Monday Morning Chaos

WHERE EVERY BABY'S FIRST WORDS ARE "YES, BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT!"

BossLady and I were out in Scottsdale this weekend for a wedding.  We left the Peanut at home so we could have three days of adult-oriented fun.  Our hotel room had black-out shades and, on Saturday, we slept in until noon, ordered room service and watched cheesy movies all afternoon on TV.  It was like a stroll down memory lane.  I almost forgot we ever had a child.  The only downside was the heat.  I think I burned my ass on the leather car seat.  Not only that but I could have sworn I saw more than a few people driving their cars with oven mitts on.   Oy fucking vey!  How does anyone live there?

UNEXPECTED BONUS OF NOT HAVING A CHILD FOR THE WEEKEND

As much as I love spending time with BossLady and the Peanut, there are times when I'm glad it's just me and the missus.  One of those times is when we're eating Reeses Peanut Butter Cups.  Or munching on Kit Kats. Did you ever notice how there are very few candy bars divisible by three?  It's a huge conspiracy concoted by the Trilateral Commission (rumor has it that Michael Moore is doing a documentary on the subject.) Most of the time, someone get shafted and usually that person is me. (By the way, did you know that Kit Kats are HUGE in Japan?  The first time I went to Tokyo, I couldn't believe how many different versions there were: passion fruit, green tea, vanilla, cappucino.  Why don't we have those over here?  We invented Kit Kats, dammit!  Sigh...I guess it's true.  The Japanese just take everything we invent and make it better. Damn!) 

NOT JUST A CREME-FILLED WAFER BUT A HIT SONG TOO!

A few weeks ago, we bought the Peanut a set of musical instruments. The instruments are so cute, it's ridiculous. Anyway, when we got home, we all sat down on the floor together.  I grabbed the triangle, BossLady was on the tamborine, and Peanut had the moroccas.  In my best raspy rock-and-roll voice, I jumped up on the couch and yelled out, "One. Two. One, Two, Three, Four...hit it!"   Without even thinking about it, my lovely wife instinctively started melodically singing, "Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kit Kat bar!"  Hah!  And I wonder where the Peanut gets her sweet tooth!

TALES FROM THE SEA

Enough about the Kit Kats.  In other gastronomical news, a restaurant opened up near our apartment that only serves fish and chips.  I pass by it every day but all I can think about is what kind of fish is used in a fish stick?  Do they use only one kind of fish or do they mash up different types of fish together and then fry the shit out of it?  Isn't that kind of disturbing?  Does anyone else besides me even care about this?   No?  Yeah, that's what I thought. 

BANTERING WITH THE TEENAGE DEMOGRAPHIC

Recently, I was at a food court and, for some bizarre reason, the BBQ eatery was selling fresh-baked muffins.  There was a teenage girl working behind the counter.  The following is the extent of our conversation...

ME:  How are the blueberry muffins?
GIRL:  They're awesome!
ME:  You're not just saying that because it's noon and you've got a quota to fill?
GIRL: Sorry?
ME: Nothing.  It's just weird that you sell muffins.  Did the bakery next door go belly up?
GIRL: What bakery?   
ME: Forget it. I'll take one.  Which hot sauce would you recommend?  What goes well with blueberry?
GIRL: Umm.  I don't think I would put hot sauce on a muffin.
ME:  Really?  I hear that's what all the crazy kids are doing these days!  Puts hair on your chest! 
GIRL:  Yeah, um. Whatever.

God, I CANNOT WAIT until my daughter is a teenager so I can embarass her in front of her friends on a daily basis.  It's going to be so totally awesome!

EST-CE QUE JE REVE?

Speaking of kids, I think BossLady wants another one.  Lately, she's had a mild case of "Baby Fever." I can see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.  Remember when you were single and dated that punk rock chick with 20 tattoos?  Remember how you could smell the crazy and see the madness in her eyes?  Well, I'm noticing a similar thing with the BossLady.  Anytime she sees a newborn baby, she gets this gooey look in her eyes and starts twitching a little.  I'm not entirely sure I'm ready for another baby right now but the BossLady is one determined woman.  The other night, I thought I woke up in the middle of the night and saw her on top of me.  She claims that I was dreaming but it sure seemed real. 

BIGGIE, BIGGIE, BIGGIE, CAN'T YOU SEE?  SOMETIMES YOUR RHYMES JUST HYPNOTIZE ME!

