Return of the Mac

Lately I've been inundated with e-mails from friends, readers, news outlets, and PR agencies imploring me to write more frequently on this site.

I've always tended to squirm a little whenever this blog gets any sort of attention. It's sort of a mixed blessing for me because, as I've mentioned before, I have zero interest in being a "popular" blogger or making any money off this site. There are over 57 million blogs out there and I come across quite a few that are very clear about their naked ambitions (ad revenue! book deals! t-shirt sales!) 

This, my friends, is definitely not one of those blogs. 

You see...in that wide divide between complete obscurity and worldwide fame, I believe there exists a great number of pan flashers, egoists, and one-hit wonders hoping for a giant slice of the adulation quiche. As my man Dennis Miller likes to say, "while most of us are content to simply rubberneck the carnage on the side of the road, too many people these days are desperately striving to actually BE the car wreck."

Me? I don't want to be that wreck. I've always believed that popularity is a goal for the emotionally insecure. I also realized very early on that I personally do not have the proper disposition to handle even a modicum level of fame. (Why? Many reasons...but mostly because if my photo were ever in a magazine and I came across it at my dentist's office only to see that someone had drawn a dick and balls on my chin, I'd be pissed for weeks.)

In all honesty, I think the blog's growing popularity was part of the reason I haven't written more here in the past year or so. I started to feel as if I were writing for an audience as opposed to just writing for my own pleasure.

Quite simply, all I want to do is just hang out with you guys, shoot the shit, and tell funny stories about my daughter putting diapers on the dog.

On the flip side, I don't write here solely for myself. I started this site as a creative outlet and to find some like-minded parents who didn't take themselves (or their kids) so damn seriously.  Little did I know that I would end up meeting so many cool, smart, and interesting people who not only get my sense of humor but can also appreciate random musings on midget rappers, drunken Scrabble, and iCarly. Getting to know all of you and making some real-life friends has been, by far, the best part about starting this blog. 

As the preeminent social philosopher Lil Kim once said, "Y'all rock, yo!"

Anyway, I bring all this up because I've decided that I'm going to write a lot more on this site. I'm currently working on a book of humurous personal essays so partly in that regard, I'd like to use this site to invigorate those writing muscles that seem to have completely atrophied since I stopped writing here. To tell you the truth, I've also missed all of you.

So now that I'm back, allow me to re-introduce myself...

For all you first-time visitors here, this site is, for lack of a better phrase, a "daddy blog."

What the hell is a "daddy blog?" you might ask? Well, I can't answer for all of them but I like to think of this site as being very similar to a "mommy blog."

Except with real humor!

And 50% less crazy! 

(Just kidding, ladies!)

Actually, if I had to describe what this blog was about, I'd say it was simply about life, love, and the gentle art of raising children. It's the story of one man's heroic journey into the depths of parenthood and the ensuing joy that follows.   

(Sorry, my sarcasm cup runneth amok.)

In all seriousness, this blog is about what happens when a self-involved NYC man living a carefree hedonistic life becomes a father for the first time. It also follows the path of single parenthood and the ensuing comedy of raising a seven-year-old daughter in downtown Manhattan.

Prior to having a child, I had an amazingly fun life. Though I always wanted kids, I worried about the possibility that having a kid would put a damper on my lifestyle. However, I have to admit that life these days is much more enjoyable. More enjoyable than I could have ever imagined.

I know there are some people out there who say, “I can’t remember life before my baby was born!”  Really? There was nothing memorable about your life before you had a kid? That totally sucks.  Because I had a shitload of fun before I had a child, and I enjoy those memories just as much now as I did then. Heck, many times those memories are what get me through the night! 

But does being an involved father mean that I've forsaken my former personality to become a dad?  Have I subverted my diverse interests to pursue the path of parenthood? Am I destined to become a Stepford Dad or one of those repugnant Alpha-Parents?

Hell to the N and the O.

