Wow, it's been more than 3 months since I've posted here. I have to admit that I've thought about just shutting down this site. Like everything else in my life right now, I've had mixed emotions about the whole thing. To be quite honest, does anyone even read blogs anymore?
Or as my boy Kanye said, "Do anybody make real shit anymore?
At the end of the day, I miss writing in this space. After all these years, this is the place that feels like home. I've loved developing real-life relationships that wouldn't have existed had I not started writing here in the first place. It's something I never expected and has definitely added an interesting wrinkle to my life.
But enough with this emo shit. Let's get down to brass tacks, yo.
SIX GOING ON STRANGE
The Peanut is 6.5 years old. Sometimes I think that if she makes it to 7, it will be a miracle. Her need to argue and plead every case often makes me wonder whether she's the illegitimate love-child of Atticus Finch and Gloria Allred. Plus, she's at that annoying age where she thinks she's right about absolutely everything. Drives me freaking bonkers. I do have to admit though that the stuff that comes out of her mouth these days is pretty hilarious:
"Wake up, homeboy. It's time to make me some breakfast."
"If I had a million dollars, I'd quit school and just watch TV all day.
"Hey, do me a favor? Make me a BLT but without the lettuce and the tomato?"
"Well, you say that you're going to be married forever but that didn't really happen to you the first time around, did it?"
"Even though you're wearing a hat, I can still tell you have an enormous head."
"The craziest people in the world are 6-year-old boys."
ON MALE BLOGGING: WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE?
Part of the reason I considered shutting down this site is because I find myself slightly disillusioned about the public over-sharing, diary-like, confessional, first-person blog writing that seems to be becoming more and more prevalent.
Especially among men and fellow dad bloggers.
Don't get me wrong. As long-time readers know, I've painfully bared my soul here plenty of times.
On the one hand, it's enlightening to see more and more men of a certain age with the emotional intelligence to be able to introspectively write about the issues that affect their lives. This has never really happened before. When it first started happening, it was regarded with gravity and respect. It was openly naked first-person essay writing and it was practically a watershed moment.
But it was rarely appreciated under the blogging format. To call it blogging would have cheapened it.
Why? Because let's face it. Blogging is a medium designed for memes, emo tumblr photos, inspirational quotes, and the internal musings of disaffected 23-year-old women and stay-at-home moms.
Is sharing feelings how men are supposed to act online?
As a recent Village Voice article put it:
"Men shouldn't whine or feel pain and they certainly shouldn't fucking cry, according to left-over cultural expectations lodged in the heads of even social progressives, feminists, children of the liberal arts. And there's a certain self-consciousness that comes with being a male online. Where have all the cowboys gone? What would our grandfathers think of us, pining for a partner or "Why me-ing?" about health concerns to strangers? And who do we look to for proper example? There are only so many words written by Dan Savage, and we've been told to avoid Tucker Max."
I don't have the answers to these questions.
A METRODAD QUIZ: REAL OR FAKE SLATE.COM ARTICLES?
1. "Mary Gates & Karen Zuckerberg Weren't Tiger Moms: Is Amy Chua Bad for the U.S. Economy?"
2. "The End of the Mancession: Why Women Are the Economy's Biggest Losers"
3. "The Mecca of the Mouse: Can an Adult Man Have Fun at DisneyWorld Alone?"
4. "Do 3-D Glasses Work on Cats?"
5. "Bite Me: An Evolutionary Case for Cannibalism"
THREE IDEAS FOR TELEVISION SHOWS
1. "The Shores of Jersey": A reality show following around a closely-knit group of septuagenarians living in a house together on the Isle of Jersey. When they're not knitting shetland sweaters and peeling potatoes, they're doing body shots of whiskey and fist-pumping dolphins.
2. "Under the Big Top": We have reality shows about every profession. How has nobody ever done one about a circus? There's so much I NEED to know. How often does the bearded lady shave? Exactly how much midget sex is going on? Is it true that when elephants get pissed, they pee on people? C'mon, people. Let's make this happen!
3. "For Womb the Bell Tolls": Medical drama/soap opera about life in a maternity ward. Screaming mothers, freaked-out dads, jaded nurses, weird doctors, and babies born with webbed feet.
THREE GENERATIONS & THE DILUTION OF OTHERNESS
As I've written about many times, it was always a little discomfiting to grow up straddled between two cultures. Having been raised by Korean immigrant parents who weren't wholly versed in the ways of modern American life certainly made for an interesting childhood.
