As most of you have witnessed by now, I'm not the most prolific writer. Being a single dad in the middle of an apartment renovation and a stressful economy aren't necessarily helping things these days. However, I've got some random thoughts to share so I thought I'd spit them out here quickly.
THE PEANUT TURNS SIX
Every year when the Peanut's birthday rolls around, I ask her in my saddest and most forlorn voice, "Hey sweetie, do you want to have a party this year?" immediately followed by an exceedingly enthusiastic "or would you rather go to THE ZOO, pet some CUTE BABY SEALS, and eat a MOUNTAIN OF CAKE?"
This year, she didn't fall for it. Instead, she insisted on having a Princess Party with six of her closest girlfriends. This involved multiple outfit changes, macabre make-up sessions, insane amounts of screaming, criminal acts of civil disobedience, mosh pits, pizza gorging, and a chocolate cake orgy.
As far as I know, nobody got hurt or developed an eating disorder. Yay, success!
It's funny thinking about how it wasn't long ago that the Peanut was just a little baby whose sole ability was to be adorably cute on demand.
But strictly speaking, I like these days much better. It's incredible having an inquisitively playful, intellectually curious, and emotionally connected kid who never ceases to amaze you. So yeah, six pretty much rocks.
Happy birthday, kiddo. I hope you always know how much I love you.
DO THE MATH
I, on the other hand, recently turned 42. While I generally feel pretty good about this benchmark, my daughter helped put things in a wholly different perspective.
Every time we're on the subway together, I give her math problems (yes, I'm that Asian dad.) Last week, while quizzing her on the 2 train about our age difference, she did the math in her head and then loudly yelled out for everyone to hear, "HOLY COW, YOU'RE 36 YEARS OLDER THAN ME? THAT'S CRAZY!"
I hope to someday be rich enough where the two of us will never have to take public transportation again.
OLDER, WISER
I used to think my dream woman was a mash-up of Zhang Ziyi, Tori Amos and Phoebe Cates but now I think she’s probably more a mash-up of Maggie Cheung, Christine Amanpour and Joan Didion. I could be wrong about this though.
SHORT BOOK REVIEWS OF BOOKS I HAVEN'T FINISHED YET
"The Snakehead" by Patrick Radden Keefe
An incredible account of how a middle-aged grandmother, working out of a tiny noodle shop in Chinatown, built a multimillion-dollar global empire smuggling Chinese immigrants into America. Book reads like a thriller as it explores the underbelly of human trafficking around the world.
"Hitch 22: A Memoir" by Christopher Hitchens
Love him or hate him, Hitch could care less. For him, the pen is always mightier than the sword. These memoirs are shockingly candid and brilliantly written. Quite possibly my favorite literary memoir since Martin Amis' "Experience."
"Freedom" by Jonathan Franzen
I know people had mixed reactions to "The Corrections" but I thought it was one of the best books written in the past 10 years. And while I'm only one chapter into Franzen's latest, he remains in my mind as one of the best story tellers in contemporary fiction.
CHING CHONG RACISM: YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR FIRST TIME
As a young Asian-American kid growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood, I always knew that I was different from all the other kids.
But it wasn't until I was in 5th grade that I experienced racial hatred for the first time.
During a friendly game of tackle football, I got in a scuffle with an Italian kid named Tony. While we were pushing each other around, Tony made the "chinky eyes" and said, "Fuck you, man. You're nothing but a fucking chink gook!"
I was nine years old.
I'd never even heard the words "chink" or "gook" before. And yeah, I knew my eyes were smaller but I didn't know that was something to be teased about. Shit, I never made fun of all the other kids because of their fucked-up noses or their jacked-up teeth.
As I stood there trying to process this new information, I heard my Irish buddy Tom and his older brother get in Tony's face. Even at that life-altering moment, I remember wondering whether the two of them were actually defending my honor or just looking for an excuse for a really good brawl. Heck, the last time Tom had gotten in a fight was when Tony made us sit in his driveway and watch while he drove the motorized go-cart his dad had gotten him for his 8th birthday.
Anyway, a few moments later, Tom and his brother grabbed Tony, pinned him down, and yelled for me to come over and punch him in the face.
Man, I have to admit that hitting him felt good. And yeah, the first time I experienced racism was also the first time I got into a fight. I don't think it's a coincidence that those two facts are related. Nobody likes to be different. Especially when you're nine.
