Pater familias

As you can probably tell from this website's design (which may best be described as a pumpkin tossed onto a pile of shit), I'm relatively new at this blogging thing. I've only really been blogging for a few months. Before that, I didn't even know what a blog was. I discovered them by accident when my lovely wife, the BossLady, became pregnant and I wanted to find a community of like-minded fathers and fathers-to-be.

Now don't get me wrong. Although I bought my wives off the Internet, I've never really had much desire to meet my fellow citizens on-line in the much-talked about "internet community." I'm usually more of a face-to-face kind of guy. I like seeing whether people shake hands firmly and look you straight in the eye or whether they have one of those sweaty, limp handshakes and can only stare at their own feet. Being a stickler for good manners, I also like to meet people in person to see whether they have decent social graces. Do they hold the door open for women? Will they say "bless you" when I sneeze? Do they have the decency to understand the merits of a courtesy flush? Nothing pisses me off more than rude people.

Anyway, what the hell was I talking about? Oh yeah...my search for a community of like-minded fathers. Well, at first, it didn't quite work out as planned. Everyone told me that I'd meet people at Lamaze class, Infant CPR or at Baby Care & Feeding.  Maybe even in Fatherhood 101. Since I was taking so many parenting classes, everyone figured I was sure to meet some like-minded fathers somewhere!  But unfortunately I didn't. Maybe it was karma. Maybe it was bad luck. But, for whatever reason, I ended up meeting the most random group of fathers-to-be that you could ever imagine. First, half the guys were completely uninterested in any of the classes and were clearly only there because their wives had threatened them. Second, more than a few of the other guys seemed generally interested in being fathers but were so mild-mannered that you could barely hear them. Anyway, those were generally not my kind of guys.

From there, things tended to get even stranger. I met one guy in Lamaze whose parents were 60's radicals. He had spent most of his life as a fugitive from the law. I thought he was really cool but then he overheard me calling him Little Nikita and our friendship was over before it began. Another guy I thought was cool was an actor/bartender/contractor. For those of you living outside of Manhattan, this means that he was a bartender. Locally, we call people like this "/slashes/" and I didn't think it would be a very good idea for me to befriend a bartender while my wife was pregnant. You know. That whole "lead me not into temptation" thing. The only other guy who had friend potential was this really cool tattooed and multi-pierced lighting designer of Off-Broadway shows. We hung out for awhile but I don't think I was cool or hip enough for him (and you have no idea how much it pains me to say that.)

Anyway, for the most part, the only thing that I seemed to have in common with most of these guys was that we'd impregnated our wives somewhere around December 31, 2003. Not much of a bonding connection.

So it was in search of a more like-minded community of fathers and fathers-to-be that I discovered blogs. I was searching for guys who, at first glance, might never have been mistaken for dedicated and committed fathers but yet were guys who were serious about being truly great fathers and, most importantly, still retained a sense of humor about their lives. I was seeking guys who had enjoyed the freedom of not being a parent but were now ready to embark on a new journey and most of all, were guys who I could either learn from or share common experiences with.

So turning to the Internet, I began my search. And did I find the kind of guys I was looking for? In short...absolutely not! What I found was an avalanche of mommy blogs, one after the other. The number of mommy blogs actually seemed endless. It didn't matter whether you could spell correctly or understood even the most basic nuances of proper grammar, every mother in the world seemed to have their own blog. Sometimes, the minutiae of it all could choke a horse. But you know what? I literally (ok..maybe just figuratively) read EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  (Here, the casual reader may very well ask, "Well really, MetroDad. Surely you jest.  In actuality, just how many mommy blogs did you truly read?" To which this author humbly replies, "Let's just say this, my friends. I even read the fucking knitting ones.")

But eventually, some great mommy blogs turned me on to some cool fathering blogs. Like the red-headed step-children of the internet, the community of fathers who blog about fatherhood as a theme is disquietingly near extinction. In comparison to the number of mommy bloggers out there, the number of fathers doing the same is so paltry that they're actually difficult to locate. But, like wild boars sniffing in shit for black truffles, if you look hard enough, you'll find real treasures.  And so it was in my quest to find my own Fathers of the Round Table.

By looking around incessantly, I discovered a group of really cool and GREAT fathers...guys like the Zero Boss, Laid-Off Dad, DaddyTypes, and Human Writes.  From there, I met guys like Genuine, modern day dad and Daily Yak.  And though I'd never met any of them, I could surmise from their writing that these were my kinds of guys. They talked openly and honestly about what it meant for them to be fathers. They wrote of the highs and, equally important, they didn't shy away from discussing the lows.

