Sometimes I feel like there are so many things I want to share with all of you but the topics are all so random that there's not enough cohesion to write a unifying post. And lately I've been completely overwhelmed at work so I'm feeling a little scatter-brained. Last time I felt like this, I decided to just let fly with a random stream-of-conciousness post.
Well, in that same vein, I hereby offer you Part Deux...
ARE THERE ANY SEATS AVAILABLE IN FIRST CLASS?
The BossLady and I recently toured a daycare center in Manhattan that had a security guard, a metal detector and an x-ray machine. I felt like I was going through security at LaGuardia Airport. Does anyone else besides me find this a little unsettling? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for school safety but maybe now's a good time to consider moving to the suburbs?
OK. SO I PUT MY SHOES & WALLET ON THE CONVEYOR BELT AND WALK WHERE?
Who am I kidding? I can't move to the suburbs. I hate long commutes. I'm afraid of spiders. And I'm completely useless as a handyman. If I moved to the burbs, I'm sure people would just refer to me as "that weird Korean guy down the block." There was an article in the NY Times recently about people who moved to the 'burbs for their kids, hated it, and made a quick retreat back into Manhattan. One guy was telling some great anecdotes about adjusting to the change of pace and style in the suburbs. He said all those neighborhood restaurants that look really cute and quaint when you're househunting actually have really crappy food and shitty service. He could never get over the fact that people would actually stand in line for 15 minutes to buy a bagel or pay for the newspaper. And he said that all his neighbors were like aliens. On the outside, they all looked normal. But on weekends, they'd put on pink polo shirts, drink O'Douls and spend hours and hours mowing their lawns!
AT LEAST THEY DIDN'T GET YOU "BAI LING BARBIE" OR "SHANGHAI SUZY!"
Recently, Caucasian friends of ours bought Peanut an Asian doll. The doll's name is "Yang" and it's made by Corolle, a French company. At first, BossLady and I were a little taken aback and we didn't know whether to get our race-sensitive feathers all ruffled. It seemed like such a strange gift to give someone. But now, after mulling it over, we think it's absolutely fantastic and we're so grateful that our friends got it for us. The Peanut loves it and I'm genuinely glad that my daughter is growing up in a time when she's not restricted to only having dolls with blond hair and blue eyes. I know this was a big issue for many of my Asian female friends when they were growing up so I'm pleased that the 21st century has brought us such HUGE advances (and yes, that was meant to be sarcastic.)
Why am I being sarcastic? Because do you know that fucking Mattel has only made two Asian Barbie dolls? One was "Kira," from the International Set. The other was the collector's-edition "Fantasy Goddess of Asia" (Are you fucking kidding me? Racist!) Also, did you know that, every election year, Mattel releases a "Barbie for President" doll? Three flavors of the campaigning dolls are always released, complete with smart suits and sensible, shoulder-length haircuts: Caucasian, Latina, and African-American. Where's the love for my Asian sisters, Mattel?
I HATE THE WOMEN THAT WOMEN HATE BUT MEN LOVE AND THE FACT THAT MEN LOVE THEM ONLY MAKES WOMEN HATE THEM MORE
Recently, two of my favorite female bloggers, Bacon Grease and Crazy Virgo posted some hating on Mariah Carey (read here & here.) Now, as my lovely wife BossLady will attest, I can't stand Mariah Carey either. Every time I see or hear her, I start ranting like a lunatic. I just don't get her...or her popularity. Bill Simmons from ESPN has started a short list of famous people whom women love to hate. On top of this list is Jennifer Love Hewitt. Number two is Mariah Carey. Now, maybe it's the metrosexual in me but I can't stand either one of these women either. Sure, I liked "Party of Five" but I just don't get Jennifer Love Hewitt. Can you imagine if you were dead and got to communicate with only one living person? How totally disappointed would you be when you found out that person was Jennifer Love Hewitt?