As has been well documented, I love raising my daughter in New York City. Growing up here, she's been exposed to a wide diaspora of race, colors, creeds and sexual orientations that have made her oblivious to the differences that separate and divide so many of us as adults.
Sadly, that bubble has been broken.
Last week, BossLady was picking the Peanut up from school when an elderly Latino gentleman approached her to apologize for his grandson's behavior. Apparently, his grandson and another boy had been mocking and teasing the Peanut by making "chinky eyes" and yelling "ching chong, ching chong."
The kids are in first grade.
As BossLady was listening to the elderly man's apology, she saw two students in 3rd grade run past the Peanut and yell "ching chong, ching chong." Apparently, this has been a trend in the school.
Are you fucking kidding me?
When we discussed this with the Peanut, she said that she thought the boys sounded stupid making those noises and that she was "lucky" that her teacher stepped in to move the boys to a different table. What's the world coming to that my daughter has to feel "lucky" to not be taunted with racial epithets in her first-grade classroom?
The Peanut is in a new school this year. We moved her because we were so impressed with how the school seemed to truly embrace diversity and, to be honest, the school handled the incident wonderfully and appropriately.
However, I find it sadly ironic that the Peanut had no concept of race or color before she even came to this school. It took less than a week before she learned that she was Asian. One of her little classmates had apparently lectured her on racial stereotypes and distinctions. The Peanut was so confused that she came home one day and asked whether it was true that we were "Ajin".
She knew that people looked different but there was never any judgment behind that. It was beautiful to see and I'm sorry to see that loss of innocence.
Like I said, you never forget your first time.
ON THE FLIP SIDE: USING MY ASIAN POWERS FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT
Despite the fact that all my friends know I was born and raised in NY, some of them still cannot help but think that all Asians are imbued at birth with some sacred and mystical Far East knowledge. It's truly amazing to me.
Last week, I went over to a buddy's apartment and, as a joke, I told him that the Feng Shui in his apartment was completely off and that he needed to immediately move all his furniture around if he wanted to regain spiritual balance in his life.
I had him moving stuff around for about an hour before I couldn't take it anymore and started laughing so hard that tears were coming down my eyes. The dude was lathered in sweat from moving all his couches around the apartment. He even started complaining that my prank had caused him to re-injure his shoulder.
I told him to stay cool and grab some toothpicks so I could perform some ancient Far East acupuncture on him.
Ha!
HOUSEKEEPING
(1) Thanks to KoreAm for naming MetroDad as one of the Top 10 Asian-American blogs. I am humbly honored.
(2) Still undecided on whether to maintain my Twitter page. Whom should I be following?
(3) I know times are tough these days but, as the year ends, if you are lucky enough to be able to donate a small amount in order to help those less fortunate, please consider donating to help honor my friend's memory. The Andrew Golkin Fund has provided scholarships to some incredible kids and we'd love to do even more for them.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and all your loved ones!
Thanks for sharing your story. I find it crazy that so many of your readers experienced racism so much older. I was the only Asian American in a predominantly Caucasian neighborhood until the 6th grade; since I entered the school system in preschool, I was made fun of for who I was. I hated going to school everyday. I only remember once, did a teacher intervene since most jokes and comments were in places a teacher may not hear.
It was not until my family moved into a more diverse community in the 6th grade that I began to embrace my own identity and culture. I am sad to say that to this day, I do not feel fluent in my culture's language because of my strong rejection during my earlier years.
It is wonderful you are so proactive in caring and looking out for Peanut. Thanks for the post, MD.
Posted by: Mei | December 02, 2010 at 07:35 PM
I just want to say that I love both your style of writing and your perspective on life. Both have had quite an impact on me. Thanks for all of it. Please write more!
Posted by: Demi | December 02, 2010 at 11:35 PM
@ Little Kristen:
Identifying yourself or someone else as Asian-American isn't racist. I don't think the answer to racism is to ignore the differences or pretend they don't exist. To end racism, we need to celebrate our differences and appreciate them in others.
Posted by: g | December 03, 2010 at 04:19 PM
You have such an honest voice and writing style, and you've been a great inspiration to me and many of my friends.