Aside from constantly feeling the pressures of being torn by two different cultures, I also had to deal with friends coming over, opening our fridge, smelling kimchi and yelling, "Yo, man. Your house fucking stinks!"
But two of the great benefits of adulthood are perspective and hindsight. Despite all the teenage angst I might have had at the time, I now think it's hilariously funny during those moments when I realize that the apple never really does fall far from the tree.
Even to this day, someone will talk about sleeping with a fan on in the bedroom and I'll yell out, "Sleeping with a fan on? Are you fucking crazy? That's the leading cause of death!"
Or when my daughter is sick, I literally bury her under 20 blankets so she can "sweat it out."
(By the way, unless you have insane Asian parents, you're probably not going to understand why those two things are so funny.)
In a similar fashion, I always laugh because whenever Donald Duck's name comes up, a Finnish buddy of mine will yell out, "Do you know he's banned in Finnland because he doesn't wear pants?"
Raising my third-generation Korean-American daughter, I often wonder to myself, "How much does one's culture get diluted over time?"
I'm starting to realize that even though she's only 6, at some level my daughter is clearly already cognizant of all of this. For the past two years, she's been eating the lunch provided by school. However, lately we've been talking about me making her lunches to take to school. One of the recent times we were having that conversation, she said, "Ok, Daddy, but none of that weird stuff."
"What kind of weird stuff?"
"No eel. No seaweed. No octopus. No pork chops. I just want sandwiches, chips and a juice box."
What?! She LOVES eel, seaweed, octopus, and pork chops.
Having suffered from the wary looks from my fellow elementary school friends when my mom sent me to school with Japanese bento boxes and chopsticks, I wholeheartedly empathize with my daughter's desire to fit in and assimilate among her peers. In one's youth, there is rarely as powerful of an emotional dilemma than the need to be just like everyone else. I get it, kiddo. The nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down.
But never in a million years did I ever think I would feel so sad about it.
I do.
My picky daughter has a no weird stuff in her lunch rule, but she might disregard that rule for seaweed, which she loves.
Lots of thoughts about the dilution of culture, but the blazer game is on, so my attention is diverted.
Posted by: nonlineargirl | April 17, 2011 at 12:40 AM
It's so strange because I've been reading your blog since the very beginning yet have never written a comment before.
I'm 27, female, single and don't have kids yet your blog has always resonated with me and I think that's due to your unique voice, your willingness to share with your readers, and the natural flow of your writing.
I've really enjoyed reading you over the years. I also feel like I've learned a lot from you.
I guess my point is that I'd miss you if you were gone. Please stay.
Posted by: Tristine | April 17, 2011 at 12:52 AM
I'm so glad you're back! Please don't stop, I love reading about you and Peanut :)
Posted by: Grace Chen | April 17, 2011 at 01:25 AM
It is obvious from the number of comments that blogging is alive and still enjoyed. Yes, there are a number of bloggers who do not have a good grasp on the importance of being able to write well and their blogs just become emotional masturbation. You seem to have a good grip on the boundary line between sharing and privacy. The fact you do it with humor is why you are so popular. Thanks for the new post. I hope you keep them coming. Thinking of you and wishing you the best
Posted by: carosgram | April 17, 2011 at 08:39 AM
I don't read a lot of male blogs. Mostly because I find that a lot of male bloggers have this annoying "look at me" egotistic narcissism in their writing. In a few cases, I could probably overlook it...if only the writing were better.
It's not surprising that you've considered shutting down your blog. I always get the feeling that whenever your blog gets press or is highlighted all over the internet, you purposefully don't write for awhile or you write something to discourage the popularity.
That humility is rare on the interwebs.
I do hope you continue to write here. You have a unique voice and I dig your offbeat sense of humor. It's always a pleasure coming here.
Posted by: Alison M | April 17, 2011 at 10:32 AM
please keep writing! you keep me going!
Posted by: K | April 17, 2011 at 11:52 AM
Those television ideas made me smile. In your next life, you should be a network TV exec. Nice to have you back, MD.
Posted by: Janie | April 17, 2011 at 04:00 PM
glad to see you're back, MD.
TOTALLY got you on the fan/blankets comment - despite no fan-related incidents in my 30 years of living on this Earth, I am still leery of sleeping with one on.
my dad's cure-all remedy for all illnesses was "go to sleep and you'll feel better in the morning." it was surprisingly effective.
and I don't have kids yet, but it would totally break my heart if they rejected Korean food...! I think I'd send them to my parents' house for a week to straighten them out.
Posted by: jen | April 17, 2011 at 07:11 PM
As usual, your writing hits the nail on the head. I just left Twitter, and am on a 30 day Facebook cleanse.
