MetroDad

MetroDad Mailbag (April 2008)

It's been a long time since we've done a mailbag. I figure now is a good time to catch up because I'm about 3 months behind in replying to e-mails from readers.

Let's start off by saying that I'm always surprised by the questions that readers send in. I've always believed that I have the weirdest, coolest, smartest, and strangest readers on the internet. As always, your questions this past week seem to confirm it.

Let's get this thing rolling...

.

Who was the hottest TV mom in a family show? I read on ESPN that Bill Simmons voted for Elyse Keaton. Who would you vote for?
-- Bradley

Elyse Keaton definitely makes the top three. Not only is she attractive but also I think every guy has a secret fantasy about being with a hippie architect. It's one of those weird juxtapositions that you never actually see in real life (like sexy mechanic or slutty surgeon.)

I'd have to round it out with Clair Huxtable (still the hottest female doctor ever on television) and Maggie Seaver (reporter by day/desperate housewife at night.)

Erin Gray as Kate Summers Stratton on "Silver Spoons" wins as hottest step-mother.

Who do you think is going to win this year's American Idol?
--Janet B.

Personally I'm rooting for either David Cook or Syesha but truthfully I don't really feel any great allegiance to any of them. In fact, I don't really even like most of them. Especially the women. Am I the only one?

I can't put my finger on it but there's something that rubs me the wrong way about Carly Smithson, Brooke White, and Kristy Lee Cook. I have the sneaking suspicion that they're not quite as nice as they're trying to portray themselves on television. In fact, there's a big part of me that thinks that when they're home alone and nobody's watching, they kick the dog and make fun of Mexicans.

And can we talk about Kristy Lee Cook for a second? Has anyone since George Bush tried to parlay our feelings of national patriotism into a winning campaign? Every week, I feel like all she does is sing "Amazing Grace" and "God Bless the U.S.A."

Tune in next week as she sings "God Bless America," the following week as she brings home "America the Beautiful," and watch it continue until the season finale when she invades Iran!

I have to go to a karaoke party in a few weeks and I'm nervous as hell. I don't have a great voice and I've never sang in front of other people before. What are your top 5 karaoke songs?
-- Derek

As I've said before, I have a horrible voice. However, after years of trial and error, I've found that there are certain songs that any guy can sing well. Here they are:

Bryan Ferry's "Avalon"
John Denver's "Country Road"
The Ramones "I Want to be Sedated"
Oasis' "Wonderwall"
Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline"

Avoid anything by Guns & Roses, Sting, Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, or Jay-Z. These are much harder than you could possibly imagine. If you're really drunk, it's ok to attempt Night Ranger's "Sister Christian." However, under no circumstances should you ever try singing anything by Journey.

You've been warned.

Bobby Flay or Mario Batali? That's it. Just pick one. You can set other parameters if you wish (best to drink with, more feared in an alligator wrassle...)
-- BackpackingDad

To eat their food?  Mario Batali. Every time I eat at Babbo, I end up having dreams about the beef cheek ravioli. Never had drinks with Bobby Flay but Batali can hold his own. That being said, I still want to be best friends with Paula Deen.

Would you consider a partner for MetroDog in near future?
-- Helen

Sadly, MetroDog had a vasectomy several years ago. He kept getting attacked by other dogs at the playground who were jealous of his virility. However, this is a perfect opportunity to relay a funny vasectomy joke I heard on the plane the other day.

After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough little hillbillies. The husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin-wife didn't want to have any more children and asked what could be done.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was expensive. "A less costly alternative is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."

The hillbillie said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can and holding it next to my ear and counting to 10 is going to help me."

"Trust me," said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can to his ear and began to count...

"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"

At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

Do you and Bosslady have "free passes" for any given celebrity? For example, if my wife is out one night and she sees Clive Owen, she is officially allowed to cheat on me with him. Likewise if I happen to run into Jessica Alba. Who would you and Bosslady choose?
-- JDG

I vaguely remember BossLady and I having this conversation several years ago. I think she chose Colin Firth. I chose Julianne Moore because she lives in our neighborhood and, as I annoyingly mention any time her name comes up in conversation, I'm pretty sure I caught her checking me out on the streets of Soho many years ago. Of course, that was before I had Lasik surgery so it could have been Julianne Moore.

But it also could have been Carrot Top.

Side point: Colin Firth's claim to fame was his starring role as William Darcy in the BBC version of "Pride & Prejudice." It's mindboggling how many women fell in love with him after that. Has any actor ever achieved so much adoration from women from one single role? The only one I can come up with is John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler. Anyone got any others?