But I think women hate Mariah even more. As Mr. Simmons wrote recently, "Just think, if Brad Pitt had dumped Jennifer Aniston for Mariah instead of Angelina, it would have potentially caused a riot -- he would have been blackballed by the entire female population. Not one of them would have forgave him. Poor Brad would have been the Hollywood version of O.J. But not only do women understand Angelina's appeal, many of them would probably make out with her if they were drunk enough. That's why this whole thing was somehow OK -- women don't like Angelina, they don't trust her, but they can't totally blame Pitt for what happened. Nobody can resist Angelina!" Ok, ladies, is this true? And which women do you love to hate?
GOOD LORD, I HAVEN'T HAD THIS MUCH FUN SINCE ELTON JOHN'S BACHELOR PARTY!
In a few weeks, I'm headed out to Las Vegas for a bachelor party. Now, whereas in the past, this would have been cause for great celebration---I'm a husband and a father now. And in all honesty, I really don't like being away from BossLady and the Peanut for that long. I don't get enough time with them as it is and I truly cherish every single minute of our time together. After all, how many bachelor parties can one go to in Vegas? It's always the same old story...load up on drinks, have an awesome meal, play blackjack until 4:00 am, win a little money, sleep in until noon, rent a bungalow poolside at the Hard Rock, play some golf, go to the spa, laugh with my buddies, and bask in some warm weather. HOLY CRAP! What was I thinking? If I ever turn down an invitation to a bachelor party in Vegas, smack some sense into me, ok? Woo hoo! Let's go! Mama needs a new pair of shoes! (By the way, if any of you are in Vegas and happen to see a 6' Asian guy in a 10-gallon black cowboy hat playing craps, just tap me on the shoulder and yell loudly, "I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis!".)
IF YOU LIKED THE MOVIE, YOU'LL LOVE THE ACCESSORIES!
I'm just kidding. I don't really wear cowboy hats at the tables in Vegas. That was just a "Brokeback Mountain" joke that fell a little flat. I apologize for not making that clear. It's just that I can't stop running around my apartment these days and yelling, "I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis!" (Let the record state that neither my wife, my daughter, my nanny, my superintendent, the Verizon repairman nor the Chinese food delivery guy think it's very funny. I, on the other hand, think it's absolutely hilarious.)
DROOLING THE DROOL OF REGRET INTO THE PILLOW OF REMORSE
The BossLady always wonders why it is that I so very rarely regret anything I've ever done. The answer I always give her is that I think that life is too short to be constantly dwelling on the past. We all make mistakes in life. And I always feel that my time is better spent reflecting on my mistakes and thinking about what I can learn from them in order to avoid making the same types of mistakes in the future. This philosphy has worked out well for me. But recently, we've been touring daycare centers around Manhattan. And you know what I regret? I regret not buying a plasma TV, a fur hat and a toy robot before I had a child. Holy crap! With the cost of affordable daycare skyrocketing, I think I'll be brownbagging it for the next 30-40 years! Brother, can you spare a dime?
WANT TO SPLIT THIS M&M I FOUND ON THE FLOOR? WHOA!!! THAT'S NOT AN M&M! BY THE WAY, HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU? AND KEEP RUBBING MY SCALP. THAT FEELS REALLY GOOD!
Recently, a company called Baby Loves Disco has been organizing children's events in several nightclubs around NYC. The events take place on Saturday afternoons and generally attract kids up to the age of four. The premise is that kids naturally love dancing, flashing lights and bubble machines---so why not bring in some DJs and let the kids have some fun? A few of the clubs have even brought in some big-name DJs to mix up pop-disco hits and some underground house music. This generally sounds like a good idea. But I've been to these clubs and I can only imagine it will be a matter of time before a little girl hands a hit of Ecstasy to one of her parents and says, "Mommy, Mommy! What's this? Is it candy? I like candy. Can I eat it?" Maybe I'm a little paranoid but I think this business plan needs a little more work.
THE BIGGEST BOMB SINCE "ISHTAR"
I desperately try to not make my daughter's poop a subject on this blog. Unfortunately, I've already shared so many tales with you about her Total Ass Explosions and her Whopper malted milk-ball turds. So I might as well tell you that, the other day, BossLady was changing the Peanut's diaper. All of sudden I heard, "Honey! Come here! QUICK!" In a panic, I ran over to the two of them, only to see the LARGEST CRAP EVER in the Peanut's diaper!!! Sure, we were used to some big turds. But this was just a giant mass of poo! It had no shape or definition. It was just a huge array of poo! Internets, how come none of you warned me about this? WE HAD NO IDEA THIS WAS COMING!
