Random thoughts on a rainy Wednesday NYC night...
DO REAL MEN DO YOGA?
Internet, I have a confession.
I am now a person who does yoga. Yes. I am a Yogi. Me.
It all started out innocently. I just wanted to add a different dimension to my workouts. Lifting gets boring (those weights are heavy!) and running on treadmills makes me feel like a lab rat. So despite my general dislike of anything that reeks of a pretentious New Age fad, I thought I would expand my horizons and give yoga a try. At the very least, I figured I'd get to stare at my girlfriend's gorgeous body for 90 minutes. Where was the downside?
Holy cow. I'm hooked.
Seriously, I love yoga. I'm sleeping better. I'm breathing easier. I'm less stressed. I've become stronger and more flexible in ways that I had never imagined. I'm bending to Downward Facing Dog, dropping to Chataranga, and reaching to Tadasana.
Despite my fears, I'm pleased to report that I have yet to develop an unfettered love of kombucha, Lulu Lemon, or patchouli. And the day that I say goodbye to any of my buddies by chanting "Namaste" is probably the same day you'll find my dead body in the bottom of the Hudson River.
Luckily, I think my yoga teacher knows the limits of my tolerance for pretension. For example, instead of forcing me to hear Ravi Shankar jam out on a sitar, we ended this week's lesson by lying in savasana while listening to Zero 7. I'm clearly doing the upscale downtown Soho version of yoga.
Anyway, I really do love it.
If I could only resist the temptation to fart out of my third eye every five minutes, I think this yoga thing might be for me.
DREAM DINNER
The year I was applying to colleges, Harvard, Stanford and Princeton all asked potential matriculents to write an essay answering the same question: If you could have dinner with any figure or figures, living or dead, real or historical, who would it be and why?
I can't remember exactly what I wrote but I'm sure my 17-year-old pompous self started the essay by stating, "Don't you mean WHOM?"
I was thinking about this today because last night, I woke up from a weird dream that had a similar motif. The details of the dream are fuzzy but it entailed a dinner with me, my girlfriend, Oprah and Alec Baldwin.
In the dream, we start off with champagne and cheese. Alec and I huddle on one side of the table talking about mayoral politics, the Knicks, and Peter Luger steaks. Oprah turns to my girlfriend and says, "Girl, you lookin' good." I love it when Oprah gets a little sista-y. Nobody really knows the real Oprah. When the cameras are off, the girl is mad cool.
Over dinner, they start sharing amazing celebrity gossip. Oprah reveals the entire Brad and Jen saga, even though she promised Jen she wouldn’t. Alec tells us about the time he almost had a threesome with Tina Fey and Condoleeza Rice. Amazing!
After a few drinks, I convince Alec that we should start prank calling Rudy Guiliani, Rupert Murdoch, and Kim Basinger. Nobody picks up so we start drinking martinis before dessert.
After dinner, we make s'mores, cuddle on the couch, and watch re-runs of Extreme Home Makeover. Then suddenly, the dream ended. I woke up, jumped in the shower, and went to work.
*FYI, in case you were wondering, I didn't get accepted into Harvard, Stanford, or Princeton.
BOOK SHELF
Much to my own detriment, I tend to gravitate a little too much towards "serious" literary writers. Because I've always been interested in determining how the writing of contemporary heavyweights (Amis, McEwan, Eugenides, Roth, Atwood, Coetzee, et al) compares to the classics of the Western canon, I often miss out on less-recognized writers who are producing great work. To remedy that shortfall, I've just ordered the following books from Amazon.
Charles D'Ambrosio's The Dead Fish Museum
Dan Chaon's Await Your Reply
John Jeremiah Sullivan's Pulphead: Essays
Wes Moore's The Other Wes Moore: One Name, Two Fates
Have you read any of these? Or read anything else lately that you can recommend? Let me know.
THE END IS NIGH?
Speaking of books, NY Times best-selling novelist, reality television star, and professional guidette Nicole "Snooki" Polizetti announced today that she is pregnant with her first child. If the baby is born on December 21, 2012, then the Mayans were right.
"Hey man, am I supposed to tip the nurses?"
"Who knew Maria Shriver had the most appalling voice in the world? No wonder Arnie sought solace with the Spanish help!"
"Did you know that when girls eat asparagus, their pee smells bad too?"
"You'll be glad to know that mock turtlenecks are still alive and well in San Francisco."
"Isn't couture arguably ephemera?"
"I just reverse-engineered a Cobb salad!"