What is the most embarrassing concert you have ever attended. Follow up: What was the best live show you've ever seen?
-Sarah

I went to see Tears for Fears a few years back and realized during the show that neither member of the band was an original member.

However, I'd have to say that the most embarrassing concert I ever attended was Ricky Martin. I wish I could say that alcohol, bribery or blackmail were involved. In actuality, a few buddies and I went to see him because we actually thought it would be a pretty good show. Not only have I never been more embarrassed, I've also never felt gayer.

Best live concert? Bruce Springsteen. Front row. Giants Stadium. Backstage passes. Met the Boss. I can now die a happy man.

Truthfully, would you prefer to have BL stay home or work? I don't think there's a perfect scenario as both are equally as hard.
-- Emily

Truthfully, my perfect scenario involves BossLady working and me staying at home.

I have moved to a city, Chicago, with a very rich sports history.  As a Denver-ite with my own sports loyalties, do I even both to acknowledge there are sports team out here and choose the Cubs or the Sox?  Or do I just say that both suck and continue being a home town fan?
-MikeyMike

Unless you're planning on staying in Chicago for the rest of your life, you need to suck it up and remain loyal to your hometown team. That's the cardinal rule, man. No switching loyalties. No jumping on bandwagons. No rooting for two teams.

I love Jimmy Fallon. In fact, he married one of my best friend's sisters. But Fallon claims to have grown up loving the Yankees but then, after filming "Fever Pitch," he switched loyalties and became a Red Sox fan. You can't do that! That's like rooting for the Sunnis and the Shiites.

That being said, there's nothing wrong with being a Rockies fan and going to some Cubs games. There are very few things more enjoyable in this world than drinking a few beers in Wrigley Field and watching the Cubs on a gorgeous Spring afternoon.

I was having a debate with my wife about the 5 most surprising things to ever happen on television. I won't tell you our choices. We just want to hear yours.
-- Jamie

Great question. I think we've all become so jaded about the formulaic outlines of TV plots that we forget those special moments that rock your world. In no particular order, here's my list of Top 5 "Holy shit! I can't believe that just fucking happened" moments that made my jaw drop.

(1) Kimberly taking off her wig on "Melrose Place." I still think that this is the freakiest thing ever shown on television. Seeing that huge scar still gives me nightmares.

(2) Rosalind falling down an elevator shaft to her death in "L.A. Law." Leave it to David Kelly to come up with one of the funniest and most unexpected ways of killing someone off on television.

(3) Teri Bauer's death on "24." Maybe the most shocking death on television. Think about it. In one day, Teri Bauer was kidnapped, tortured, raped, thought her daughter had been killed, got amnesia, and found out she was pregnant. She was rescued, Jack stopped the terrorist plot, and it looked like everyone would live happily ever after. Then, at the last minute, Nina Myers took her hostage, tied her up and slashed her throat, leaving her lifeless body to be found by Jack in the season's final scene. I remember BossLady and I staring at the television with our jaws open and yelling, "No fucking way!" I can't wait until the new season starts.

(4) Mork from "Mork and Mindy" getting pregnant and giving birth by ejecting a small egg from his navel. The egg grows and grows and finally cracks open to reveal a full-grown Jonathan Winters! It's hard to remember how funny and groundbreaking the first season of this show was when it first aired. Whatever happened to that Robin Williams guy?

(5) The entire plot development of "Lost." Season One was one of the most groundbreaking seasons in television. Seasons Two and Three were pretty weak but then Season Four kicked ass again. I think now that that the writers know when the show will end (after season 6,) everything will get a lot tighter and more focused again. It's clear from the glimpse-at-the-future episodes that we can expect "Lost" to continue to excite and shock us right up until the very end.

What are some of the best things about living in New York?
-Hapa Mama

Picnics in Central Park. Taking the subway to work. The energy, the feel, and the pulse. Off-Broadway shows. The architecture. Biking on the west side promenade. Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge. Skateboarding in Union Square. Sailing in Battery Park. The rooftop bar at the Met, the basement bar at La Esquina, and the outdoor bar at The Boathouse. Having at least six different local newspapers. Having a nail saloon, a 24-hour deli, and a shoeshine store on every block. Having food, cigarettes, and magazines delivered to your door at 3:00 am. The duck shumai at Dim Sum Go-Go. Guss' Pickles on Orchard Street. Pastrami from Katz's deli. Impassioned neighbors. Clashing cultures. An unyielding spirit.