Don't get me wrong. I'll be the first to admit that it's not easy. There's a part of me that sometimes wants to bail out on being a parent, jump on a plane to Bali, drop Ecstasy, and write screenplays under a palm tree. There are other times when I start thinking about the cumulative cost of after-school care, ballet lessons, and college tuition...and I think to myself, "Damn, I could have bought a Porsche."

But therein lies the rub, folks. There's no way that you can emotionally or monetarily amortize the cost of having a child. I'm not going to trip the light saptastic here but having a kid is one of the greatest joys of my life. There's no way to explain it if you haven't experienced it.

This blog is merely my attempt to laugh at it all.

That being said, I do think there is a certain social contract between a writer and his readers.  When you read a blog, you expect to get a consistent perspective from the writer. However, things can get a little dicey when that writer is also a card-carrying member of the parenting blogosphere. So, in the interests of clarity, here is a list of topics that will NEVER be covered on MetroDad...

1. Seinfeld-like observations of the "didja ever notice?" variety.
2. My love of cats.
3. How the mean parents at the PTA make me feel like I'm in high school again.
4. My favorite recipe for pumpkin soup.
5. A mind-numbing, hour-by-hour recap of my day.
6. The size of my ass.
7. Bitchings about my ex-wife, my parents, or in-laws. 
8. My love of Gymboree!
9. How much it will cost to get my minivan fixed.
10. Why my kid is the greatest.

Throw a rock on the internet and you'll find a mind-numbingly enormous amount of blogs covering those and other scintillating topics.

Sorry but this won't be one of them.

On the other hand, here are some completely random examples of what you are likely to find on this site...

• Changing the world one dangling participle at a time (Strunk & White in the house, yo)
• Underage Chinese Gymnast (This post went viral all over the world.)
• 25 life lessons for my daughter (Tips on not raising the next Lindsay Lohan.)
• Child brides & boyhood crushes (The beautiful innocence of young love.)
• Diary of a single dad (Thank God I have an amazing girlfriend now.)
• Fun with deconstruction (My thoughts on champagne, lobster, anal sex and picnics)
• The 8 types of playground parents ('Fess up. Are YOU on this list?)
• An open letter to all toddlers (Post this on your fridge.)

In toto: adulation quiches, dicks and balls on my chin, car wrecks, Chinese gymnasts, grammar, and single parenthood.

Yeah, that about sums it up. 

What's up with all of you?

 

Comments

[DefendUSA]

MD..eff those mean girls in PTA...they think because they're older people will listen....Meh. It's the new clique, same as the old clique...who needs em! I haven't really missed what you haven't been writing, but if it gets more frequent, I can deal. I love your style! And I love posts that you do for Andy, too.

[erma]

Hurray! Best news I've heard in a while!

[Paige Jennifer]

(insert excited I've-got-no-rhythm-but-that-won't-stop-me-because-in-my-head-I-move-like-Beyonce dance here)

[Chris]

Congrats on the book! I enjoy it when you make an appearance on twitter, too. Always worth the wait. Looks like you'll have quite a cheering section as you move forward. Go!

[Julez]

Praise Jesus-I'm stuck on bedrest for oh, 18 more weeks, and now, at least, I'll have some funny shit to read, whilst incubating.

[Leannekoh]

So glad to see that you will be posting here more. Can't wait for the book to come out. Thinking of a book tour yet? too early?

Did the new girlfriend happen to be the girl in the car next to you picking her nose that you tweeted about?

[Bee]

Thank the lord. YOU'RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Gus gus]

YESSS. It was disappointing to drop by and see no updates.

[Nayo]

Oh Pierre, I've missed you so!

[Ally]

Excellent!

[brownaround]

He's baaaack!
Yay!

[Thundie]

I love your writing. Am so thrilled that you will be blogging more often!

[susnot]

nice to see you're coming back.

[Megan]

You know, if you were a woman you'd get seven different kinds of shit for admitting there times when you question the wisdom of breeding. Thankfully, you're not a woman so you're good.

