As you can probably guess, I'm not a big fan of political correctness.
When I was in college at Berkeley, a group of political activists lobbied to officially change Columbus Day to "Indigenous People's Day," the argument being that Christopher Columbus was responsible for more calamity and destruction than progress and prosperity. The activists blamed Columbus for single-handedly colonizing the New World and destroying indigenous populations. I'm not sure but I think they also pinned acid rain, rush-hour traffic, and the Middle East on him too.
Seriously?
Give me a fucking break.
In my humble opinion, it helps nobody to use language as a medium for minimizing offense to people on the basis of gender, race, culture, or age. Call me an equal opportunity offender but I think that politically-sensitive labels do more harm than good. We have become so overly sensitive of each other's differences that we can't even joke about them anymore.
Or at least most people can't.
I still seem to have no problem doing it.
Last year, I dressed my 4-year-old daughter as an underage Chinese Olympic gymnast. In case you haven't seen it, here's the photo:
I have to admit that I thought this costume was hysterical, mainly because it worked on so many different levels. It was topical, slightly political, and gently mocking (Shit, even people in China thought it was funny.)
That's why for Halloween this year, I'm going as Bernie Madoff on "Dancing with the Stars" in a balloon dress made out of Mylar and trimmed with Raj Rajaratnam's moustache hair.
For my international readers, go ahead and google that shit. I'll wait.
Anyway, as I mentioned last year, Halloween in NYC for a five-year-old child is practically a week-long affair. There's the school party, the neighborhood block party, the weekend parade, and of course the actual Halloween trick-or-treating.
All year, the Peanut has been asking to be a mermaid. However, I asked her if it was ok for us to pick a separate costume for just one of the parties. Naturally she agreed.
But in all honesty, I've been struggling with ideas for Peanut's "joke" costume this Halloween.
As we all know, there's a fine line between being funny and being completely offensive.
And as usual, I'm stepping all over that line.
I think I've been thinking about it so much that I've completely lost perspective. So I'm asking for your help. Here's my short list of costume ideas. Let me know which ones you like and how you feel about them.
Asian trophy wife (aka "The Wendy Murdoch")
Concept: C'mon. How funny would it be if I could find an older white kid dressed in a business suit to pair up with the Peanut?
Pros: Visual humor at its finest.
Cons: It would probably offend half my Asian-American female friends (who, in all honesty, are married to rich older white dudes.)
Kidnapped Asian-American journalists Laura Ling or Euna Lee
Concept: Dress Peanut up as a third-rate CNN anchor with handcuffs.
Pros: I could put on a fat suit, get a wig, and pretend to be either Bill Clinton or Kim Jong-Il.
Cons: Having been a hostage victim myself, I think it plays a little too close to the heart.
One of Jon and Kate Gosselin's kids
Concept: Get Peanut to walk around with one of my blond friends holding a sign saying, "Have you seen my daddy?"
Pros: Reality TV is always funny. Whether we like it or not, we all watch it. Don't we?
Cons: If I wanted to portray Jon Gosselin, I'd have to buy an Ed Hardy shirt. Fuck that!
LPGA Golfer
Concept: With all the controversy about South Korean women taking over the LPGA tour, I could dress Peanut in a golf outfit and have her pretend to not speak English.
Pros: Costume would be easy. My insane parents have already bought her golf outfits. All I need to buy is a visor.
Cons: Again, I'm not sure how many people would catch the irony.
What say you, people? Do you like any of these? Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of any of them. Offended? Don't find them funny? Got any alternate ideas?
Spill it.
As a new reader to your site, I never saw that Halloween costume from last year. OMG! Might be the funniest (and cutest) thing I've ever seen. I love it!
Posted by: Katie C | October 22, 2009 at 10:31 PM
If you chose the Jon and Kate angle you're going to have to ship her to NC so Jimmy and I can add her to our joint costume. And even then we'll still be 5 kids short. I think we're going to tell people that the missing kids are busy shooting an episode of "I'm a Celebrity! Get Me A Nanny!!".