The list could go on forever.

Help, MD! I've been dating my girlfriend for four years now and I'd like to propose to her over the summer. I've been doing some research online about diamond engagement rings and I heard that you're supposed to spend 2-3 months salary on the ring? Are they freaking kidding me? If I had 3 months salary saved up, I'd pay off my student loans, get a car, or buy some health insurance. What should I do?
-- Michael G.

Don't believe the hype. That salary thing is just another marketing campaign. It's an arbitrary amount pushed by the world's largest diamond producer DeBeers, the same people who helped promote apartheid, contributed to the war in Liberia, and have paid million of dollars in fines for international price fixing (for an interesting article, go here.) Do you suppose they have your best interests at heart? I think not.

If you don't have the cash now, you still have plenty of other choices. Like using a family ring or buying one from an antique store. Or getting one made from a precious gem stone. I've heard of some people taking out loans for diamond engagement rings but that sounds like a bad idea to me (especially since you don't have health insurance.)

Besides, we're actually very close to the point where synthetic diamonds are becoming indistinguishable from real ones. So maybe it's not a bad idea to start thinking about alternative stones for engagement rings. Maybe you'll be ahead of the trend!

I was going to ask you what is your favorite color of Crocs... but i know better! Seriously, what do you (as an insider) think is going to be the "I gotta have it" fashion statement this summer?
-- Jennster

My friends always give me shit for being the ideal cocktail party guest. They know that they can dump me on a random stranger and I'll find something to talk to them about---the Dolphins switching to a 3-4 defense, the merits of Norman Mailer, where to find a cheap tailor in Hong Kong, why Nas' Illmatic is one of the best albums of all-time, the highly underrated thrill of milking a cow, etc.

At some point in the conversation, the random stranger will ask what I do for a living. When I reply that I work in fashion, I usually get two responses: (1) "Really? Looking at what you're wearing, I never would have guessed" or (2) "So what's going to be hot next season?"

In all seriousness, I actually pay a lot of money to professional trend forecasters and color researchers to answer that question for me but because I love all of you readers so much, I'll share it all with you.

The big colors for women this summer are romantic pastels and sorbet tones. Platinums, neutrals and milky nude tones are also going to be very popular. The must-have items are flouncy voluminous skirts with fitted tops or cropped jackets.

Never in a million years when I was growing up did I ever think that I would write that last paragraph.

Let's move on, shall we?

Do you think your Mets will even make the playoffs this year? Especially the way they looked against my Phillies?
-- ByrdMan

I do. If Pedro and El Duque come back healthy, we'll have the best rotation in the NL. Also, it's only a matter of time before the bats start heating up. Beltran, Delgado, and Reyes are notoriously slow starters and usually play better in the warmer months.

By the way, the lovely and beautiful BossLady is out of town for business this week so I took the Peanut to the Mets game last night. Over the course of just 4 innings, my tiny three-year-old daughter ate a hot dog, a cotton candy, a pretzel, and some ice cream. These Dominican guys sitting next to us thought it was hilarious and started cheering her on. I think they half expected her, at some point, to shotgun a beer, belch, and light up a cigar.

We need your help, MD! My brother came to stay with us for 8 weeks. He's generally a good guy. A little uncouth but has a heart of gold. In return for staying with us, he helped watch the kids every day and also babysat on the weekends so that my husband and I could go out to dinner. My 5-year-old son adores his uncle and was like his little shadow during the entire time he was here. The only problem? My son has picked up on all my brother's sayings.

A few days ago, he got up from the dinner table and said, "Be right back. I gotta go take a piss." Yesterday, he was getting frustrated playing with some toys and I heard him yell, "Goddamn piece of crap!" How can I deprogram my son? I need him to stop speaking like a 27-year-old unemployed slacker! Help!
-- Lisa H.

I'm speechless. Short of electroshock therapy, I have no idea what I'd do in a situation like this. Readers? Anyone want to take a shot at this?

Lastly, I got a request from a reporter doing one of those stories on the funny things that kids say. I told her I'd ask my readers and she could look up their responses here. So go for it, my friends. What's the funniest thing you've heard a kid say?

Aside from "Be right back. I gotta go take a piss."

MetroDad Mailbag (Feb. 2007)

Did you know that jet lag kills older mice?  Not the young ones.  Just the older ones.  It's true.  I read it on the internet. 

I wonder how old I am in mouse years.