I also missed my blog.
Posted by: Linda V | April 17, 2011 at 08:11 PM
Maybe your blogging questions could make for a panel at the Dad 2.0 summit coming in March '12. Doug's going to be looking for ideas soon, you know.
Saw your comment at the Jack B. And while there is a lot of poop online from our crowd (though my gripe is more with the desperate pursuits of dollars via giveaways and reviews, because it's basically no content, as opposed to the pussyboy content you reference above), there's also a lot of traction, a lot of growth, and a lot of effort at quality and relevancy.
Posted by: The Muskrat | April 17, 2011 at 08:17 PM
I read your blog! I love your writing and it totally makes my day when your new posts show up in my RSS feed.
Posted by: Rachel C | April 17, 2011 at 10:09 PM
After the first few days of kindergarten, my daughter came home with tears in her eyes. When pressed, she explained that all the kids in her class made fun of her for bringing fried rice, egg rolls and lychees for lunch. They said she was weird and her food smelled funny.
My heart broke. It really starts so early? In kindergarten? Aren't we past all this by now? It's not the 1950's anymore.
As much as I wanted my daughter to stay strong, kindergarten is hard enough as it is. From then on, it's been bologna sandwiches and PB&J.
And yeah, MD. It makes me sad too.
Posted by: Celeste | April 17, 2011 at 10:34 PM
please don't stop blogging. i check your website regularly to see if it got updated and FINALLY i see an update... and update to maybe close it down? nooooooooooooooo! don't do it!! :(
Posted by: sbebe | April 18, 2011 at 03:39 AM
Blogging has definitely been somewhat cheapened by the oversharing but I've also been turned off by how many bloggers seem to be in it just for the free swag. If your blog consists of pimping out products and giving away worthless stuff, it's not a blog.
It doesn't really matter because 99% of the blogs out there are written so poorly that I can't even stand reading them. That's really what kills me.
Pooh---don't mind me. I'm cranky on Mondays and I still haven't had any coffee.
Great having you back here, Monsieur Metro. I've missed reading your posts. Please write more!
Posted by: Samantha P | April 18, 2011 at 11:34 AM
Oh man another blog on the verge of death. I blame Twitter and Facebook. It's just too easy to bang out a few words and post while blogging is freakin hard work.
Good job.
Posted by: Chris | April 18, 2011 at 12:08 PM
Thanks for the update. Even if you only post every three months I'll still stop by from time to time to read.
Posted by: Brian | April 18, 2011 at 01:49 PM
Please don't stop blogging. You're one of the very few personal blogs written by men that I still read and enjoy immensely!
Posted by: Geek in Heels | April 18, 2011 at 02:32 PM
I think I might have the Peanut's missing Jewish twin. I'm astounded by the things that come out of my 6 year old's mouth. Half of them leave my jaw gaping in shock. The other half have me cracking up.
And yes, I think my little one is a future litigator also. Today we spent 20 minutes arguing why she shouldn't have french toast every day!
Posted by: Rick | April 18, 2011 at 03:55 PM
I've never commented on any of your posts before, but that doesn't mean I don't thoroughly enjoy them all. Please don't stop writing it it's my favourite blog on the internet. I shed a tear when I read your post about you splitting from your wife.
Love,
A teenager from London.
Posted by: James | April 18, 2011 at 06:20 PM
You're a cowboy in my book, MD. I don't even read any other male/daddy bloggers. Somehow your posts always strike the perfect balance and tone. Please don't stop writing here. I'd miss it. A lot.
Posted by: Leslie M. | April 18, 2011 at 11:09 PM
Show #2 was done very recently, and it was both awesome and horrifying.
http://www.pbs.org/opb/circus/
Posted by: Monica | April 19, 2011 at 01:54 AM
I thought, with NYC being so diverse, that kids would be used to eating lots of ethnic foods. Sad that the Peanut can't be all hip and bring sushi for lunch.
Have you read "Char Siu Bao Boy" by Sandra Yamate? It's out of print, but you might be able to find a used copy online. My favorite children's book about a little boy who loved his Chinese barbecued pork buns, but the kids made fun of him for it. So he tried to like hamburgers and pizzas, but nothing hit the spot like char siu bao. So one day, his grandma made enough for him to share. And when his friends made fun of him for it, he offered them a taste. It's such a great story about cultural acceptance without bonking you on the head about it.
Blog when you feel like it. Take time out when you need. I just figured you were dating someone seriously and didn't want to share, or maybe something else came up.
