MetroDad

A Brief Note on Giving Thanks

As I look around me, I can't help but get the feeling that America seems to be an angry place these days. 

We're angry that a shrinking portion of the population controls a growing portion of the money. We're angry that public schools are failing our children. We're angry that our so-called leaders are more concerned with partisan mudslinging than solving our nation''s problems. But more than anything else, we all seem to be angry with one another.

Look, I get it. We're a PMS nation built on anger. Heck, the very foundation of this country was built on anger. "What, you're going to tax us without fair representation? You're going to tell us whom to worship?  You're going to treat us like 2nd-class citizens? Fuck that. We're starting our own country!"

However, we seem to have reached a point where the appropriate response to life's irritations is sheer anger and rage. Have you read the newspaper lately? Every minor tangle is a potential interpersonal Gulf of Tonkin incident. Funny looks on the street result in brawls. Incidents on the highway result in road rage. Innocuous slights by strangers end up in wrathful revenge. 

Now, don't get me wrong. Everyone feels anger. I don't ever want to NOT feel anger. But, as Dennis Miller once said, the collective mistake we're making is this: Anger used to be a bass line that we used to merely provide a funky bottom to our cultural zeitgeist. It's now broken out into a shrieking guitar solo that's drawing a rivulet of blood from all our ears.

So maybe during this holiday week when we get together with all of our weird relatives and stuff our faces, we can turn the dial down on some of that hate and take some time to remember how lucky all of us truly are. In the grand scheme of things, even the most disgruntled among us is living better than 99% of our fellow inhabitants on the planet. Trust me, I've seen it firsthand.

For better or worse, let's give thanks and be truly grateful for all that we do have in our lives. Let's remember to help those who are less fortunate. And let's always remember that health, love and friendship should never be taken for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you and your families. Good will towards all.

Peace out, homies.

 

Random Text Messages From My Friends, Vol. 7

The following text missives from my cell phone are all about to get purged so, as usual, I thought I'd jot them down here for posterity. Names and telephone numbers have been withheld to protect the (not-so) innocent.

"The best part about Halloween is giving out packets of ketchup to little kids."

"What's worse? Piercing your newborn's ears or giving her a lower back tattoo?"

"Wife walked in on me doing the robot. It didn't faze her. The thrill is gone."

"Patron tequila with limes doesn't count as a juice cleanse, homeboy."

"Just ate shrimp cocktail, lobster salad, sushi, snow crabs. I'm about to crap The Deadliest Catch."

"Ever walk by a group of women and hear one of them tell her friends 'I''d tap that?'"

"Don't judge Heather Mills until you've hopped a mile in her shoe."

"Best part about working for myself is giving the boss handjobs under the desk."

"Dallas is making me feel very brunette."

"Please say you're kidding about the colonic. Is crapping bib lettuce and spicy lemonade not enough for you?"

"I want to be me when I grow up but with more hair and cars and a better second serve."

"Thinking of starting an Alan Parsons Project cover band. You want in?"

"Can't decide what I like most about this party: all the recently divorced men or the baby lamb chops."

"I live where botox and silicon runneth over but the gustatory landscape is severely lacking."

"My husband is reading Vogue and I'm watching the Detroit Lions game. That answer your question?"

"Everyone here reminds me of mashed potatoes. White and lumpy."

"Remember when we used to to party and go to rap shows? I'm now at the Bryan Ferry concert drinking chardonnay. Where did things go wrong?"

"The only guys who like Coldplay are the ones who want to sleep with girls who like Coldplay."

"Just spent 2 hours on WebMD. Convinced I'm dying. Fare thee well!"

 

MetroDad GiveAway: Your turn, folks. What's the funniest or most random text message you've received? The reader who submits a comment that makes milk come out my nose wins a brand-new Apple IPod Shuffle. Be sure to leave your e-mail address in the comments.