Married to the MetroDad

MetroDad is off to Vietnam this week and while he’s off to bring home the bacon, he’s asked me to keep you company.  And since you don’t know me, I thought what better way to introduce myself than to have my first guest post be about your beloved MetroDad?  You all know MetroDad as a witty, obnoxiously funny, fashion-conscious Korean-American who is not only  a seasoned world traveler, a whiskey connoisseur, tech geek, and grammar snob but is also, above all, an endearing, loving and completely devoted father. 

But have you ever wondered what it’s like to be married to The MetroDad?  Let me share a few things…

Addiction
If MetroDad is addicted to anything, it’s reading.  Every morning, he reads the NY Times, the Wall Street Journal, and the NY Post.  He also has subscriptions to about 15 magazines.  GQ, Esquire, The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, Atlantic Monthly, Sports Illustrated, Men’s Journal, Money, Smart Money, Time are only the first ten.  Yes, my man is well-read.  My only complaint is that he never throws an issue out.  So, whenever he’s sleeping or away on a trip, I take it upon myself to do some recycling.  It’s the only way I can prevent our home from looking like the Unibomber’s.

MetroDad’s Mistress
Yes, MetroDad keeps a mistress.  He’s always with her right after I go to bed.  I’ve known about her for quite some time actually and while I tried to fight this, I realized early on that I had to pick and choose my battles.  Sometimes I catch him humming THEIR song.  Other times, I can hear her in the other room with him.  And after the first round, he usually goes back for another repeat.  Yes, my friends, her name is ESPN Sports Center.  And I do pray for her demise one day since she seems to be the mistress for many men.  That ho-bag!

Sleeping with MetroDad
Our bed is like the McDLT.  Hot side hot.  Cold side cold.  During the winter, I like to be comfortably toasty and under a fluffy, snuggly down comforter.  For MD, it could never be cold enough.  Even if he’s lying still, MetroDad is always warm.  If he had it his way, he would leave all the windows open during a blizzard and still sleep in the buff.  But I have admit that to wake up in the morning and seeing him sleep in the buff is a major bonus – except when I wake up and realize that I caught a cold because MD had opened a window while I was sleeping and stolen all the covers from me.

Waking MetroDad
In all our years together, I have never seen MetroDad wake up on his own.  MetroDad MUST be woken each and every day.  He has no biological alarm clock.  If he does, it’s probably set for 5pm.  Every morning, I have to wake him.  There was a time when I would sit up and shake his arm to wake him.  Until one day, in pure MetroDad form, he told me that the proper way to wake him is with a gentle kiss and an “I love you” whispered into his ear.  If he’s anything, he’s consistent!

Personality Hallmarks
I often hear MetroDad muttering to himself while watching tv.  Believe it or not, he likes to correct tv shows and commercials when there is a seemingly HUGE grammatical gaffe (to him, that is.)  The most popular mistakes involve the improper use of fewer/less, nausea, graduate, and whether/if.  Is it any wonder why I love this man?

MetroDad is an uninhibited man.  He can’t keep a tune to save his life but he shows absolutely no inhibitions when we’re at a karaoke bar and he starts belting out “Pretty In Pink.”  The same holds true for his laughter.  No matter where we are, whether it’s a wedding, a restaurant, or a movie theater, MetroDad has an honest, infectious laugh that everyone notices.

MetroDad has a taste for the finest things in life.  When I first met MetroDad’s parents, his mom told me that she used to call him the Prince because even as a child, MetroDad had exquisite tastes in food and in clothing.  Sometimes I forget that I’m married to a metrosexual and not just a regular man.  For example, we wanted a more comfortable couch for our den (MetroDad refers to it only as “the MD Lounge”).  So, I found a great used Portico couch for $200 located in a loft in SoHo.  The only thing we needed to do was to replace the ugly yellow upholstery.  Thinking about the Peanut and any other future child, I wanted a more practical color and fabric:  chocolate brown twill or canvas.  But MD had other plans and would not compromise.  Dark chocolate brown was agreeable to MD but twill or canvas was too plebian for our MetroDad.  Nooooo, this couch was to be covered in velvet.  I love velvet just as much as the next metrosexual but what I thought could be a $200 used couch turned out to be a $1000 lesson in furniture shopping.  Actually, I’m sitting on this couch right now as I type.  It’s covered in a canvas slipcover!

Private Language
Like most couples, we have our own terms that only the two of us know.  I will share a few of them here with you.

BDS – For those of you who know Korean, BDS is short for Burning Ddong Gumong (meaning Asshole) Syndrome.  This is a term we use (more often by MetroDad) when we eat something so friggin’ spicy that it burns on the way out.  MD seems to be in a perpetual contest with himself to eat only the spiciest foods on the entire planet.  Proper usage:  “Honey, I’ve got BDS….”

Burning Heart Syndrome – this refers to the inevitable heartburn from eating all the aforementioned spicy food.  Proper usage: "Achh, honey!  I've got the burning heart!"

