Despite the fact that more and more marriages seem to be falling apart these days, I still remain an avowed believer in marriage as an institution.
In fact, I'd even go so far as saying that marriage is a truly vital cog in our societal machine. Dating's fine, living together is great, but I like to believe that anyone who is truly in love eventually looks at their partner and thinks, "I want to cut down on having sex with this person and get on their dental plan."
Just kidding.
Sort of.
Ok, not really.
Recently I had dinner with an old friend of mine. He asked me what it was like to be single at the age of 41. I told him things would be much easier if I were one of those guys who could actually date a 25 year old. Unfortunately, I find myself to be in that seemingly rare minority of men who find maturity in women an attractive feature.
My buddy laughed and then reminded me about how when I was 25, I used to tell women on the first date, "I think I love you. Let's go get married and have lots of children."
Obviously I wasn't serious. When I was 25, marriage was the furthest possible thing from my mind. What can I say? I was an immature 25 year old.
Apparently, marriage seems to be on my 5-year-old daughter's mind a lot these days.
It all started a few months ago when the Peanut came home and announced that her friend "Dane" had pronounced his love for her and told her that today was their "anniversary." He also told the Peanut that they were going to get married some day.
Naturally, this led to some hilarious conversations with the Peanut about marriage. After much profound deliberation and serious consideration, the Peanut informed us that she thought she was too young to get married right now and wanted to wait until she was older. And in a statement that had BossLady and I both running to our respective shrinks, she also said "Unless I want to have kids, I'm not sure I'll ever get married!"
Fast forward to this past Sunday.
The Peanut had her first ballet recital at a local dance studio. Much to our surprise, her little friend Dane not only came to see the Peanut's performance, he also brought her a bouquet of flowers!
It was only then that BossLady and I truly realized the wonderfully beautiful bond that she and Dane had. After BossLady took the Peanut to school on Monday, she sent me the following e-mail:
Dane is moving and this Friday is his last day. Peanut started making him a Good Luck Book - with all these drawings. And we made a friendship key chain for him. So he came yesterday to her recital. He and his mom brought flowers and Silly Bands as a gift.
So, this morning, I had Peanut make a Thank You card. "Thank you for the silly bands and the pretty flowers. I love them. I love you. From Peanut". On the front of the card, she drew a picture of her and Dane with hearts everywhere.
We get to school this morning. As soon as we get there, Dane sees her and goes up to her. One of her friends is teasing Dane that he loves the Peanut. Dane doesn't care about the teasing! Peanut says nothing. She just opens up her bag and gives the card to Dane. He reads the card out loud and I hear him say, "I'm going to save this card forever." He seriously loves Peanut. And it is the cutest thing! All the kids were teasing them that they were going to get married. And Dane didn't care. He was saying which kids could be the flower girl and the flower boy. He pulls out the card to show more friends.
I wish you could have seen it. I adore this boy! I adore him for adoring our daughter.
Beyond cute!
That night was my turn to have custody of the Peanut. As soon as we got home, I asked her about her relationship with Dane. She started telling me how much she's really going to miss Dane when he moves. Even though she sometimes found the talk about marriage a little annoying, she said that she was truly sad that she wasn't going to see Dane when he moves.
So I asked her (half as a joke,) “So Peanut, have you and Dane ever kissed?”
Peanut: “Only once.”
Me: “Seriously, are you kidding me? You kissed each other? Or he kissed you? And where exactly did he kiss you?”
Peanut: “Don’t worry, daddy. I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me on the cheek.”
Me: “What did you say to him?”
Peanut: “I said, Dane, there’s no kissing allowed in school. You know the rules.”
OH MY FUCKING GOD!
I immediately sent an e-mail to BossLady telling her about this conversation. She subsequently forwarded my e-mail to Dane's mom. As if our hearts couldn't melt any further from all the cuteness, Dane's mom thanked us for telling her about our conversation. She then proceeded to tell us that the cuteness was practically driving her to tears. Especially when she walked into Dane's room that day and saw him making "invitations" to the wedding!