So I started this blog to join in the conversation with these gentlemen. And in a Haley Joel Osmet, Pay It Forward sort of way, I seem to have similarly been discovered by a great group of future like-minded fathers. For example, I've recently "met" Brandon over at Brain Dump, who I'm sure I know from a past life one way or the other and whose wife is pregnant for the first time.  Short Story Dude is an expectant father who continues to crack me up on daily basis. Then, there's my long-lost, hip-hop loving, Asian step-brother Oliver over at O-Dub, whose wife just gave birth to a beautiful new daughter this week. And similarly, I've also met a few new dads who have entered the blogging world recently to document their own journeys into fatherhood; guys like fellow New Yorker Ideashak, more diapers, and F-Bomb. 

More than anything, I wish them all the best and look forward to having them joining in the conversation.  So whether you're a new dad, a dad-to-be or a slightly-used dad, go check these guys out.  We need more guys writing about fatherhood out there.   

And while you're at it, guys?  Leave me a comment so I know you're out there.  Otherwise, I might feel like I'm talking to myself again and my therapist will have to up the dosage.

Comments

[Auggie's Dad]

Hey Metro...new father and first-time commentor here. I wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your blog. I've also been a father for about 4 months now and I enjoy reading your site and seeing you go through the same shit as me. Keep up the great work. I always look forward to your next entry. And how about some more photos of your Peanut?

[Stacy]

Mmm, sorry, a Mommy here. But have you checked out RealLivePreacher? http://www.reallivepreacher.com/

He writes some amazing stuff about his daughters.

I have a blog entry about the new Dads, but it's still percolating.

[More Diapers]

Dude, thanks for the nice write-up. It's nice to have this little community, and the support of everyone during our not-so-pleasant birth experience. You know, my single/married-but-still-think-they're-single friends are kinda a drag right now, and seem genuinely disinterest. Just 'cause I no longer go out of 10 beers or hit Fenway several times a year, doesn't mean I'm now a boring dude. Kinda sucks. Think your Memo to you friends. Anyway, one of these days we should all try to get togther down there in NYC. Would be good times, I'm sure.

[Jenny]

What Metro... Us women aren't man enough for ya? ;) The only really good daddy blog I have come across, is yours. :)

[Genuine]

Oh I'm here alright! I'm looking for a tag team partner on this diaper changing thing. I think you are up next!

[JenL]

I love a good Daddy blog because it helps me understand what my hubs is going through from a man's perspective. You guys are not so easy to understand as you want us to believe.

I read a lot of the same Daddies as you, but the new guys...gotta give them a read now! Thanks for the links Metro.

[L.A. Daddy]

Another dad here chiming in with my two cents! Us guys may not be the most vocal commentors but we're here, dude. Keep writing, MD. Your shit cracks me up.

[The Good Rachel]

Hey MD - Mommying full time could put more hair on one's chest than I bet you're sporting! Give us mom's some credit....after all, it seems we blazed the trail you're riding. ;)

I love your stuff! Keep on typing!

[Jennifer]

Thanks for the links metrodad. I enjoy reading the daddy prespective of being a new parent.

Jennifer (another one of the many many many new mom bloggers)

[Ann D]

I totally love your new colors. Very fun and funky.

[Russ]

{sniff} {sniff} Man, that post brought a tear to my eye... err... ok, maybe it was the onion I was just chopping in prep for tonight's dinner. Anyway, being a dad rocks (more than I ever thought it would) and finding a group of guys who understand that, who can relate to where I am coming from, well, that has been harder said than done at times. The blogging community (as well as a few "real" world friends) has helped fill that void.

BTW - even though your writing makes mine look like gibberish (you're way too good at this), MetroDad is one of my favorite stops when I do the daddy blog rounds. Thanks for the link love!

[jim]

Not quite sure how I found ya, pretty sure it was somehow linked to the Times article on Mommy bloggers. Anyway, you had me hooked with your write up of your relationship with the UPS guy.

My wife is dating the Fed-Ex guy. It's cooled off now that the baby is almost two, but she dips back to her old ways every now and then.

There was a couple month period when I was positive that eBay was the devil and had taken over my household!! Thankfully that has passed.

Now if I could only figure out how to exorcize Gymboree and Pottery Barn for Kids...

fwiw, I blog about my daughter (psuedonym Liberty) at my site www.funpigs.com/mt

[The Zero Boss]

Dude, you rock. That's all I have to say. That no one sis banging down your door demanding that you right the next Great American Memoir is a crime against humanity.

Some great new daddy blogs out there. I also highlighted a new one today on my blog that's chock full of promise.

Good job sharing the love. And thanks, as always, for the props. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

[dcdouglas]

I liked hearing the background story that led you to daddy blogging. I'm in the same boat, although I'm not quite a daddy yet. TURTLE MOM is due in about a month, but we started early with the blog process.