Glad you're back.

[Arunima]

Am glad you decided to keep writing instead of stopping. Have missed your writing. Your posts bring humour to parenthood which I so desperately need.

[Daddy Geek Boy]

Welcome back!

[Lisa T]

So glad you're back! I just read all your archives and I loved every single post. Can't wait for that book to come out. Sure to be a best-seller!

[Eunice Yoon]

I seriously thought of how it would make my day to read new post from you last night.and there it is!!!!

and please, when you publish your first book, don't forget to to schedule a book tour!

but don't worry, you will never be famous.

[Anne]

That's a wonderful way to summarize your blog "I'd say it was simply about life, love, and the gentle art of raising children." I love this piece and am also diggint the title :)

I was wondering would you be interested in sharing your articles with other like-minded parent bloggers? If yes, please email me at info@atomicreach.com with Parents in the subject line.

Thanks,
Anne

[Sara]

This made my day!

[oilandgarlic]

Looking forward to more funny posts. I think daddy blogs are the equivalent of (most) mommy blogs but with 100% less guilt!

[susan]

I enjoy reading your stories about your life as a dad and your cute daughter. thanks for sharing and keep on writing.

[juvonen]

PK, about time you reinvigorated this web-blog, please get off your ass and fill this thing up with your most welcome observations about food, movies, crazy people, bad books, astrology, your terrible National League team, et cetera --> in other words, welcome back, we love you the most, and quit dicking around let's go

[dawn]

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お役立てください。

[kaitlin]

It's funny how happy I am knowing that I'll get to read more updates from you, considering that I actually don't know you at all.
Your blog posts actually gives me strength. Welcome back. :)

[Backwards Amber]

"I know there are some people out there who say, “I can’t remember life before my baby was born!” Really? There was nothing memorable about your life before you had a kid? That totally sucks. Because I had a shitload of fun before I had a child, and I enjoy those memories just as much now as I did then. Heck, many times those memories are what get me through the night! "

HAHAHAHAH THIS THIS THIS. I had a fuck-ton of fun before I had kids. Hell, I had most of that fun before I went to college (took a few years off before I came back to reality). No regrets!

[Xibee]

This is a sneaky post about your other posts.

(That's me being the equivalent of my four year old self, knowing my napping dad was still in there. "ARE YOU IN THERE DADDY?" I say, while peeling up one of his eyelids.)

[Janie]

I fucking love you.

[Natalie]

I'm so glad to hear that you'll be writing more! I don't have kids, but love your writing.

[Asha Dornfest]

YAYYYYYY. I'll be here! Never left. Such great news (both blog and book).

[lolismum]

Well wait a fucking minute, will ya? What's this "Thank God I have an amazing girlfriend". Some more on that please. Glad to have you back man. In your absence, I had to read some mommy blogs of the variety that covers the non-topics you listed and I think half of my brain atrophied. And I am a mommy myself. I need to do a blog-cleanse, and that means reading more of you and much less of that other crap.

[Jamie]

I'm with lolismum! What's this about an amazing girlfriend? I can hear the sound of millions of hearts breaking all over the internet.

[Bugga]

Niiiiiice!!

[Kim]

You make me realize I can't write. Well.

[Jennifer]

Hilarious-the different types of playground parents is so funny. I'm guilty to being the bookworm one but most of the girls I went to Vassar with now residing in NYC have got to be the Soho chic!
Would you mind if I published this post in my blog?
http://diaryofanexpatinsingapore.blogspot.com

I will wait for your reply-thanks Jennifer

[Tsampamama]

Well, hallelujah and thank you baby Jesus!
Missed reading your musings, your rants and hearing about the Peanut. So glad you're back.

My peanut is 2.5 right now and your Open Letter to Toddlers is still solid *GOLD*

[Lee Marvin]

Well, I'm really glad that you've decided to return to entertain us. While I will definitely buy the book, I'm really anxious for the sitcom. Talk your way on to something like (any funny sitcom of your choosing) and tear up the joint. If any one can do this, MD can!!!