I'm always amazed at how kids of each ensuing generation seem to be so much more mature than I was as a child. I remember being in a car with my college girlfriend and her 5-year-old sister back in 1990. At one point in the conversation, we heard this little voice from the backseat proclaim, "Can you guys stop speaking to me for a little while? I need my space."
Granted, the kid was being raised in L.A....but still.
But my own daughter? Talking about marriage? Honestly discussing her true feelings about a boy?
Maybe kids do really mature faster these days but whenever I think about this story, I recall being 5 years old and having a crush on my neighbor Brina. Maybe I was just a socially retarded dork back then because the only way I expressed my feelings for her were by pulling her pigtails and pushing her in the mud!
At the end of the day, I still sometimes see myself as that socially retarded 5-year-old dork.
But maybe Marie Ebner-Eschenbach was right when she said, "In youth we learn; in age we understand."
And while I truly and wholeheartedly agree with that quote, recent experiences of being the father of a 5 year old remind me more of that old adage: "the days are long but the years go by fast."
Now, all I can think about is walking the Peanut down the aisle at her wedding.
Oy vey.
As if I needed more fodder for my age-old insomnia!
Portrait of the artist as a young ballerina...
That's just precious!
Posted by: Maddy | June 13, 2010 at 12:30 PM
This can't get any cuter! Thanks for sharing the story.
Posted by: Minimalist | June 14, 2010 at 12:18 AM
This made me tear up big time. Granted, I am in a mood today, but still.....
Thank you for this post.
Posted by: -s | June 14, 2010 at 01:12 AM
Could you please recommend places to visit with a 4-year old in NYC?
Posted by: Rosina | June 14, 2010 at 01:17 AM
I think a pen pal relationship is in order here
=)
Posted by: Sophia | June 15, 2010 at 04:19 AM
I have a friend who had the same thing happen to him when he was Peanut's age, and he and his "girlfriend" stayed pen pals for many years and ended up getting married a couple years ago. So you never know...Peanut and Dane could end up getting married for real one day as well!
And the picture of Peanut - omg, she is absolutely beautiful. You make some good-lookin' kiddos MD!
Posted by: kr | June 15, 2010 at 06:48 PM
I saw the two of you walking together in Tribeca this morning but was too shy to approach you. Both of you are even cuter in person!
Posted by: Karina | June 16, 2010 at 05:18 PM
i love it! i love the innocence with which children declare their love. so damn adorable. and of course, i'm sounding like a broken record when i say your daughter is quite the pretty girl.
Posted by: tjean na | June 17, 2010 at 09:22 PM
Hi MD,I'm visiting NYC from Australia. I think I saw Peanut in Dean and Deluca in Soho. She was wearing the prettiest olive tutu though I could be mistaken. It was the dress that caught my eye and then I thought she looked familiar though she's so big now. She's adorable! And you could possibly have been at the counter.
Posted by: bells | June 18, 2010 at 12:29 AM
this one touched my heat.give me love to peanut and also to Dane.I have a 6 year old son (aku) and he loves someone just like Dane does.My heart will break for him as we move in September and wish he can cope up with it.
Posted by: Deepthi | June 18, 2010 at 07:56 AM
That is a funny story. I think when kids that age copy the things they see their parents doing, like being married, they are very cute trying to act grown up.
Good Read!
Thanks......
Posted by: Baby Care Ideas | June 20, 2010 at 03:32 PM
Thanks for sharing this great story.
Posted by: Baby Care Ideas | June 20, 2010 at 10:49 PM
I think that this is a great story. I also, think that all little girls think of getting married. That is what my daughter thought about.
Posted by: White Tail Deer Hunting | June 20, 2010 at 10:55 PM
Beautiful, beautiful! I love to hear stories like this.
