Two things I've always said I wouldn't do are (1) join Twitter, and (2) sign up for an online dating site.
However, this has been a busy summer for me. I won't go into all the details but I've found myself with very little "me" time. When I'm not working, traveling, renovating my apartment, spending time with friends, or hanging out with the Peanut, I just haven't had much free time to meet new women to date.
Now back in the days when I was single, online dating never really existed.
These days, it's all the rage.
So, in a panic, I called BossLady today to discuss this with her. She not only reminded me that we'd been to several weddings where the couples had met online but she also alerted me to the fact that times had changed and I should embrace technology and the world of online dating. She even gave me a ton of advice about which dating sites to avoid. Awesome!
Here's the problem.
As my buddy James has reminded me, I have a somewhat offbeat sense of humor. If I'm going to date online, I might as well cut to the chase. As James said, "Listen, bro. They're going to find out sooner or later. You might as well float it out there." Good advice.
Of course, James is the same guy who joined Match.com and used Ray Charles' bio as his "About Me."
And no, he wasn't born the black son of a Florida sharecropper.
Anyway, I took his advice and, as an experiment, signed up for an online dating site for the first time. I'm not quite sure what I'm doing so I could use any advice, assistance, or help that you can offer.
For better or worse, here's my online profile:
I was born on a remote island in the South Pacific and now reside
between Manhattan and Paris. Of course, by that, I mean Manhattan,
Kansas and Paris, Texas.
At the age of 11, I was visiting relatives in Tijuana and, on a dare, entered a local variety show. To make a long story short, I wound up winning the coveted Chimichanga Award for Best New Asian Actor in a Mexican production of "Oklahoma."
This brought me fame at an early age. When I returned home, I was a huge celebrity and was often featured on local TV. Of course, since I lived on a small island with limited access to technology, there were only 5 families tuning in (7 during the vernal equinox!)
Eventually, I grew weary of an entertainer’s life and all the trappings of fame…the party, the interview, the stalker.
At the tender age of 17, through an administrative error, I received a football scholarship to Smith College. With a heavy heart, I kissed my family goodbye to explore the world beyond.
It was then I realized my dream of becoming a self-taught mathematician. With a little help from the Rand Corporation, I was able to solve Fermat’s Theorem and use that knowledge to help invent Spanx.
The rest is history. I do get lonely sometimes but I simply won’t settle. It seems most American women don’t have a knack for hunting wild boar. Despite my wealth and prosperity, I’m just truly a really nice guy at heart and no matter where life takes me, I will never forget my roots (nor my wonderful memories of foraging for roots.)
All kidding aside, I'm a very open, fun, honest, and down-to-earth guy. I truly believe in enjoying all that life has to offer. I have amazing friends, a beautiful daughter, and a great life that I'm looking to share with someone special.
I'm a born-and-raised New Yorker with an urbane wit and great sense of humor. I'm a hopeless romantic with an optimistic outlook on life. I take great pleasure in life's smaller moments. And as much as I like to have fun, I also have a very serious contemplative side that likes to explore my inner self.
I'm looking for someone who is kind, passionate, loving, honest, independent, funny, loyal and intelligent. My perfect match is someone comfortable in her own skin with a high degree of emotional intelligence.
And who gets my sense of humor.
What do you guys think? I'm going to die alone, aren't I?
P.S. By the way, I joined Twitter too. If you want, follow me here.