None of us are married or have kids but we are all addicted to your posts. I think you're the awesome uncle that we wished we'd always had (not to make you feel old, MD.)
We all talk about how our only complaint is that we wish you'd write more. So get to it, MD!!!
Posted by: lena | December 04, 2010 at 01:54 AM
PLEASE keep your Twitter page. It alternates between hilarious and profound. I love it. You're one of my fave.
Posted by: Angela | December 05, 2010 at 07:53 AM
Little Kirsten,
You do deserve to get flamed for your reply. I'm glad you at least realized that.
Your reply is pretty much a typical white privilege approach to things. A very "But if we don't talk so much about race and put labels on people, racism will probably just magically go away!" sort of answer that only someone who had a very limited concept and experience with racial discrimination could come up with. Being made fun of for being skinny, bucktoothed and four-eyed is somewhat comparable to being a visible racial minority because it is harrassment based on physical appearance... but tell me when white Americans who were skinny, bucktoothed and four-eyed were chained, sold, enslaved or put in the back of buses. Tell me when skinny white Americans were banned from ever setting foot in the United States (a la the Chinese Exclusion Act, go Google it) or forced into internment camps.
You being made fun of as a kid because of how you looked was super uncool. But uh, racial minorities having a history of systematic oppression, discrimination and harrassment sanctioned by the majority population and its government solely because of how they looked is just NOT comparable to kids on the playground mocking your buckteeth.
But you are white, and have grown up in an environment in which the majority of people looked like you, sounded like you, had similar customs and experiences and family members as you. So this all might be quite hard for you to understand.
PS: Your snide remark about MetroDad embracing a "victim mentality" is just the icing on the (super vanilla) cake.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 05, 2010 at 10:14 PM
MetroDad, I'm really sorry you daughter went through what happened. I'm glad she has supportive parents who will help her understand what happened and how not to feel defeated by it.
I think it's relevant that the kids who did this to Peanut were Latino. When I moved to the South, my brother and I were racially harrassed for being Asian not just by white kids, but by black and Latino kids as well. It goes to show that racism is not some sort of whites-only-do-it phenomenon. We all tend to internalize negative beliefs about each other-- even fellow people of color. You could argue that racism from minorites against other minorities is somehow worse because you'd expect there to be a mutual understanding of how hurtful and alienating it can be to be a certain minority. But often, no such luck, because ignorance is ignorance.
You can see the high incidence of verbal and physical harrasment towards Chinese immigrant students by black students at South Philadelphia High for such an example.
Posted by: Jennifer | December 05, 2010 at 10:40 PM
Jennifer...you rock. Well said.
Posted by: Kristina H | December 05, 2010 at 11:01 PM
A lot of times kids say the words, but don't really know how mean they are being - especially when they are young. I got in huge trouble, long after I should have known better, for calling Lulu Yen a "chink." I actually had a crush on Lulu and was devastated when she cried. I really didn't have any negative view of Asians. I just thought it was a funny word.
My daughters are both adopted from China, so that makes the story all the more poignant. We talk about them being Chinese, but it's all an abstraction to them. I don't think they feel any different at all. They try to describe Asian friends and they say stuff like, "you know, the one with the black hair."
Posted by: Dave Thompson | December 06, 2010 at 12:19 PM
Your daughter is just the cutest! And the smartest.
I remember my first time as well... I was about to get on the bus and a boy pushed me and said that no "Chinese girl" was going to get in the bus before him. That and I still remember being horrified when I found out that blacks counted as just 3/5 of a person less than 200 years ago.
Posted by: Felisa | December 06, 2010 at 01:58 PM
I love to visit your post. You really do put my life in order. I sometimes think that I am out of control but now I am thinking a little better about myself. Just kidding. Love to keep up with you and the peanut. Have a great holiday season.
Posted by: Mia | December 06, 2010 at 05:15 PM
It doesn't stop there. Ethnic racism even hits hard against those from Europe. For instance, did you hear about Sladjana Vidovic? She was an immigrant who attended our US schools only to be bullied so much because of her ethnic background that she took her own life. It's really sad. It's even sadder that Peanut has to endure such things at a young, tender age.
Posted by: Andy | December 08, 2010 at 09:40 AM
Hola, metrodad,
Stefanie Wilder Taylor sent me over here (she said it was because you were awesome and funny, not because I'm Asian too. Okay, I believe her. You're hilarious.) and I'm glad she did.