Never in my life have I had jet lag this bad.  Seriously, I feel like my kidneys are floating in outer space and my balls are six feet under.  I've been home for 6 days and the nausea still hasn't gone away.  As usual, I've concocted my own cure-all (this one involves megadoses of melatonin, scotch, Ambien, crossword puzzles, and chocolate chip cookies.)  A friend suggested sunlight and exercise but it's fucking freezing in NYC and I've got about 40 hours of television backed up on my Tivo.  Who has time to go to the gym? 

Anyway, thanks for all your questions.  Many of them had me laughing my ass off on the plane.  I know I've said it before but my readers are the coolest, weirdest, smartest, goofiest, and geekiest readers on the planet.  One day, I'm going to get us a discounted rate on some group therapy.  As the lyrical medieval poet Eminem once said, "you fucking rock!"

You asked some great questions.  Many of them I’m saving for the next mailbag.  Here are some of the rest... 

Why do so many men have a crush on Tina Fey? Is it the scar? The ridiculous white girl dancing she thinks it is funny to engage in? What? Please, riddle me that, batman. Though I find her funnier than a Kazakh journalist at a formal dinner, I just don't understand the whole crush thing.
(Mrs. Fortune)

Tina Fey reminds us of the nerdy, sarcastic female friend from high school who was always by your side when you were caustically making fun of the plastic cheerleaders who wouldn't date you in a million years.  Also, just like you women, most of us men laugh when we hear women like Giselle or Christy Turlington say in interviews that they were ugly ducklings in high school.  That's total bullshit and I don't ever believe that crap for a second. 

But when Tina Fey says it?  You actually believe her. 

Is she the thinking man's sex symbol?  Maybe.  I don't know.  She does kind of have that sexy librarian thing going on.  But personally, I think I'm just a sucker for a funny chick with a cool scar.  Besides, what's the deal with YOUR crush on John Cusack, eh?  He's not exactly Brad Pitt, is he?

Since you're a foodie, what would be your last meal on earth if you were on death row?
(Leora)

The seared foie gras from Café des Artistes, Peter Luger’s steak, a slice of Grimaldi’s pizza, potato knishes from the Carnegie Deli, a bucket of Blue Smoke's potato salad, and Junior’s cheesecake.  Basically, I’d try to give myself a heart attack before they flipped the switch. 

Dear Metro...My Korean mother has finally told me that I need to get married. Granted, I should bless this saintly woman for waiting until I was 30 to finally get on my case about it. What do you think?  Should I put forth extra effort in finding a spouse? Or should I just go about handling my business as I have been, even if it occasionally means I feel shameful in the mornings and have to catch a cab home?
(Mikeymike)

Parental pressure never ends, my friend.  When I was younger, my Korean mother would call every day and ask when I was getting married.  After I got married, she called every day to ask when I was having kids.  These days, she's up in my grill every day about having a second child.

MetroBro is about the same age as you so he's feeling the parental heat now as well. Since I'm quite fond of my bro, I try to help him out and I've discovered that the best means of disarmament is deflection.  To throw my parents off their game, I like to ask them hypothetical questions that will mess with their minds.  Here are two of my latest gambits:

1. Would you rather MetroBro marry a black girl OR a Korean guy?
2. How would you feel if he had children out of wedlock?

These are like mental tongue twisters for Asian parents and if they don't give your parents an aneurysm, they certainly will keep them lying awake in bed for awhile.

Meanwhile, enjoy your bachelorhood.  Sure, married life is a million times better but you're not going to fully enjoy it unless you have no regrets.  Carpe Diem, my friend!

Have you tried Dinosaur BBQ up in Harlem yet and do you love it?
(pnuts mama)

Every Super Bowl Sunday, BossLady and I shun invitations to group viewings and instead have our own little party.  The week before the game, we plan the menu.  The only requirement is that, by the end of the game, we need to be so stuffed that we actually lose the ability to speak and must resort only to hand signals in order to communicate.  Grunting is also permitted.

Last year, we completely outdid ourselves.  The two of us went to Dinosaur and we wanted to try everything on the menu. We literally loaded up the back seat of our car with massive amounts of ribs, pulled pork, beef brisket, Cajun catfish, creole potato salad, and cole slaw. 

Verdict?  Best barbecue in NYC.  Possibly the best barbecue this side north of the Carolinas. 

I enjoy how you intersperse your literary views in many of your various posts (even if they have to do with poop.) Your book consumption is pretty impressive so it's obvious you read quite a bit. My question: if you could have one author's life, whose would it be?
(Barb)

Tough question, Barb.  I get these huge author crushes all the time.  Past or present objects of my lust and envy have been David Foster Wallace, Haruki Murakami, Margaret Atwood, Matthew Kneale, Jhumpa Lahiri, Mark Leyner, and Chang-Rae Lee.  Their writing always seems so effortless.  I would give my left nut to have their talent. 