Unlike most of the other daddy blogs out there, I live in DC and not NYC, so I've got a slightly different perspective. I promise to strive mightily to keep the Turtle away from politics as much as possible. It can seriously warp the young mind.

Keep up the good work!

[Human Writes]

Much respect to you, Metro, for carrying the daddy blog torch. That you felt highly enough about my writing to put me in this entry makes me very proud because, as you know, MetroDad sets the daddy blog gold standard that we all strive to live up to.

[mundaneDan]

hey metrodad! [waving, jumping up and down] don't forget me! i'm a struggling father of three boys! :D i enjoy reading your entries by the way!

[Suzanne]

There's enough testosterone in here to make even a bald woman sprout hair!
I love it! It's so wonderful to see fathers getting involved in parenting, and caregiving. Keeping your humor about it all is the key, and always remember: They grow up so fast! One day i'll be reading about how you all handle your childrens first dates, proms, graduations, and weddings. I look forward to each and every story!

[Elisson]

Metro, just keep doin' whatever the hell it is you're doin'.

I started reading your Bloggy Stuff as a result of the BoB Awards (you and Laid-Off Dad were the big dawgs there; I was more a Tier Two guy) - for some nutty reason, I was considered a DadBlogger, and was honored to be in such Fine and Worthy Company. My kids are older now, but hell, my 22-year-old calls me at least once a day with some arcane computer question that I'm powerless to help her with. But I'm the Dad, and therefore I Know Everything, am I right?

[LOD]

Back atcha, Metro.

We are out here. And we are watching.

[enygma]

I'm not a parent, and not likely to be one anytime soon, but I love reading these parenting blogs. Yours is the first one I came across and probably my favorite.

[paulconrad]

TYPIN WITH one finger got the 5 day old in the other arm . hey i like your bad design. we only took one class, at the faux-ritzy greenwich ct hospital, and all the dad's there had personalities of treefrogs - ie none, and i tried to get them moving when we watched this early 90's era video where this huge back lady has a ceasarean and the baby looks completely white so I had to mention that loudly. One guy busted out laughin but his wife frowned at him and that was it. I hated that class. the best part was when we left we saw a lamborghini diablo. that's pretty much what i remember from that class.

[Mindy]

Does it help that I SWEAR like a guy? Will that get me on your blogroll? How about if I say Jay and Kim think I'm really cool? And that they took a cardboard poster of me out drinking one night? It's true. Genuine was there. *nods*

[moderndaydad]

Hey metrodad. Ditto from the west coast. I couldn't agree with you more about wanting to find other like-minded fathers. Our birthing classes were equally as alienating - out of 30 or so couples we were the only couple who didn't already know the sex of our baby. One mom-to-be even asked (multiple times) if, after having a c-section, she could get "flat abs" again. Thank god for the internet.

[-Blue]

Ohhh, thanks for the sweet links! I love reading DaddyBlogs, even though I'm a mommy (wanna see the latest pics of little Kynnidee's first tooth? awwwwww! JK!)

I love you blokes. You rock.

-Blue

[shortstorydude]

Thanks for the mention!

Hey - your blog does rock. I am a little addicted to it. Wondering what you are going to write next. I can't wait until I have some stories to tell of my newborn. May 27! Soon enough!

[kevin]

MetroDad,

I'm a-readin' and aspiring to live up to the daddy blog standard. I haven't started one (yet) but I've been gathering ideas.

Can't wait until the beginning of April until the little one arrives!

[ozone ferd]

Hi,
hopped over from Genuine to check you out. I love the T.A.E. story but what the hell is a diaper diary? Anyway, father of 3 here, 7, 9 and 14. You've probably heard a million times but here is 1 million and 1 - they grow up fast, cherish the moments.

[alice, uptown]

What I've noticed is that there may be far fewer daddy blogs, but the ones I've come across are tend to be better written than many of the mommy blogs. (I used to be an editor. I remain fussy about words.)

I suspect that the abundance of mommy blogs is also due to social norms: how many dads do you know who stay home as primary caretaker to an infant/toddler? I suspect it is easier not only from a social conformity (much as it injures my feminist soul to admit this) perspective but from a sanity perspective for Daddy to leave the house 8 hours a day.

I could never hold up my end of the 24/7/365 time that is motherhood. At least one parent needs to be out of the house long enough so that the other parent can have some adult time. I also think the person in the out-of-house gig owes the in-house person big time.

One of my oldest friends, an M.D. medical researcher, says to her son, "I think you've had enough mommy time for now." Translation needed? I think not.

