Say hello to my little friend

A few months after the Peanut was born, I wrote a post about MY pregnancy weight.  The post was appropriately called "Hey, Dude.  Do my tits look bigger to you?".  Essentially, it chronicled the fact that I had gained over 15 pounds during the BossLady's pregnancy and the ensuing few months after the Peanut's birth. As it turns out, I wasn't the only new father to experience this phenomenon so I didn't pay it much mind, figuring the weight would magically disappear after a few months. 

Well, a little while ago, I noticed that the BossLady had lost all of her pregnancy weight but that I was still stuck with all of mine.  I'm 6' tall so I can carry a little extra weight but now when I'm sitting on the can, I find myself fascinated by this new little pot-belly friend of mine.  We're relatively unaccustomed to one another so I like jiggling him every once in a while to see how he'll react.  I haven't named him yet but I'm leaning towards "Hector" because I think that's a fun name for a pot belly. 

Anyway, with the Peanut's 1st birthday coming up, I decided that it was time to take drastic action.  Now, for those of you who don't know me, I'm one of those people who doesn't do anything half-assed.  So rather than gently ease into a new fitness regime, I went charging in headfirst.  Starting about a month ago, I cut out all carbs from my diet, limited my caloric intake and began working out like a madman.  I've been hitting the gym about 5 times per week and not only logging some serious miles but also lifting weights as well.  I've quit coffee and drink about a gallon of green tea per day.  And if I eat any more skinless chicken, I'm going to start clucking.      

I definitely do feel better.  So far, I've lost about 8 pounds.  And my body is starting to regain lean muscle mass and definition.  But guess what?  Hector's not fucking going anywhere!  It's like he's decided that my body is the perfect host environment.  We're like two gunslingers in the middle of a standoff.  I feel like a landlord trying to get rid of a deadbeat tenant who doesn't pay rent and sits on his ass all day drinking beer.  Regardless, there just ain't enough room in town for the both of us so one of us is going to have to leave.

I just hope it's him and not me.

And by the way, is it me or are we all getting older?  And just when exactly did that start happening?  I never got any notices in the mail.  Did you?  What the fuck?  I feel like I fell asleep by the pool at the age of 25 but woke up and noticed that I was almost 40.  Anyone else feeling me out there?  Shit, I'm hungry.  I haven't crapped in like three days.  I think I'd kill for a slice of pizza.  Or a big-ass juicy burger.  Fuck you, Hector!  You hear me?  Get the hell out of my house!   

Phew.  Ok.  I'm done now.  I think my blood sugar dropped there for a minute.  But I can't be the only parent or new dad out there struggling to get back into pre-progeny shape, can I?  What's the deal, people?  Will I make it back to shore or am I too far away from the beach?  Because ever since the Peanut was born, I feel like my metabolism has ground to a complete halt.  Why should the BossLady's pregnancy affect ME like that?  Was it all the breast milk I drank?

Comments

[dutch]

I've had a Hector ever since I was eight, man, even when I was running 40-50 miles a week in high school and weighed almost nothing I had my own little Hector. The kids I'd beat in cross country races told me I had an advantage because with that gut I could roll down the hills. Make peace with him, dude.

And keep working out, even though you're making me feel incredibly lazy. I commend you.

[Brent]

I know what you mean, Metro. I gained weight during my wife's pregnancy too. Everyone said I would lose it when our baby started walking and I would be forced to chase her around everywhere. Guess what? Never happened. Welcome to the Middle Ages!

[Richard]

You just reminded me that I haven't worked out once since my son was born...four years ago.

[Queen of Ass]

I think it's a farce. A attempt by our bodies to have the last laugh. Fight the good fight, Sugar. (Especially since you'll have to be fighting for both of us!) If all else fails, you could have Hector removed...?

[Lois]

Hector is such a cute name for your pot belly!

[The Beans Dad]

It's been two years and 25 pounds since I last worked out. The Bean is now two years old. Coincidence? I think not.

I'm feeling ya, and feeling heavy all at the same time.

[Kristie]

You think YOU'RE getting older? Dude, I took my daugher BRA SHOPPING last week! Talk to me about feeling old when the Peanut is ready for a training bra.

[Jason]

I'm all that PLUS an increasing number of gray hairs.

[MIM]

Well, you could start breastfeeding. That's supposed to flatten the stomach. Oh wait . . .

[Joseph]

I'm a new reader to the blog, MD and I haven't been through all your archives yet. But that post about you drinking your wife's breast milk was hysterical. I can't wait to read all your past entries.