Posted by: Sue Laguna-Whang | October 22, 2009 at 10:32 PM
LPGA Golfer for sure. Tape a couple of dollar bills to the sides of her visor. People will get it. Either that, or they will think she is a young Tiger Woods, which would be even funnier.
Posted by: Misfithausfrau | October 22, 2009 at 10:38 PM
I love all those ideas but it will be tough to beat last year's costume. That was an all-time classic.
Posted by: Ragan | October 22, 2009 at 10:39 PM
if you choose jon and kate, just don't let her be maddy. that kid is so annoying. also if she's one of the sextuplets, can't you be kate instead of jon? get a french tip manicure and a kate-wig. although i heard they are already sold out in the nyc area?
Posted by: beyond | October 22, 2009 at 11:10 PM
You should definitely go for the Wendy Murdoch... the Connie Chung, Julie Chen, Angela Chao.
And you were a hostage victim?
Posted by: viv | October 22, 2009 at 11:13 PM
Lol. those are hilarious. i think one of Jon and Kate's kids is the funniest. =)
Posted by: mary | October 22, 2009 at 11:14 PM
I don't know if you'll be able to top last year's costume, but I like the LPGA and Jon&Kate ideas.
Posted by: bree | October 22, 2009 at 11:23 PM
You should dress her up as Falcon aka Balloon Boy.
Posted by: April | October 22, 2009 at 11:27 PM
delurking here:
Last year's costume cannot be beat. Awesome. That's when I subscribed to you via RSS.
LPGA and Jon&Kate - only borderline offensive and not really very funny. I'm not sure if those are independent qualities.
Journalists - yeah, kinda offensive but only half as offensive as if you were actually white and dressing as Bill Clinton
Asian Trophy Wife - hideously offensive.
Don't you think East Asian women are infantilised enough? Don't you think East Asian girls are hyper-sexualised enough?
Posted by: party pooper | October 22, 2009 at 11:33 PM
You are a funny, funny man.
Posted by: Toni | October 22, 2009 at 11:43 PM
ok, this is my official favorite post earned the best article of the week award from my rss reader! I've been writing about halloween in several of my more recent articles and I wish I had knows all these awesome ideas you've come up with because I would have included them. You and I think very much alike. The difference is that you say it. When I say these things I'm called a racist. Blah. Thanks for this article today. Good way to end thing before tomorrow :-)
Posted by: Keith Wilcox | October 23, 2009 at 12:20 AM
oh, and I like the LPGA golfer idea. It's true that the south Koreans have done pretty well recently. Not sure many people would get it, but those who did would think it was hilarious
Posted by: Keith Wilcox | October 23, 2009 at 12:22 AM
Go for the trophy wife since it'll offend the most people :)
Posted by: Kes | October 23, 2009 at 01:02 AM
this one's hard. I don't know how many folks would be offended if you went as Wendy. One year I went as a mail order bride. Made my "wedding" dress out of paper and sheer material and then I made super large fake stamps from china and added the red and blue striped air mail only motif. But my husband's name and address on it and walked through the door to the party. Many didn't know what to do at first until I started laughing about it. I think the biggest impact are the ones where it may be risky or offensive. But it's also how YOU respond to it, it will set the tone for others in how they receive you.
Good luck and post pictures! Last year the kiddo was dressed as Friday Kahlo -mono brow and monkey sewn onto the back shoulder, with flowers in her hair. It was my best ever costume for the kid and I can't think of a single thing that would to that. As it goes, the Kiddo keeps insisting to be a princess -I have already made her dress for that. So we have that to fall back on but it's not original.
Can't wait to see pics. Good luck!
Posted by: cg | October 23, 2009 at 01:15 AM
While I find them all funny, I'm voting for LPGA player. If you really want to get into it, you can be her overzealous, money-hungry father who screams at her in Korean.