Then again...last summer in the Hamptons, I saw Salman Rushdie at the polo matches driving a convertible Bentley with Padma Lakshmi in the front seat and a set of golf clubs in the back. 

I guess that whole fatwa thing worked out pretty well for him.

MD, I am an Asian-American dad and my wife is Euro-Am. At a local store the other night, we ran into an interracial couple where the female was Asian-American and the male was Euro-Am. I felt a strange discomfort and I couldn’t get the thought “Mail order bride and dude with yellow fever” and images of Bai Ling out of my head. The wife, bless her soul, later informed me that she noticed I was being rude and knew what I was thinking. So, here’s my question, “How do I get over my personal hypocritical prejudice?” And no, I don’t believe it’s about “those” dudes getting “our” women.
(Average American)

Dude...I totally know what you're talking about.  In the latest statistical survey of White/Asian relationships, it turns out that 72% of them consisted of a white husband and an asian wife.  And wikipedia tell us that  "Asian American women were 2.5 times more likely to be married to a White American man than Asian American men married to a white woman."

My advice?  Don't sweat it, my brother.  Life is fucking short and we're all getting older.  I used to get into late-night debates with my Asian-American female friends over the semantic and sociological distinctions between attraction and fetish.  Now I just worry about keeping the hair on my head, the cost of Peanut's daycare, and making the monthly mortgage payment. 

Besides, as I get older, I'm starting to think that we should turn this country into a giant mud puddle where race no longer becomes a distinct and distinguishing feature.  As I've always said, there are so many good reasons to dislike people.  Why focus solely on race?    

By the way, I fucking hate Bai Ling.  Not only is she the Asian Paris Hilton but also I think she's playing up the whole geisha stereotype to make a buck.  An Asian friend of mine calls her a whoriental.  Is that racist?

MD! I love to travel and fly quite a bit each year. Most of the time I travel alone--because my fiance hates to fly. On our last trip, he got airsick...so I understand his reticence. And by reticence I mean that he said "I'm never fucking flying again." Up until now, he has flown all his life--his father is an airline pilot. My question is: How can I help him get over this? Also, when we do fly, he is absolutely miserable. I'm pretty much ok with whatever obstacles come our way, but he just stresses and stresses. Is there anything to be done about this? I figure you've had many varieties of travel partners over the years and could offer some advice. Is Valium the only way to go?!?!?
(Sarah Marie)

My buddy Andrew is a bad flyer (and by bad flyer, I mean "he's a total fucking pain in the ass and I'm never going on a plane with him again!")  He doesn't sleep for weeks leading up to a flight.  He's got 1-800-Go-Greyhound programmed into his speed dial. And when he DOES fly, he dreams that someone will sneak up and inject him with horse tranquilizer.  To cure his phobias, he's tried everything from hypnosis to flight class. 

The only thing that works for Andrew is getting completely wasted before the flight.  The downside is that he often arrives at his destination feeling like a zombie and, more than once, he's woken up on a plane with drool all over his face, only to see someone with the cleaning crew shaking him and saying, "Excuse me, sir, you don't have to go home but you sure as heck gotta get outta here!"

According to Andrew, the perfect cocktail is equal parts vodka, valium, and beta blockers.   Shaken, not stirred.   

Dear Metrodad,
How can I, a lowly bi-lingual, 143 IQ, college educated, current Technology Coordinator find a job (for the love of all that is holy) that doesn't make me consider rupturing my own appendix just to get out of going to work? I think, oh advice giver of the internets, that I am asking for career advice. Someday it is my humble goal to make more than 30k a year. Please help.
(Desiree)

The lovely and beautiful BossLady is also contemplating a career change so this has been topic-du-jour at Casa Metro for awhile.  She's looking for something new that will allow her to achieve a better balance between work and family.  Now, we're just trying to figure out what that something "new" should be.    

You, Desiree, are a great writer.  You belong in publishing, advertising, editing, or PR.  I can't even see you as a "Technology Coordinator."  E-mail me. We'll find you something.  Any West Coast employers out there looking for some great creative talent?  Get in touch with Desiree!

This blog doesn't accept advertising but we're definitely not above pimping out friends and family!      