My wife is due in 4 months. I haven't gained any weight yet but I anticipate it happening soon. I'm slowly starting to lose the willpower to resist all the cupcakes she's been devouring since she got pregnant.

[landismom]

The Boss Lady is one lucky woman. Not only did you gain weight with her, you had the chivalry to let her lose it first. What a gentleman!

[Chocolate makes it better]

Mine's called Barry. We have an endless struggle between sweet food and my pants!

I've cut out all the food I love, sweat my arse off for 45mins a day and Barry is still the one larfing. Larf Larf Larf.....oh how he chortles.

But keep at it. Barry is slowly packing up all his stuff and will hopefully move out soon.

I'm sure you can kick Hectors arse right out the door.

[panthergirl]

You pick TODAY to ask us if we're getting older?? (thanks for the sweet b'day wishes, by the way).

You think your body changes at 40? You just wait, my friend. Hector has a whole posse of friends just waiting to move in. ;)

[Mark]

Keep up the good fight, Metro! It took me a full two years to lose all the weight I gained during my wife's pregnancy and the first few months of our son's life. It was damn hard. I gained abut 25 pounds. Back in my 20's, I would have been able to lose that weight in a month or two. I couldn't believe it took me two years. My wife's pregnant again now and our house is loaded up with sugar cookies and ice cream. I'm determined not to crack and succumb to temptation this time. I need to keep this weight off!

[Amy]

Just wanted to say I came over here from the link at BloggingBaby today. This was hilarious! I've got to show it to my DH. Not only will he love your site but we were just talking the other day about the fact that he hasn't lost any of HIS pregnancy weight either. He says he's going to wait until after football season to get back in shape. Yeah, right!

[Stacy]

Dude. I gained 20 pounds during Molly's gestation and never lost them. And she's adopted.

[Leo]

Dammit! Stacy stole my line. Good one, Stacy!

[Amanda]

Well, whether it works or not, I'm impressed with your regiment. More than I can say for myself!

[AdventureDad]

I feel really guilty about telling you this but I actually lost weight when my son was born. I always stay in great shape but I eat like a horse and drink lots of alcohol. I continued with the trips to the gym, the running, tennis, mountainbiking, etc. and not much really changed.
I didn't try to lose weight and I sure as hell didn't need to but I dropped about five pounds. But I do have weird "problems". I always lose weight on vacation not matter what I do and when I cut down on workouts and eat more than ever before, my weight decreases.
I must be that large snake in my stommac that take care of the calories.

Please don't send me hate mail because I lost weight....

[Brian]

I'd work out too but then who would take care of my donut collection?

[Randy]

What a coincidence! My pot belly's name is Juan. He goes everywhere with me. We tried to break up a few years ago but decided that life was much better when we were together!

[the weirdgirl]

I know this will sound crazy (and maybe a little effeminate) but try hula-hooping. That's right, buy a hula hoop. I've found it works better than any other ab crunching gizmo. It'll still take time to get rid of the belly (mine is still slowly going down) but you build up the muscles underneath. Then, when you suck in your gut for those brief moments when you want to pretend you're five years younger, it actually looks like you're that fit all the time!

It totally works. You just have to remember to close the window blinds.

[tpon]

Ha... I just wrote about my belly still looking "with child". oh well, if we/you/i don't loss the weight... it is a small price to pay, right? RIGHT?!?!

[BIYF]

I lovingly refer to mine as, The Buddha. And I do rub it for luck.

[Blue]

I am forty and decided to get closer to my weight when I was in the Army. Yea right. So I posted something about the beer belly and was sent to you by the Queen of A herself.

Cardio before the workout. Take ZMA and DHEA and a host of other stuff. You are going to have to work hard. Eat carbs and fat, your putting the bod in starvation mode, the belly will never leave that way.

[Leslie]

OMG! This is too hilarious! I just laughed really, really loud. No, actually I LAFFED! The whole house is asleep, including HANK, my husband. He told me about your site. . . and trust me, I'll be back.

And um, you went to Cal? Oh bring up the fact that Hank's mascot was a "pansy tree" -- that'll get him riled up! And be sure to use those exact words! :)

And keep Hector around. He makes for some good times!

[billyjoebob]

It's both gratifying and a great relief to read your words. I thought it was just me, that it was wierd that when I went back to work after my wife's pregnancy, none of my suits fitted.

I've never had a problem with my weight before, and this little paunch has rocked my foundations. I've been the same pant size since I was 14, and there's no way I'm going up a size now.

Maybe we could start a new subset of Dadblogs - the 'OH MY GOD I"M FAT" dadblogs....

rock on.

[lorrie]

Got rid of mine w/lipo!

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