You asked, I answered.

I'm back from Vietnam, folks.  It was a long trip and it's great to be back home with BossLady and the Peanut.  I missed them both terribly.  And not surprisingly, I missed all of you guys too.  I'm still a little jet lagged from the flight back home so I'll post more about the trip later this week. 

Meanwhile, thanks for all your questions.  I enjoyed reading them and it helped me kill a solid two hours on my 24-hour journey back home.  Here are my replies...

[David] I want to know where to get the best Pho soup in Saigon.
Although you can get pho anywhere in Vietnam, purists insist that the best pho can only be found in Hanoi. So before I left NYC, I did some online research about where I should go.  The best advice I found was from a British blogger named Pieman, a fellow foodie who is diligently eating his way through Vietnam's market stalls.  Of pho, Pieman says, "Vietnam's national dish, a belchworthy beef broth, belongs in scuzzy shacks, floors littered with broken chopsticks and cheap napkins, and not the poncey tables of nouvelle cuisine, restaurants with chamber music or the 'ethnic' section of the Hilton breakfast buffet."  In other words, the best pho is the one you find on your own. 

[Leora] Do you speak fluent Korean? What language was spoken at home with your parents?
Sadly, I do not speak fluent Korean. Although my comprehension is fairly good, I speak just enough to get by in a restaurant or a bar.  Growing up, my parents usually spoke to me in Korean and I would reply in English.  It's actually one of my great regrets that my Korean is not better.  I plan on avoiding this with the Peanut.  At my request, all grandparents only communicate with her in Korean.

[AlleMalle] If you could choose what to come back as in your next life - anything! anything at all! - what would you choose and why?
Ahh, the infamous Proust Questionnaire!  I think I'd like to come back as a fisherman from a remote coastal village.  Maybe somewhere in the Mediterranean.  Or in the South China Sea.  There's something very appealing to me about a simple life free of all the conveniences and stresses of modern life. 

[Brent] Who would play you and Bosslady in the TV version of your life? Who's your favorite sitcom character of all time? And if you were on "Lost," who would you be friends with?
If we're casting based on the whole Asian thing, I guess I'd go with Chow Yun Fat and Zhang Ziyi.  However, that would probably be one of the Top 10 unfunniest sitcoms of all-time (although it would still be MUCH better than "Good Morning, Miami" or "Joey.") Aside from appearances? I think I'd go with Luke Wilson and Parker Posey.  Favorite sitcom character?  Reverend Jim from "Taxi."  And if I were on "Lost," I'd most likely be friends with Sayid, Sun and Hurley.  I'd WANT to hang out with Mr. Eko but I don't think he'd get my sense of humor and I'd probably just annoy the crap out of him. 

[LandisMom] If you could be any fictional character, who would you be and why?
Bond. James Bond. (Alternatively...Phillip Marlowe, Atticus Finch, or Dean Moriarty)

[DP] Two questions for you: 1) If you could have a super power, what would it be? and 2) If you were given ONE DAY to do something that may be humanly impossible for you to do in this lifetime, what would it be??
Tough call.  On the one hand, I think 99.99% of all men would want to have X-Ray vision.  On the other hand, flying does seem pretty cool.  I'll go with flying.  As for doing the humanly impossible in one day?  I'd love to spend a day with my maternal grandfather, a fascinating man who passed away while I was very young.

[Euphrosynely ] How come you have a French first name?  Were your parents Francophones?
Depending on whom you ask, you'll hear a different reply.  If you ask my dad, he'll say that since my last name is Kim (by far, the most common Korean name,) he wanted something different that would stand out.  If you ask my mom, she'll say that French was always her favorite language (she's fluent in 6-7 languages.)  If you ask me? I suspect that I was named after one of my mother's former boyfriends.  Before she met my dad, she was an international stewardess and I think she was seeing a guy in Paris. I have a vague recollection of seeing photos of her with a dashing young Frenchman in a beret.

[Heather] If you and BossLady went on Trading Spouses or Wife Swap, what kind of family would the show pair you with?
Funny, Heather.  BossLady and I were joking around about this a few months ago when we actually were contacted by the producers of "Trading Spouses."  We laughed about how I might finally get a wife who not only cleaned but also was familar enough with a kitchen to know where the pots and pans are located.  On the other hand, BossLady would probably end up on a farm somewhere in Appalachia, laying manure, working the fields, and cooking rabbit stew for a family of 10.  It would be fucking hilarious. 

