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May 03, 2006


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No Sleep 'til Brookl.. NEVER!!


Totally share your pain, MD. Our whole house got hit with bad allergies this week. It's the worst. Medicine doesn't help me either. Have you tried allergy shots?

Rap song entry..."Holla at Yo Mama!"


Here are some by the groups that should record them if you fail to land a record-deal:

"Fight for your right to potty" - Beastie Boys

"My diaper's gonna knock you out" - LL Cool J

Yeah... I have nothing...


What a lovely letter MD. You are an amazing writer.

Here's my entry:
"Can't You Control Yo Nanny"

Michael T.

You're so right about The Lohan, MD! I totally could see her on Skinemax in 10 years!

Here's a rap song for you...

"Funky Cold Medela"

Oooooh. Lemme think (pressure!) I have been toying with the next YO GGC Rap: (thanks for the link, btw)

SAHbatoge? (Beastie Boys) This appeals to all parents that stay at home.

and how about?

"Today was a Good Daycare?" (dah, dah, dah, daaaah)

Poop Diaper... Loooooog (Snoop, as in Snoop Doggy Dogg) Okay, that's kind of a stretch. And gross. I'm like, five years old at heart.

(The) Choo-Train Clan Aint Nothin to Fuck With (that might not sell because of the "f word")

How about Titty instead of Paperboy's, "Ditty"? Ahem... for instance... "Babyboy and the titty" but this would only work for boy's parents.

For a girl: (not really rap persay but...) My Bottle's so Boobylicious!) Destiny's Child aka Desitin's Child.

I'm going to have to stop here before I run out of ideas for my own rapz... Wooo! I hope I didn't let you down.


I love the letter. It is painful to think ahead another 10 years and realize that your kids are going to think you're a monster-dork.

"Cr-Crap it Out!"--Beastie Boys

"No Binky, No Cry"--Bob Marley


Shoot! I got so trigger happy I forgot to add my info. That was me up there ^ . Hee.


Loved your parenting rap titles. "Crapper's Delight" had me laughing out loud!!!


Um, yeah--Bob Marley--not a rapper.


"Napper's Paradise"

I don't listen to much beyond Sesame Street and American Idol nowadays...

I was cracking up over your "predictions" for the listed celebrities!

Mega Mom

I'm in love with a stripper. I don't even have to change it. My 2 1/2 year old strips down butt naked several times a day. Just you wait.

On another note, I'm SO happy to hear that you talk about kids when you are out at cool clubs. I often think of how fun it would be to meet you and the BossLady on one of my NY trips, but I thought your witty conversation might be out of my league. Now I realize I might actually have the upper hand :)


I`m lucky. I was NEVER cool, so I have NOTHING to prove to my kids.

"Before I was your mama, I was....someone who spent my weekends reading and reorganizing the contents of the kitchen cabinets."

Motherhood Uncensored

Good Lord MD. Ed Norton? Lindsay Lohan? For goodness sakes man. How connected are you?

And yes, it's amazing what parenthood does us.


Lest anyone get the wrong impression, the aforementioned "celebs" weren't dining with us. They just happened to be partying at the restaurant that night. I'm sure if any of them had heard the conversation at OUR dinner table, they would have left immediately.

When you're young and single, I can't imagine there's anything more annoying than hearing married people talk about their babies all night!


MetroDad, great post. Where to begin with your hysterical rapper/parent mashup idea? How about these, inspired by my 2+ year old. Ah, yes, the soundtrack of our lives:

O.P.P. (other people's playthings), by appropriately enough, Naughty By Nature.
"Who's down with O.P.P.? Every last baby..."

