For the next month or so, I'm going to be traveling almost non-stop. I'm going to Vegas for a bachelor party, Florida for a wedding, Asia for work, and then Arizona for yet another wedding. And while I generally enjoy travelling, I can't stand dealing with airports.
Going through security at the airport drives me bonkers. Without fail, I always seem to get stuck behind the slow-moving moron in cowboy boots travelling with his stripper girlfriend and four carry-on bags filled with his entire collection of scissors and razor blades. What the fuck? Where do these people come from? How come I only see them at the airport?
Personally, I don't think they need to check EVERYBODY through security. I honestly think Asian dudes should be allowed to zip right through. We've never done ANYTHING wrong EVER!!!
(Sure, we deceived the entire scientific community by falsifying cloning data on embryonic research and causing an international scandal but that's HARDLY a security risk!)
But seriously, when was the last time you saw an Asian guy on a plane squeeze a flight attendant's ass, knock over the liquor cart and try to break into the cockpit? It's ALWAYS a drunk white guy! The only time an Asian dude ever caused trouble on a plane was when a Japanese guy used his chopsticks to poke into one of those cardboard chicken sandwiches that Continental continues to serve on EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN FLIGHT! Otherwise, we've never been a security risk. Just let us get on the damn plane!
Being Asian, I also tend to be very self-concious about my safety when flying. I'm no statistician but I've got this theory that airplanes are the biggest killers of Asian people. Think about it. We're ALWAYS going down in planes somewhere over Indonesia. And when we go down in planes? We go fucking DOW-UN! We don't go down in little Piper prop planes. Nope, we go down in giant Jumbo 747s. There's usually thousands of us on board at a time! And you know why the planes go down? Because the second-leading killer of Asians is tsunamis. If they don't get us on the ground, they get us in the air.
I heard a comic do a routine recently about how black people never had to worry about tsunamis. He joked that, in the entire history of the world, no black person had ever been killed in a tsunami. They could be strolling through the eye of the storm and walk away without a scratch. White people? Wind fucks them up. Hurricances LOVE white people! They only time they die in tsunamis is when they're hanging out with their Asian friends.
Anyway, the best thing about travelling is getting to the hotel. As some of you already know, my work takes me all over this country. And invariably (at least 9 times out of 10) when I'm checking into a hotel for the first time somewhere in the South or Midwest, the concierge will turn to me and say, "Hello, Sir. Welcome back! It''s nice to see you again!" Fuck me! Sure, I could probably let it slide but we all know I've got a little mean streak in me so I usually reply back in my snarkiest voice, "Dude, I have never been here before in my entire fucking life. Perhaps you are confusing me with of one of THE OTHER 2 BILLION ASIAN MEN ON THIS PLANET!"
You should see their faces when I say that! Most times, the concierges turn bright red and start stumbling all over the place to make amends. That's when I start hassling them for an upgraded room or free drink coupons. If they hesitate for even a second, I just look at them sternly and say, "Sir. I'm trying to stay very calm right now but it's taking all of my patience not to go completely Jet Li on your ass!"
Anyway, I'm done ranting now. Sorry. As always, if any of you are in an airport and see a tall Asian dude at the bar tossing down scotches, run up to him, give him a big hug, and be sure to yell loudly, "I just don't know how to quit you, Ennis!"
Who knows? It could be me.
(If not, you'll definitely give the guy something to talk about when he gets home.)
Goyard Website - Cheap Classic Gucci Goyard Website
Ministry of Public Security official said the fight against "waste oil" Although the basic crime detection battle to destroy the main criminal networks, with great success, but must remain vigilant to prevent unscrupulous businesses and [url=http://www.thesalesmasters.com/images/celineparisbags.asp?id=80#zDzIx]celine bags[/url] individuals motivated by profit to continue to do evil. But after a few months it became [url=http://www.cccommunications.com/controls/goyardbags.asp?id=308#izfmM]where to buy goyard online[/url] the center of the streets of New York, [url=http://www.cccommunications.com/controls/goyardbags.asp?id=89]goyard website[/url] the [url=http://www.cccommunications.com/controls/goyardbags.asp?id=198#VxgZy]personalized goyard[/url] most common bag. Marc Jacobs 2010 spring and summer models RMB20, 900 Marc Jacobs Stam Marc Jacobs's Stam bag is named after supermodel Jessica Stam, and in 2005, after starting and no sensation, yet in the next few years, miraculously red Large purple. Once this immediate issue, within 36 hours will be at the Online Shop Net-A-Porter on the Arctic Monkeys [url=http://www.thesalesmasters.com/images/celineparisbags.asp?id=107#GIFTL]celine dion bags[/url] had 376, while a week waiting in line on the list 700 book! Since the great success of this bag, the [b]goyard website[/b] brand decided to launch its men's line this year, the new series will retain its classic style but it will zip lock re-masculine design. Herms 2010 Qiudong Kuan Herms Kelly handbag this fact in the last century has been launched on 30 years, but it is the face of Grace Kelly in the 1956 film she was
Posted by: poiskiple | October 04, 2013 at 07:32 AM
彼ら含めるタフで耐久性裏面とハンドルまたはのストラップ最も重要な長距離遠征。たいをチェックする良いがまたあなたするになってしまう保護します。内側のジッパー ポケットを保持限定貴重品に含まれています。サイトはまた何とか、ステレオタイプのためになるもの人気それ購入。
Posted by: アクセサリー | October 10, 2013 at 06:12 AM
スカーフを代用はによって誇示女性昔中夜。実際には場合彼ら決してすることができます、それを買う余裕これらの人々はまだ過ごす彼らのお金にこれを達成デバイス。。早い段階で2008年スーパーバリエーションを設計していた服モスケイト。
Posted by: マークバイマークジェイコブス | October 20, 2013 at 08:19 PM
たいを見る良いがまたあなたするする保護しますあらゆる種類の特にときものバッグはで、デザイナー ラベル。
Posted by: 【LV】ビジネスバッグ | October 25, 2013 at 09:01 AM
維持新しい良い目のうちのでお得なも変更あなた製品しばしばラインします。多くの場合、彼らは提供します多くに一意性あなたの現在を見ると、あまりにも。
Posted by: バッグ?ショルダーバッグ | October 28, 2013 at 06:21 PM
6:00 I just going to call the Roy Hibbert stat I referenced above as Hibbert just forced one on Brook Lopez, who tried to take Hibbert base line and swing the ball up from under the hoop with his dribbling hand, but Hibbert forced Lopez to throw up a bad shot that went over the rim. I all in on the stat, Pacers lead 60 53.
Posted by: nike dunk shoes | December 07, 2013 at 05:09 AM