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November 23, 2010

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Mei

Thanks for sharing your story. I find it crazy that so many of your readers experienced racism so much older. I was the only Asian American in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood until the 6th grade; since I entered the school system in preschool, I was made fun of for who I was. I hated going to school everyday. I only remember once, did a teacher intervene since most jokes and comments were in places a teacher may not hear.

It was not until my family moved into a more diverse community in the 6th grade that I began to embrace my own identity and culture. I am sad to say that to this day, I do not feel fluent in my culture's language because of my strong rejection during my earlier years.

It is wonderful you are so proactive in caring and looking out for Peanut. Thanks for the post, MD.

Demi

I just want to say that I love both your style of writing and your perspective on life. Both have had quite an impact on me. Thanks for all of it. Please write more!

g

@ Little Kristen:
Identifying yourself or someone else as Asian-American isn't racist. I don't think the answer to racism is to ignore the differences or pretend they don't exist. To end racism, we need to celebrate our differences and appreciate them in others.

lena

You have such an honest voice and writing style, and you've been a great inspiration to me and many of my friends.

None of us are married or have kids but we are all addicted to your posts. I think you're the awesome uncle that we wished we'd always had (not to make you feel old, MD.)

We all talk about how our only complaint is that we wish you'd write more. So get to it, MD!!!

Angela

PLEASE keep your Twitter page. It alternates between hilarious and profound. I love it. You're one of my fave.

Jennifer

Little Kirsten,

You do deserve to get flamed for your reply. I'm glad you at least realized that.

Your reply is pretty much a typical white privilege approach to things. A very "But if we don't talk so much about race and put labels on people, racism will probably just magically go away!" sort of answer that only someone who had a very limited concept and experience with racial discrimination could come up with. Being made fun of for being skinny, bucktoothed and four-eyed is somewhat comparable to being a visible racial minority because it is harrassment based on physical appearance... but tell me when white Americans who were skinny, bucktoothed and four-eyed were chained, sold, enslaved or put in the back of buses. Tell me when skinny white Americans were banned from ever setting foot in the United States (a la the Chinese Exclusion Act, go Google it) or forced into internment camps.

You being made fun of as a kid because of how you looked was super uncool. But uh, racial minorities having a history of systematic oppression, discrimination and harrassment sanctioned by the majority population and its government solely because of how they looked is just NOT comparable to kids on the playground mocking your buckteeth.

But you are white, and have grown up in an environment in which the majority of people looked like you, sounded like you, had similar customs and experiences and family members as you. So this all might be quite hard for you to understand.

PS: Your snide remark about MetroDad embracing a "victim mentality" is just the icing on the (super vanilla) cake.

Jennifer

MetroDad, I'm really sorry you daughter went through what happened. I'm glad she has supportive parents who will help her understand what happened and how not to feel defeated by it.

I think it's relevant that the kids who did this to Peanut were Latino. When I moved to the South, my brother and I were racially harrassed for being Asian not just by white kids, but by black and Latino kids as well. It goes to show that racism is not some sort of whites-only-do-it phenomenon. We all tend to internalize negative beliefs about each other-- even fellow people of color. You could argue that racism from minorites against other minorities is somehow worse because you'd expect there to be a mutual understanding of how hurtful and alienating it can be to be a certain minority. But often, no such luck, because ignorance is ignorance.

You can see the high incidence of verbal and physical harrasment towards Chinese immigrant students by black students at South Philadelphia High for such an example.

Kristina H

Jennifer...you rock. Well said.

Dave Thompson

A lot of times kids say the words, but don't really know how mean they are being - especially when they are young. I got in huge trouble, long after I should have known better, for calling Lulu Yen a "chink." I actually had a crush on Lulu and was devastated when she cried. I really didn't have any negative view of Asians. I just thought it was a funny word.

My daughters are both adopted from China, so that makes the story all the more poignant. We talk about them being Chinese, but it's all an abstraction to them. I don't think they feel any different at all. They try to describe Asian friends and they say stuff like, "you know, the one with the black hair."

Felisa

Your daughter is just the cutest! And the smartest.

I remember my first time as well... I was about to get on the bus and a boy pushed me and said that no "Chinese girl" was going to get in the bus before him. That and I still remember being horrified when I found out that blacks counted as just 3/5 of a person less than 200 years ago.