P.O.T.T.Y. , Queen Latifah

Wipe Ya' Ass, Mystikal

Don't Touch That, Hammer

Snot Off Your Shoulder, Jay-Z

Me So Ornery, 2 Live Crew

Goin' Back to Mommy, LL Cool J

and maybe even one for your clearly adored Stinky Butt:

Ass Funky, Beastie Boys

and finally, the universal plea of many a BossLady (especially mine!) out there after a long day with "the music of our lives"

Take This Mutha Out!, Hammer


Ah, the cool days -- I've been thinking of crafting a similar letter for Vampbaby - not just so he knows, but so we remember!

rap song:
"It's Hard out here without a Bib" (sung to the tune of the song that won the oscar this year...


"In Da Crib" (50 Cent)
"Fear of a Black Diaper" (P. Enemy)
"We Just Wanna Potty Wit You" (Snoop)


You? Are a freak.

"Mama Said Nuk You Out"


I'm so glad you wrote this! We were out to dinner with friends last week also and everyone spent the whole night talking about their kids. Halfway through the evening, we even started joking about how all we were doing was talking about our kids. And then? We went right back to talking about our kids.

We all did have something to say before children, right?


What a sweet letter! And I love the raps, too--yours and the ones in the comments, yo.


Sweet post! But where's the pic of you La Lohan?

politically incorrect mom

LOVE your rap songs and celebrity predictions! Sorry about your feet, however...


Man, celebrity gossip and wonderful parenting writing in a single post. Could it get any better?

I wonder how it will sound to our kids in 10-15 years when we tell them, "Honey, when you were just a little Peanut, mommy/daddy was a blogger."


These are weak... but, I can't resist the chance to make an ass out of myself!

"It's all about the breastfeedin'"

"This is how we poo it"

"Can't live without my binky"

"The Next Movement"
"The Gas Face"
(granted I didn't change anything on the last two, but they apply...)


Milky Cereal--LL Cool J (as is)

It Takes Two--MC Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock (as is)

Poop (Shoop)--Salt N Pepa

Follow the Feeder (Leader)--Eric B. and Rakim (ode to the breastfeeding mama)

Big Poppa--Notorious B.I.G. (as is)

Bitch Better Have My Bottle (Money)--AMG

Child (Wild) Thing--Tone Loc

Nothin' But a Pee (G) Thang--Dr. Dre

and who could forget:

"Bug-a-boo" by Destiny's Child


Great post, I really hope you save it for her.

I don't think mine qualifies as good music, but the first thing that came to my mind was, If you give a moose a blow job.



If you're talking about Edward Norton, then I bet he likes his fine tequila thanks to Salma Hayek's influence.

Oh, and I went to La Esquina last summer, I remember their white sangria being pretty good, and the tequila list was the longest I've ever seen.

As for your rap song title... The only thing I could come up with was Get Your Sleep, Hon, a variation on 'Get Your Freak On' by no other than Missy Elliott. Hope the Peanut is not a reluctant sleeper!


I can't get past "Straight
Outta Daycare"...
Nah...I got nuthin'.
Great post - hope you are feeling better.


How the hell do you come up with this stuff? It's hilarious. Between your post and the comments, I'm laughing my ass off. Wish I was creative enough to even come up with something.

Sigh...I'm not.


What a great letter!

As for song titles, my brain ain't workin right today. Somethin about trying to function on 4 hours of sleep just ain't cuttin it.

But my girl, Mary J. Blige always comes through. Two of my favorites, "No More Drama" and "Enough Cryin" while not clever names for a post, seem to say it all as far as daughters are concerned.


peanut's instinctive travels - obviously


Nothin' but a B thang baaaby...


So many Outkast song titles are already baby-ready (So Freshm So Clean; Toilet Tisha; She Lives in My Lap), but the one I'd suggest is: We Luv Deez Toes.


Okay, one more rap, to be played at 1 am when the little one wakes up screaming from a 2nd molar eruption:

The Tooth Is On Fire, by the Bloodhoung Gang

The tooth, the tooth, the tooth is on fiyaaah

We don't need no Advil, let the muthafucka GUM

Gum muthafucka, GUM!

samantha Jo Campen

Okay, I don't think I'm cool enough to hang with the crowd, but I'll give it a go.