Posted by: TJ | October 23, 2009 at 01:18 AM
Do the trophy wife thing! That's just great. And: take a breath and step back from the hostage theme, that leaves a bitter taste...
Posted by: Lisa | October 23, 2009 at 03:02 AM
Laura Ling, you've got to be Kim Jong Il-est of all time.
Posted by: OM | October 23, 2009 at 06:09 AM
Gosslein kid. YOU can easily get the "Kate wig" ...
You're a Halloweener after my own heart.
Posted by: panthergirl | October 23, 2009 at 06:30 AM
Go with the trophy wife. Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
Posted by: Papa Bradstein | October 23, 2009 at 06:33 AM
The golfer is a more timely & recognizable costume to me. I'm not sure I or anyone I know would guess the trophy wife costume.
Posted by: stacey42 | October 23, 2009 at 08:06 AM
Hey md. I have a sense of humor and i'm in no way uptight but your blog posts scare me more and more. Peanut is no baby and maybe you should just let her be herself instead of scarring her.
Posted by: Concerned | October 23, 2009 at 08:31 AM
I vote for the golfer!
Posted by: Jasmine | October 23, 2009 at 08:51 AM
A Gosselin kid.
The real question is whether you're going to wear a beer gut, sullen look, and an Ed Hardy shirt.
I'd join you with my Kate Gosselin wig and some fake nails.
Posted by: Motherhood Uncensored | October 23, 2009 at 09:53 AM
To "Concerned":
You really think a Halloween costume is going to scar a child? You are one of those insane no-vaccination, helicopter parents, right?
Posted by: Krista | October 23, 2009 at 10:19 AM
Not really a fan of any of them. I don't think they're really offensive, I just don't think they're funny. But to be honest, it's going to be impossible to beat last year's costume. That was the funniest thing I've ever seen, and I do think I mean that literally.
good luck!
Posted by: Kate | October 23, 2009 at 10:36 AM
Okay, I'm thinking that Wendy Murdoch and LPGA golfer would be more difficult for the average person to "get." I think you loose a lot of the fun if you have to explain... On that note, one of the Gosselin kids would be funny and totally obvious. I do have to say that my favorite is the kidnapped journalist. Whichever you choose I'm sure will be awesome!
Posted by: Therese | October 23, 2009 at 10:42 AM
I think you should reprise your Coca-Cola can from when we were kids... Go with Kim Jong Il and the captured reporter - technically she wasn't held hostage she was "imprisoned". (yeah right)
Posted by: Jon Weisgal | October 23, 2009 at 11:42 AM
Gosselin kid, for the same reason I'm sending Lumpyhead as Balloon Boy. We get to be part of the costume by following the kid around with a video camera.
Posted by: lumpyheadsmom | October 23, 2009 at 11:50 AM
I think the above suggestion of Balloon boy is pretty good also, but you'd have to dress up as the mom since she's the Asian parent!
Posted by: LogicalMama | October 23, 2009 at 12:49 PM
Like Kate I didn't really find them all that funny. I swear I have a sense of humor though! But here's an idea for you...dress her up as a nurse/doctor and find her a pad (like a doctor's prescription pad) with the H1N1 prescription with the date set for next year. It's a good thing I don't have kids.
Posted by: Dina | October 23, 2009 at 12:54 PM
Dude, You as Kim Jong-IL would be hysterical. I vote for lisa Ling.
Posted by: William | October 23, 2009 at 02:05 PM
Gosselin all the way. Maybe you could wear a t-shirt with a cheesy iron-on picture of Hailey on it, like a teenager at the county fair.
Posted by: Celeste | October 23, 2009 at 02:18 PM
I think the Gosselin one is really funny and I'm not sure how anyone would find that offensive.
Posted by: Lottifish | October 23, 2009 at 02:27 PM
Jon and Kate!!!! Ahhh, I about died from laughter.
Posted by: Caitlin | October 23, 2009 at 02:34 PM
I vote Jon and Kate. That would be HYSTERICAL to witness.
