CHAOS THEORY: April 2011

Wow, it's been more than 3 months since I've posted here. I have to admit that I've thought about just shutting down this site. Like everything else in my life right now, I've had mixed emotions about the whole thing. To be quite honest, does anyone even read blogs anymore?

Or as my boy Kanye said, "Do anybody make real shit anymore?

At the end of the day, I miss writing in this space. After all these years, this is the place that feels like home. I've loved developing real-life relationships that wouldn't have existed had I not started writing here in the first place. It's something I never expected and has definitely added an interesting wrinkle to my life.

But enough with this emo shit. Let's get down to brass tacks, yo.

 

SIX GOING ON STRANGE

The Peanut is 6.5 years old. Sometimes I think that if she makes it to 7, it will be a miracle. Her need to argue and plead every case often makes me wonder whether she's the illegitimate love-child of Atticus Finch and Gloria Allred. Plus, she's at that annoying age where she thinks she's right about absolutely everything. Drives me freaking bonkers. I do have to admit though that the stuff that comes out of her mouth these days is pretty hilarious:

"Wake up, homeboy. It's time to make me some breakfast."

"If I had a million dollars, I'd quit school and just watch TV all day.

"Hey, do me a favor? Make me a BLT but without the lettuce and the tomato?"

"Well, you say that you're going to be married forever but that didn't really happen to you the first time around, did it?"

"Even though you're wearing a hat, I can still tell you have an enormous head."

"The craziest people in the world are 6-year-old boys."

 

ON MALE BLOGGING: WHERE HAVE ALL THE COWBOYS GONE? 

Part of the reason I considered shutting down this site is because I find myself slightly disillusioned about the public over-sharing, diary-like, confessional, first-person blog writing that seems to be becoming more and more prevalent.

Especially among men and fellow dad bloggers.

Don't get me wrong. As long-time readers know, I've painfully bared my soul here plenty of times.

On the one hand, it's enlightening to see more and more men of a certain age with the emotional intelligence to be able to introspectively write about the issues that affect their lives. This has never really happened before. When it first started happening, it was regarded with gravity and respect. It was openly naked first-person essay writing and it was practically a watershed moment.

But it was rarely appreciated under the blogging format. To call it blogging would have cheapened it.

Why? Because let's face it. Blogging is a medium designed for memes, emo tumblr photos, inspirational quotes, and the internal musings of disaffected 23-year-old women and stay-at-home moms. 

Is sharing feelings how men are supposed to act online?

As a recent Village Voice article put it:

"Men shouldn't whine or feel pain and they certainly shouldn't fucking cry, according to left-over cultural expectations lodged in the heads of even social progressives, feminists, children of the liberal arts. And there's a certain self-consciousness that comes with being a male online. Where have all the cowboys gone? What would our grandfathers think of us, pining for a partner or "Why me-ing?" about health concerns to strangers? And who do we look to for proper example? There are only so many words written by Dan Savage, and we've been told to avoid Tucker Max."

I don't have the answers to these questions.

 

A METRODAD QUIZ: REAL OR FAKE SLATE.COM ARTICLES?

1. "Mary Gates & Karen Zuckerberg Weren't Tiger Moms: Is Amy Chua Bad for the U.S. Economy?"

2. "The End of the Mancession: Why Women Are the Economy's Biggest Losers"

3. "The Mecca of the Mouse: Can an Adult Man Have Fun at DisneyWorld Alone?"

4. "Do 3-D Glasses Work on Cats?"

5. "Bite Me: An Evolutionary Case for Cannibalism"

 

THREE IDEAS FOR TELEVISION SHOWS

1. "The Shores of Jersey": A reality show following around a closely-knit group of septuagenarians living in a house together on the Isle of Jersey. When they're not knitting shetland sweaters and peeling potatoes, they're doing body shots of whiskey and fist-pumping dolphins.

2. "Under the Big Top": We have reality shows about every profession. How has nobody ever done one about a circus? There's so much I NEED to know. How often does the bearded lady shave? Exactly how much midget sex is going on? Is it true that when elephants get pissed, they pee on people? C'mon, people. Let's make this happen!

3. "For Womb the Bell Tolls": Medical drama/soap opera about life in a maternity ward. Screaming mothers, freaked-out dads, jaded nurses, weird doctors, and babies born with webbed feet.

 

THREE GENERATIONS & THE DILUTION OF OTHERNESS

As I've written about many times, it was always a little discomfiting to grow up straddled between two cultures. Having been raised by Korean immigrant parents who weren't wholly versed in the ways of modern American life certainly made for an interesting childhood.