I've been thinking somewhat similar thoughts lately only because I'm coming up on my five year blog anniversary. I think in the beginning, there was more of a sense of community. Well, guess it depends on which blogging community, but the feeling was a little more supportive. Now, I feel way too much competition from all sides as if everyone is vying for attention. Giveaways and fancy pictures if you're a food blogger. Overshare if you're a parenting blogger. Sometimes it's just too much. But on the other hand, I've made several really good real-life friends and have gotten better as a cook as I've put more thought into recipes and presentation since it'll be on the blog. So just share as much as you want, when you want.
Posted by: Wandering Chopsticks | April 19, 2011 at 08:16 AM
MD - Love that you're back! I hope you stick around. Great post, love to hear about the Peanut. I think of her often as I watch my little girl (now almost 2) grow.
I know all about the pain of straddling different cultures all to well. I think at some point you went to private school, right? I went to a magnet school, while the kids in my neighborhood went to regular public school. Talk about straddling cultures! Uggghhh. I don't miss those days and as I get older I see how much they really shaped who I am, and not always in the best way. I worry about these things for my daughter, but I know that there is only so much I can protect her from. I hope that giving her a safe place at home will help her wether the storm better than I did.
Posted by: Jrock | April 19, 2011 at 08:36 AM
Oh, and only you would truly appreciate this, but twice I've come across blog entries of teachers (Teachers! Two of them!) who thought rapport was spelled repoire?!
And another teacher who said on your tombstone your epithet would read... I'm pretty sure he meant epitaph!
And someone else who said she cried crocodile tears at the birth of her daughter. Umm, I'm pretty sure she wanted to say big fat tears of joy, not insincere tears of grief.
Sigh. How can they be teachers and have such egregious misuse of words? English teachers too!
Posted by: Wandering Chopsticks | April 19, 2011 at 10:47 AM
Welcome back, it's good hear from you again.
Just because sometimes the Universe really does listen....
http://www.pbs.org/opb/circus/
Posted by: Dalee | April 19, 2011 at 12:35 PM
WELCOME BACK MD!! Your stories of the peanut never fail to crack me up LOLOL too cute. Keep blogging :P
Posted by: ria | April 19, 2011 at 01:21 PM
YOU'RE BAAAAAACK!!!
Posted by: KiKi | April 19, 2011 at 06:03 PM
"Under the Big Top": YES.
Posted by: whoorl | April 19, 2011 at 11:44 PM
Ironically I stumbled upon your blog just about three months ago and then wondered why you had never written again. Occasionally I went back to check...happy to see you started writing again. I have a 5.5 year old daughter, funny to hear about yours!
Posted by: Jennifer | April 20, 2011 at 12:15 AM
LOVEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR BLOG x infinity! You should really publish a book.
Posted by: Jane | April 20, 2011 at 02:23 AM
You're the only dad/male blogger that I read. Maybe it's because you expertly straddle that line between strong and sappy but it's probably because you're just straight-up funny. Please don't stop blogging!
Posted by: tsy | April 20, 2011 at 02:54 AM
Thank you for posting again!! I check this site daily with the hope that there is something new to make me smile. I've had to read old stuff far too much lately...
Posted by: Monica | April 20, 2011 at 01:09 PM
Pls rationalize the existence of this blog by self-publishing and selling a compendium of MD-isms. You wouldn't be selling out--you'd be capitalizing on your IP.
Posted by: R2Dad | April 20, 2011 at 07:19 PM
As 2nd generation American Russian Jews we almost over assimilated. But now in our 60's we recall our grandparents weirdness with much affection and sentimentality. Of course Peanut will recall too, and maybe like us she'll totally butcher the language and laugh about it's origin. And miss the loved ones.
btw - missed you
Posted by: mizsarah | April 20, 2011 at 11:10 PM
Love your perspective, your writing, and your stories about the Peanut. Nice to have you back. I constantly check for new updates. Seeing this made my day. Thanks!
Posted by: Tina | April 21, 2011 at 02:56 AM
Yeah! More posts please...
I have one Asian and one Latina in-law (yes, I married a Chino/Latino), so I've heard my fair share of weird old wives tales....
As for your TV show suggestions, the circus on has been done on PBS, cleverly called "Circus". Like watching paint dry.
Love your style of writing, don't stop.
Posted by: Regina | April 21, 2011 at 08:43 AM
Please stay!
I'm not Korean (am Filipino though) and I experienced sweltering my fevers away under piles of blankets. Worked every time, though. Also now subjecting my kids to alcohol-on-cotton-balls in socks to lower fever.