"Before people get a divorce, they should try switching the side of the bed they sleep on. Problem fixed!"
In the same manner that one's life becomes more complicated as one gets older, parenthood also becomes progressively more challenging as one's child gets older. The stakes are higher. The repercussions become more serious. And every event takes on greater significance. Navigating the perils of changing diapers become laughable after one realizes that those were the gravy days.
It's difficult to explain parenthood to those who don't yet have children, because becoming a parent is an intensely personal experience. Every child is different. Every parent is different. Every culture has their own way of doing things. The experience is fundamentally different for every new parent in the world, yet children are the one universally shared thing that binds our giant collective chain letter of human beings together, regardless of nationality and language. How do you explain the unexplainable?
As Jeff Atwood succintly said,
As an adult, you may think you've roughly mapped the continent of love and relationships. You've loved your parents, a few of your friends, eventually a significant other. You have some tentative cartography to work with from your explorations. You form ideas about what love is, its borders and boundaries. Then you have a child, look up to the sky, and suddenly understand that those bright dots in the sky are whole other galaxies.
You can't possibly know the enormity of the feelings you will have for your children. It is absolutely fucking terrifying.
It never ceases to amaze me how much I love the Peanut.
The Peanut is now seven and while she has grown up to be an incredible child, I often find myself constantly thinking about her past, present, and future. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was changing her diapers? How does the time fly by so quickly? With all the dramatic changes she's experienced in her life thus far, am I really doing absolutely everything in my power to ensure her current happiness and well-being? What obstacles lie ahead? In what ways will she thrive? Where will she struggle? How can I protect her?
These are the questions that keep me up at night.
Ultimately I remember to take a deep breath, bring myself back to earth, and remind myself that while the days may be long, the years go by fast. The kid is only seven.
And you know what?
Seven is cool.
This is seven.
Peanut is more stylish than I could ever hope to be. I guess being a sartorialist is genetic!
Hey MetroDad, would you cosider accepting questions for a mailbag in the near future?
Posted by: mia | March 11, 2012 at 10:46 PM
I completely get what you're saying about parenting. My son is just about to turn one. I feel so lucky every day and happy to have every moment with him, even the cranky crying ones, because he's growing up so fast. I worry constantly about what I can do to help him best and how I can protect him. It's the best and most terrifying thing I've ever done. Your daughter is lovely and obviously very smart and observant. So you have been doing something right :).
Posted by: hksjjm | March 12, 2012 at 12:53 PM
She is so stylish and beautiful!!
Try Italian book: La solitudine dei numeri pari (it has been translated but not sure of the exact title)-you won't regret it.
Posted by: Jennifer | March 13, 2012 at 01:20 AM
"While the days may be long, the years go by fast." That's my favorite parenting quote ever. It's also a healthy mantra that I use to remind myself when I feel like I'm going to lose it.
Peanut is gorgeous, MD!
Posted by: Janet C. | March 13, 2012 at 12:30 PM
Just found your blog! Gah, I love it! And I'm a reluctant yogi too: my absolute worst experience was in a class taught by a substitute for my no-nonsense regular teacher. I had a sinking feeling from the beginning (maybe caught a whiff of patchouli) but it got really bad when the sub insisted that anyone can do a headstand if they tap into their 'heartspace', then she reassured us that if we were finding the class difficult it was probably because mars was 'debilitated'. Literal-minded me thought, "Holy shit, if mars has been hit by an asteroid or something what the hell are we doing just sitting around here?!?!" When nobody else freaked out, I realized this was probably some astrology thing, so I let it slide. Most annoying class ever, but I can touch my toes now, so it's probably worth the occasional frustration.
Posted by: rose | March 13, 2012 at 05:22 PM
This is my first time i visit here. I found so many entertaining stuff in your blog, especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your articles, I guess I am not the only one having all the leisure here! Keep up the good work
Posted by: Tom Simth | March 16, 2012 at 01:20 AM
I love your writing style and always look forward to seeing that you've got a new post up. The Peanut is beautiful!
Posted by: Marnie | March 16, 2012 at 03:16 PM
A wise man once said...namaste, bitches!
Posted by: h | March 17, 2012 at 10:55 PM
I love your writing style!
Posted by: Jessica | March 19, 2012 at 03:46 PM
I have a 7 year-old and a 9 year-old and I'm overwhelmed on a constant basis by how much I love them. I have to agree also that being a dad is probably the most terrifying thing I've ever done. I look at those little 50 lb bodies and their vulnerable little emotions and it's all too easy to imagine them being harmed. Not to be morbid, but I can't even begin to imagine myself recovering from losing one of my girls. I try not to be too much of a fearful wuss or a modern dad.
