Dear Andy

Dear Andy,

This morning, I was walking around downtown with my daughter. As we strolled down the street holding hands, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotion and suddenly, tears started streaming down my face.

The Peanut looked up at me with her innocent eyes and said, "What's wrong, Daddy?"

"Daddy's a little sad today."

"Why?"

"Because 9 years ago today, I lost one of my best friends."

"How did you lose him, Daddy?"

"He died, Peanut."

You died, Andy. Even after all these years, I still can't get over saying those words. They sound so final, so cold, so dark.

God knows that you were anything but dark, my friend. You had a laugh that wasn't so much infectious as it was healing. Your smile lit up a room. And your eternal optimism could make even the most depressed person see the brighter side of things.

I still can't believe it's been 9 years since we lost you, Andy. After all these years, I still struggle to make sense out of it. How could life be so cruel to take you away from us at such a young age? You had just turned 30 years old. We were all so young. Our futures were so far ahead of us.

Recently I wrote an article offering advice to younger people around the age of 30. Ironic, eh? Much of my advice centered upon my belief that life is short. I wrote about how it's often said that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. It's called living. Don't let it pass you by.

When you're 30, you can't fully comprehend or appreciate what that means. They're just words on paper. Ramblings from an old man. But for me, it's more than a mere aphorism. It's a philosophy of life that I wholeheartedly embrace. More importantly, it's a philosophy I learned from you. Not only by being your friend but also from losing you.

To this day, I always think of how you treated everyone so kindly and my friendship with you always reminds me that good friends are better than good jobs or good trips or lots of money or any of the other things that are stand-ins for what life really is about. My friendship with you helped strengthen in me the shapeless, nameless muscle one needs to nurture friendships. I’ve become a better friend to others and a more compassionate person than I ever would have had our paths not crossed. It's one of the greatest gifts that you ever gave me.

Speaking of friends, you'd still laugh your ass off if you saw us now. Life may change but somehow it still remains the same. "La famiglia" (as you always liked to call all of us) is still as close as ever. We may be a little older and a little grayer but, at the end of the day, we're still that bunch of silly misfits who love nothing more than being with each other. Russell is still the hilarious lovable misanthrope that he always was. Kyle and I hung out with him last week and we're still nursing a hangover. Roy continues to live in Miami but instead of hitting the hot spots of South Beach, he now spends most of his time hitting golf balls and changing diapers. Shary has finally turned into the endearing old man that we knew he would always become. Most nights, we suspect he falls asleep before his kids do. And since Kyle and I are now both single, we spend a lot of our time acting like we did 9 years ago. Need I say more?

But we miss you, Andy. We miss you so damn much. We think about you all the time and we miss you as much today as we did when we first lost you. Every time we're all together, we still talk about our favorite memories of you. We can be anywhere in the world and one of us will quietly raise a glass and simply say, "To GoGo." Without fail, tears will always come to our eyes as we take a moment to remember how much we miss you.

While memories of our time together may fade, our love for you never does. Truly great friends like you are hard to find and impossible to forget. And quite simply, you were one of the best friends a guy could ever have.

As always on this day, I just want you to know that I'm thinking about you. I always have and I always will.

Rest in peace, Andy.

Love always,

Your friend Pierre

 

Andrew Golkin, 1970-2001

Comments

[patty]

Godspeed, Andy.

[Emily]

9 years. Sometimes it seems like 9/11 was ages ago. Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. Blessing to you and all those who lost friends and family during that day of tragedy.

[Muskrat]

I bet your friend is proud of how you honor him.
But I suspect we would give you shit about going to a dance party with unicorn cake a few weeks ago.

[Pauline]

We should all be so lucky to have such good friends during one's lifetime. Nice sentiments, MD.

[Dr. Cynicism]

Our thoughts are with many, many people today.

[Jacklyn]

Reading your annual tribute to your friend always reminds me of the real impact that 9/11 had on the myriad of people who lost loved ones.

[ParentopiaDevra]

Jews will tell a mourner "May his memory be a blessing." Every year when you write to Andy, you put that sentiment into practice- demonstrating just what a blessing Andy's memory is to you. Thank you for sharing your memories.

[Cicero]

The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.

[christie]

Thank you Pierre. Your friend sounds like he was a wonderful man. One of my oldest friends died that day as well. I cherished our friendship and miss him a lot.

[Jack D.]

Glad you got to spend the day with your daughter. Must have been a great comfort to you on this day of remembrance. Sorry for your loss.

