoy themselves when they're younger. When they're ready to settle down, they not only have a better idea of who they are but also who they're looking for. Studies have shown that people who don't get married until they're in their 30's tend to not get as many divorces as people who marry in their 20's.

It sounds like you had a lot of fun in your 20's, MD!

[Deanna]

So, did she eat the vegetables? And let me know when "Brush your teeth or no bedtime story" comes out of your mouth.

Let's see, summer of 1999... just ending my junior year of college, taking intensive third year Japanese during summer quarter. Six hours a day, five days a week, for eight weeks. Was also trying to impress the future in-laws, though that was accomplished the second I said, "I want kids." If I was willing to marry their son and give them grandchildren, then I was IN.

[linda]

sex AND the city. :)

ditto samantha. also, just as an observation (or rather speculation since i don't know you at all): you may be the type of person who finds the glass half-full rather than half-empty, regardless of what stage you find yourself in life. in contrast, my brother, who lived it up in his 20's, always (and still) thinks the grass is greener on the other side. to me, it's all (well, mostly) in the attitude. and once you discover that your own lawn is just about as green (or brown) as the neighbor's, you'll be much more content. this revelation, in conjunction with motherhood censored's post today, has made me grow, mentally and emotionally, and just in the last few hours. thanks to all you wonderful parent bloggers and subsequent comments!!! :)

[Pickle's Papa]

Are you sure the Knicks ever really made the playoffs? I dont think I can remember back that far.

You did however completely sum-up my my 20's experience, and my current state of happy marrentdom.

I do think that the reason we're truly happier now is that although the thrills were pretty awesome . . . Its really nice to be content and not have to chase joy - I now know she's in the swing, and all I have to do to get high is make a goofy face and wait for the reaction - rather than 12 phone calls and a late night journey in an El Camino.

[Marko]

WOW Hole... did Courtney throw up on the front row? Did she confess to killing Kurt Cobain ?

I under she and Spears are opening a child care center in LA and co-writing a book on child rearing skills.

[misfithausfrau]

I wish I could say I was living la vida loca in June of 1999 but I wasn't. I was married and supporting my husband as he was a grad student. At that time I was working in HR for Wendy's International and flew every other week to Raleigh, NC. My husband and I did all socializing on Saturday nights on the South Side of Pittsburgh. I was quite envious of my friend Mark who moved to NYC right after we graduated college--he did all the fun stuff--just like you!

[honglien123]

It was all over for me when I heard myself say, "This hurts me more than it hurts you." It was when my little goose was about 18 months old and she was screaming her head off because I was making her stand in the corner. While I forget what that punishment was for, I'll never forget that feeling of calling my own mommy and telling her how I understood what that phrase meant so many years after she had used it constantly on me.

[mrsfortune]

Dang... a private party for anna wintour! My sister works at Vogue, I wonder if you guys know each other! (And she's not Lauren Weissberger).

Anyway, I thought the point of no return was "don't make me turn this car around" but "eat your vegetables" works, too, I guess.

[sweatpantsmom]

You know, MD, if you had just used the "eat your vegetables...' line on Kate Moss before you sucked that tequila off her neck, we could have avoided the whole goddamed 'waif' era altogether.

[alice, uptown]

I thought the point of no return was "I'm the daddy. That's why." (In my day, it was mommy talking, but I'm older than you.) Daddy didn't have much to do with us until we reached the stage where the combo parental team realized there was no point in grounding us, because if we were gonna get in trouble, we would find a way to do it, no matter what the place or the hour.

My 20s were the heyday of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll; in my mid-40s, those days seem like much simpler times that called for much less effort. So I wouldn't guarantee that getting your ya-yas out once will buy you a get-out-of-mid-life-crisis free pass. But by that time, the Peanut will be old enough that everyone's hormones will be singing simultaneously. And won't that be fun....

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

"Because I said so....." It's next, I just know it is.

who are you!?!?!?! all this time i think you're random asian designer/father from nyc and turns out you're an elbow-rubbing a-list socialite. damn. you know, i still religiously read you blog, but i rarley comment b/c i feel it gets lost in the 125 comments you're averaging. but today...well, i just couldn't keep my mouth shut. in fact it's still hovering somewhere around my knees. it's glad to hear one can be disgustingly successful, wildly social, handsome (according to that black pic you've got up there) and fulfiled with a bosslady and peanut. gee, i wanna me metrodad.