Aside from constantly feeling the pressures of being torn by two different cultures, I also had to deal with friends coming over, opening our fridge, smelling kimchi and yelling, "Yo, man. Your house fucking stinks!"

But two of the great benefits of adulthood are perspective and hindsight. Despite all the teenage angst I might have had at the time, I now think it's hilariously funny during those moments when I realize that the apple never really does fall far from the tree.

Even to this day, someone will talk about sleeping with a fan on in the bedroom and I'll yell out, "Sleeping with a fan on? Are you fucking crazy? That's the leading cause of death!"

Or when my daughter is sick, I literally bury her under 20 blankets so she can "sweat it out."

(By the way, unless you have insane Asian parents, you're probably not going to understand why those two things are so funny.)

In a similar fashion, I always laugh because whenever Donald Duck's name comes up, a Finnish buddy of mine will yell out, "Do you know he's banned in Finnland because he doesn't wear pants?"

Raising my third-generation Korean-American daughter, I often wonder to myself, "How much does one's culture get diluted over time?"

I'm starting to realize that even though she's only 6, at some level my daughter is clearly already cognizant of all of this. For the past two years, she's been eating the lunch provided by school. However, lately we've been talking about me making her lunches to take to school. One of the recent times we were having that conversation, she said, "Ok, Daddy, but none of that weird stuff."

"What kind of weird stuff?"

"No eel. No seaweed. No octopus. No pork chops. I just want sandwiches, chips and a juice box."

What?! She LOVES eel, seaweed, octopus, and pork chops.

Having suffered from the wary looks from my fellow elementary school friends when my mom sent me to school with Japanese bento boxes and chopsticks, I wholeheartedly empathize with my daughter's desire to fit in and assimilate among her peers. In one's youth, there is rarely as powerful of an emotional dilemma than the need to be just like everyone else. I get it, kiddo. The nail that sticks out is the one that gets hammered down. 

But never in a million years did I ever think I would feel so sad about it.

I do.

Comments

[Seekayou]

Ahem... there was already a drama about the maternity ward, plenty with classism, tense relationships between everyone, and lots of tragedy, and children born with birth defects - in form of a K Drama! :D

It's literally called OB GYN.

[Lara]

So happy to see a new post from you. I've missed reading you.

[Kate]

Glad to see you back, MD.

My kid loves his bento box, but I do tend to fill it with sandwiches, veggies, fruit, and the occasional cheese art. Also, he's about as WASP as you can get, in case that matters.

Well, WAS, anyway.

[brhau]

I'll vouch for the insane Korean parents, but everyone should know by now that sleeping with the fan on will cause permanent paralysis of the ventilated portion of your body (especially the face).

Also, if you eat something sweet after eating crab, you will die immediately. The lack of safeguards against this in American restaurants is mind-boggling.

Oh, wait. Can't talk now. My shows are about to come on. Yippykiyay, mutherfucker.

[Jenna]

Thank you for writing! Have been hoping to see a new post and it made my day! Cheers and thanks again MD

[JQT]

I've always been a lurker, MD. But I felt compelled to comment since a lot of these thoughts that you have, have recently crossed my mind as well.

I've been writing since I was about 14. At first it was a journal, then when the digital age was finally upon us, a blog. But I always wrote anonymously and a lot of the intimate details of my life would be blurred. But over the years, I've seen the growth of male bloggers/writers, and on the one hand it makes me proud that our gender seems to have grown by leaps and bounds. On the other hand, it's just not the same anymore. Is it even real, or are they over-sharing for an audience?

-----

Thinking about my own life and its constantly dynamic future, I've noticed that because I am a second generation Asian male, of mixed heritage (Vietnamese/Chinese/Korean), I wish that I could have my children experience what it was like for us who straddled the cultural, ethnic and generational divides. I know that it will make them stronger in the long run (I love and appreciate my insane family in all of its dysfunctional glory). But at the same time, I remember all the times when I tried to simply fit in. Unlike my parents who did not "get it" simply because they were immigrants, I do understand what it is like to feel that way, and would never want my child to go through what I did at that young age.

I'm torn between wanting the best for the next generation, helping them assimilate into this country, and putting them through hell to make sure they never forget where they come from. If I help them to completely assimilate where does it end? What happens to their heritage and culture as it gets more and more diluted every day? Will they even be able to speak the language(s) of their forefathers?

Here I am...worried that I'm gonna screw up my kid, and I'm not even a father yet.

