Dear Andy

Dear Andy,

Eleven years.

Eleven long years since we last spoke the night before that fateful morning. Eleven years since your life was tragically cut short. Eleven years of a life without you.

Somehow, it feels even longer.

This morning, the anniversary of your death feels strangely unlike those of the past. Why is that? Does time really heal all wounds? Can it truly alleviate the pain that reason cannot? Is my memory really losing hold of all those cherished details that are so significantly and transcendentally important? Could I possibly be failing to remember everything about a person who was so much a part of my lfe?

Is this what it means to get over the loss of a loved one?

I spoke to your mom last night, Andy. We talked about how we wanted to stop using 9/11 as a way to mourn you. It's too painful. Of course we remember you every day but maybe we should stop using this day as a reminder. Maybe we should move on with our lives. Maybe we need to start letting go of the past.

But can we really ever? Is that even possible? How does one even do that?

I sometimes think about what if 9/11 had never happened. How different would the world be today? The days and months following the collapse of the Twin Towers brought out the best in people, and for a brief time, I felt as if we, as a nation, were united in our desire for peace, our respect for the dead, and our love of country. Americans came together without pride or prejudice, and the rest of the world stood by us in solidarity and support.

Eleven years later, I feel like we've lost something. America feels different. It's a fractured and contentious place. Perhaps that's due to the fact that this is an election year but I deeply miss that spirit of community, humility, and grace that swept both America and the world.

More importantly, when I think about what if 9/11 had never happened, I think about how much richer my life would be with you still in it. 

I imagine meeting you and Kyle in Central Park and tossing a football around before grabbing dinner at his mom's house. I picture you taking the Peanut out for an afternoon of shopping and ice cream on a Saturday afternoon. I envision us hanging out at the beach, cooking dinner, and having marathon discussions about life, love, and how much we hate the NY Knicks.

But most of all, Andy, I always see us laughing.

It's one of the great ironies in my forty-three years on this planet that, more than anyone else whom I've ever known, you were the one who always taught me that life was short and that we were put here briefly to enjoy it and live it as fully as possible. Whenever I was depressed, you were always the one to cheer me up. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, I could always count on you.

I was only thirty-two years old when I lost you yet, eleven years later, I feel that the lessons your friendship taught me affect me even today. You showed me lessons about life that I will never forget. You taught me how to be a father. You taught me how to be a spouse. You taught me how to be a friend.Your impact on my life will never be replaced. Nor will it ever be forgotten.

I love and miss you terribly, brother.

I always have and I always will.

Forever your friend,
PIerre

 

Andrew Golkin, 1970-2001

Comments

[John]

Pierre,

I have been a long-time reader and today I have (as I have done in years past) pointed people to come and read your always moving letters to Andy.

I have, on my own blog Order from Chaos, posted about 9/11 each year.

I wish you peace on this day - and always.

Brave Astronaut

[Jane]

My thoughts and prayers are with you, Andy's family, and all your friends. May we never forget the tremendous effect this tragedy had on so many individual lives.

[Busy Mom]

This is the first place I come each 9/11.

[julie]

Thank you. I come here every 9.11 to read your words. They always help. I lost a dear friend in the Colin Ferguson/Long Island railroad shooting. I still hear her laugh, think of her always and talk to her often....Lives that are cut short by anger and hate can never be rationalized!

[Lisbeth]

Thank you for sharing this annual letter to your dear friend. It makes me cry every year.

Never forget.

[Marci]

One of the first things I thought of this morning was your letter to Andy. His memory lives through you and the countless people you have touched with your writing.

I agree with you that America is different today, and it very likely is because it's an election year.

Thank you.

[Ames K]

Every year your words make me cry. Your letters to Andy are always beautiful. I'm sure he is smiling down at your from his castle in the sky. Thank you for sharing your memory of him with the rest of us.

[The Muskrat]

What "Busy Mom" said.

[DefendUSA]

A repost of my comment from the other thread--I want you to know that I remembered our friend Andy today. I finally visited the WTC Memorial and I was absolutely stunned, crushed and had no words to describe how I felt upon seeing the proximity of everything and thinking of the destruction and death there. I was going to find Andy's name but in my incredulous state of mind, I just said a prayer, and swore I would come here to let you know that a perfect stranger who reads your blog remembered your friend that day and today on this day, September 11, 2012.

[Stacy]

Checking in on you, as I do occasionally but always on September 11.

Peace.

Stacy
(formerly Slices of)

[Sunny]

An eloquently beautiful writer, your letters to Andy always move me. Your posts every year are always full of love, compassion, and thoughts for us all.

[Ray]

I wish I had a friendship as close to the one you had.

[Julie Guerin]

Such a beautiful remembrance of your friend Andy. I too come here every year for your letter. So thoughtful & compassionate. I'm sure he's smiling down on you. I truly hope time brings you peace.

[Devra]

And again my heart hurts for you, me and all of us who grieve on this day especially.

[Grandnummah]

I thought of you and your tribute letters to Andy this morning. I didn't know anyone who perished that day but through your letters I have come to know Andy. Today, I mourn his loss along with you. Take care and take the Peanut out for ice cream.

[Alli Worthington]

Beautiful.

[Tom]

sorry, buddy. God Bless.

[JustLinda]

You made me cry.

Seems like yesterday, and it seems like a million years ago.

[Rachel Goldstein]

Thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts Pierre. Andy was a wonderful friend to us all. He will always be with you. x

[LO]

Beautiful

[Lena]

This made me cry. Thank you for your kind words. Peace be with you.

[Crystal]

Hi Pierre, I came across your information on MSN for Daddy Confessions. So I thought I'd visit your blog and take a look around. I was deeply touched by your most recent posting to Andy. I wanted to thank you for sharing.

[Margaret]

Beautiful words. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Willyn]

You've really been a good friend to him, very touching words, it makes me cry:(

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I felt as if we, as a nation, were united in our desire for peace,

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Hi Pierre, I met your information on MSN for dad confessions. So I want to visit your blog, look around you. I was deeply touched you recently issued to Andy. I want to thank you for your sharing.

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Hey BenCan you make sure of the following thigns.1) your at version 1.18.10 2) In the box Setup share image goto the Setup image logic: Who, What, Where. section and find Posts 3) Change the setting (if it is different) to Image from Post . this setting defaults back to the site logo if there is no image in the post or image_src in the meta data. 4) add the image_src setting to any post that you want to have a specific photo.Let me know if it does not work and we will do something like a skype chat/conference so we can sort it out together. All the best Andy

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