In Praise of All Mothers!

In celebration of the impending Mother's Day holiday, Kara has asked a diverse group of parenting bloggers to write a post about Mothers and Mothering.  She's assembled a virtual all-star cast of some of my favorite bloggers and I'm honored to be a part of it. 

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For my part in this group celebration of Mother's Day, I thought I'd take this opportunity to thank all of those mothers who, for better or worse, have turned us into who we are today. 

After all, where would we be without those selfless nurturers who changed our diapers, cleaned up our vomit, kissed our boo-boos, and stayed up with us all night when we were sick?  Who else in our lives would cut the crusts off our bologna sandwiches, hide little notes in our lunchboxes, and, every once in awhile when you had the blues, cheer you up by giving you a cupcake for dessert?

Like borrowing money from the mob, motherhood is almost always a debt that you can never repay.  The woman who selflessly pushed you out of her uterus will always be your mother.  She made you!  No gift to her can ever equal her gift to you---Life (and make no mistake, it's a mother's right to remind you of that on a semi-annual basis.)  But really, for many reasons, motherhood is so much more than just a giant credit card balance in the shopping cart of life. 

As Dennis Miller once said...

"Unshakable bastions of well-meaning dysfunction, mothers somehow teach us about the world while protecting us from its dangers, encourage us to be independent while carefully rationing our freedom, and manage to instill in us the belief that we're the best while simultaneously making us feel like we're never good enough.  Only a mother possesses the unique ability to envelop you in a soft, warm blanket of unconditional love at the exact same moment that she's driving you fucking crazy!"

I couldn't have put it better myself.

The truth of the matter is that, although the umbilical cord may have been detached years ago, all mothers have a hold on their children that never fully disappears.  It's an unalienable law of the animal kingdom.

To this day, my mother always calls me on my birthday and tells me that she vividly remembers giving birth to me and that it seemed like it was just yesterday.  Of course, I always ask her how she can recall something that happened almost four decades ago yet can't remember where she parked her car at the mall.

Me?  I'm a 37-year-old man with a wife, a child and a mortage.  But there are times that my mother can still make me feel like her little boy.  Whether it's by telling me at dinner last week to put my napkin on my lap and then reminding me about the time I swallowed ten pennies and had to be taken to the ER when I was 5-years old, I sometimes feel like it's her full-time job to both annoy and embarass me at the same time. 

And, speaking of jobs, I think mothering has to be one of the most thankless ones around.  As children, we're always seeking to push the bounds of authority and claim our right to independence.  However, our mothers know that we're not quite ready to leave the nest on our own and therefore the mother-child relationship becomes fraught with conflict.  But, in retrospect, we all come to realize that our mothers WERE right.  It's wasn't a good idea to go to school dressed as Spiderman in the middle of a snowstorm costume.  It's wasn't a good idea to eat that giant Hershey's Kiss in one sitting.  And it DEFINITELY wasn't a good idea to cut your own hair and spend your entire allowance on a pair of purple parachute pants.  But really, how were we to know?

A good mother lets you figure out some things on your own.  Other times, she chooses to teach her lessons through constant repetition.  Even now, when I leave the refrigerator open, I hear my mother's voice yelling at me to close the door. I swear, sometimes I have to turn around to confirm that she's not really standing in the middle of our kitchen.

Now, maybe times are changing and this generation's children will end up learning many of life's important lessons from their fathers.  However, I think there's something embedded in the human genome that will always ensure that mothers are the true teachers of life's important lessons.  This probably goes back to the Stone Age when neanderthal moms nagged their children about wearing clean bearskins when leaving the cave in case they ever got into an accident. 

I know a lot of you out there are mothers with relatively young kids.  And I know in this modern MTV-age of Desperate Housewives and O.C. hipness, there's an emerging trend of wanting to be a "cool" mom.  I beg of you to ignore it and let it go.  Because if there's one thing I have to say about motherhood, it's that a mother's sole responsibility is to flaunt convention and, over the course of a lifetime, simply prepare your kids for everything they might encounter in the world around them.  Nowhere in the job description should it say anything about wearing the same clothes as your teenage daughter while driving to mall in your Hummer for a round of Cosmos.

As many of you have probably figured out by now, motherhood isn't the easiest job in the world.  The job responsibilities involve equal parts Stalin and Mother Teresa: strict disciplinarian on one hand, unconditional nurturer on the other.  Only a mother can kiss and scold you at the same time.  Only a mother can make you laugh and cry at the same time. 

And only a mother can convince you that it's probably not a good idea to go to school dressed as Spiderman. 