WHAT ABOUT A SITCOM REVOLVING AROUND A NEUROTIC JEWISH COMIC WHO WORKS IN AN E.R.? OR MAYBE A REALITY SHOW WHERE WE REPLACE THE LEAD SINGER OF QUEEN BY HAVING AN ICE-SKATING COMPETITION AND THE CONTESTANTS HAVE TO EAT BUGS?
I'm not too proud to admit that I enjoy watching my fair share of television. It's ironic because, as a parent, I am adamantly anti-television. Although the Peanut is 15 months old, I've yet to allow her to zone out in front of Baby Einstein, cartoons or kids shows. When we have free time together, I read to her. We play on the floor. We''ll go to the playground. Or we'll take long walks around the city. I figure that she'll discover television when she gets to elementary school and all her peers are talking about certain shows. But that's a road we'll cross much later.
But when she's in her crib and fast asleep? Well, shit! Grab the chips and toss me the remote, bitch! This work/parenting thing can be exhausting. Many a night, I just want to sit in front of the tube and zone out.
Unfortunately, there's a lot of crap on TV these days. Half the shows are amalgamations of previously successful formats ("Well, they liked 'Dancing with the Stars.' Why don't we do 'Skating with Celebrities'?") But man, somebody needs to put me in charge of network television programming. Because I've got a lot of thoughts on the subject. In fact, I can sum up the entire demise of network television in precisely four words. You know what those words are? Emily's. Reasons. Why. Not.
That show had crapola written all over it. I literally told BossLady that the show would be lucky to last a single episode and, sure enough, it was cancelled immediately after its premiere. But, tell me, people! What's going to be cleared up first? My hemmorhoids or "Freddie?" And who's the brainiac that thought anyone would possibly be interested in "The Book of Daniel," "Crumbs," or "Jake in Progress?" Seriously? This crap is making me long for the days of "Cop Rock" and "That's so Raven!"
Ok, folks. I'm done now. As always, feel free to comment on any/all of the above. I know it's all a little random, disjointed and schizophrenic...but that's how I'm feeling these days. Mazel Tov!
What can I say? This post is brilliant, MD. Funny, thought-provoking and entertaining. Thanks!
Posted by: Brent | January 25, 2006 at 11:58 PM
Ok, as a woman, I definitely hate Mariah Carey and Jennifer Love Hewitt...and also Gwyneth Paltrow, Kathy Griffin, and Kelly Ripa. You're right though. I do love Angelina!
Posted by: Maggie | January 26, 2006 at 12:08 AM
as always, excellent. every word. so what's it gonna be? city boy or country boy?
Posted by: bitemycookie | January 26, 2006 at 12:13 AM
Dude, tonight you are killing me. If I saw a day care center with a metal detector I would probably turn around and walk out. The building I work in has crazy security, but a day care, give me a break. I would stick to what you know, no offense, but you wouldn't make it in the suburbs. I wouldn't either for that matter. It is not a place that is meant for people like us. I can't stand either Mariah Carey or Jennifer Love Hewitt. But I also can't stand Jennifer Lopez or Paris Hilton. All four need to fall off the planet. And yes, as a women, I do understand Angelina's appeal. I think if I were a lesbian I would be in love with her. I guess I should change that to Lust. And as far as TV goes, we are like you, it only comes on when the girls are in bed. I am a Numbers fan, but at this point I could live without all the others. I can't stand reality TV. Oh, and I love Three and a Half Men. It's funny that you said that about Emily's Reasons Why Not, because that is exactly what my hubby said.
Posted by: Melissa | January 26, 2006 at 12:53 AM
Dude, can I borrow your life for just a few days? A two-day bachelor party in Vegas? Man, I need to find wealthier friends.
And as for the dolls, I have had a bitch of a time findng a 1/4 Mexican, 1/4 African American, 1/8 Native American and 3/8 Caucasian doll. Let me know if you find one.