[Margalit] What do you actually DO for a living?
You mean when I'm not fighting crime with my superhero powers?  I actually design and produce activewear and sportswear for department stores, sporting goods retailers and various athletic brands.  Half my job involves being creative.  The other half requires a hard-nosed business acumen. I enjoy my job but I'm not sure I'll be doing it for the rest of my life. 

[WeirdGirl] What liquid do sweaty Korean balls really drip? I have it on good authority that it is not actually sweat. Can you enlighten us?
The liquid is actually an admixture of kimchi juice, scotch and salt water.  Surprisingly, it comes out smelling like coconut and tastes like sugar!
.

[Kara] How 'bout your most interesting brush with death or the law?
In 1990, while still in college, I was held hostage by a crazed lunatic.  One of my close friends was shot standing a foot away from me.  The incident was fairly traumatic.  Thank God for therapy and Jack Daniels.   As for the law?  Aside from my propensity for speeding, my most serious brush with the law was when I had to spend the night in the Berkeley jail for getting caught standing on top of someone's car and drunkenly singing Frank Sinatra tunes at 4:00 am.  This was shortly after the aforementioned hostage incident so the cops were fairly lenient. They were fairly nice about the whole ordeal.  I even caught one of them laughing when I started singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."

[MGJ] Do you think you're going to be overprotective of the Peanut when it comes time for her to start dating?
Does the Pope wear a funny hat?  Does a bear shit in the woods?  Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?  Hell, yes!

[RAJ] Any tips for a new guy? My wife is expecting our first child in 3 weeks!!!?
Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.  Just kidding, Raj.  In all seriousness, enjoy every single moment.  Don't stress out over everything.  Just relax.  The incessant crying, the breastfeeding problems and the sleep deprivation will soon be distant memories.  Your kid will be fine. Just relish every single moment.  Best of luck to you and your wife!   

[Meredith]  As for a question,do you make your kim-bap with or without spam? What exactly do you roll up in it?
Ahh, Meredith.  Clearly, you know about my people's fascination with Spam.  Do you know that BossLady once wrote an amazing song about Spam?  You've got to hear her sing it someday.   It's absolutely fucking brilliant.  We eat Spam with everything...ramen, sandwiches, salads, & omelets.  We don't put it in the Peanut's kim-bap yet.  But I imagine that we will soon enough.  Right now, we just roll up a little egg in her kim-bap.  She loves it.

[IAN]  Since you've been so many places, I was wondering...what's the grossest thing you've ever eaten? And where?
Throughout my travels, I've pretty much tried everything: dogs, snakes, turtles, frogs, monkeys and every single part of a pig that you can possibly imagine.  The only thing that really grossed me out?  A few years ago in China when my host presented a tray of fried beetles.  Some of them looked like giant spiders.  I fucking HATE spiders.  Man, I'm getting shivers just thinking about it again!
.

[RBrown]  1) Your favorite country and why of all 38 of those countries you've visited.  2) Your favorite book of all time. 3) And because you're a word man, you're favorite word to toss about?
(1) I know it sounds trite but I truly love France.  I've probably been there over 30 times.  I love getting lost in Paris.  I love skiing in the mountains.  I love the countryside.  Take away all the people and the place would be heaven!  (2) Favorite book of all-time?  Ralph Ellison's "The Invisible Man."  Because, at the time I read it, no other book affected me more.  (3) My favorite words?  Onomatopoeia, ineluctable, autological, and quotidian. I'm also a big fan of "swamp ass" and "bitch tits."
 

[L.]   If you could be stranded on an island with either an ugly woman or a beautiful man, which would you pick?
Unless the woman were so ugly that she had a penis, I think I'd definitely go with the ugly woman.

[Lucinda]  What would you say is your favorite Vanity Fair article ever written?
I've been a life-long fan of VF.  Unfortunately, I'm thinking about cancelling my subscription.  The Lindsay Lohan cover was almost a death knell for me.  Remember when VF was a serious magazine that combined the best of politics, literature and culture?  Now, it's like a highbrow version of  "People" magazine.  Anyway, my favorite VF article ever written was the expose on the tobacco industry that later became adapted to film ("The Insider.")  More recently, the article revealing Mark Felt as Deep Throat was fantastic. 