Posted by: Vickie | April 21, 2011 at 10:02 PM
OMG, the fans will kill you! We've been making fun of my mom about that Asian myth for the past 20 years. Sooooo funny that you wrote about this. I'm going to have to send my mom this post!
Posted by: Sally | April 22, 2011 at 12:45 AM
I'm a dad of three age 28 and I love your blog so kept em coming.
Posted by: Mike | April 22, 2011 at 07:19 PM
I remember tossing a sandwich my mom made me for lunch when I was back in second grade because it didn't have the "normal" ingredients. I loved her sandwiches, too. I felt too ashamed/torn/mad at myself to tell her what I'd done that day.
This also reminds me of one of a friend who works with snoop dogg... when he first started, his parents asked something in the likes of "why are you working with Snoopy the dog? why don't you get a real job!" =)
Posted by: claritymay | April 23, 2011 at 06:33 AM
there is a reality show called Circus. Release in 2010, about the Big Apple Circus. It streams on Netflix. I like it, but it's not Carpocalypse.
Posted by: Dan McCulley | April 23, 2011 at 08:24 AM
Glad to see you back, MD!
If you decide to stop this blog, please understand that Twitter and Facebook can't replace it. Your writing deserves more than a few quick quotes, "likes" or tweets. Personally, I don't think the true you comes across as well in those other formats. Some of us just need more of what you provide in this blog. Although you are Korean-American, your audience encompasses a broad spectrum of people from all walks of life.
Not many people can appeal to the masses like you do.
I hope I get to see the day that you come off the fence and start to take this gift of writing that you have seriously.
Anyway, glad you're back!!
Posted by: LeeMarvin | April 23, 2011 at 09:15 AM
Bahahaha!! I had to snort out loud at the "sleeping with a fan on", and "buried under 20 blankets" bit. So true.
Glad to see you back.
...and by the way, for me, 6 is the WORST age, ever! Not 2, not 3... although my 13 year old is giving 6 a run. I still think 6 is the most infuriating. Only two more kids to go through 6, to go. **sigh**
Posted by: Vicky | April 23, 2011 at 03:26 PM
I'm 22 and if I had a million dollars, I'd probably quit school and just watch TV all day too.
And while I'm not married and don't have kids, your blog has given me endless hours of entertainment. I always look forward to a new post.
Posted by: Alyssa | April 23, 2011 at 05:40 PM
I appreciate your thoughts on male blogging. I must say it's unfortunate that so many readers seem to have accepted media cliches about what Iron John meant. The importance of Robert Bly did not have to do with hugging trees. It was that he encouraged men to learn about being men from other men. It was a good idea at the time, and it's a good idea now. As to the problem of over-sharing, I wonder if the difficulty is not so much confessional writing, but bad writing? I think it was Chekhov who said (in so many words) that writing from the heart is the only style that matters.
Posted by: Wolfpascoe | April 24, 2011 at 01:04 PM
I don't think i've ever commented on your blog before but i've been reading it for years. Please keep blogging I love your style and as a 2nd/3rd generation NZ chinese can really relate to the Asian American aspects of your life you write about
Posted by: Ellie | April 25, 2011 at 01:16 AM
PLease don't stop blogging. Your few and far between post make them all the more of a treasure.
Love your take on life and fatherhood.
Posted by: Aud | April 25, 2011 at 07:14 PM
One more vote for not closing this site, please, from a 48 yo Chinese who lives in the U.S..
Posted by: Yasmina | April 25, 2011 at 09:45 PM
I appreciate your thoughts on male blogging. I must say it's unfortunate that so many readers seem to have accepted media cliches about what Iron John meant. The importance of Robert Bly did not have to do with hugging trees. It was that he encouraged men to learn about being men from other men. It was a good idea at the time, and it's a good idea now. As to the problem of over-sharing, I wonder if the difficulty is not so much confessional writing, but bad writing? I think it was Chekhov who said (in so many words) that writing from the heart is the only style that matters.
Posted by: Wolf Pascoe | April 25, 2011 at 10:16 PM
I appreciate your thoughts on male blogging. I must it's unfortunate that so many readers seem to have accepted media cliches about what Iron John meant. The importance of Robert Bly did not have to do with hugging trees. It was that he encouraged men to learn about being men from other men. It was a good idea at the time, and it's a good idea now. As to the problem of over-sharing, I wonder if the difficulty is not so much confessional writing, but bad writing? I think it was Chekhov who said (in so many words) that writing from the heart is the only style that matters.
Posted by: Wolf Pascoe | April 26, 2011 at 10:17 PM