As for all the female celebrities you mentioned, I wouldn't kick any of them out of bed for eating crackers. (I wouldn't have to talk to them right?)
Posted by: Matthew | January 26, 2006 at 01:23 AM
I am so proud of the p-man that he thinks Angelina is kinda icky.
So of course I don't really mind her, then. But that neutral position was well in place after her entertaining performance in the role of my hero, and means by which I quit smoking, Laura Croft Tomb Raider.
Posted by: mo-wo | January 26, 2006 at 01:51 AM
Hate Mariah Carey with a passion. Don't really know much about JLH, never watched anything she's done and when I see her on talk shows, I stop paying attention. To me, she's a non-entity. However, I think Angelina is a disgusting skanky ho and I don't get anything about her. She always looks dirty, the latin tummy tat is just gross, and she appears to have a glossy eyed stare in every photo. So not my type, even if I were into women, which I'm not.
Now, on to the daycare thing. Um, there is no way in hell I would put my kid in a day care with a metal detector. Way too creepy for me. Our private elementary school had access cards and was always locked, and I thought THAT was creepy, but it was a Jewish school and needed a bit of extra security.
Baby disco? I think not. Those floors are so permanently filthy. Ugh.
As for TV, I watch a lot of it, but not what anyone else watches. I'm a PBS whore and will watch almost anything they show. I don't like the majority of sitcoms and still watch Seinfeld daily right before Alex Trebek, my all time fav show. Don't do the funky reality crap other than Amazing Race which I love for the travel and the social aspects of couples under extreme stress. I do like two new shows, Grey's Anatomy and Love Monkey. Otherwise, not so much.
As for gigantic poops, I'd bet my cat has it all over your kid. I haven't seen my kids poops in years but the cat box is scary. He only poops once every other day and he's got MY poops beat. They are HUGE. Aren't you glad I shared?
Posted by: margalit | January 26, 2006 at 02:22 AM
Well, I have suburban daycare, and while there's no metal detector, you do have to be buzzed in by a teacher. Or an eight-year-old at afterschool care.
I'm amazed (well, not that amazed) by the reaction against Jennifer Love Hewitt. My reaction to her is kind of meh. Now, a woman I love to hate? How about Condoleeza Rice? or Barbara Bush? (not to get all political on your ass)
Just wait until she starts pooping in a toilet, and then yells, "Dad, can you come wipe my butt?" You'll never believe what you see in there.
Posted by: landismom | January 26, 2006 at 04:52 AM
Metrodad, funny stuff... we just had a Largest Poop Ever (TM) here as well... not sure how it happened, but I'm putting part of the blame on my plan to try to get the kid sleeping through the night better by plying her with biscuits and cheese before bed.
Also, congrats on not letting the little one watch TV... even educational stuff has absolutely NO benefit before age 2 or 3. You could spend 10 minutes interacting with a kid to teach them the same thing an hour of TV would.
(Having said that, my one-year-old daughter did end up watching a bit as I followed the election here in Canada on Monday; it was kind of cute to see her start clapping every time she saw the candidate's supporters applauding on TV... "No, no, honey, that man isn't who daddy voted for... don't clap for him.")
Posted by: cc | January 26, 2006 at 05:02 AM
Women I love to hate?
Jennifer Lopez and Paris Hilton are at the top of my list.
Maria
Posted by: mdvelazquez | January 26, 2006 at 05:33 AM
I specifically search out the Asian dolls for my daughter (dh is Vietnamese). We recently aquired a Cabbage Patch Kid that my husband promptly named "Bok Choy".
I'm glad more companies are making the *ethnic* dolls because when she was younger, we had a hard time finding dolls that looked like her....
Now finding one to look like my son would be hard. He has Asian features, but blond hair....
Posted by: Jan | January 26, 2006 at 08:11 AM
I used to run a Nightclub in Philadelphia. An after hours club. During the day and evening we would have Bat/Bar mitzvahs and sweet sixteen parties and I always thought "If these parents only know how much bodily fluids are on this floor...."
I cirnge thinking about a baby crawling on them.
Posted by: bill | January 26, 2006 at 08:41 AM
i would totally make out with Angelina. And i hate mariah too.