[ParentopiaDevra]

The insanity about fans and blankets takes a different form in the Jewish family. My grandmother was a LUNATIC when it came to wanting to know if the people she loved "had a jacket." Didn't matter if it was 115 degrees in Sun City, AZ, my grandmother wanted to know, "Do you have a jacket?" I finally went to a Goodwill store, bought a jacket for 5 bucks and kept in in the trunk of my car, so when she would ask me on a sweltering hot day, "Do you have a a jacket?" I could look her in the eye and answer honestly, "Yes, I have a jacket."

Glad to see you back in the saddle, Pierre. Aviva and I need to do that too. We've been on hiatus for a looong time too.

[MetroDude]

What an unexpectedly wonderful way to end the work week. Overdue but you are forgiven for putting a smile on my face thinking of you and your Bento Box on the playground in 1975.

[Maggie]

I am boring old white bread, but the neighborhood I was raised in was not, so I did not fit in at all until I changed schools when I was 11. Consequently I find myself both tempted to do all in my power to help my kid be as usual as possible to fit in where we live now and worried that perhaps his ability to fit in will cause a failure to "build character" or some other similar bullshit. Either way, it's always amazing to me how much seven years in elementary school over 30 years ago shaped the person I am an how I react to the whole "fitting in" thing.

[Eunice]

I would watch all three of those television shows.

[FaithfulReader]

PLEASE KEEP THIS BLOG ALIVE!

[AC]

You're a riot. Keep going!

[talda]

for years my mom would only let us have the fan on in the bedroom while we were sleep if we slept with our faces away from it, lest our faces froze in whatever position over night.

and don't get me started on wearing socks and not sitting on cold things to keep from hurting my chances of having babies in the future.

korean mothers. they are a special breed.

[NG]

I want you to keep writing, but for selfish reasons: I want to keep reading.

Also: The Peanut? Hilarious. Almost hilarious as the time a friend at church returned from his honeymoon (2nd marriage) and a kid at church said, "How's your new wife? Do you like her better than the last one?" And then I learned that that kid was the brother of the first wife.

[Katie P]

OMG, I checked google and ALL those headlines are real Slate.com articles!!! So freaking funny, MD.

[NCP]

DON'T. GO. I am a black American female in my 40s, originally from the South married to a white former hippie, living in New York raising two kids, and adore your style, your kid, your vibe. Understand if you have to go but know how badly you'll be missed on the interwebs if you do.

[jjdaddybabymomma]

'Bout dam time. P's hilarious.

[C]

I have your daughter's twin - she's 15 - you can borrow her!

[Dina K.]

This post pretty much sums up why yours is the only blog I read. I'm always surprised that you don't write for a living, MD. Why is that?

[teufelkindsvater]

Welcome back.

Seeing your child drift away from the things they love due to peer pressure and not wanting to seem "weird" is always depressing.

The good thing is that many kids will openly come back to those things and appreciate their unique nature once they reach the point where they no longer give a sh*t about what others think.

Some of the things I thought were most embarrassing about my family when I was a teen are the things I appreciate the most now as an adult and parent.

Keep your blog going. Seriously. Please.

[Katherine @ Grass Stains]

Welcome back, Pierre. I always miss you when you're gone. :)

[Amy]

MD you made my day, my week! Please keep your blog going.

I think male voices are necessary in the blogosphere, and yours is the only male one I read. Awesome content. And your tales of Peanut help me anticipate what waits around the corner for my own almost 5 yr old daughter.

[Christie]

The fan thing killed me! I'm still laughing my ass off.

I can't tell you how many times my (very Korean) mom would FREAK OUT about one of us having the fan on while we were sleeping. When we were little kids, she'd always run into our room and dramatically turn off the fan, like she was saving our lives!

The funny thing is that the only reason that we'd have to even use the fan was because of her OTHER Korean myth...

Air conditioners cause cancer!

Bwahahaha!

[Jacob.]

Missed hearing from you!

[Derek]

It's interesting to hear what you wrote about male blogging because you've generally always been able to bare your emotions without falling into that Iron John, tree-hugging, over-sharing sense of male emasculation. I've always greatly admired you for that. It can't be easy.

I'm just glad you're writing here again. Please keep it up!

[Megan]

I would be sad if you weren't writing here anymore. But do what you've got to do, OK?

[Deborah]

Long time lurker, first timer commenter. Please keep blogging--your writing is a joy to read.

[Estelle]

Serious. Blog. Crush.

[Julie]

Please keep you blog going. Both my husband and I really enjoy reading it!

[Katie]

Yippee....you're back! It always puts a smile on my face when a new post of yours pops up in my google reader. This one was great. The Peanut is adorable. She reminds me of my favorite niece.