Ugh, seriously, chink gook? You'd think they'd come up with something better by now. Get creative folks! I grew up in Grand Prairie, Texas, so I heard a lot of that. Bummed? Yes. A little less bummed when I saw one of my former bullies working a parking garage 20 years later. =)
My daughter turns 11 next week, and I'm on-my-knees thankful she's grown out of the princess parties. Now she wants an ice skating party. Which, is fine with me, since that means I get to put on some tights and make an ass of myself in front of little children. I live for that, yo.
Posted by: elizabeth-flourish in progress | December 08, 2010 at 04:45 PM
Growing up in the Philippines, Switzerland and California, I never "got" racism. I knew it existed, but I never felt it first hand until I came to the Mid-West.
I should explain: My husband is a white male, that's in in credibly good shape, a lawyer, and officer in the Army. He's also very handsome and a lot of women had their eyes set on him. Well, we recently got married.
So the first time was when some people he introduced me to commented that they didn't think he was into the "Asian thing". Then these same women proceeded to not even look me in the eye, or speak to me.
Yup, cherry popped there.
Posted by: Riley | December 08, 2010 at 05:50 PM
Happy holidays, MD. Hope you get everything you wish for and deserve this year. I just discovered you recently and want to say thanks for all the joy, wisdom, laughs and tears you've provided for this recently-divorced mom. You're a true mensch.
Posted by: Alicia | December 08, 2010 at 10:15 PM
Little Kristen:
When your kids get singled out and teased in first grade for no reason BUT their Irish-Scottish-English ethnicity, then you will have a point. Until then, you really have no idea what it's like to be singled out at such a young age for racial abuse. And you know what? As a white person who grew up in a predominantly white environment, I will freely admit that I really don't truly know, on a gut-deep and visceral level, what it's like either. The difference between you and me is that I at least attempt to shut up and listen when a non-white person talks about what it's like to experience racism.
I don't appreciate men telling me, as a woman, what I should "really" think about sexism/misogyny/harassment. I don't appreciate being attacked as playing victim, lying, whining, or any number of the litany of excuses people use to avoid calling the perpetrators what they are. It should not be so difficult to extend this logic to assume that maybe non-white people don't need an Irish-Scottish-English American pontificating about how they should really feel about their own experiences.
"Perhaps people enjoy that victim mentality a little too much?"
Seriously? Did you seriously just say this to a man who related a story about his daughter being teased?
Yes, I'm sure people LOVE watching their children get hurt and upset. I'm sure people LOVE hearing racist BS from strangers for no reason. You are blaming the targets of racism for the continued existence of racism; that is victim-blaming pure and simple, and it's particularly disgusting in response to a story of an innocent CHILD enduring this.
Did you really think putting the disclaimer "I know I'm going to get flamed..." would excuse you from even a basic display of human decency?
Posted by: margaret | December 09, 2010 at 11:29 AM
Ugh...I can't believe that stuff starts so young these days. Sorry to hear about what happened to the Peanut. People suck.
Posted by: Kyra | December 09, 2010 at 11:46 AM
Dear Peanut,
A belated Happy Birthday!
I am writing to you because I know you have run into some mean boys at school. Well, here at Grandmother's home, my sons were raised to truly embrace diversity.
As a testament to that, Golden boy aka @childsplayx2 nephew, just turned 6 yesterday. While he is kind of nerdy, (he would LOVE spending the night at the Natural Museum and telling you all about the dinosaurs)he is very kind and very cute. I think you would hit if off and he has a younger sister who has her own iPad.
Or, how about TheMonk, @child'splay son. He would have loved your princess party and does not have any issues about dressing up or putting on make-up especially lipstick. He is very cute, too.
As for the race issue Golden Boy is Latino and Native American, Irish and a touch Scandinavian. TheMonk is also Native American, Latino, African American and a dash of Irish.
Please come to California to see for your self and to be embraced by a very diverse family. Tell dad you want to check out this weird family.
Or just come to see the original Disneyland, or vist Silicon Valley for your next birthday or the home of the 2010 World Series Champions.
Love Golden Boy's, Crazy Girl, TheMonk and Swee'Pea's Grandmother.
Posted by: Grandmother | December 09, 2010 at 05:24 PM
My kids go to an in-home daycare where they are the only white kids in group of Chinese and Indian kids.