Stinky Butt – This is MetroDad’s nickname for the Peanut at home.  He rarely ever calls her Peanut in real life.  Proper usage:  “What’s up, Stinky Butt?”

The Jimmy Leg – this is a term we use for MetroDad’s restless leg syndrome.  At night, MD feels the need to kick his legs out every minutes.  And if it’s after a night of partying, he needs to kick his legs out every few seconds.  After partying right along with him, there’s nothing more I want than to just fall asleep.  The Jimmy Leg prevents this and I often have to kick MD out of bed.

My favorite moments of the day with MetroDad
-Watching him wake up as the Peanut tries to kiss and hug him in the morning.  He’ll slowly wake and realizing that it’s the Peanut, he’ll take the blanket to swallow her up in a big bear hug.

-Taking the elevator down with him on our way to work.  It’s our first moment alone together and for those brief 8 seconds, it’s our chance to say we love each other.

-Coming home from work.  These days when I get home, the Peanut is already fast asleep.  The first thing I do when I get home is change out of my office clothes.  As soon as I’ve changed into my jeans and t-shirt, MetroDad will throw me down on the bed and for a few minutes, we’ll just be in each other’s arms and just talk about our days, the good, the bad, what amazingly cute things the Peanut has done that day, anything and everything.

MetroDad is indeed real and indeed human.  He’s got his quirks and idiosyncrasies like the rest of us.  It’s exactly those quirks that made me fall in love with him.  I could watch the grass grow with this man and still be the happiest woman.  I thank my lucky stars for him because without him, I wouldn’t have any of the joys that I have in my life today.

So, I thank you for letting me keep you company.  I was a little nervous to write, especially after MetroDad announced that I would be posting.  But I hope you enjoyed it here.  Till next time,

BossLady

 

Comments

[Melissa]

Boss Lady,
Welcome to blog land. That was a great post. You will make MetroDad very proud. And now I have new shit to tease him about. You should really start a blog. I would read it. 15 magazines, too funny. I limit myself to 12. I mean really. :)

[IFLYG]

BossLady - I am very honoured to be the first to welcome you here. Thank you for a wonderful post, and I'm sure I speak for lots of regular readers when I say that I hope we get to hear more from you.

[Sarah]

Thanks for writing, BossLady. It was great to finally hear from you!

[IFLYG]

whoops- second...dammit Melissa...

[Brent]

Bosslady...I think you need your own blog! And also, I see why you and MD get along so well. You're both freaking hilarious. Thanks for sharing!

[Lisa M.]

That damn ESPN Sportcenter is having an affair with my husband also!

[LeeMarv...]

MetroMom...

Well, the better half has spoken. Great post, Boss Lady. We all hope to hear more from you.

When you talk to MD, tell him that you're holdin' down the fort just fine...because you ARE! Don't be nervous. It gets easier the more you do it.

[CityMama]

Hooray for BossLady!

My husband is having an affair with that same bitch. Slut gets around. He even brought our newborns to meet her, rocking them late at night while he exposed them to her wily ways. And he's proud of the fact that he got them started early.

The other day I was out with my 3yo and we passed a store showing a basketball game. My 3yo shouted "TWO POINTS!! AWWWWWWWWW YEAAAHHHHH" at the top of her lungs much to my shock n horror. Yeah, thanks, dude.

More! More BossLady!

[Sassy]

That's a really sweet post. Thank you BossLady. :)

[MoMMY]

Great post BossLady!

[kristied]

great post bosslady! I hope we get to hear from you again soon, and i agree with everyone else, you should start your own blog, i would read it too!

[Kristen]

I can't believe he wanted a velvet couch?!

You are a good woman, boss lady...

[Tawnya]

Welcome Bosslady! It's great to hear from you!
Don't be nervous...it was a great post. I look forward to more!

[Wood]

great post, bosslady. loved every word.

[landismom]

Great post, BossLady, thanks for the peek into your world with MD. My dh does the same thing with hanging on to magazines--before I civilized him, I think he had every newspaper he had received in a year piled up in his mudroom.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

Hi BL:

Nice to meetcha, and what lovely punctuation you have.

So, what are you and the Peanut getting in to while MD's away?

[Meg]

This was fabulous, BossLady... thank you so much for giving MD some more colour in our eyes.

[weigooksaram]

It's fun to hear the other side for a change.

I'm with you on the couch. Velvet couch + toddler sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

[CroutonBoy]

BossLady, it's an honor to meet you, and a wonderful post. Thank you for that glimpse into life with MD, and thank you for putting up with him.

[nina]

It's so exciting to finally "meet" the famous BossLady! Great post...hope to hear more!

[Kemp]

Wow, despite the fact that he is Korean and I am Spanish, we seem to be cut from the same cloth. Reading (I count 8 of the magazines you listed that I get), correcting TV/movies, "mistresses" (though I have two the same age), the need of coldness in order to sleep.