[NYCgrl]

As a New Yorker you live with the scars from 9 years ago. Nothing acutely painful and most days you manage to forget but when September rolls around there is an eerie quiet of wistfulness and sadness hanging in the nippy air, heavy with the memories of the neighbors and former co-workers who were lost.

[David Diamond]

Thank you Pierre,

I was very touched to read your words. Andy and I lived on the same floor in the Pavilion and were together almost every day growing up. Although, we didn't talk or spend that much time together when we went to college, I will always consider him one of my best friends. Thanks again

David

[MetroDude]

Your tribute to Andy each year always moves me. Thanks for sharing your heart so openly, PK. It is really inspiring. Take care, brotha.

[Rebecca]

Mu husband worked with Andy at Cantor. He was always amazed at Andy's relationships with friends that he'd known for so many years. You guys must have been a special group. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Scott]

Every year when I read your tribute to your friend Andy, I sometimes wish I had friends like yours.

[Derek]

"It's often said that before you die, your life passes before your eyes. It's called living. Don't let it pass you by."

Some of the wisest words I've ever read. Well said, MD. Given me a lot to think about in regards to my own life. Thank you.

[carosgram]

Thinking of you and remembering that day. May everyone who lost someone that day remember all that was gained by knowing them.

[JYN]

Never forget.

[Kyle]

Well said dude!

[Nate]

Hi Pierre, do you mind sharing the link to your article about being 30? Im at that age and can use some different perspective. Great writing as always.

[Holly]

Your post is so touching and moving. Stay strong.

[Ally]

Heart. Hug.

[Angella]

You made me cry, dammit.

Friends like your Andy are worth remembering and honoring. I'm glad that you do that and more.

Sorry for your loss, Pierre, but glad that you and the others have turned it into something good. Death doesn't have to kill everything.

[tys]

stay strong...if only everyone had a friend like u...it was a terrible day...sorry for ur loss

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[Issa]

Every year, I remember your friend Andy. Because of your words, I remember.

[snickollet]

Lovely tribute, as always. So sorry for your loss.

[Kila]

I think about you and Andy ever year on 9/11. I really do. Thank you for sharing him with us. He lives on through all of us.

[Shwna]

Every year this is the tribute that gets me. Lovely and sad. So, so sorry for your loss.

[Nina]

Every year I am touched by your memorial to Andy. I was 18 when 9/11 happened and it seemed like a dream, tragic and horrifying, but distant. I didn't know anybody that was killed, had never been to NY, couldn't comprehend the implications. It has helped, over the years, to read your tributes to Andy and read about your friendship and what his life and loss has meant to you.

Thank you Pierre. And Andy.

[Kim]

Beautiful words. I'm sure he is an angel watching over you now. There is something profound in death which touches the very soul of our heart. The pain really doesn't subside does it? It make me realise what a great life I have and makes all material things insignificant. You rock M.D.

p.s time for a new header?

[cingdoc]

Thanks for sharing your(personal) story about your best friend and your 9/11 experience. It really doesn't matter where or who you are,everyone changes after that sad morning...

[LisM.]

Beautiful and touching post, MD. Am sorry for your loss. Great friends are hard to find.

[Wally]

I believe that this is very true. My husband and I try to live our days as though we will never get another one. We say and do this because he has cancer. They gave him only four to ten years to live. That way nineteen years ago. We use to save money like there was not tomorrow. We now enjoy life. We take trips, visit friends and anything else we can think of. What I am trying to say, is we live life to it's fullest. I hope that everyone will do this because it will gone before we know it.

[Hannah]

What was the article that you recently wrote about? Offering advice to younger people...is it published?

-H

[catty]

Amazing and touching and I have a tear in my eye, almost like I also knew "Gogo". Thanks Pierre.

[Gabby]

This is nice that you had a friend like this. So many of us never have that close of a connection with anyone, ever. I know that he loved having you as a friend and you know that you are who you are because of this friendship. Friendships like yours will last forever.

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Dear Pierre,
I can't even imagine to lose a soul mate- a friend who is a part of your soul. Even I have friends who are very precious to me, more than life itself.
May god bless Andrew's soul. The light in his eyes reflects the warmth & love in his heart.
I'm very Sorry for your loss.
No matter, how many years pass heart always pines for those whom we loved,cherished & those who loved us back & cared for us.
Do always remember Andrew but with a smile.

P.S.: Pray that your daughter too has friends like that.

Take care,
A Friend

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Sorry about your friend, stay strong and you will see him in heaven, you sound like a good person, so did he so you will see him again. To have a friend like you is hard to come by, loving a friend so much that even after 9 years tears flow when you think of him, touching x

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