Rice Rice Baby (Vanilla Ice all the way)
Face Down, Ass Up (no need to change it)

Maybe if I weren't the 30-something post I'd be a bit more creative but all the sweet ones are taken. I was laughing out loud, man. You all are brilliant.

Anywho, MD your post reminded me of an episode of Mad About You where Paul makes a video tape for his daughter when she's only weeks old, for her to watch on her 18th birthday. Very sweet. Very touching. Your love for your daughter is amazing; thank you so much for sharing it. Your ladies are quite lucky.


How about "Where you at, Boobiephat" 50 Cent

As for the allergy thing, hate to ask but... have you changed your pillows lately? You should buy new pillows every couple of years, and wash them in HOT water to kill the dust mites. Also buy those mite-proof pillow cases to put on under your linens. And if you haven't put a dust mite wrap on your mattress, do it tomorrow. But first, take your dyson and vacuum the hell out of your mattress and get as much dust out of it as you can. If the head of your bed isn't raised up, allowing your sinuses to drain properly and not to pool snot at the back of our throat (gross), get two big manhatten phone books and put under the head of your bedposts.

Lastly, and yes, it's kinda disgusting, but go to your local Walgreens and get a saline nasel wash and clean out your sinuses before you go to bed and in the morning. It SO helps.

Pollen just throws you out of whack, but the more you deal with your bedding, the better you can handle the rest of the allergy seaason.

chocolate makes it better

no matter how hard we try, our kids will still think we are old fogies!!!


Dear Daddy
Who knew what saddo losers you and Mom turned into once you had me? All parents get like that! What is the big deal anyway? I mean... parenting's so easy right?
Love Almond
Would you pU-Lease stop calling me peanut...it's like soooooooo embarassing!

Katherine NYC

"Let's talk about poop baby" Salt n Peppa

"Boobie time" MC Hammer

"Baby Got poop" (Baby got back)

That is it for me


I think most raps songs have been covered.

Hey Metro Dad.


I think you might have the cleverest readers in the blogosphere, MD. These comments had me cracking up. Me? I got nothing.


For your sinus, u could try acupuncture. It helps a lot. But I don't know if u can find it in new york. Anyway, if u do acupuncture, u only need to do it once a wk, for abt 6 mths, b4 it's suitably cured. Btw,only the acupuncture needles used for beauty treatment are painless. (the short and thin ones)All needles are sterilised, vacuumed, and individually packed.Don't trust those which aren't.


Metro, you eventually get some of that social life back and enjoy a little time away from the offspring. How lucky that you're saving all this now though. You can torture Peanut when he is a teen by forcing him to read your blog archives. Bwahaha, see? Being a parent of a teen is even more fun. ;-)

Mama Nabi

I'm just not hip enough to come up with a rap title... but I am super jealous about Ed Norton. I think he's our generation's Bobby DeNiro.


Please tell me you made up the freckles and the thong?! Please. I just don't want to visualize the scene where those items became public knowledge...

Love the predictions and the song titles! Brilliant, as always.

Mr. Big Dubya

100 feet and Crawlin' - NWA
My (New) Robeez - Run DMC
Bring Tha Toyz - P.E.
O.T. (Original Toddler) - Ice T
My Cryin' Ain't Done - LL Cool J
5-Piece Chicken Nugget Dinner - Beastie Boys
Nuthin' But a Pee Thang - Dr. Dre
Children's Story - Slick Rick The Entertainer (for pure scared straight effect)

Early in the A.M. - 3rd Bass
Al'z A-B-Ceez - 3rd Bass (good way to learn it - not safe for school, tho')
Elementary (School) - B.D.P.
3 Feet Tall and Growing - De La Soul


Oo, the comments are as entertaining a read as your entry today!

Queen of Ass

You know entirely too much about Hollywood, MD!

Ten Feet of Steel

Don't worry--by the time the Peanut gets to be in her thirties, she'll think you're cool again.

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