"This is going to be the best prom ever!"

As most of you know, I was born in New York City and, in many ways, I'm as American as apple pie.  I'm a wildly enthusiastic patriot and a true believer in the fact that America is the greatest country in the history of the world.  It may not be perfect but it's better than all the alternatives. 

At the same time, I'm also very proud of my Asian heritage.  That's the great thing about America, right?  We all come from somewhere.  And our different backgrounds all weave a richer social fabric and a greater American experience.  But like I said, being of Asian descent is a part of who I am.  And, growing up, I would take every opportunity to espouse the many great attributes of the motherland.

If I'm playing backgammon for money with one of my Iranian buddies, it's not uncommon for me, in the middle of a hot streak, to jump up, do a funky chicken dance, and yell out, "Oh yeah, baby!  Persians may have invented backgammon...but the motherfucking Koreans have perfected it!  Booyakasha!"

When my friend's Ford broke down and I had to drive him to school in my Honda Accord, every single day he had to listen to me talk shit, "Yeah, your people may have invented the automobile.  But like everything else, we took what you made and we made it BETTER!  Praise the Lord!" 

Once, a buddy of mine was raving on and on about his latest girlfriend.  Apparently, she was the greatest thing since sliced bread.  At one point, our buddy even said to us, "No, really, fellas.  She's one in a million!"  To which I always reply, "Dude, if she's really one in a million, the only thing that means is that THERE ARE 3,800 JUST LIKE HER in Asia!" 

Anyway, why am I bringing this all up? 

Because it seems my people have done it again!  Apparently, South Korea's Ministry of Information and Communications has announted that they will introduce a series of Internet-connected household robots before the end of this year.  These robots will be able to perform such household tasks as cleaning, monitoring homes, reading to children, and ordering pizza via the Internet.  They're even working on robots in the near future that will be able to cook!

Holy crap!  How cool is this?  It's Mary Poppins on batteries.  It's Mrs. Doubtfire with an ethernet connection.  Throw in the ability to make a martini and we're talking Wifi Stepford Wives!

Did any of you ever think that, in our lifetime, we'd ever see anything like this?  Remember the robot from "Lost in Space?"  In many ways, he was the archetype of the perfect robot nanny.  But think about it.  Robot nannies could seriously revolutionize childcare.  No more worries about overtime pay, vacation days, green cards or sketchy boyfriends!

Sure, there might be a few kinks in the system that need to be worked out before we put a robot in every household.  For one thing, we'd have to ensure that there was some way that the robots couldn't all gang up on us and control the human race using Skynet.  That would totally suck!  Maybe we should build some Terminator robots now before it's too late. 

And of course, we' have to make sure that the robots were completely safe around the kids.  And the robots would have to be a little mean so that our kids wouldn't end up loving the robots more than us.  That would suck too.  ("But I don't want to go with you, Daddy.  I want to be with C-3PO!")

In addition, I'm sure that there are some serious moral and ethical issues that will arise as these robots get more advanced and the likelihood of them being in every household increases.   I can't even begin to fathom the sheer number of implications. 

All I know is that if they start selling robots that can also change diapers, take out the garbage, walk the dog, and create PowerPoint presentations? 

Sign me up.  I'll take two. 

(Update:  Seems like the Japanese are getting in on the action too.  Their robot will even bring you a beer.)

Comments

[L.]

I find it facinating that you brag collectively -- I mean, a Korean singing the praises of a Japanese car is pretty cool. I know lots of Japanese people who are nationalistic and it`s hard to imagine them doing that.

[MetroDad]

I hear you, L. I know a lot of Koreans still harbor such a deep-seated resentment towards the Japanese that they would never take pride in being fellow Asians. In many ways, it's similar to the feelings that Jews still have towards Germans. But I think the shared experience of being born in the U.S. and growing up Asian-American somewhat changes the relationship for my generation. Or at least, let's hope so.

[Eric]

"Persians may have invented backgammon...but the motherfucking Koreans have perfected it! Booyakasha!"

Hilarious! Having a bunch of Persian friends that I play backgammon with, I'm totally stealing that line. Thanks, MD!

[Matthew]

BOOYAKASHA!

(sorry, I just wanted to try it out for a spin.)

[David]

Who needs robots? Just train the children instead. (OK, that was a brief self-delusional episode. It's over now. Where are the batteries?)

[Kemp]

BOOYAKASHA!

Sorry, like Matthew I had to try the line.

The whole robot-nanny thing sounds great, but a word of caution from a literature-nerd. Have you ever read the "I, Robot" collection by Isaac Asimov? Worth a read.

[Brent]

Dude, you want to see scary? Check this link out...

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2005/06/0610_050610_robot.html

[Queen of Ass]

I need one of these! Praise be to Asians!

[Steven Cho]

My friends and I are like a walking Benetton ad so we're constantly talking trash to one another. I'm glad to hear that we're not alone. Good ones, dude!

Found your site via Hyphen Magazine. Congrats!

[Melissa]

Since my family is made up of mostly Polish immigrants, I am with you on being glad I was born in America. I would love to have one of those robots. I always wished I had one like the robo-maid in The Jetsons. I can’t remember her name, but I loved her.

[dutch]

The Asians may have already won the 21st century, but I'm putting my money on the Botswanans for the 22nd. Or should I say, the Botswanan robots.

[landismom]

I was wondering if I was gonna get to be the person who quoted Asimov, but I see that other sci-fi geeks read your blog too. Sigh.

[Stephen B.]

You trash-talking Korean Daddy! I love it. I'm going to have to remember the line about your buddy's girlfriend being "one in a million." Your comeback had me rolling.

As for the robots? Being a single guy, I guess I'll hold out until they start making a Pleasurebot version.

[leora]

Hmmm...I might need to get one of those robots to replace my husband. Do you know if they have one that mows lawns, fixes up the basement or cleans out the garage?

[bill]

Now it is only a matter of time until they take over. Which I can't wait becasue one of the most fun debates I have been in is "Who would win? Robots or Zombies?"

Now someone needs to perfect the zombies

[Pattie]

Great, if we get a robot someday, it'll become my husband's new best friend in no time flat. Especially since it would probably be more willing to cook than I usually am.

[margalit]

Me, I want to get me one of those robot butlers like Woody Allen in Sleeper. With that sex machine and the orb. That's my kinda robot.

[the weirdgirl]

I've already got me one robot appliance on order. Bring on the others!

[Sassy]

My brother in-law is studying Robotics, Mechatronics and Computer Software Engineering. They make some really cool stuff. I'm trying to get him to build me a little robot vaccuum cleaner but I think I'll probably have to by a Roomba.

[JJ Daddy Baby Momma]

Dude, the 'rents gave us a Roomba, and I'm Jane Fookin' Jetson! I can't believe that in my life I have my own personal household robot. Can't wait for Roomba V-XII, the Drinks Cart.

[LOD]

Of course you have to get two. Errands during the day, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em at night.

Think of the wagering.

[Linda B]

I'd like to place my order. Does it pick up the socks my husband throws around the house every night after work? Because then I'm sold.

And Hondas rule.

[Phat Daddy]

Just remember that the whole Matrix thing started out with a disgruntled robot housekeeper.

Remember...robot housekeeper eventually leads to Keannu Reeves being the savior of humanity.

Just say no to robots!

http://www.youtube.com/w/Old-Glory-Robot-Insurance-(SNL)?v=IyUiSSysptU&search=Old%20Glory%20Robot

[dofus kamas]

I'd like to place my order. Does it pick up the socks my husband throws around the house every night after work? Because then I'm sold.

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