Nice to meet you BossLady, and hope to see more posts from you.

[Mike]

Thank you for your post Bosslady. Are you ever worried that Metrodad will turn into an ahjusshi? Or that you will turn into an ahjumma? I mean, technically, I guess the both of you are...but I mean in the ahujumma pahmah kinda way.

[Deanna]

Thanks for the insightful look into your lives, BossLady! Please write more!

[Lois]

Hehehe...I'm still laughing at the Unibomber line. I had to show this one to my husband. So glad to hear I'm not the only wife with the same problem. My husband is even worse. He doesn't collect magazines. He collects catalogs. The man must have a 100 catalogs on his nightstand. He FREAKS when I throw them out. MUst be a guy thing.

[wn]

Welcome BossLady....thanks for the wicked post. These words just confirmed MD's awesomeness from another perspective.

Stay cool and hope to hear some more from you while MD is away!

[Sarah]

Pleased to meet you!

[bill]

Hey Boss Lady. Good Post. Does anyone remember the MCDlt? Classic.

[AdventureDad]

Nice to finally meet you BossLady. Last time I hooked up with MD in NY I never had a chance to meet you. Looking forward to the next time so that Daniel can say hello to Peanut.

Regards

AD

Oh BTW, when are you starting your own blog?:-))

[Linda B]

Nice to meet you :)

I cannot imagine how I've never heard of BDS before...

[Anne Glamore]

I have the same magazine fetish, but I toss mine immediately after reading them. My husband is not so disciplined, however. So periodically I put his mags into organized piles on HIS side of the bed (Triathletes, Time, Sports Illustrated, etc) with a big sign that says "Trash or Treasure?-- You have 1 hour to decide and then it's all Trash."

Works for us.

Great to meet you.

[Lori]

It's just nice to know that I'm not the only one married to a man who burns with the heat of a thousand suns in bed, and who cannot throw out a magazine to save his life!!

Thanks for the other side of the coin view. ;)

[leora]

Last night, I caught my husband humming our daughter to sleep. The song? The theme to ESPN Sportscenter! During football season, he wakes her up in the morning by singing the Monday Night Football song. I can't imagine a worse way to wake up than hearing someone yell, "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?"

Great post, BossLady! Now, please start your own blog.

[Puka]

BDS cracked me up. That's how I rate food to my husband...whether it hurts coming out the other side. I'm Korean and the spicier the better. He's Japanese and doesn't care for spicy. So now he gauges spiciness by asking me if eating a particular food will hurt coming out. LOL

[METRODAD]

You know I love you madly, honey, but I can't believe that the entire internet now knows about my burning asshole! Wait until I tell them about your 3rd nipple!!!

(Just kidding, folks!)

[kristie]

I think you need a blog of your own. Let me know when you set it up!

[lou]

Yeah...my husband loves to read, too. Only his favorite thing to do is spread all the newspapers and magazines out into a very sophisticated organizational system. Which really means they form zone of crap in a four-foot radius around his reading chair. That, and he's a total blanket hog, too. So glad you came out to play, BossLady!

[freezio]

Why are the idiosyncrasies of others so refreshing?

Beautiful post, BossLady.

[kara]

great job, boss lady!

[s@bd]

you can be my bosslady any day.

[OTRgirl]

Now I'm sure when MD asked you to cover for him he didn't expect you to give him a run for his money! As mentioned, your blog audience awaits you.

[Kim]

Very funny--you did MD proud--but also, more importantly, a very touching love letter :-)

[samantha Jo Campen]

So pleased to meet you! You are no longer a blogging virgin--congratulations! You did a bang-up job. Can't wait to hear more. Love all the dirt on MD :-)

[chocolate makes it better]

Thanks for the wonderfull insight. We now have heaps of ammunition to wind him up with over at DadCentric HQ!

[margalit]

Wonderful to finally meet you, Boss Lady. Metro speaks so highly of you and now we can all see why. He must be quite the card to live with. Please post more about him so we have ammunition for when he returns.

[Randi]

Bravo! What a wonderful and enjoyable post. You should definately start your own blog.

[Randi]

Rock on, Bosslady! That was some funny stuff. I see why MD speaks so highly of you. Looks like you two share the same sense of humor.

p.s. I hate that damn ho-bag Sportscenter too!

[Grins]

What fun to meet you BossLady, and by all means keep sharing the MD secrets!

[Emily]

Welcome BossLady! Great first post!

:)

[Multymfoiled]

Thanks for being willing to take a risk and keep us enjoying the blog...Nice job!

[dear wife]

Oh so many similarites. I call zygote daddy a news junkie. Luckily he reads all his newspapers online, so no clutter, oh but the magazines, and they are all news mags. It is crazy. Ah yes the grammer. I am impressed he let you post on his blog I do not think I would meet the grammar standards of ZD, I am too run-on sentence for him. Great post, I understand the apprehension. I am terrified of blogging or I would have my own. ZD is definately the blogger in our family.