I don't know about you guys but I'm absolutely addicted to youtube.com.  I'm assuming it's only a matter of time before the site gets shut down for posting unlicensed content.  Meanwhile, you can find some fantastic stuff on the site (especially rare bootleg concert videos).  One of the coolest things I've discovered so far (via Gothamist) is this clip of Biggie freestyling in front of a Bed-Stuy bodega when he was only 17 years old (3 years before he met Sean Combs, 5 years before "Juicy" was released, and sadly, only 8 years before he passed away.)  There's something very sad and sweet about watching this clip.

A few other cool clips from youtube:

Miles Davis & John Coltrane in their prime

Jeff Buckley "Hallelujah"

Bruce Springsteen & Eddie Vedder "Better Man"

Radiohead "Paranoid Android"

Stone Temple Pilots acoustic "Plush"

If you've found anything cool on youtube, let me know so I can check it out.   

SELL, MORTIMER, SELL!  THE DUKES ARE GOING UNDER!

That venerable record of world finance and capitalistic domination, the Wall Street Journal, is slumming it today and is featuring an article on Daddy Bloggers.  I think it's the last place that I ever expected to see this site mentioned.  However, I'm honored to be there along with fellow dads Greg, Chag, and rebeldad.  Check out the article online here.

DON'T WORRY.  THE DROOL & THE BOOGERS ARE JUST FROM ALL THE CHEWING TOBACCO. 

It's Opening Day for Major League Baseball and my Mets are kicking off the season at home today.  It's been a long offseason but the great thing about Opening Day is that everyone starts off at .500.  Having spent the first two years of my life living in the squallid shadow of Shea Stadium, I've been a die-hard Mets fan since birth.  Here's to hoping that this year I'll be able to take the Peanut to the Mets championship parade in October!

.

Comments

[misfithausfrau]

I read the WSJ article this morning and was psyched that you guys were all mentioned!--Thank GOD I can get that paper in a timely fashion! Congrats to you guys.

And thanks to you, I now know what's been smelling around here when my daughter is running around like a lunatic--it's the CRAZY!

[Lady M]

MetroDad- Ya gotta see the JBOX site. It's run by this American guy in Japan, and he ships all sorts of Japanese items, including KitKat, to the US.

http://www.jbox.com/SNACKS/

[Melissa]

They make Passion Fruit Kit Kats? I am intrigued. Sounds good but gross at the same time.

The baby thing starts to happen when the first one starts pulling away. I know I got the baby jones bad when Maya was about 15 months. It hasn't hit yet with Nata, but I know it will soon.

You got to sleep in, that is so cool. The other thing I love about being without kids is being able to pee alone. I know it's a small thing, but it's great. That and eating out after 7pm.

[Brian Jowett]

I found your site through the WSJ. I didn't even know that there was such a thing as a daddy blog. This is great. My wife is expecting in July so I'm sure I'll be combing your archives for tips.

Go Cubbies!

[zygote daddy]

Oh, those sneaky candymakers with their only-divisible-by-two conspiracy. Leave it to Paul Newman, though, to buck the system: his p.b. cups have -gasp!- three in them. I know, I know, the world can finally rest easy.

[kara]

Dang that kid is CUTE! no wonder BossLady wants more. And your sleepy AZ weekend? Totally Jealous.
Okay, off the read the WSJ. Congrats!

[ChaEsq]

The Mets!??!?!?! Oh no!!!! =)

[cam c.]

The best Japanese Kit Kat flavor I found was "Maple Syrup", which had syrup imported from Canada in them, according to the maple leaf logo on the wrapper. Of course I bought some as gifts to bring back to Canada... gotta try to keep that stuff in the country. :)

[euphrosynely]

Thank you thank you thank you for the Jeff Buckley link. He's my all time god, and left us humble Earthlings too early.

Also, Pierre is a very conspicuous name for a Korean-American! But I like it :) Were your parents very Francophone?

[Deanna]

Go Mariners!!!

How old is the Peanut now, 18 months? Yes, it's about time for baby fever to make a comeback. I didn't have a chance to do that, since when the Munchkin was 18 months, I was already quite pregnant with Baby Boy. They are almost 20 months apart. I would have liked to space them out a little bit better, but, oh well.

Congrats on being officially certified as a daddy blogger!

[Mega Mom]

Go Mets.

You KNOW you have little say in the baby dept., right? :)))

[alice, uptown]

Hey, the WSJ -- I may not like its politics, but it's tres prestigious. I've been quoted there on weird stuff -- like having to drink my latte to show airport security I wasn't going to blow up the plane with my coffee.

[mother of two]

You're hilarious!! Hey, having 2 is really not all that bad. Eventhough it has it's tough moments, it's a lot of fun. Oh, now, I am wondering what kind of fish are in those fish sticks. If you find out put a post b/c I'd like to know. :)

[landismom]

MD, your teenage banter is so droll, I found myself barking at my computer.