Posted by: Kristie | January 26, 2006 at 09:25 AM
I am glad you got that off your chest. Quit holding back will you?
I enjoyed it as always.
Posted by: AWE | January 26, 2006 at 09:31 AM
I literally spit coffee onto my desk, MD. That was hilarious. The titles of each section had me cracking up. Thanks for helping get my morning off to a great start.
(p.s. I would totally make out with Angelina!)
Posted by: leora | January 26, 2006 at 09:35 AM
MD, I think that was one of my favorite posts...EVAH!
Yea, I do hate Mariah....not even in a logical way. I think we're genetically programmed (as women) to seek out skank and irrationally hate it.
And you are also right about Angelina, I'd totally make out with her...like twice maybe.
Have plans to see Brokeback Mountain this weekend....this should be another reason for you to NEVER move the 'burbs...because movie selection SUCKS ASS! There.
That being said, the rest of the weekend will be spent tuning my lawnmower and eating me some cornbread.
Posted by: wn | January 26, 2006 at 09:36 AM
Now as you guys seem to have taken Heidi Klum through model boot camp and franchised her to death, what is she doing back home here in Germany? Put her in Guantanamo or Bill Clinton's bedroom. I don't care. Just take her back and get her off MY tv screen. (PS I don't think even Mariah Carey likes Mariah Carey, if the gossip columns are right.)
Posted by: David | January 26, 2006 at 09:40 AM
Metro...as one of your loyal gay readers (who, for some reason, is hooked on parenting blogs), I just thought you'd like hearing that my partner and I also enjoy running around the house and yelling, "I wish I knew how to quit you, Ennis!" It's very amusing to us.
Oh, one more thing...we LOVE Mariah! AND Jessica Love Hewitt! AND Angelina!
Posted by: Gene | January 26, 2006 at 10:07 AM
you know, i LOVED brokeback and cried all three times i saw it. and when i read your joke about ennis, i laughed out loud. i nearly cried when i pictured you playing blackjack in a 10 gallon hat. that is some funny shit. i second all previous posters about my hatred for JLo, Jennifer Love, Mariah and Paris. oh, and P.S., the suburbs suck.
Posted by: goose | January 26, 2006 at 10:16 AM
Bai Ling Barbie? Drooling the drool of regret into the pillow of remorse? Elton John's bachelor party? Ishtar? Oh man, MD, you're killing me. Too damn funny!
Posted by: Lucas | January 26, 2006 at 10:17 AM
So. Much. To. Process.
I hate Rachael Ray. There, I said it. And I would TOTALLY make out with Angelina. But not with Brad Pitt. Go figure.
Posted by: Susan | January 26, 2006 at 10:49 AM
The tuner on our tv has been broken for three years. It is awesome!
Who need tv when you have the internet and dvd's.
(And of course illegal downloads of all your favourite series (without ads!) if you're a really bad person)
Posted by: Sassy | January 26, 2006 at 11:44 AM
Man, I've got college textbooks with less content than this. I had to cancel a meeting just to read it. It was all worth it to read a paragraph that included both hemorrhoids and "Cop Rock"
Posted by: CroutonBoy | January 26, 2006 at 01:37 PM
crap crap spelling error in comment on metrodad's site he'll kill me in a future post for this must fix: "hemmorhoids and 'Cop Rock'"
whew
Posted by: CroutonBoy | January 26, 2006 at 01:40 PM
I HATE Jessica Simpson, Tara Ried and Paris Hilton. It's not a blonde thing--it's a stupid thing. I WOULD definitely make out with Angelina, and I've never leaned that way. Of course, part of it would just be to get near Brad.
My husband said the same thing about Heather Graham's show. Great minds think alike...
Posted by: amy | January 26, 2006 at 01:55 PM
Mmm, I hate Mariah, Jessica, Jennifer, Gwyneth and Paris. But I LOVE Angelina and would totally make out with her AND Bai Ling. I know, I know. I'm a little freaky.
Posted by: Juliana | January 26, 2006 at 02:09 PM
DON'T move to the suburbs, MD!!! We've been here for two years and we're all dying a slow death. Even the kids don't like it here. We're looking to move back into Manhattan but haven't found a place yet.