Posted by: New Baby Care | June 20, 2010 at 11:03 PM
She is precious! Very cute!
Posted by: Family Tree Charts | June 20, 2010 at 11:08 PM
Great story!
Posted by: Travel Mobility Scooters | June 20, 2010 at 11:59 PM
I love her outfit. Makes me wish I was young again.
Posted by: Mobility Scooters | June 21, 2010 at 12:03 AM
This is a heart warming story. Thanks.
Posted by: LJP Scooters | June 21, 2010 at 12:07 AM
Children grow up so fast. I would like them to stay small.
Posted by: Electric Mobility Scooters Today | June 21, 2010 at 12:10 AM
What a wonderful story and what a beautiful ballerina.
I thought you and Childsplayx2 had an arrangement?
Posted by: Grandmother | June 21, 2010 at 02:20 AM
after working a 10 hour day at the office and feeling completely lost in the world as a fresh grad, your post just reminded me of the joy and meaning in life! thanks :)
Posted by: joo | June 22, 2010 at 12:09 AM
not sure what is cuter, your post or the picture of peanut.
Posted by: the mad momma | June 22, 2010 at 09:21 AM
Aww, thank you for this post, it melted my heart :)
I, too, had my future husband picked out in kindergarten. If only I had stayed with that choice, it might have turned out happily ever after! Similar to you, I'm recently divorced and will be 40 next month. But I've been blessed beyond imagination to finally find the partner of my dreams. I hope you will, too!
Posted by: Kila | June 22, 2010 at 10:20 AM
Just had to add a big round of applause and thank you to you and Boss Lady for communicating with each other so well. Sadly, that is not the case for many of us with ex's who do not communicate at all.
Posted by: Kila | June 22, 2010 at 10:26 AM
This is such a cute story. It makes me remember the questions that children do ask.
Posted by: Sam | June 24, 2010 at 02:57 PM
You have a beautiful daughter and you are a great father.
Posted by: Sam | June 24, 2010 at 03:01 PM
Enjoy her while you can. They grow up way, too fast.
Posted by: Steve | June 24, 2010 at 03:05 PM
I know that she loved the flowers. It makes a little girl feel like she is grown up.
Posted by: Sue | June 24, 2010 at 03:09 PM
Awwww she is so cute and obviously has her head screwed on right ;-)
Posted by: Emma | June 25, 2010 at 05:09 PM
This was so beautifully written. I'm just finding your blog. I am so impressed. You remind me of my husband -- awesome dad, very self-aware. I've got some single friends who live in NYC. Interested? :)
You're right, BTW. Kids today are much more mature and together. They are benefiting from our years of therapy. At least that's my theory.
Posted by: Karen Bannan from NaturalAsPossibleMom | June 26, 2010 at 09:35 AM
i'd recently chanced upon a tumblr entry about a girl with a crush as well.
http://heislove.tumblr.com/post/738390790/fuckyeahhlove-this-is-my-cousin-her-name-is
kids are so innocently sweet. they just love unconditionally without any expectations. i wish we think more like kids more often.
Posted by: s | June 27, 2010 at 05:05 AM
My daughter took ballet for a spell early on. We have a videotape of her in class looking adorable in her tutu. She could have kept at ballet if she wanted. She was limber and graceful (still is). But she decided to pursue singing instead. Every time we see the Nutcracker at Lincoln Center, I still imagine her playing one of the little girls. She could have done it. But now she's found her true calling: singing opera. So I've long since let go of my idea of her as a ballet dancer. If she's happy, I'm happy. That's the equation I live by.
Posted by: Bob Brody | June 27, 2010 at 09:27 AM
I loved a boy when I was five. My grandfather nicknamed him Cupcake. Precious story. I'm relieved to know that not every divorced man over 40 wants to date a woman in her 20s. I have female friends in their 40s who play with the 20-something boys because they're pretty, but *snore*.
Your daughter's beautiful. Don't torment yourself with wedding thoughts yet. Silly.