I used to read all the time, but not so much anymore. Actually, I did read If You Give a Moose a Muffin the other day - well, now that I think about it, my daughter read that one to me.
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If you haven't read it yet, I would strongly recommend "A Visit from the Goon Squad" by Jennifer Egan!
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SNAPPLE says:If its a public scohol you should talk to them about going nut free I have a very severe peanut allergy and our scohol went peanut free.
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Alaefs Posted on si claro es facil para el que sabe usarlo, pero hay agunlos que queremos aprender a usarlo y en los tutoriales no se puede dar por sentado lo que uno conoce o no, se supone que es para todo el mundo, no es cierto?Con esto quiero decirte que no me parece correcta la respuesta que le has dado a nose . Los tutoriales no son para quien sabe, sino para quien quiere aprender.
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:)
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Let's see:Come vergine (or: Comme une vgeire)Il serpente al cuore freddoMi accec colla scienzaLa gallina fa le uovaIn punta di piedi va il caneUomo e bambino sotto la luna intrecciano il tessutoLa femme l'orange s'evanouitFond la neige satur eL'accumulatrice di filoLes tag res s' croulaient pendant que le chat Gli uccelli ansiosi in altoLe cisaillement des arbres grotesquesSotto la mammella della vaccaTazze di carta e guanti di gommaI think my favorites so far are A dog walks on tiptoe and The pruning of the misshapen trees.
Posted by: Tuncay | July 06, 2012 at 07:22 AM
Oh Joyce you make me chuckle! I'm sooo sorry you bemace allergic to nuts! What a travesty! At least, you can look at lovely pictures and avoid the calories...I know...little consolation.Thanks for visiting friend!-Rachel
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Posted by: Ikmal | March 30, 2013 at 01:56 PM
I've been a smoker for a very long time. I've wrtlseed with quitting for about two years now. I'll stop, then start and back and forth. I gain weight, lose weight and kick my own ass the entire time. I know smoking is bad, it effects my athsma too. I will beat it someday. Each time I quit its for longer and longer. I've tried cold turkey and had horrible withdrawls, I tried Wellbutrin and it made me cold and numb emotionally, I tried Chantix and decided it was a miricle drug until I went off it and suddenly the cravings hit me like a freight train. It was like Chantix was a dam, holding them back and when I stopped taking it they all flooded me. I went back on it for a while, quit smoking again and started again and quit again. This time I have to stay off of it. I'll have to quit on my own. Chantix isn't approved for use as long as I've been taking it. *sigh* One day I'll get there.
Posted by: Igor | March 30, 2013 at 05:40 PM
I smoked in cgoelle too, and quit when my husband almost caught me. I realized I didn't want him to be dating a smoker so I, too, quit cold turkey. I still crave one now and then, but then I remember that it won't be as enjoyable as it was 3 years ago: it'll taste like an ash tray then and the next morning, my throat will be sore, my clothes will smell. But there are times I miss it. I just wonder why my will power to quit smoking doesn't translate to weight loss
Posted by: Kuchipudi | March 30, 2013 at 07:15 PM
Yep, I used to smoke when I drank in college. Then I raleized that the grossest feeling that I had after a night of drinking was not the hangover but the cigarette taste and phlegm in my throat. I haven't smoked in years now. And yeah, now I think it's gross when people are smoking around me.
Posted by: Adeilson | March 31, 2013 at 01:36 AM
And over 450,000 And over 450,000 people die anaulnly because of Tobacco smoking in the United States alone.Not a single person has EVER died in 5000 years of Cannabis history.Not a single one. Do you know the government keeps a checken on weed in coffee shops/marijuana dispenseries and revokes their license if they do not follow procedures of hygiene? And as if cigarettes don't contain urea,arsenic,cyanide,lead and polonium? I have a very trust dealer and always check my stuff before buying Was this answer helpful?
Posted by: Ranoosh | March 31, 2013 at 03:29 AM
well your right well your right about 1 thing, all smokers are finukcg stupid. since when did weed become cheap lol, and yes people get addicted to weed. why do you think they smoke it you dumb shit. weed makes you lazy, smelly, and fat. probably like you. enjoy your lazyness Was this answer helpful?
Posted by: Fateh | April 02, 2013 at 05:07 AM