Posted by: John C. | January 26, 2006 at 02:12 PM
Sorry Metro, should have clued you in to the big poop phenomenon.
The Peanut Butter and The Jelly have both given the wife and I some that just make you look at and wonder what will be coming out of them when they are teenagers...
Posted by: Kemp | January 26, 2006 at 02:23 PM
I don't know who JLH is but I think Mariah is too too icky! As a former disco queen, I think disco dancing for babies is a terrific idea! Thanks for the intelligent humor and rantings.
Posted by: Grandmother | January 26, 2006 at 02:27 PM
That Asian doll totally needs a new haircut. Razor cut bangs are SO last season.
Posted by: Linda B | January 26, 2006 at 02:42 PM
Wow, your television predictions are right on, MD! NBC just announced this afternoon that they were cancelling "Book of Daniel." Not because it was controversial...but because it sucked!
Maybe you do have a career ahead of you as a programmer for network television!
Posted by: Susie | January 26, 2006 at 03:54 PM
our daycare had a metal detector, one of those airport-sized security x-rays for bags, and a big black dude who would wand you when you walked in.
that might be because the daycare was in the same building as the California Supreme Court.
check and see WHAT ELSE is in that building, yo.
Posted by: dutch | January 26, 2006 at 04:41 PM
Dude,
WOW, the mutha lode! You been storin' this up for a while, eh? Some serious mental diaharrea. You're simply freakin amazing...laffed my ass off. If this is just the crap off the top of your head, what the hell are you like when you're focused?
We moved to the burbs and I DO miss my city crib, even though parking sucked. We moved for the kids to get them in better schools, but yea, the city crib would have been nice wit a big ass plasma...and yes, the burb people ARE weird. Can't step to the dolls; we got all boys and only one took to 'action figures'...enjoy Vegas, you lucky SOB...
TV for me is The CSI trinity, NCIS, 3.5 Men and subscriptions to on-line movie deliveries.
Yea, I know...BOOOORRRRRING...
Posted by: LeeMarvin | January 26, 2006 at 07:25 PM
Hey, man, I'm a suburbanite through and through and I don't mind it at all, as long as I can run into Chicago occasionally.
It's strange, I haven't watched television in about three years, but now that I'm all busy with student teaching, I started watching TV again. I'm an idiot.
Posted by: enygma | January 26, 2006 at 07:27 PM
Just wait and see what the Peanut produces by the time she's 2. Let this be your warning. You haven't seen nothin' yet.
Posted by: ha | January 26, 2006 at 08:38 PM
I swore I`d never let my daughter play with those slutty-looking Bratz dolls, but now that she`s 9, I have relented. At least there are many that look kind of Asian.
You know, it`s not so much the ethnicity of Barbie that really bothers me -- it`s her physically impossible figure. Those big tits, tiny waistm slender hips and miles-long legs, all designed to give little girls an impossible ideal, compared to which they will all fall short someday. Can I add Barbie to the list of women that most women hate?
Posted by: L. | January 26, 2006 at 10:47 PM
I hate Jessica Simpson with the white-hot intensity of a thousand burning suns.
Posted by: s | January 26, 2006 at 11:17 PM
Damn, there is a lot here MD. (And I've been feeling just as scattered lately.)
I have issues with the Bratz dolls (because they look like ho's) but I would probably relent simply because of the ethnic diversity factor. Little girls just like dolls that look like they do.
I'm probably the only woman who would not make out with Angelina. Yes, she's GORGEOUS... but her mouth has been on Billy Bob Thornton. Ew. (And I hate Melanie Griffith. How stuck in the eighties, am I?)
Posted by: the weirdgirl | January 27, 2006 at 01:27 AM
Hasn't "Glitter" succeeded "Ishtar" as the biggest bomb? Look at that, I got two topics in one question.
Mrs. Big Dubya cracks up anytime I say "I wish I knew how to quit you" around the house.
Hate Mariah Carey. Haaaaate. How 'bout Ashley Simpson? Can we add her too?
When's the Vegas trip. Mrs. Big Dubya will be there soon as well.