So, to all the mothers out there around the world...thanks for everything!   There's no way that we  can ever really thank all of you enough.  Whether you're wiping snot off our faces with the sleeve of your blouse or swatting flies away from our face as we sleep, we thank you for all the love, wisdom, compassion and patience that you've given us.  Who knows where we would be without you! Like the Jewish proverb says, "God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers." 

And as the grand poo-bah of eternal wisdom, Mr. Vanilla Ice, once said, "Word to Your Mother!"

Peace out, yo!

Comments

[David]

As I live in a different country to my mum and mother's day falls on a different day over there, I have a good excuse for forgetting it. Or for ringing her up to wish a happy mother's day when she isn't expecting it.
But of course the real joy is to come home for a visit, bringing not only the woman who took her place in my life (not only probably a vampire but one that does stuff she never did...) and three delightful little tykes to remind her of the joy she once had looking after them, especially the extra cooking, cleaning, expense and noise level. Oh how she wishes we could come more often.

[rebekah]

Thanks. I am the working parent, and my husband is the stay at home one. I've been working late almost every day this week and it kills me to miss bedtime with my sweet little boy. Your comments remind me I am still the mom, and so sitting here at the office is a little easier to take today.

[candace]

That was great. I always say that I never knew how much my mother loved me until I had my own child. Then it all made sense.

[Papa Bradstein]

As always, well said, insightful, funny, and moving.

So, now that you don't live with mom, do you wear your Spiderman costume to work? How about the purple parachute pants?

[Grins]

Have already got my mom's day present wrapped for my own mom. Twisted my son's arm into helping me landscape for my present. And now I've officially snorted for the day with that Vanilla Ice reference.

[euphrosynely]

I left the house when I was 16 for a different continent to attend an international school. Nothing of the parental pressure, mind you. I decided to go and leave my beautiful mother, my protective father and my goofy little brother behind to explore a whole different life in Singapore. At first, I loved the freedom. No nagging, no jansori, no "will you help me with folding laundry?" while you're trying to watch tv. But as time goes by, I understand that no matter what I do, no matter where I go, I am still mommy's (and daddy's) little girl, and every single day that I spend abroad, away from home, I am reminded of the fact that she means so so so much to me. And I understand how much she must miss me while I'm gone. I kind of feel guilty for not missing her at all when I first went abroad. But now? I miss her all the more.
So thanks for this lovely post. I'll put extra thought in the card and what I'll write to her in Korean.

[Sarah]

You're welcome.

(I'm writing down the part about the purple parachute pants. It sounds like it would be a good idea)

[jozet]

Pushing a child out of my uterus, nothing.

This cool mom spent the day scrubbing skid marks out of underwear.

You're right. It is like a debt owed to the mob. Except a mob boss that that still reminds you to not slouch and who remember to send you're favorite blueberry pie on your birthday.

Great post! Thank you, from a mom.

[jozet]

your, not you're...oye vey

[Leora]

Great post, MD! I love how you manage to be funny, touching and insightful all at the same time.

[Queen of Ass]

Some things are just innate and primal.

[Sprog Mamma]

You are so right on about the above. I still wear my bra strap really tight since my mom told me, 16 years ago my boobs would sag if I didn't. When she says this she is Stalin.

When she makes my favorite soup and tells me I am a great daughter, she is the unconditional nurturer and I could not thank her more.

[Deanna]

I just got scolded by my mother this morning for my late bedtimes... and then she consoled me about my daughter's "terrible two" attitude.

It will never end, and I'm so glad for it. Great post, MD!

[kara]

my mom is the voice I hear when nobody else is there. Whay a great tribute!

[Kristen]

Awesome tribute, MD! And I loved your part about resisting the urge to be a "cool mom" - I have a sister-in-law who has given in to that, and recently her first grader and four others ganged up on another kid at recess. She is mortified and doesn't yet know what his punishment should be (her words), but tonight she's taking him to a big party at the zoo, and tomorrow he's going fishing with his dad. Because an actual punishment wouldn't be cool at all.

[misfithausfrau]

Good job, Metro. I vowed as a teenager that I was going to be a cool mom when I decided to have children. I am happily eating those words. I lost my cool a long time ago and what is left is what I hope will be loving but strict parenting.

[Stacey Anne]

Found your site via clubmoms! I love it. I didn't even know there was such a thing as a daddy blog. Count me in as your newest fan.

[Melissa]

MD, that was great... but um.. you had purple parachute pants? I don't know if we can be friends anymore.

Says the woman who wore New Kids On the Block t-shirts.