[dutch]

WSJ page A9: redheaded stepchildren get kick-ass write ups.

now it's time for you to get a mention in the New Yorker for the perfect Manhattan media trifecta.

[Sarah]

Boneless, skinless, chicken breasts always come in packs of three. I have no idea why. I think it might be some sort of law.

I know - it just isn't the same as a Kit Kat.

[NY Yankees Fan]

Wow, MD. First, the NY Times. Now, the WSJ. Congrats!

[liberalbanana]

The Wall Street Journal?!? Holy crap, you go, MetroDad! What a fantastic post today (as always - but all the various topics made it seem like 10 different posts in one -- loved it!) By the way, the Mets are my Mothership and Boyfriend's team as well. I go along because that what I've been brought up (in upstate NY) but now I've got the Nats to cheer for here in DC! When they played each other last season you couldn't even understand whom people were chanting for/against because the names are so similar! P.S. - if you guys end up having twins, can I have one? SO CUTE!!!

[Meg]

Infiltratin' the con media... beautiful. And in Canada -- land of promise and bounty -- there are THREE Reese cups per package. Truth.

[freezio]

Funny about the dry heat. In that southwesterly / gold corridor vein, my kids first word for pain was 'cactus': On one 115 degree day in late spring, he got too cold in the pool. Shivering, he started crying 'coldy coldy cactus.'

I don't think he'd do too well in an evironment where the temperature got below freezing ever.

Congrat's on the WSJ situation, by the way.

[Mr. Big Dubya]

Two words: Mets - feh!

Congrats on the write-up today

[Kristen]

More cowbell, MD. Get some more cowbell.

And the Mets? Oh criminy. We need to talk.

[Ten Feet of Steel]

Sometimes, in the lands of fish and chips, they let you pick out the piece of fish you want to get fried up. Perhaps this is the case here? At any rate, I'm guessing that, if the place specializes in fish and chips and is trying to be traditional about it, the fish is something like haddock or cod--firm, white-fleshed fish--and it's likely sliced into sticks or slabs, not mashed and extruded.

Damn it, MetroDad, now you've made me greedy for fish and chips.

And green tea Kit Kats???

Hm...Green tea Kits Kats...

[Grins]

Whoa, oven mitt driving, KitKat bars AND THE WSJ? This is a good week for you. By the way now that I'm here you can share the KitKat bar...divisible by 4 baby.

[Papa Bradstein]

I used to live in Palm Springs, where my car key would get so hot in the car that it would burn my leg when I put it in my pocket.

Zoinks.

Thank goodness it was just the leg. It was a dry heat, though, and I'd still take that over shoveling snow and cracking my ass on the ice any day.

[daddy in a strange land]

Dude, if that joint is selling processed fish stix, that ain't fish and chips. Find someplace where they fry up real whole filets of cod or whatever. Mmm...malt vinegar.

Anyway, congrats on the WSJ mention. I mean, any publicity for you is good for your bretheren at Rice Daddies, right? ;) You did namecheck us, didn't you? Didn't you? Sigh. So. desperate. for. attention.

;)

BTW, anybody got a way to see the WSJ article on-line without being a subscriber? Thanks!

[LeeMarvin]

MD,

Was your ass necked when you were sittin' on them leather seats?...or was it that hot that you arse got scorched through your metropants?

Being able to put down the parent hat for a few days can be liberating. It helps to get your groove back.

Sleeping late in a dark room and watching movies all day...yea, the bosslady is definitely ready to get pregnant.

Teenagers....ugh...

Fishsticks are like chicken nuggets...SPAM.

Congrats on the WSJ shout-out. Daddy blogs are...movin' on up...to the eastside, to that deluxe apartment in the sky...(yea, got carried away on that one).

And, as usual, the peanut is adorable.

Congrats, again!

[L.]

We can`t read your Journal clip -- Dow Jones doesn`t like to give anything away for free.

I know that "gooey baby look." My husband has it. But my geriatric uterus isn`t going to fall for it again.

(And green tea Kit Kats BITE, big time. Save your money.)

[croutonboy]

WSJ? No kidding! How did you sneak into that conservative rag? I'm gonna go buy some of your BlogShares...

Here's some good YouTube things for you, if you haven't seen them:

Heat Vision & Jack - http://youtube.com/watch?v=nPaXZ5ow_q8

William Shatner's Rocket Man - http://youtube.com/watch?v=MVbv6r_tKnE

[christmas gomoe]

if bosslady wants 2 under 3, have her come spend a few days in my house. It ain't pretty.