Posted by: Tammy | October 23, 2009 at 05:23 PM
I vote golfer.
The Gosselin thing, as evidenced by previous comments, is going to be done to absolute death this year. Unique is an important part of funny.
Trophy wife - eh. Skeeves me out a little - though more for reasons of gender than race.
Posted by: Laura | October 23, 2009 at 05:39 PM
Holy crap! That costume from last year is the bomb! I laughed my ass off; absolute perfection. You're hard pressed to beat that one.
While I love the trophy wife thing (being in the reverse situation, my Chinese husband says I'm the white devil trying to steal the soul of the Asian man), the Ling reporter with you as Kim Jong Il requires absolutely no explanation (screw 'em if they can't take a joke).
Best post ever!
Posted by: Regina | October 23, 2009 at 07:23 PM
Loved the blue eye shadow on your lil Chinese gymnast there. I'd loan you my kid to be the Murdoch to Peanut's Wendy, but we live on the other coast.
I vote balloon boy.
Posted by: Glennia | October 23, 2009 at 08:03 PM
Or how 'bout you dress her as a Japanese whaler from Whale Wars?
Though I think those people are truly horrific for what they do, it may be controversial/offensive enough to be funny to see a child carrying a mock harpoon.
Posted by: CD | October 23, 2009 at 08:30 PM
Chinese Olympic Gymnast was brilliant! I don't think you can beat that.
I'm dense so I probably wouldn't get the Asian trophy wife, LPGA golfer, nor one of the Gosselin kids. I vote for Lisa Ling/Euna Lee with you as Kim Jong Il.
Posted by: Amyable | October 23, 2009 at 11:13 PM
I don't know what will top off last year's costume because I love Peanut as the gymnast. But I think she would be best as one of the Gosselin kids. Yet someone has to dress up like Kate with the awful haircut or be fat sunburned Jon.
Posted by: Michelle | October 23, 2009 at 11:24 PM
I'm always for the grossly inappropriate stuff.
You could go as Kanye and Taylor Swift? You'd have to continue ripping the microphone from her hand all night though.
Posted by: Linda | October 23, 2009 at 11:32 PM
Has Peanut already been a Vietnamese manicurist/pedicurist? If so, I vote for Laura Ling/Euna Lee. People who travel with official delegations to NK make arrangements for the possibility that they will be "detained." They should have known better.
Posted by: JYN | October 23, 2009 at 11:47 PM
Hum, I am sort of amused by the Gosselin kid idea. BUT if you were going to do the LPGA tour idea, you might want to stick an English proficiency test on her. I know the LPGA decided not to make it a requirement, but that might make it a little more obvious. tho I doubt anyone but golf fans would be able to figure it out. Is documentation stuck on Peanut's back for two years in a row a bit much? Hmmmm.
Posted by: Jae Young | October 24, 2009 at 12:42 AM
I was going to suggest Gosselin Kid even before I got there in the post. Maybe she could carry around a parachute like they use in the credits with the show's old logo on one side and the new one on the other. I'd be happy to go up there for Halloween, put on a blond wig and yell at you alot...
Posted by: NG | October 24, 2009 at 09:02 AM
yep, i think a gosselin kid while you're kate yelling "HELLO" would be hilarious!
Posted by: kribss | October 24, 2009 at 09:05 AM
Surely it will still be in the news next week - you could dress her up as a Northwest Airlines pilot and say SHE was the one flying the plane that overshot the runway in MN. Really, no one was sleeping - a child was at the controls!
Have fun!
Posted by: Melissa | October 24, 2009 at 12:00 PM
What about a fairy or a princess? Then, when people ask what they're supposed to be, you say, "Fairy" or "Princess" and see if they laugh and praise you for being so ironic and funny. If they laugh and think you're funny, then you know they're sycophants.
Posted by: papa2hapa | October 24, 2009 at 01:49 PM
I don't think you can top last year but I vote LPGA !
Posted by: Lisa | October 24, 2009 at 02:01 PM