[Michelle Lee]

I totally relate to death by fans and sauna under blankets. My parents must have grown up in the same village as yours.

[Lan]

YES about the fan and over-blanketing. if the fan is left on during the night and i wake up with a slight sniffle, i immediately blame it on the fan.

pls don't stop blogging.

[Brenda]

Some strange Chinese beliefs that my Chinese relatives swear by:

1. Dry the perspiration off your body before taking a shower or else white spots will develop on your skin.

2. Chidren with two whorls on their scalp are difficult and bad-tempered.

3. Never bathe with a full stomach. It might cause "wind".

4. Sleeping with the fan on will lead to "wind" in the body, rheumatism and a host of other maladies...

.. and the list goes on.

I was glad to see MetroDad in bold font when I logged into my Google Reader account. Please continue writing. You have a gift. Get a regular gig and become a columnist or something. You will have a huge following in no time. Imagine people chuckling while reading your column on the morning train.

[Kim]

nice Sat am surprise to see a new post from you. Always enjoy your wit and writing, it's worth the wait. but did you just bury the lede up there in section one? do you have some news for long time readers/fans...?

[Grandmother]

Whatever you do don't stop blogging and keep tweeting.

[Leanne Koh]

I'm glad to see you posting again! Please do not stop! I love reading what you have to say. You're a cowboy in my book.

I was one of those kids that wished for a Thermos of hot food, but got a hot dog wrapped in plain white bread, not even a bun. That's even more embarrassing.

[Pablo]

Where have all the cowboys gone?

They're here my friend: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_uRIMUBnvw

Watch the decline of western civilization.

Personally, I couldn't watch the whole thing.

Hope all is well in the Big Apple.

[Captain Dumbass]

I'm not Asian, but I have Asian inlaws so I got a good laugh out of that. And I'd really rather not see old people fisting dolphins. Or anybody else.

[JDG]

I hear you on the personal oversharing and touchy-feely emotional soul baring. Sometimes it gets to be a little too much. That's why I find your blog interesting. You seem to find a perfect balance of sharing your thoughts and emotions without drifting into Iron John territory. Keep it up. And please keep writing!

[Gray Matter Matters]

Oh man, I do love you so. Quick let's run away to a cheeseburger lounge. I haven't read any blogs for about 3 months so frankly I didn't notice the lapse until you mentioned it.

[Jeanine]

As yours is the one and only blog I read, I would be terribly sad to see it end...

[Bonnie]

PLEASE keep blogging! Totally made my MONTH!

Makes me sad too that kids don't think about preserving their cultural differences from their friends, but maybe when she grows older, she will want to learn more about Koreanism on her own!

[Rick]

I thought you were gone for good, MD. Nice to see you back writing here.

As for Asian old wives tales, my Taiwanese mom had a bunch.

(1) Do not wash or sweep anything on 1st day of lunar new year... all the good luck will be swept or washed away.

(2) Do not renovate or move houses if there is a pregnant woman in the house.

(3) If you clip your nails at night, you'll have nightmares.

The list actually goes on and on. I used to be so embarrassed when I was a little kid. Like you, now I just find the humour in it.

[Mwolffhh]

It's a myth that Donald Duck was ever banned in Finland for nudity - I think your Finnish buddy is messing with you or has had one vodka too many, which wouldn't be unusual for Finnish people ;-)

[Alanna]

I literally shrieked when I saw that you had a new post up! Please don't stop blogging, Pierre. I love your writing style and unique perspective on life.

[David]

Men are human and really aren't that different from women, who are seen as as the emo ones. It's ok to show emotion and introspect.

Well, just don't over do it. There is a very fine line between being manly and in touch with one self and being a whiny girl.

I think you're doing a good job and don't need to cowboy it.

[Ashlea]

I have so missed your posts...please don't stop.

[Debbie]

Oh! But I only discovered your blog in December with iamkoream's "In Blog We Trust" special, for the top Asian Am blogs! There were two days of snort out loud non-stop reading for about two or three years before I finally had to call it a day and start pacing myself so I could get other work done. You can't stop now, I've only discovered you! Plus, I think you need to stay here and note for posterity the kind of SMKS that comes out of Peanut. Your kid is freaking hilarious!
-debs

[Hannah]

As the mother of twin 6 year old boys, I couldn't agree more with the Peanut. They re truly crazy. Lord help me.

[Stephanie]

Welcome back! Please keep writing! I love your sense of humor and hearing your point of view as an Asian American. Plus, your daughter has quite a personality!