[Papa Bradstein]

"Eat your vegetables or no dessert"?

You've become your dad just in time for father's day.

Me? I'm already practicing saying those things to 3B before he gets here, so he'll be more responsive to them when he does arrive.

[Melissa]

Nope, there's no going back. But you wouldn't really want to, would you?

I was going to say that your day planner was exactly like watching an episode of Sex and the City. Then you said it. Which is even funnier. I love that you know it.

[petite mommy]

I just found your blog via sweatpantsmom. Cool daddy blog you got here. :)

Anyway, I'm wondering why you still have your 1999 monthly planner? :)

[Ian]

"my life was emptier than Gary Busey's minibar at the Chateau Marmont"

Even when you're being completely down to earth and introspective, you crack me up! Rock on, MD!

[rachel]

I remember being young and single in Manhattan. My roommates and I had no money but we were always going to gallery openings, fashion parties or benefits (maybe I ran into you back then)! What our employers didn't give us in salary, they gave us in perks like party invites. I think, for a whole year, I fed myself off free champagne and pigs in a blanket. Fun times!

[Liberal Banana]

I saw Art in NYC in 1999, too! I've only been to the city twice and that time was for a college trip when we saw 8 shows in 7 days (theater class). It was awesome. I'm very impressed that you got to go to all of those hip events! Not surprised, but quite in awe.

[Mega Mom]

You are right about NYC. Running in the park, rollerblading in Union Square, enjoying the Rangers winning the Cup (ok, I'm dating myself), going out on expense accounts. Nothing like it. I'm so different now, but still fun in my own way. I like being a cool, fun parent.

There are so many ridiculous "parenting" quotes that come out of my mouth now. Just you wait!

[Mom101]

Mucho impressed. While that sounds like a year for me in 99, and not a week, I do understand the giving up "all that." It ran its course. It just doesn't seem quite so important to me to hit every Conde Nasty party. although I do miss the sky box baseball tickets courtesy of Food&Wine.

Speaking of which...Subway Series. Yankee Stadium. I'm there (Nate's father's day gift).

[MetroDude]

Everyone jokes about that seminal moment in life when you actually first "become" your parents.

Is it when some kid tells you about a new tech gadget that comes with a unique vernacular you all of a sudden can't speak? (How do you "text message" to a 5 digit number anyway?) Is it when you actually can't remember what you did last weekend, or is it when you first catch yourself at that magic moment of saying to your child just the right words in just the right tone that SO eerily reminds you of your parents uttering exactly the same thing to you? It happens to all of us. We are parents now, and there's no going back.

These are just the transition years - the years where we still feel the vicarious urge to rush off to Vegas or Cabo with friends, if only for a day or two, and re-live (within limits) a youth that is now over. Let's face it, we are closer in outlook to our friends and colleagues at work that are in their 40's and 50's, and that freaks us out too but that is where we are and where we are headed.

The single life was a blast but it has an organic half-life that ends somewhere between 30 and the actual ages of the Real Housewives of Orange County. We all made the right choice, and that's embracing now incredible joy that only a spouse and especially kids can bring. To those who want to party forever, and everyone still has those friends - whatever. They are the ones missing out (but, MD, if you are ever in LA and want to go grab a beer at the latest "it" spot in Hollywood, I am always game).

[navi]

I got lucky. My daughter likes veggies. I can give her desert first and she'll still eat them.

My son, you have to hide the desert, however. but he doesn't communicate well so there's no point in saying those words.

Another no turning back point: "because I said so"

[J's Mommy]

I've had the same experience. Once upon a time, I was doing the same kind of partying (maybe not as glamorous). Now, I've got a little girl and EVERYTHING has changed. Some good and some not so good, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Still, I cringe everytime I hear myself say something like, "honey, don't throw your peas, eat them!" love the site!

Metrodad, you might be the coolest Asian guy I've never met. Thought about writing sitcome scripts starring some cool Asian-Americans like youself? America and the world needs to know that you exist. It's sad that the most famous Asian-American TV personality is William Wong (was that his name?) from American Idol.

[Eileen]

I'm coming out of the woods to say that I've really enjoyed reading your fatherly insights into parenting. Your writing is hilarious, self-deprecating and honest. It's nice to see a man (esp. an Asian-American one) take such an avid interest in parenting. Keep it up! As the mother of two teenagers, I can only say that the ride gets even better over time.