Mia

I love to visit your post. You really do put my life in order. I sometimes think that I am out of control but now I am thinking a little better about myself. Just kidding. Love to keep up with you and the peanut. Have a great holiday season.

Andy

It doesn't stop there. Ethnic racism even hits hard against those from Europe. For instance, did you hear about Sladjana Vidovic? She was an immigrant who attended our US schools only to be bullied so much because of her ethnic background that she took her own life. It's really sad. It's even sadder that Peanut has to endure such things at a young, tender age.

elizabeth-flourish in progress

Hola, metrodad,

Stefanie Wilder Taylor sent me over here (she said it was because you were awesome and funny, not because I'm Asian too. Okay, I believe her. You're hilarious.) and I'm glad she did.

Ugh, seriously, chink gook? You'd think they'd come up with something better by now. Get creative folks! I grew up in Grand Prairie, Texas, so I heard a lot of that. Bummed? Yes. A little less bummed when I saw one of my former bullies working a parking garage 20 years later. =)

My daughter turns 11 next week, and I'm on-my-knees thankful she's grown out of the princess parties. Now she wants an ice skating party. Which, is fine with me, since that means I get to put on some tights and make an ass of myself in front of little children. I live for that, yo.

Riley

Growing up in the Philippines, Switzerland and California, I never "got" racism. I knew it existed, but I never felt it first hand until I came to the Mid-West.

I should explain: My husband is a white male, that's in in credibly good shape, a lawyer, and officer in the Army. He's also very handsome and a lot of women had their eyes set on him. Well, we recently got married.

So the first time was when some people he introduced me to commented that they didn't think he was into the "Asian thing". Then these same women proceeded to not even look me in the eye, or speak to me.

Yup, cherry popped there.

Alicia

Happy holidays, MD. Hope you get everything you wish for and deserve this year. I just discovered you recently and want to say thanks for all the joy, wisdom, laughs and tears you've provided for this recently-divorced mom. You're a true mensch.

margaret

Little Kristen:

When your kids get singled out and teased in first grade for no reason BUT their Irish-Scottish-English ethnicity, then you will have a point. Until then, you really have no idea what it's like to be singled out at such a young age for racial abuse. And you know what? As a white person who grew up in a predominantly white environment, I will freely admit that I really don't truly know, on a gut-deep and visceral level, what it's like either. The difference between you and me is that I at least attempt to shut up and listen when a non-white person talks about what it's like to experience racism.

I don't appreciate men telling me, as a woman, what I should "really" think about sexism/misogyny/harassment. I don't appreciate being attacked as playing victim, lying, whining, or any number of the litany of excuses people use to avoid calling the perpetrators what they are. It should not be so difficult to extend this logic to assume that maybe non-white people don't need an Irish-Scottish-English American pontificating about how they should really feel about their own experiences.

"Perhaps people enjoy that victim mentality a little too much?"

Seriously? Did you seriously just say this to a man who related a story about his daughter being teased?

Yes, I'm sure people LOVE watching their children get hurt and upset. I'm sure people LOVE hearing racist BS from strangers for no reason. You are blaming the targets of racism for the continued existence of racism; that is victim-blaming pure and simple, and it's particularly disgusting in response to a story of an innocent CHILD enduring this.

Did you really think putting the disclaimer "I know I'm going to get flamed..." would excuse you from even a basic display of human decency?

Kyra

Ugh...I can't believe that stuff starts so young these days. Sorry to hear about what happened to the Peanut. People suck.

Grandmother

Dear Peanut,

A belated Happy Birthday!

I am writing to you because I know you have run into some mean boys at school. Well, here at Grandmother's home, my sons were raised to truly embrace diversity.

As a testament to that, Golden boy aka @childsplayx2 nephew, just turned 6 yesterday. While he is kind of nerdy, (he would LOVE spending the night at the Natural Museum and telling you all about the dinosaurs)he is very kind and very cute. I think you would hit if off and he has a younger sister who has her own iPad.

Or, how about TheMonk, @child'splay son. He would have loved your princess party and does not have any issues about dressing up or putting on make-up especially lipstick. He is very cute, too.

As for the race issue Golden Boy is Latino and Native American, Irish and a touch Scandinavian. TheMonk is also Native American, Latino, African American and a dash of Irish.

Please come to California to see for your self and to be embraced by a very diverse family. Tell dad you want to check out this weird family.

Or just come to see the original Disneyland, or vist Silicon Valley for your next birthday or the home of the 2010 World Series Champions.