(This was actually why I decided to have them commute to me to the diverse city where I teach, instead of the white-bread town where we live. Sorry, but after teaching in an Asian community I cannot stand other white parents anymore. Anyway...)
After a year in this daycare, my daughter suddenly went through a 3 month phase where she got all excited about being white. I'm pretty sure we never mentioned that we were white, but apparently this was a hot topic among the racially sophisticated daycare crowd she hung with.
So whenever we were in public, she liked to announce the racial status of strangers, especially when they were "WHITE, like us!" The best was when I brought her back to my elementary school with me after work one day, and she points at a random student walking across the blacktop and shouts out "That kid is BLACK!!!!!"
Great. Mrs. R has her own little Nazi alarm. Thanks, my child.
Posted by: lisa | December 10, 2010 at 12:49 AM
My girlfriend and I are almost positive that we saw you and Peanut on the subway this evening. Were you guys on the downtown C train? You're both even cuter in person.
Posted by: Veronica | December 10, 2010 at 08:31 PM
It's a shame - we think we have come so far and then it is clear that deep-rooted racism is still there no matter how hard people try to pretend it isn't
Posted by: Selina Kingston | December 11, 2010 at 10:01 AM
I know that you get a lot of advice but I just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing a fine job raising your little girl and your life is not much different than most everyone elses. Keep up the great post. You really make my day.
Posted by: Apple | December 12, 2010 at 05:06 PM
I'll never forget my first time hearing "spic". It was fourth grade. It was from the two pretty girls on my bus. I think they just learned it themselves, and being one of a handful of "colored" kids in the school, they were excited to find someone to use it on. I knew I was different, but I never felt different until that day. Now that I think about it, I don't know that I ever thought of it this way.
I have a baby girl now and we live in Westchester County. Yes, where a "neighbor" asked me if "we had carrots" at the farmer's market one day. Yeah, I know.
Good luck MD!
Happy holidays. Sending you a man hug, just cause.
Posted by: Jrock | December 16, 2010 at 11:31 PM
I maintain a twitter account for the blog, and I'll admit that it's oddly addicting. Based on some highly scientific analysis, I believe you would enjoy following:
@susanorlean <- a true Twitter savant, if I've ever seen one.
@Francis_Lam
@mcsweeneys
@gemko
You could follow me, too, but I have a feeling that I tweet too much for your taste.
Posted by: Babychili | December 17, 2010 at 04:32 AM
This was a fun article to read. It makes me feel like my life is in more control than I thought. What an interesting way to look at your little girl. I know she is great because of the way you write about her. I can not wait to read more. Six is a wonderful year for girls. There eyes are opening up to so much.
Posted by: Mary | December 17, 2010 at 08:34 PM
You always have interesting things going on in your life. I feel like you have more in control than you let on but I love the read and knowing how the peanut is growing. You are doing a fine job with her.
Posted by: Betsy | December 20, 2010 at 09:29 PM
Hi MD, long-time reader, first time commentor. Thank you for your honesty in this post.
I am a Singaporean Chinese who moved to Chicago three years ago, and let me tell you that experiencing the onslaught of racial hatred at the grand ol' age of 27 was no fucking joke.
I was privileged enough to be raised as a racial majority in my home country, so to be suddenly put in box, labelled to no end, stereotyped, sexually harassed, teased and pitied was a big slap in the face.
It was a wake- up call.
Good things came out of it though. I am so much more aware about my racial identity,more sensitive to my own racist beliefs about others, and am more determined to reduce the power differentials in any small way I can.
If anyone from a majority race reading this would really like to experience how it is like to be ridiculed for how you were made, move far far away, right out of your comfort zone, to somewhere where you will stick right out, feel uncomfortable, and begin to ask the right questions.
Also, I highly recommend the book "Why are all the Black kids sitting together in the Cafeteria?" by Beverly Daniel Tatum, an in-depth no-nonsense look into the origins and politics of race.
Posted by: Jolen | December 26, 2010 at 08:21 AM
As the only Asian kid in most of my classes during my childhood in the Deep South, I developed a thick skin. But I often threatened people with martial arts. And it worked. It wasn't until 5 years ago that I actually bothered to learn a martial art. Now I'm truly invincible.
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