[kittenpie]

first, to anonymous poster above, um, Sandra Oh? Margaret Cho? Bah.

And that was quite the week you outlined there. Certainly my life in NYC was never quite that packed! This time in '99 I was just finishing up my last year of masters and getting ready to move down to your great city myself. I mss it every once in a while, but I must admit, mostly I'm happy I came back here to do my settling.

[Pickle's Papa]

All this referencing of your racial status does make me want to venture back into the pile to say that the only thing that could possibly make you cooler - is if you could act as straight as B.D. Wong. . .

I'm really just showing-off that I know an asian actor. I'm OK with that.

[Chag]

Dude, you're such a rockstar. I think in 1999, my wife (who was then still my girlfriend) and I were handpainting used furniture with freaky designs and selling it to yuppies. Actually, I kinda miss that.

[MIM]

Dude. Gary Busey hit on me at party once. I'm his son's age. It was so effing gross.

[Mark]

Whew! You did more partying in that month than I've done my entire life. Of course, I've never lived in the Big Apple. At that time I was also volunteering for an adult literacy program. Do you still do it?

[LeeMarvin]

Great Post, MD.

All I have to say is...Sounds like you'll have an easy time coping when the Peanut gets to her twenties...

[IFLYG]

Dude - I know exactly what you mean...in 1999 I was still living in Hong Kong, spending more on Cuban cigars and Remy XO on a typical Tuesday night than I get now for my monthly "allowance". And I wouldn't change a thing.

[Suburban Turmoil]

Soooo true. I had my share of partying and after several years of it, it started to seem so empty. I'm glad you recognized that, too. The really sad thing is seeing people in their 40s still trying to live that lifestyle.

[cooper]

I just said, "Don't rub your pink eye on your sister." It is the absurdity of it all that gets me through sometimes.

[Matthew]

That was one month? Shit, I haven't done that in lifetime. And I certainly do that in the six years I lived in NYC.

Now granted, I was a poor college student and recent grad with 20 bucks to my name at any given time so I had to settle for jello-shots off the neck of some college sorority chick.

[Kristen]

Next you'll be using her FIRST AND MIDDLE names to get her attention when she's getting into trouble. Uh oh.

[Mama Nabi]

Oh, man - "If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding? How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?" You ARE the establishment. Rise against the man, Peanut! (okay, I take that back - in case Peanut comes over to start things up with LN!)

[L.]

Hey! I didn`t do any of that stuff during the year in my 20`s I lived in NYC! Okay, so I was a starving grad student - I guess that doesn`t count.

But still...I feel cheated. I ate my vegetables -- I want some DESSERT, goddamnit!

[Xdm]

Wait until you have a house and you yell at some kid to get off your lawn.

Re: Anna Wintour. Hope you didn't get up to pee too many times!

[answerman]

Three kids, and I've committed myself to not saying "Stop being silly!" I figure that, no matter how frustrating they are (...or seem), being silly is part of their job description...

[mo-wo]

What you did -- at the risk of sounding like an asshole.. ??? 'Cuse me ... "Volunteer work at adult illiteracy program" ... good boy. Back then I also kept a day open and sober so I could serve hot meals to hookers. Ah, the punchy alturism of youth.

And, many blessings on you my brother for the recent help. I have made good use of it. After the birthday last week I was all out of ideas. Oh yes and what with being a baby pod, 37 weeks of gestation barely two brain cells to rub together.

[monique]

So what happens to women like me who had a child at 20 and will be an empty nester at 38?

[Angie]

Okay, MD...reading this post, I would not be surprised if we compared notes and discovered that we have been to some of the same events!(Future MD, passing future StinkMum like two ships in the night in a hazy Cosmo fog) I was there from 1990-98! I once found an old calendar from '96 and saw that I had written all my flight/travel notes for a trip to LA that was on the same date that my bigstinkpup was born. Love it! Hey, having parents that lived a "full" life, in the city, in the fashion industry, guarantees that our kids will have: great senses of humor, a need to attend very loud concerts at cramped venues, and a killer sense of style! Great post! Loved it.

[Charles]

Spending quite a bit of time in Manhattan, I find it difficult to believe that your planner included all those entries. Embellishing a little? I'd bet on it folks!

[steveoh]

was that the knicks-pacers playoff game where LJ hit the four-point play to win it?

or, wait, that was 2000, wasn't it?

either way, great game.