[Jerry] Since you're a big sports fan, what's your all-time favorite sports moment?
Easy.  1986.  Game 6.  World Series.  Mets vs. Red Sox.  The infamous Bill Buckner game.  I was at the game with my friend's family.  We were in the 5th row on the third base line.  Most incredible thing I've ever seen.  When the Mets came back to win, the crowd went nuts.  Complete strangers started crying and hugging each other.  Not only one of my all-time favorite sports moments but also one of my all-time favorite New York City moments.

[CIO] Who's going to be the next American Idol?
If there's any justice in the world, it will be Taylor or Elliot.  I used to like Chris but everytime he sings now, it sounds like he's either taking a dump or performing an Evanescence cover.  I don't entirely dislike Katherine but I think she's catching a bit of her own McPheever.  False modesty doesn't play well on national TV, girlfriend!  As for all the other contestants?  They physically make me ill.  Ace is a poseur with a poor voice.  Kellie is possibly the dumbest person I've ever seen.  And Paris is just too damn annoying.

That's all, folks.  Hope you're all doing well!  It's good to be back. 

Comments

[landismom]

Oh MD, how I've missed you. Glad you got home safe, and thanks for answering my question. I'll picture you in a tux forevermore.

[Liberal Banana]

YOU'VE EATEN DOG?!?!?

You know I love the American Idol comments - especially about Chris (even though I love him.) Right on, MD! Welcome back!

[Meg]

This was awesome! I learned a ton about you. Thanks for taking the time to do this, and welcome home.

[the weirdgirl]

Thank you MD! This was very satisfying. (And I'm gonna trust you on that ball info.)

[Kristen]

MD!~ Welcome home, my brother.

I never get reader questions like that - usually it's more like:

Want some hoottt sexy Russiann bitchess?

And thank you for clearing this up:

Korean ball sweat tastes like coconuts and sugar. Not sure how you know that, *ahem*, but I'll take your word :)

I'm going to ignore that and focus on my crazing from bibimbap (how do you spell that shit anyway? Freaking tasty...)

[Kristen]

craving craving ack. I can spell. For real.

[Brent]

Thanks for answering my question, MD. I could kind of imagine you as Luke Wilson. Owen's too cheesy but Luke still has that off-beat & weird sense of humor that I enjoy. Welcome back!

[Melissa]

Too fucking funny. Glad you're back.

[Mama Nabi]

Welcome back! (Although, it was great having BossLady, especially since she's told us some funny tidbits!) I LOVE the fact that you mentioned Atticus Finch - one of my own fav characters of all times. Ah, yes, PN is already plotting to scare the beejesus out of any boy who dares to come a-courting.

[misfithausfrau]

Welcome Back! I vaguely remember reading about the hostage situation when I was at IU. I can't even imagine.

[Kristen]

Wow, this was all VERY enlightening. I mean, I never knew about the spam fascination!

[dutch]

you are totally my favorite former hostage. all those other former hostages totally suck compared to you.

[kara]

YAY, you're back!! Thanks for answering my questions (and, dude, sorry about being held hostage- I don't know what I was expecting as an answer, but it def. wasn't THAT!) and thanks for bringing up the Buckner moment- NOT!
And, oddly, I have a craving for coconut.

[Ryan]

I would love to see a sitcom with you, BossLady and the Peanut. Listen up, TV execs!

[Deanna]

Welcome back, MD!

[margalit]

Welcome back, metro. I really missed you, although I thought BossLady did an excellent job in your absence. But...what happened to your brother? I was hoping for another post last week.

The fact that you've eaten Dog and Snake grosses me out. I'm so not into cultural delicacies outside my comfort zone.

Glad you're back, and thanks for answering my question. Now I have another one: were any of your products featured on the elite runners today at the marathon?

[a.tsai]

Welcome back, MD. I have to say that you always inspire me to travel and see more of this world. I'm shamefully lazy and usually end up just going to the beach when I have vacation time. I'm almost embarassed to say that I'm 32 years old and I've only left the country twice! (Once was to Canada. Does that even count?)

