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February 07, 2006


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When the Social Service's lady comes by, it wasn't me I promise. Where do you come up with this shit. Freaking Hysterical, especially the "Are you okay, baby?!", line. I love it. Tattooing my baby's foot would have been neat, i might remember that for the next one.


I'm still chuckling over that crack about the cedar wood chips keeping the moths away from a baby's face. Can't get that hilarious visual out of my head. Too funny, MD!


Hey, MD..

Well, looks like you don't have to call Clooney; maybe you want to call Britney for some parenting advice..trying to get away from the paparazzi my ass!


Want to hear something REALLY scary? I know of a couple who got a tattoo for their 5 year old kid! How sick is that? The parents are both tattoo freaks and thought it would be cool. Lot of idiots out there. Ya gotta be careful to avoid 'em.


I love the tip about cedar wood chips getting baby wrinkles out easier. I'll have to print out this post to turn to for advice when my husband and I decide to spawn.


MD--The wife is watching American Idol right now. All I can say is that one should never underestimate the stupidity of some people. It's frightening!

Mama C-ta

I KNEW I was doing this mothering thing all wrong. THANKS!! I'm off to shake my baby!


When my first grandhchild was born, my son Ben (younger brother of ChildsPlayx2) asked me if I had any words of wisdom as he embarked on fatherhood; here it is; "relax, your brother survived, so will Thomas"


I can't wait to see what kind of advice you'll be giving when the Peanut is 16, instead of 16 months. Freakin' hilarious!


You mean they need to be changed? AND washed? GOD do I have to do EVERYTHING AROUND HERE??


When our first baby was still too little to sit up, my husband (okay, yes, YES -- I admit it! This is going to be a, "my husband is so dumb" story) attached our son`s pacifier to his little mouth by putting rubber bands in the little holes and looping them tightly around his ears.

Thank god your list didn`t fall into his hands, or we`d stll be trying to use up all the cedar chips.

novice pop

Oh thank god. And I thought I was going to have to go through this whole new-parent thing blind. Thank you MetroDad, I will follow your advice to the letter.

Wait... I think I hear Children's Services knocking on my door.


now if only you get a copy on your way out the door from the hospital, with baby. the no tatooing one: we waited 6 weeks, but to each his own. so funny. thanks for the morning guffaw. foo wants to know what's so funny.


MetroDude, you are funny. This list cracked me up.


Good stuff MetroDad. Perhaps you can give me some sage advice for dealing with a one-year old who screams at me all damn day. I already tried hard liquor and smoking again. Didn't work. I am also sure you could give some incredible insight to teenagers and dating

Queen of Ass

Wow. I was so worried about the sleeping thing! So you think 24 hours straight is okay then, right? Even when they're 7?


Thanks for the advice... :) Now I feel TOTALLY prepared to have our little one. He should be coming any day now (or at least I'm hoping)


I tried liquor and smoking once when the kid was screaming, but he just spit out the liquor and he wouldn't inhale.


I'm appalled at this "advice". Giving BUBBLE GUM to a baby for teething? Are you out of your mind? If this is a joke, it's in very poor taste. The only thing you should give a baby to chew on if he's experiencing teething pains is a plug of Red Man; the buzz takes their mind off of the pain, and if they swallow it they won't choke to death, just throw up for five or six hours.

jess block

how about: babies cry a lot. if you tire of attending to your little one, remember! babies fetch a commanding price on the black market.

magnum myoblast

RE: Knowing when to change a diaper. Was that throw the diaper on the wall or throw the baby on the wall?


I find the diapers that crawl back to you more dangerous than the ones that stick.

Lynne Kenney

Still laughing. Most of all, I love the photo.



Didn't Greg do this first? (via the Onion)



Good stuff MD...as always! :)


Too many hysterical visuals! My dog doesn't understand why I'm laughing instead of taking her home.


This is the first time i've been on this website,and when i read this, I could not stop lauging,I've never heard anything so funny, i have tears running down my face. This is really good


I was surfing for advice since I'm having my first in 6 weeks. I completely thought he was trying to give legitimate advice until the list. I needed that laugh, thanks!!!

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