[Betsy]

MetroDad--your blog is hilarious. I love your insights and humor. Anyway from one youtube addict to another, apparently there was recently a juggle showdown between Chris Bliss, who juggled ONLY three balls set to some really bad music but had a legion of youtube fanatics that played his video at least one time a day and felt so happy just by watching him juggle. Then a guy named Jason Garfield did a diss video showing he is the supreme juggler and has more flair, talent and sass and could kick the other dude's ass anyday of the week (a joke set up by none other than Penn Jillette but funny anyway).

Diss Juggling Vid: http://youtube.com/watch?v=QYUXaYCkv-A

Chris Bliss: http://youtube.com/watch?v=z965UUEmdB8

YOU decide.

-QueenB

[margalit]

WSJ article requires a subscription and it ain't free, so it's a no go to read online.

Let's hope that Boss Lady is pregnant in Sept, that the Mets play the Red Sox in the world series on October, and by November you get Japanese kit kats (the only candy bar I WILL NOT eat, btw...hate 'em, but my kids love them so we have them around as I'll never be tempted) in a neighborhood Asian grocery store.

Scottsdale sucks. My mother lives there. I've never been to visit her.

[Mormondaddy]

I live in Vegas (same desert as AZ) and I can definitely say that the intolerable dry heat for 3 months of the year is more than a fair trade for the beautiful weather we have when the rest of the country is snowed in! It's not for everyone I guess!

[Meredith]

I have actually thought about selling all the crazy kit-kats here in Japan on e-bay. I have been merrily plowing through a bag of green tea kats of late. I think they have seasonal flavors.

And, I would be pleased to send some your way. For free and with enough to share with Peanut. Just say the word.

[bill]

Very cool getting mentioned in the WSJ. I am with you on the candy conspiracy theory as well.

[rach]

I think it's your standard whitefish in fish sticks. And I am going to the opening day game here, too. Yay Royals!!!!

Are the Royals really the national joke that everyone here says they are?

Whatever. I have hometown pride.

[Susannah]

Oh, MD. Let me just tell you...it is SO much fun embarassing your teenage kids in front of their friends. You're going to have a blast!

[Mike]

Every kid needs a dongseng to torment. Emotional scarring runs downhill, it's the Korean way. Besides, you want a namja. That is also the Korean way. Have you picked out a pair of shoes that you can crush the heels of yet? I wouldn't worry about it, until your wife decides to get the ahjumma pah-mah.

[Ryan]

Damn, Metrod. The Wall Street Journal? That's very cool news. Congrats. You're going big-time on us! I always thought you'd make a good sitcom. Who do you want to play you and BossLady on TV?

[Mama Nabi]

How is it that runny boogers and drool can look so cute on the Peanut?? Maybe BossLady and I were separated at birth - I LOVE that kitkat song and sing along whenever I hear it. Hm, perhaps the Peanut and Little Nabi can start their own kitkat bar band together.

[Half N Half]

Love the blog. Have you checked out "Man Dancing" at YouTube?

[Leo]

You sure you want to let the Peanut grow up and be a Met fan? You don't really want to subject her to a lifetime of sadness and disappointment, do you?

GO YANKEES!

[Emily]

Great....now I have to go do an internet search for blackmarket Japanese Kit Kat bars...you just HAD to say cappucino, eh?

Thanks a freakin LOT...

[Queen of Ass]

Next time ya'll go somewhere alone? I wanna go. I'll sleep on the couch. You won't even know I'm there! Swear!

[Corinne]

Have you checked out the fruitcake lady on youtube? HI-LA-RIOUS. I laughed so hard I almost wet myself... this is the type of old lady I strive to be... hahaha... just laughing thinking about it... man, i gotta go watch some Fruitcake Lady now....

[p-man]

I am commenting gratuitously so I can self-refer as one who has communicated with the fellow cited in numerous large organs of the 5th estate etc... I can't wait to tell ma!

[She]

Aww, we call our little one, p-nut as well.

[Mark]

LOL are you seriously complaining about the weather out in Scottsdale this past weekend? It was what, maybe 80-85 here? Ohhh my friend, of heat you know nothing. ;) Congrats on the WSJ mention -- though I can't get through to it, says it's subscribers only at this point. :( I'm sure it was a glowing review of this eminently worthy site!

[sweatpantsmom]

Think you're having trouble sharing food now - just wait until you have another kid. (And I mean 'when' not 'if.' I don't even know your wife but I know where this one is going.)

You should see the fights around here around Halloween. And I don't mean between the kids. Ever see a couple of grownups try and wrestle a mini bag of Whoppers away from a seven year old? It's ugly.

[the weirdgirl]

MD, congrats on the article!

And I'm pretty sure they use cod in fish sticks.