Posted by: Mr. Big Dubya | January 27, 2006 at 02:03 PM
There's a company out there that creates dolls who look like your little girl (or boy, actually). Bump and I are totally freaked out by it. (www.mytwinn.com) You can get matching clothes and accessories for your child and her doll. It's creepy. We envision big brothers threatening these dolls over toilets everywhere.
Posted by: Lumpyheadsmom | January 27, 2006 at 05:12 PM
I'm drunk, and I'm wishing Angelina were here. Right now. Really. Without a bra. (hiccup!)
Posted by: MIM | January 27, 2006 at 11:02 PM
Ahh. Cop Rock. Good times.
There's just something about Angelina. She'd totally make me jump sides, and I don't know why. But she's smart and seems to have some substance, and is totally sexy.
I hate Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. It's one thing if people are rich and famous because they have some sort of talent or incredible chutzpah or beauty, but to have no talent whatsoever, not be very attractive and still make the tabloids because or...what? Good profile? Blegh.
Posted by: Lunasea | January 28, 2006 at 01:19 AM
Ok, I'm laughing my ass off about the whole "Brokeback Mountain" scenario. Am I the only one who thinks this is pee-in-your-pants funny? The mental imager alone...
Posted by: Renee | January 28, 2006 at 01:22 AM
thank for blogging me up, MD. i have to say, the Mariah phenomena is always a mystery. I mean, with all the hate for her, why is she still making music? who still buys that crap? Oh right, the same people watching "Love Monkey."
I can't EVER imagine reading the tales of SuburbanDad. don't do it!
Posted by: crazyvirgo | January 28, 2006 at 02:03 PM
Oh lordy, don't get me started on my woman-hating.
Rachel Ray, Paris Hilton, and Madonna. I hate them. So very much.
And I wouldn't make out with Angelina. Something about her annoys me; I don't hate her but I don't much like her.
Now, Ashley Judd could eat crackers in my bed and I wouldn't kick her out.
Posted by: suburban misfit | January 28, 2006 at 06:31 PM
Just posted something up on the doll tip, fyi y'all:
http://web.mac.com/quioguesperber/iWeb/daddyinastrangeland/blog/F3588402-E6E5-4F63-88C7-8B72B903B574.html
Posted by: daddyinastrangeland | January 28, 2006 at 07:40 PM
As much as I think you would have wacky and hilarious tales about the suburbs, I just don't think it would be the same.
Posted by: misfithausfrau | January 29, 2006 at 02:39 PM
OMG! Just found out about your site from my husband. This is hilarious! I love your blog!
Posted by: Liz | January 29, 2006 at 03:11 PM
so much to read... where to being this comment? first: angelina jolie creeps me out. i don't know if it's the incest or the bloodplay but i wouldn't make out with her for money. jessica simpson, though hot, is so stupid that i would only be able to be around her for 3.4 seconds before i wanted to kill her. JLH is cute, but her eyes are uneven. yes, i did stare at her rolling stone cover for a long time trying to find a flaw, and that's hers. mariah carey? eww. i would, however, keep eva longoria as my love slave.
i'm glad you're happy about your asian doll. here's a tale from the city (when i lived there... before i moved to the suburbs, which is one block away from hell, just in case you're wondering) i was in the elevator of my building with another couple. i hadn't seen them before so i introduced myself. they were looking for a place to eat (we lived in the north end which is full of italian restaurants and tourists, they wanted to find someplace out of our neighborhood)so i said- oh, do you like asian food? i just had an amazing meal at pho republique! they looked at me funny so i suggested another place and then it was time to get out of the elevator. about an hour later, it hit me. they were asian. and i suggested an asian place. i suppose it's nice that i didn't even notice their ethnicity, but they probably though i recommended an asian place just because they are asian. oh well.
Posted by: kara | January 30, 2006 at 09:59 AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again: are you seriously sitting inside my brain? Because I absolutely DETEST jennifer love hewitt - HATEEEEE HER. More than Mariah. I'm not sure why, but she....just....grates.....ewwww.
Crazy V, I must beg to differ on Love Monkey. I watch it. But only because I love the guy who played "Ed". Maybe he's the man men love to hate?
Posted by: Rbrown | January 31, 2006 at 02:34 AM