[Kemp]

Welcome back

I was sitting in a cafe in the north end in Boston during the 6th game of the 86 world series. The game was on and there was a bunch of old italian men watching. My friend and I (both women) were cheering for the Mets and when they started to come back near the end of the game, we started recieving a lot of dirty looks - I thought the mob might come after us. We ended up leaving and listening to it on the radio in the car.

[mo-wo]

For the next round of Q&A can I ask if you have ever worn a beret?

And was I not dismayed to find that -- despite earlier assumptions -- your fast friendedness with p-man is not to be due to the spider thing. You will find the full report on this item at:

http://motherwoman.blogspot.com/2006/04/beastly-number.html

[Alison]

Welcome back MD! Glad your travels home were safe. I truly enjoyed BossLady's post. Looking forward to hearing from MetroBro soon and the aformentioned "celebrity".
Have a splendid time catching up with your family!

[sweatpantsmom]

Welcome back! And I knew there was a kinship I felt with you, fellow Spam eater. It's huge in Japanese culture, as well. We have something called 'Spam Musubi' that I like to have my mom make for parties just to gross my white friends out. (You will enjoy this immensely.)

As for eating monkey, next time, throw some panda on the Q with that...

Okay, last thing, and only because my mind is twisted, reading your first letter from David, all I kept thinking was, "Every man pho himself." I know. I'm sorry.

[Mike]

Dear MetroDad,

I recently became a law student after a 6 or so year career as a wealth manager, making a decent wage. How do I date again, especially with me making no income? Do you recommend I use the path of marketing myself as an investment and shoot for young, professional Korean women? Or perhaps I should regress and start dating co-eds again?

Help a brother out, hyung.

Mike

[JJ Daddy-O]

1) Pho- There's are excellent series of articles by R.W. Apple in the NYT wherein he samples the pho (and everything else), about asian cuisine in the US and across Asia. Man, that guy can eat. Makes we want to get my hemorrhgiac fever and hepatitis shots and go to SE Asia now.
2)Holy Crap, dude! I'd be having PTSD about that whole hostage thing if it were me!
3)In Re: Daughters dating.
As the father of three girls, I believe Mel (Dan Hedaya) in Clueless said it best: "Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you."
Start practicing saying it, menacingly, now.
Come on down to my house and we can practice with the .45, since you live in NYC and firearms instruction tends to be, er, ad hoc, shall we say.

[Anne Glamore]

Glad to have you back. It's eerie, when and if Bill writes about me, I think he could probably just swipe BossLady's blog and substitute "tits" for all male parts and "collards" for all Korean foods, and delete the SportsCenter.

And in an ironic twist, my boys have been talking about onomatopoeia at the dinner table, unprompted by me.

I'm tired of all the VF articles about swingers back in the 50's.

[GIRLS GONE CHILD]

Welcome back, MD! Can't wait to hear alllll the stories. Can I submit a question? Okay, o....um... Is your daughter's real name Peanut?

[AlieMalie]

Glad to have you back and glad to hear your trip went well.

Whatever happened to MetroBro? I really enjoyed BossLady's post.

One last thing, I totally agree with you on the VF issue. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, the cast of Desperate Housewives, Jennifer Aniston ... the list goes on. It's really rather annoying. I've loved VF since I was about 15 and it's just going downhill. And fast.

:)
AM

[enygma]

I'm kind of feeling that way about VF, as well. I used to love the gorgeous photos (esp. the spreads shot by Leibovitz), but lately, they've been pretty bla. The real turn off, though, was the Tom Ford cover. How creepy was that?

[Kellie]

I second the Pieman's assertion re: down and dirty dining in Vietnam.

One of our best meals was in a side alley in a town called Hoi An. We chanced upon a hole in the wall that was packed with contented looking locals & sat ourselves down. Strewn all over the floor was the detrius of a few hours' dining - chopsticks, napkins, you name it! Not to mention the fact that we were sitting at a child's plastic table & on itty bitty chairs. Anyway, within a couple of minutes (without having ordered!) we were presented with plates full of beautiful grilled meats, weird & wonderful greens, rice paper sheets and an incredible peanut-chilli sauce, and a lesson from the proprietor in how to get the feast from table to mouth. Without any dialogue, she having no English & us no Vietnamese. Absolutely fabulous!