Love Golden Boy's, Crazy Girl, TheMonk and Swee'Pea's Grandmother.

lisa

My kids go to an in-home daycare where they are the only white kids in group of Chinese and Indian kids.

(This was actually why I decided to have them commute to me to the diverse city where I teach, instead of the white-bread town where we live. Sorry, but after teaching in an Asian community I cannot stand other white parents anymore. Anyway...)

After a year in this daycare, my daughter suddenly went through a 3 month phase where she got all excited about being white. I'm pretty sure we never mentioned that we were white, but apparently this was a hot topic among the racially sophisticated daycare crowd she hung with.

So whenever we were in public, she liked to announce the racial status of strangers, especially when they were "WHITE, like us!" The best was when I brought her back to my elementary school with me after work one day, and she points at a random student walking across the blacktop and shouts out "That kid is BLACK!!!!!"

Great. Mrs. R has her own little Nazi alarm. Thanks, my child.

Veronica

My girlfriend and I are almost positive that we saw you and Peanut on the subway this evening. Were you guys on the downtown C train? You're both even cuter in person.

Selina Kingston

It's a shame - we think we have come so far and then it is clear that deep-rooted racism is still there no matter how hard people try to pretend it isn't

Apple

I know that you get a lot of advice but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a fine job raising your little girl and your life is not much different than most everyone elses. Keep up the great post. You really make my day.

Jrock

I'll never forget my first time hearing "spic". It was fourth grade. It was from the two pretty girls on my bus. I think they just learned it themselves, and being one of a handful of "colored" kids in the school, they were excited to find someone to use it on. I knew I was different, but I never felt different until that day. Now that I think about it, I don't know that I ever thought of it this way.

I have a baby girl now and we live in Westchester County. Yes, where a "neighbor" asked me if "we had carrots" at the farmer's market one day. Yeah, I know.

Good luck MD!

Happy holidays. Sending you a man hug, just cause.

Babychili

I maintain a twitter account for the blog, and I'll admit that it's oddly addicting. Based on some highly scientific analysis, I believe you would enjoy following:

@susanorlean <- a true Twitter savant, if I've ever seen one.
@Francis_Lam
@mcsweeneys
@gemko

You could follow me, too, but I have a feeling that I tweet too much for your taste.

Mary

This was a fun article to read. It makes me feel like my life is in more control than I thought. What an interesting way to look at your little girl. I know she is great because of the way you write about her. I can not wait to read more. Six is a wonderful year for girls. There eyes are opening up to so much.

Betsy

You always have interesting things going on in your life. I feel like you have more in control than you let on but I love the read and knowing how the peanut is growing. You are doing a fine job with her.

Jolen

Hi MD, long-time reader, first time commentor. Thank you for your honesty in this post.

I am a Singaporean Chinese who moved to Chicago three years ago, and let me tell you that experiencing the onslaught of racial hatred at the grand ol' age of 27 was no fucking joke.
I was privileged enough to be raised as a racial majority in my home country, so to be suddenly put in box, labelled to no end, stereotyped, sexually harassed, teased and pitied was a big slap in the face.
It was a wake- up call.
Good things came out of it though. I am so much more aware about my racial identity,more sensitive to my own racist beliefs about others, and am more determined to reduce the power differentials in any small way I can.
If anyone from a majority race reading this would really like to experience how it is like to be ridiculed for how you were made, move far far away, right out of your comfort zone, to somewhere where you will stick right out, feel uncomfortable, and begin to ask the right questions.
Also, I highly recommend the book "Why are all the Black kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?" by Beverly Daniel Tatum, an in-depth no-nonsense look into the origins and politics of race.

teahouseblossom

As the only Asian kid in most of my classes during my childhood in the Deep South, I developed a thick skin. But I often threatened people with martial arts. And it worked. It wasn't until 5 years ago that I actually bothered to learn a martial art. Now I'm truly invincible.

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Spot on with this one, it's really cool. Will wait for the next season, hope...no - I'm sure it will be nice

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My all time favourite as well! Let's look forarwd to some madness we all need some! Looking forarwd to seeing what you make of Mab's Welsh Dragon!

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So you're the organizer eh. Kakatapos lang din namin mag grorecy, ang lamig sa labas brrrrr.. Wish I could be in Pinas at this time of the year wahhhh.Have a glimpse of a Japanese outfit at my page. Happy New Year!

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