[kittenpie]

Thanks for a tribute that says everything, yet manages not to be sappy.

I remember giddily buying a huge quantity of chocolate milk with my husband when we first moved out, since we could drink what ever we wanted. But since my mom did her job, I also ate brussels sprouts in university, despite my roommates scoffing that I didn't have to because "there are no mommies here." 'saright. I actually LIKE them...

[Motherhood Uncensored]

Well, MD, it's official. You've broken 100 on blogines subscribers. And for good reason. This post says it all.

But watch out - I'm coming for you (in the bloglines I mean). That's how I show my worth. :)

[newfound fan]

I have to confess that when I first heard about your site and the whole concept of daddy bloggers (via the WSJ), I thought to myself, "Fuck! What kind of pansy could devote a whole blog to being a dad?"

I get it now. This is some great stuff. Reminds me a little of Dave Barry's writing. I'm looking forward to reading more.

[Jenn]

I couldn't agree more on the "cool" mom thing. Whatever happened to mom's acting like they should, the mother!

If you're trying to be a best friend to your kids, who is really looking after them?

[Jason]

There's a word for the "cool moms" you describe, MD; don't recal where I heard it, but here in SoCal I get to use it quite often:

"teenile"

[just susie]

sweet!

[Matthew]

At least your mother doesn't leave comments on other's blogs.

*sigh*

[Mike]

Funny how so many Korean dudes would crawl over miles of glass for their mothers. But if their fathers were drowning, there wouldn't be a mad rush to the water. Just a general observation.

[enygma]

What a great post.

[sweatpantsmom]

What a great post. And make sure you show it to your mama!

And seriously, I remember eating one of those giant Hershey's Kisses, too. And getting very, very sick. Probably explains the absence of a sweet tooth as an adult.

So, can we see a picture of the purple parachute pants, dude?

[LeeMarvin]

MD,

Great post, as usual.
As I've said before, your momma done good. It's a great tribute to her, not to mention all of the moms out there.

Purple parachute pants...? Whas up wit dat?

[Lucinda]

This was brilliant. So well written and thoughtful. I hope your mom gets to read it.

And by the way, thanks for your kind words over at Mommybloggers. :)

[Mom101]

This is wonderful and I love hearing your perspective on this. I agree with you on the DH thing...my mother and I have always said, "if you try to be your child's friend then who will be her mother?" I would hope that as a good mother (and father), eventually the friendship will form. But you've got years for that to happen, right?

The line on a debt you can't repay: Wonderful. You didn't steal that, did you?

[the weirdgirl]

Very nice, MD! What a great son you are (as well as a great dad).

[William]

Great post Metro.

[Lanie]

I loved this post, MD! I just printed it and I'm going to give it to my mom and my sisters. Thanks!

[jiveturkey]

as john lennon was sang, "mother, you had me, i never had you."

[angie]

That was awesome, MD. Really great! I am approaching this year's Mother's Day with mixed feelings as it will be the first one since my own beloved, adored mother passed away. As a mom I will appreciate the day of recognition, but as a daughter, I will be in a puddle of tears as I remember my own "ohm-mah". (that's Mom in Korean for the peeps.)

[Liberal Banana]

Nice, MD. You almost make me want to be a mommy myself! Almost.

[Lisa B.]

That was a great post, MD. Really sums up everything that motherhood is (or should be) about.

[J]

"I know a lot of you out there are mothers with relatively young kids. And I know in this modern MTV-age of Desperate Housewives and O.C. hipness, there's an emerging trend of wanting to be a "cool" mom. I beg of you to ignore it and let it go. Because if there's one thing I have to say about motherhood, it's that a mother's sole responsibility is to flaunt convention and, over the course of a lifetime, simply prepare your kids for everything they might encounter in the world around them. "

Amen, BROTHER! I'll always be the dork mom with the evil eye, if need be.

[Susannah]

What a weird coincidence, MD! My youngest brother used to constantly get in arguments with our mom about going to school in his Spiderman costume. I'll have to tell him that he wasn't the only one!

[Mama Nabi]

Thanks, Metrodad! I think this is one of your sweetest posts... of course, we have Korean mothers and we know how wonderful they are! And yes, my mother also calls me with very specific details of my birth - suspiciously, my birth sound worse each year, the day gets hotter, I get bigger, etc. :-D

[Emily]

Ahhh....great, great, great post....

[RandiRed]

Thank you. I always love your writing and what you write. You really made me miss my mom. I'll have to hug my son extra in the morning.

[MainlineMom]

Yeah great post. Thanks ;)

[sherry]

That was really wonderful!

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