Posted by: Chris | June 28, 2010 at 08:48 AM
What a hilarious, beautifully-written, heart-string tugging post. Your daughter sounds amazing and wow, if only more boys (of all ages) were like Dane! He's a keeper!
Posted by: catty | June 28, 2010 at 10:27 AM
I wish i could have the same relationship with my ex. Unfortunately, my ex is a philanderer and a liar. What kills me even more is that she is bringing up my daughter half the time and instilling her with these terrible values.
Posted by: jessica | June 28, 2010 at 04:09 PM
Great story and the Peanut is absolutely beautiful. I am so glad that you and Peanut's mom are able to have a relationship centered around the peanut and her needs. You are both good parents.
Posted by: 1969 | June 29, 2010 at 03:06 PM
Peanut is just so gorgeous MD!
And that is so cute! C's best friend is a little girl who has told everybody she's going to marry C, that C's going to be her husband. C just seems a little confused by the whole thing. It's sweet. :)
Posted by: Nina | June 30, 2010 at 04:08 PM
I can TOTALLY recall dreaming of a wedding between me and an imaginary special boy at her age. How warped is that. I had the dress all figured out. I think it had been triggered by some movie about old English royalty making arranged marriages with small children. I decided that was PERFECT.
Many MANY years later, I recall e-mailing a schoolmate from my former gradeschool and asking if that guy Douglas was still in town (whose eyelashes and dark good looks I'd ogled in first grade). I asked her to ask him if he remembered me. He was in town, and when she asked, he said, "Oh her! The one who used to kick me in the shins all the time! Sure! : ) "
OMG!...I remembered: I DID kick him in the shins....
Your Peanut is a darling, and kudos to the mom of that sweet little boy who didn't care who knew.
Posted by: Xibee | July 01, 2010 at 03:52 PM
I am glad that you and your wife are going to work togather to give your peanut a good feeling with her parents. You are a good father and a great writer. Peanut is beautiful.
Posted by: Kim | July 01, 2010 at 05:54 PM
i almost teared reading this post. very cute story.
Posted by: Leanne K. | July 02, 2010 at 01:02 PM
That is all my little girl thought about. She got what she wanted. She is married with a little boy and a little girl on the way. She is very happy.
Posted by: Mary | July 02, 2010 at 10:19 PM
That's pretty cute. When they do decide to go for it, make sure you have a hand in putting together the registry. You could score a margarita machine out of this deal.
Posted by: Holmes | July 05, 2010 at 09:10 PM
Dude it has been so long since I posted that I can't believe Peanut has turned into such a little lady! I just thought about you ten minutes ago and decided to google you again and check things out, and I'm treated to this delightful story and cute photo!
As a fellow dad, it makes my heart melt as well that she's so well-mannered, so mature beyond her years, or even ours!
My youngest is just starting to become so interesting. It's too cute to see her act like she's grown up.
Posted by: Jason | July 09, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Your daughter is wonderful. The name fits her, too.
Posted by: Betty | July 09, 2010 at 07:21 PM
What would we do without kids and their questions? I miss them. Loved the story.
Posted by: Sarah | July 09, 2010 at 07:23 PM
All little girls need flowers. I think that she is very pretty in pink.
Posted by: Judy | July 10, 2010 at 11:29 PM
You have the cutest little girl, ever. I love to read your stories about your events of the day.
Posted by: Jane | July 13, 2010 at 01:15 AM
the days are long but the years go by fast. you aint kidding. i have a ten year old now. seems like yesterday i was stepping on plush toy trucks and now i'm answers geometry questions.
Posted by: Boom Trucks | July 14, 2010 at 08:51 PM
Great post. She is beautiful.
Posted by: Roy | July 16, 2010 at 01:12 AM
You and your daughter look very much alike. I think that you are doing a great job with her. She is beautiful.
Posted by: Mag | July 19, 2010 at 09:50 AM