How come you travel all over the damn planet and never have a layover in Atlanta so we could pound a few back? EVERYBODY flies through Atlanta.
(Stacy)

While driving cross-country in 1990, I spent 4 days in Atlanta with two buddies.  One was Peruvian, the other was Jewish.  One night, the three of us went out to a bar and met a bunch of attractive cheerleaders from Georgia Tech.  All of them were blond and I think 4 of them were named Babs. 

Long story short:  None of the girls had ever heard of Korea.  They kept asking if that was a city in Japan.  None of the girls had ever heard of Peru.  They kept asking Jose if he was from Mexico.  None of the girls had ever met a Jew before.  We caught one of them checking my buddy's head for horns!  I shit you not.  We were like a living freak show for them. 

Now, I’ve spent a lot of time in the south.  Hell, Birmingham, New Orleans, and Memphis are three of my favorite places.  But I’ve never experienced anything quite so strange as what happened in Atlanta.  I’m sure your city has come a long way but ever since then, I’ve tried to connect through more race-friendly cities. 

You know, like Mogadishu. 

Who do you like in the Super Bowl? Who will you be rooting for?
(David)

I have passionately hated the Bears ever since 1986 when Jim "Punky QB" McMahon, William "Refrigerator" Parry, and Mike "Samurai" Singletary released that annoying rap song/video "The Super Bowl Shuffle."  That fucking song set rap music back about 20 years.  Remember the lyrics? 

We are the Bears Shufflin' Crew
Shufflin' on down, doin' it for you.
We're so bad we know we're good.
Blowin' your mind like we knew we would

Fuck the Bears.  I'm going with Indy.   

Question: Did the Peanut ever go through a "naked" phase?  I have a daughter just a little younger than yours. We allow her an hour or so of "naked baby" time in the evenings, but any time you change a diaper you are asking for a clothes on-or-off battle. This is only really an issue when we need to get her outside for some reason, which happens more often than one might think. We're in Chicago which requires many layers at this time of year. Any creative ideas for how to get a toddler dressed?
(Stef)

So far, the Peanut has not gone through a naked phase.  If anything, she's become a fashionista like her father.  Have you ever seen a two-year-old girl stare vacantly into her drawers trying to decide what to wear?  It's both sad and funny at the same time. 

The Peanut is still in her pink phase.  Today, she went to daycare looking like a giant piece of fucking cotton candy.  Not only that, she STILL yells at me when I put the wrong color socks on her and she still insists on wearing her little snowboard hat whenever we go outside. 

Sorry, I'm no help here, Stef.  We seem to have the opposite problem.  Anyone else want to take a stab at this one? 

You may have already addressed this in a past mailbag, but since it is on my mind all the time these days (for my family, not yours): are you considering having a second child? Why (not)?
(nonlineargirl)

Yes, we're considering having a second child.  Over the past week, my wife's favorite pick-up line has been, "Hey, are you horny?  I'm ovulating!"

Not quite sure how I feel about this but, on principle, I try to never turn down sex when it's offered to me.

Personally, I think BossLady really wants to start trying now because, according to the lunar calendar, 2007 is supposed to be a very special year for having children.  According to the Chinese zodiac, this will be the Year of the Golden Pig, an event that occurs only once every 600 years.  Babies born this year are believed to have good fortune and will lead comfortable and wealthy lives.  The expected birthrate in Korea is supposed to explode this year.  Many hospitals, banks, and schools are even starting to ramp up for the expected population increase!

Man, my people are fucking crazy.

Did the BossLady ever finish your sweater? What else has she knit?
(Rach!)

Rach...I've pretty much become a knitting widow.  These days, BossLady is still completely engrossed with knitting.  At any given time, she's got multiple knitting projects going on and she could really care less about what I'm doing.  She's a knitting fiend!

But I'm glad she's got a hobby.  Knitting chills her out and, as I like to joke, " helps keep the crazies away."

And yes, BossLady did finish my sweater.  It's awesome.  It doesn't quite fit me perfectly but I absolutely love her for trying. 

Here's a photo of it being worn by our little pint-sized fashionista.

Some day, I'll show you the equally awesome matching hats that BossLady made for me, Peanut, and MetroDog. (Shit, next thing I know, this is going to be a damn knitting blog.  This blog really has jumped the shark, hasn't it?)

No offense to you knitters out there!  I know you're a sensitive lot.  Every time I make fun of the BossLady's knitting, I get like 50 e-mails from enraged knitters.  Did you know that there were enraged knitters out there?  Me neither.  Man, those chicks are fucking nuts!  (Again, just kidding.  Sort of. Maybe.)