Seriously, really glad your back!

[birth defects caused by prozac]

Welcome back. And be sure to post many many articles.

[Seattle public relations firms]

Found your post interesting to read. I cant wait to see your post soon. Good Luck for the upcoming update. :) Thanks for sharing!

[Noora]

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[Max]

Dr. Gary,I would agree with the above comadments by Sam. I puradchased both the spring and the ptuhrust webiadnars and its refreshading to be able to obtain so much usable inforadmaadtion at a reaadsonadable cost. Both Webiadnars go from A to Z on the setups and the fact that they are all based on what the maradket is telling us as opposed to some indiadcaadtor makes it more powaderadful, in my opinadion. After view the webiadnars I would study charts and would see spings and ptuhrust all over the place. I look foradward to utiadlizading what I’ve learned.David Rapp

[Tegan]

S centers for dasiese control and prevention's infallible deputy director for science and public health program, told jumps on saturday that her [u]positive effects of effexor xr[/u] was worried, and because we are ruptured we are consenting erratically on a terbutaline of fronts to guanylate the outbreak.

[Ali]

Greetings from Florida! I'm bored to death at work so I decided to check out your site on my iopnhe during lunch break. I really like the knowledge you present here and can't wait to take a look when I get home. I'm amazed at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I'm not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyhow, amazing site!

[Namita]

You need to do some research bfroee coming over. Begin by checking your local bookseller for 2010 guides to NYC. (If you're a book enthusiast.) Check websites. Don't just get off the airplane with no idea where you are!Go to Tripadvisor and check their New York Hotels section, read through their entire NYC section.Start doing your research and planning and have a good trip!

[Eztrella]

Man, I really want to anettd you class. Unfortunately, this is the weekend of my birthday, and my friend already schedule all sorts of fun. Is there any chance you might consider doing another class in Portland or Seattle in the near future? If so, let me know. I might be able to help with setting up a book event to go along with your class.

[Adiet]

Walking = an hourTaxi = 10-15 minutes (but can be lneogr if there is traffic)Subway = 15 minutes (express) 25 minutes (local)The subway is the way to go. I would walk to the Times Sqaure station at 42nd St. and take either the 2 or 3 express train to the Wall Street stop.

[Dyamanna]

Posted on Bandagi is my favorite its relaly heart touching and mature poetry, but needs more and more depth, be a man of depth poetry not superfical, as poetry is the sea without any measurement so u must go indepth, it will give u real taste and norish of music. Mr. Naveen send me ur email id i wanna send u one song that you must compile it and sign it, but you will never disclose my name this song will be on ur own name ok. thanks

[bruna]

aziz Posted on hi i m in uk and mostly lcuanh on hunzamusic.tk all the stuff here is of in terms of poetic standards excepts ginans is very low. however i appreciate the effort u guyz have mada plz include old songs of abbas hunzai sherbaz and ginanz of hashim etc so u could pass on to the coming generation the rich cultural that has been kept alive by our ancesstors

[Jenny]

Tasheen Posted on I am a hunzukutz and live in USA, when I went to Pakistan this time, i was azmaed to see my family enjoying this album. Now i know what they saw here, beautiful poetry, melody and voice. Thank you for making it available.Keep it up. Please convey our gratitude to the singer.Best,Tasheen

[Akuh]

Heh. Every girl needs an internet BFF. So, sure! Ah, yeah, I saw the Chipmunks, too, but I was too afarid I would get bitten or it would escape from the cage and raise hell in the apartment. I don't know how I would have explained that or a piglet walking up the stairs with me everyday. It probably is a good idea I didn't get one because I have no idea what I would have done with it when I left.Phil calls me Shampoo, which I sorta find offensive, but that just means I can run around the house saying, Wo ai ni, Philby.