[eunice]

You're back! Hope you had a great trip! Looking forward to the next entry already!

[Nina]

You seem just entirely too cool. And you've been to France over 30 times?? Can I have permission to hate you now?

I don't even know what to say about the hostage thing except, gosh, I'm so sorry. That's horrible.

Glad to have you back (although maybe you should leave more often so we can hear from BossLady too! just kidding. kind of.)

[David]

Thank you Metro Dad. I shall book my tickets soon and pack some nappies in case I pick the wrong pho stall. Korean ball sweat sounds suspiciously like nam pla.

[bill]

Glad you are back. I agree witht he Rev. Jim from Taxi as a pic for best character.

[Emily]

Welcome back!!

[Linda]

Glad to hear you had a safe trip.

You know, I would have thought the scent of sweaty Korean balls would have had a hint of daenjang to it?

[Queen of Ass]

Yay! I'm so glad you're home!

[aryan]

hi

[Lucinda]

Very illuminating. I remember the VF posts to which you referred.

I'm personally a little sick of how Graydon Carter is using every single stinkin' editorial to further his political agenda. The editorial's used to be filled with interesting behind-the-scenes tidbits? No more.

[RBrown]

If only blogs had a customer service rating! I can't believe you answered every single one of those questions - with links! If you hadn't been held hostage and were prone to PTSD flashbacks, I'd high-five you and your bitch tits.

Welcome back!

[Pattie]

Glad to hear you're back from your trip. I enjoyed your answers to these rather diverse questions. I, too, have gotten very, very lost in Paris. (I also threw up on the Eiffel Tower, but that's another story.) And, I swear this is true, onomatopoeia is also one of my favorite words. Why? Because I aced it during a spelling bee and made it to the regional bee.

La vie longue les tarés de grammaire!

[chocolate makes it better]

Welcome back mate, glad to hear you had a great trip.

[LeeMarvin]

Ah, MD,

Glad to see that you made it back OK. Hope your trip was productive.

How do you KNOW that sweaty balls taste like sugar?

Rev Jim is one of my all time favs.

And Bond, shit, I own EVERY DVD...wife bought the complete set for Fathers Day last year.

Sorry to hear about your hostage experience. Definitely gives you a different perspective on life.

Oh, yea...the Bosslady is the BOMB! Promise that she'll make a few more guest appearances. She was great.

Glad you're back. Can't wait for more stories.

[Susie]

I was going to say something but the Bill Buckner reference made me need to lie down for a bit. *woosh goes the air from my lungs - again*

[Lunasea]

OMG, you were one of the hostages at Henry's??? I've seen so many tapes of that whole "incident" while working with the Berkeley police (I went through hostage negotiations training with them). Damn. How traumatizing.

[Grins]

Welcome back MetroDad. Loved the Q&A but pssst I wasn't done hearing about your secrets from the BossLady. Do encourage her to guest post again please.

[Mr. Big Dubya]

[Jerry] Since you're a big sports fan, what's your all-time favorite sports moment?
Easy. 1986. Game 6. World Series. Mets vs. Red Sox. The infamous Bill Buckner game.

Why is it again that I read you?

[Mom101]

Very few bloggers do I miss should they take a day or two off. I count you among them. This post just locked it--and not just because you stole my VF line. I call it Mario Testino People

PS Bosslady is a hit. You done good, md!

[L.]

I would pick the beautiful woman, all other factors being equal.

But that`s just me.

[euphrosynely]

Yay, you answered my question! :) Thanks!

Also, your mom is totally my hero. I'm fluent in 3/4, but hoping in the future to add 4 more. Is that possible? I hope so! And your mom certainly picked the right language to be her favourite. It certainly is mine!

I was always content with my Korean name, easy to pronounce for non-Koreans, too, but sometimes I wish I had a very sexy foreign name, like Valentina. That name just reminds me of sexy yet feminine Valentino dresses. Sigh.

[Jenny]

You're telling me that pig uterus is less gross than fried beetles? They're fried! Mmmmm.....fried....