[honestyrain]

i agree that dad's writing about being dad's is a wonderful thing. keep it up gents.

[Leila Winters]

Okay...this may seem like the most random thing you've ever heard, but I swear it's all true...I was randomly directed to your blog by way of a fellow Asian internet guru that goes by the name Angry Asian Man. He gives all sorts of scoop on all things relating to Asian people and culture.

I'm seriously young. In my first year of college, in fact. Studying English, hoping to get my teaching degree and then set out to warp the minds of people who are only slightly younger than I currently am.

So imagine my surprise when I ended up here. And I fell in love. I have a deep appreciation for quality writing and the fact that many of your entries are set up essay-style with beautiful form and impeccable, catching diction...well, I couldn't stop myself from reading.

I happened to come by at a good time, too. Shortly after the Dadddy Blog contest stuff. So I got to read your "Best Of"'s and they were HILARIOUS. I stayed up 'til like 3 in the morningon a school night to read your entries and giggle to myself while my roommate slept.

But you know, it wasn't just the way you said things that kept me hooked. It was the stuff you were saying. Like you didn't just bullshit around and talk about your day. You talked about ACTUAL THINGS and had themed entries.

I guess lastly, is that even though I'm young, not anywhere NEAR thinking of settling down, much less have kids, I'm one of those people that's terrified of being a parent. I have the common fear that I'd be the worst parent in the world, better off that I don't procreate.

As testimony to my unworthy ways, I keep looking to my niece and nephew, whose care is thrust upon me occasionally and I always feel dissatisfied with how I handle situations. However, haunting your blog and a few of the others in the community...I have started panicking less about the idea, knowing that I have resources and knowing that everyone thinks that way.

So I guess I just wanted to say thanks for the grand ol' time...and let you know that people of a different kind are also reading your blog. Lol, also, wanted to let you know that because of my young age, I've also got some mad hook-ups to the inner workings of wannabe independent dependents. ^_^

THANKS! CIAO!

[Busy Mom]

I'm here, I'm not a dad, but I still like to read your stuff.

[Owen]

Hey - nice blog - good to be a Dad and blogging at a good time with the kids. I too am a Dad and I blog. But I do NOT blog about my kids (at least only elliptically). They are 13 and 10 year old girls and I just do NOT need the worry. In some ways the blog is for them. They both want to have the family recipes for some nebulous time later in life when they leave the nest and don't have me to do it anymore. SO I started the blog to collect these things (the recipes) as they happened and then it grew out of control.

Plus, the 10 year old has already learned that cooking is a state of mind and disdains recipes as much as I do. The 13 year old is like her mom and follows recipes down to the molecular measurements.

When the kids were a better age for blogging about them and their antics, there weren't any blogs. My loss.

So, selfishly, I humbly request that you continue to keep us amused.

[Amy]

I'm blogrolling you despite the fact that I trashed your color choices on The Zero Boss. Very funny!

[Sheryl]

I read that same post at the Zero Boss, and I would be happy to help you this weekend. I have an itchy design finger. (I recently redid Kira's site at kiwords. You can check it out if you want to see something I've done other than my site.

[greg from daddytypes]

Thanks, man, but you're still not getting my Bud Light.

[david]

*raises hand*

Another daddy blogger here. Our first was born in 99 (I was then a young whippersnapper of 35 myself). There are now two more and I never tired of blabbing off to the Inkernet about their latest wackey hi-jinks.

I'm in NY too - about an hour north of Da City. Maybe we need to have a NY area daddy bloggers get-together?

[enygma]

How weird is that? My "testimony" is almost the same as that of Leila Winters up there, even the English and teaching part, only, I don't have any nieces or nephews. Anyway, thanks for the permission to cite your post, though I really REALLY don't think you want to (or should) read the paper. :)

[cooper]

You have an awesome voice. Keep up the good work.

[chip]

It is amazing isn't it. I just discovered daddyblogs very recently, and was so inspired I set up my own blog. Wish they'd existed when I was a stay at home dad 12 years ago. But I'm still a dad and I'm loving the stuff I'm finding on the net. Thanks MD.

[FrumDad]

Well, this saves me the trouble of setting up a "Dad Blogs" link when I get around to redoing my sidebar.

Nice blog, but you knew that. You're right about the design, though -- pumpkin on poo. Interesting, but I find that I sometimes cut-and-paste your entries into Word so I can read them more comfortably.

--FrumDad
[Google Wangle: Orthodox Jewish Father]

[tim]

welcome to blogging metro
i flicked over here from genuine
sure are plenty of dads out there
heres links to a few more - also in my blog roll
john strain
reality me
blue sloth

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[Josh]

Great post. I am going through many of these issues as well.
.

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[Ingrid]

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